I never thought it would be easy. Which is why I waited so long to have a baby!
With that being said, I never thought it would be as hard as it actually is. I also have special circumstances in that I was in the hospital on bedrest for a month, then at home for a month, baby came 8 weeks early and then spent another 8.5 weeks in the NICU. Plus we see 10+ different specialists for him and I'm a working mom so I'm trying to balance my career with being a mom and still trying to have a little bit of a social life outside of all the doctor's appointments!
So yeah, it's harder than how hard I thought it would be.
Post by karinothing on Dec 14, 2012 10:14:14 GMT -5
I never thought it would be easy. Actually DS is a lot easier than I thought in 99% of areas. However, I NEVER imaged I would still be up all night at 14 months. Sigh.
Post by barefootcontessa on Dec 14, 2012 10:21:49 GMT -5
There is a major learning curve when it comes to babies and children. I thought my first baby was hard, and while he was not an easy baby, it would be a lot easier for me to handle now.
Post by water*drop on Dec 14, 2012 10:28:21 GMT -5
I expected to hate the baby stage, and I don't, so even with the MSPI diet and a baby who has only slept longer than 2 hours at a time twice in the past 4 months and doesn't nap, it's still better than I expected. Not necessarily easier or harder than I expected; just better.
I guess maybe the MSPI diet does make it harder than I expected because grilled cheese, mac and cheese, and all of the stuff I made and froze before I got pregnant are no longer options, nor is take-out, and eating enough calories to keep my milk supply up has been a huge challenge. It's just changed my relationship with food, I guess - I don't eat to enjoy my food right now; I eat because I have to. For whatever reason, though, I don't really associate this difficulty with having a baby even though DD is the sole reason that I'm doing it. Maybe because I could stop and give her formula, so I view it as my choice? (Except that DD hates bottles, so my "choice" is not very much of a choice...)
No kids yet, but I expect it to be hard in many ways. I think I've been painted a pretty realistic picture from friends with kids, and especially from being on these boards.
At the same time, I've learned that it's important not to make it harder than it already is. Take some time for yourself, you don't have to be with baby every waking second of the first year, don't worry about every crumb that goes into their mouth, and they aren't going to die if they watch a little TV before they're 2.
I hope I've learned enough from other moms that my experience as a mother will be challenging, but not in a way that drives me to the brink
Sort of related, I often remember back to my silly little life before kids and want to shake myself. Especially when I think about how "exhausted and busy" I was. Ha. DD wakes up at 6:30 am every single day and DS sleeps through the night sometimes, but not often enough to call it a regular thing. I use to sleep till noon on Saturdays, lounge around. I'm so much more efficient with my time now because there's just no other option.
The first six months, both times, really kicked our collective asses. And I really thought it would be better the second time and it wasn't. I'm not a newborn person at all and that surprises me. Now we're in a groove and things are easier than I would expect.
Some things were much harder than I expected and other things were much easier. I quickly realized to expect the unexpected and that any plans I try to make will definitely change in some form. DS is a pretty active toddler and I didn't think he would be so darn mobile so early. I think that is what threw me for a loop and drove me crazy. Ha.
Post by blindyswife on Dec 14, 2012 11:10:20 GMT -5
I knew it wouldnt be easy. But I underestimated some of the things that are the hardest. I don't know if I'll explain this well, but the emotional investment you have in this kid... When he's sick and you're trying to make him feel better, but nothing's working, and he doesn't understand why his hears hurt... sure, the crying is hard and waking up in the night is hard. But, the worry and stress of wanting to be able to do something but there is nothing you can do, THAT is hard.
And of course all the regular challenging things: diapers, sleep, etc.
Oh, and as he's gotten to be a toddler, its only gotten harder.
It has been easier so far than I thought in a lot of ways. It is by no means easy but everyone talked it up to be so horrible at the beginning that I was prepared to be in a sleep deprived haze all the time. I function pretty well, although I did think I'd have the ability to do chores more during the day.
Post by gibbinator on Dec 14, 2012 11:17:00 GMT -5
I'm an expect the worst and hope for the best kind of of person, so I would say on the whole that parenthood has so far been easier than I thought it would be. Not to say I don't generally find it challenging, and I have a fair number of days I feel like running away. But I had mentally prepared for the baby from hell, and he has thus far exceeded expectations
I hung around here so I had a sense of the full spectrum of parenting experiences. And ditto Starry, we've become pretty big homebodies so adding a baby to the mix hasn't really changed much. Of course, we're also only a month in...
I actually think I was overprepared to expect the worst. We are very, very lucky to have an "easy baby." I type that knowing I probably just jinxed us. I was mostly worried about post partum depression and being stuck at home with a baby in the winter months. My maternity leave is flying by, and we're able to get outside and walk almost every day. Sidenote: walking with a kid wrapped on you in a moby in 6" of fresh snow is a killer core workout! I've been able to avoid depression so far, though I'm hyperconcious that it could settle in at any time.
So thus far it's actually been easier than I anticipated. I think it'll get really hard once she's mobile, once I'm back to work, and if my H gets a job he's applying for that's a 35 minute commute over a mountain pass. Things could get really hairy this spring...
I didn't think it would be easy but I was NOT prepared for how difficult those first 3ish months were, especially when it came to BFing. It's much easier now because we're in a routine and I "know" more about what she might want. Plus she's sleeping and that means I am sleeping.
I didn't think parenting would be easy. The part I've had to adjust to (which coincides with my exiting the workforce and becoming a stay at home parent) is that it is hard for me to feel any lasting sense of accomplishment with many of my day to day parenting tasks. The next chore is always waiting for me after the one I just finished. It's a first world, stay at home parent "problem" for sure, but sometimes I miss the feeling that I actually got something done.
No. 100% no. In many ways DD is actually easier than I expected. Mostly she's an awesome sleeper. I wasn't prepared for how completely it changes your identity. I still have trouble with that actually.
This is also true. DD is generally a happy baby (lucky us!) and that helps all aspects for us. I also have a very hard time separating myself as a "mom" and just being me.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Dec 14, 2012 11:48:21 GMT -5
I didn't think it would be easy, but it hasn't been as bad as I know it could have been. I think I had pretty realistic expectations. I still can't imagine having more than one. How do people do it?!!
I didn't think it would be easy, but I'm struggling more than I expected and it's totally different than I expected.
I thought I'd be able to do stuff, like organize the house, paint, decorate, etc, while on maternity leave. Everyone told me babies sleep all the time, so I thought there would be a lot of downtime. DD did sleep all the time, but in short spurts and only in my arms. Otherwise, she was crying and I was completely exhausted.
I thought I'd be a laid back, go with the flow mom, and we would not be too strict about bed time and nap times... we'd just live our lives and DD could sleep wherever/whenever. But now I am super strict about being home for bed time and most naps. You can't mess with her sleep or she's a beast.
I did not think having kids would be easy, but I do remember when DD was a newborn looking at my friends with 2-3 year olds and thinking how fun and easy that age looked. I think the grass was greener because I had PPD and DD wouldn't take a bottle so having a child that didn't depend 100% on me for EVERYTHING seemed like a pipe dream at the time. So I definitely thought having a toddler would be easier than it actually is.
That said, I enjoy the toddler phase about 10000% more than the newborn phase. This next baby is very much planned and wanted, but I so do not look forward to having a newborn again.
I knew it would be hard. But sometimes there can be a difference between knowing something intellectually and knowing it through experience and I think children fall into the latter category. Take the sleep deprivation that comes along with having a newborn in the house. You might know ahead of time that you will probably be up at least twice a night early on. But there's no real way to know before going through it what 8-10 straight weeks, or more, of that will feel like.
It's been more difficult than I expected because of the time involved. I think a lot of it is related to my sah, but I feel like I'm always on, always being touched, climbed on, yelled at, or having "snack!!"s demanded of me. For example, earlier I was running around trying to clean and dd was hanging on my legs screaming with the voice of a demon just for the hell of it. Moments like those make me totally crazy. I also didn't consider that even though dh would be home nights and weekends and is super involved, I still feel like I'm constantly running the show. Alternately, my kid is way more fun than I imagined she would be and I really love doing stuff with her. I feel like the older she gets, the better I cope. I'm looking forward to the next baby because there are so many things I want to do differently - mainly just be more able to enjoy it.
Honestly, I had no idea. I'm the first person in my group of friends to have kids, and it completely turned my world upside down. DS was pretty high maintenance and I'm petrified of what #2 will do to us.
Having said that, two years later, life is awesome. I just wish I had known!
I really think that people don't talk about how hard it really is. I mean, I knew we wouldn't sleep much, but that's really all anyone said to me. I had read a few parenting books and I was a frequent Bump lurker, but I still had no idea.
Then again, I don't tell people how hard it was either, unless they ask.
I knew what having a child was like, I didn't know what being a mother was like. You know, wit a baby who won't take a bottle and hates both stroller and car. I thought it was a given that the solution to a cranky baby was a walk because that was how every baby I'd ever babysat was. After I'd had one like that I started to notice how many people are pushing a stroller and carrying a baby. And of course i'd never been a nursing mother before, and for some insane reason I thought babies ate every three hours or so.
Maybe this will sound odd but the aspect of parenting that I had the hardest time adjusting to, and still struggle with sometimes, is how relentless it seems. It just never stops! lol. The kids always come first, even when you're tired or sick. Sometimes I would like someone to baby me! I'm always reminded of this when we come back from a long day of activity and all I want to do is sit down and rest for an hour. But of course the kids are hungry and tired. They need to be fed, bathed, read to, tucked into bed, etc.
I know this sounds silly because of course it's something we all know going into it. But knowing something and experiencing it for yourself can be two different things.
I'm also finding much easier than I expected, but I was SCARED. I also suspect I have an especially easy baby.
I just imagined the baby screaming for hours on end for no apparent reason... Especially at night. But really, she only cries when she's hungry or tired. And she never really cries at night -- she wakes up a lot (a LOT) and whimpers to let me know she's hungry, but it's not the screaming that I feared.
She's also not awake for the day at 5 am... More like 7:30-8:30. So while I'm tired most days, it's not the "shoot me now" exhaustion I was expecting.
YES! lol. Am I the only one of those FTMs who thought they knew everything? I think I even felt like I was the most prepared FTM. Bwahahaha! Yep, smug! OMG! During one of the classes we attended, the lecturer advised everyone to start writing expectations for when the baby comes. Guess what I did? I rolled my eyes and thought "whatever, we don't need that shit. we're 110% ready." LOLOLOL.
I had no idea what was coming. :-( I found TB/TN later after DD was born when I was struggling to figure things out.