This is a terrible PostSecret

[charminglife]

Blame your daughter and not the rapist. Disgusting.

Here's the direct link to the PostSecret page: 1.bp.blogspot.com/-VPRLa7hudtw/T8FbaIvh6kI/AAAAAAAATSk/lX7dwXzKzMI/s1600/raped.jpg

[emmybean]

Meh.

Isn't that the point of post secret? To share things controversial that you wouldn't share otherwise.

Not that I wouldn't blame the rapist, but if this were the exact situation, I would absolutely put some responsibility on my non-existent daughter, too.

[Seesaw]

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

[derpdederp]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

The fuck?

are you retarded?

[loislane23]

Don't blame the victim, but there are ways to avoid being in that situation, especially in a very specific set of circumstances, as described in that post secret.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

This is the dumbest anology I've ever heard. Rape isn't an accident caused by a woman being drunk. FFS.

[summer]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

Running over someone you didn't see is an accident.

Seeing a passed out girl, and thinking it an awesome idea (instead of making sure she's okay) to open your pants and stick your dick or anything else in any of her orifices is another thing entirely.

[emsumm]

May 27, 2012 12:29:32 GMT -5 loislane23 said:

Don't blame the victim, but there are ways to avoid being in that situation, especially in a very specific set of circumstances, as described in that post secret.

I'd just stop at "Don't blame the victim."

[loislane23]

I would also do what I could to make sure my daughter(s) party safely and try to avoid situations like these. She's still the victim, and there is still absolutely no excuse. No blame should be on the victim.

If I get mugged, I'm the victim. But I'm also going to do some common sense things like avoiding dark alleys at night and walking alone to decrease my risk.

[Kore]

Speaking of terrible PostSecrets, this one sucks:



How is that PS-worthy? It's like the confession posts on here where people "confess" that they ate 5 M&M's after lunch, or something.

[charminglife]

May 27, 2012 12:53:28 GMT -5 summer said:

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

Running over someone you didn't see is an accident.

Seeing a passed out girl, and thinking it an awesome idea (instead of making sure she's okay) to open your pants and stick your dick or anything else in any of her orifices is another thing entirely.

Thank you. Drinking, even to excess, does not equal consent.

[loislane23]

May 27, 2012 13:14:59 GMT -5 charminglife said:

May 27, 2012 12:53:28 GMT -5 summer said:

Running over someone you didn't see is an accident.

Seeing a passed out girl, and thinking it an awesome idea (instead of making sure she's okay) to open your pants and stick your dick or anything else in any of her orifices is another thing entirely.

Thank you. Drinking, even to excess, does not equal consent.

:Y:
Also, not being able to say no does not mean yes.

[JLN]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

What are you smoking?

[MixedBerryJam]

May 27, 2012 13:13:32 GMT -5 loislane23 said:

I would also do what I could to make sure my daughter(s) party safely and try to avoid situations like these.

If my daughter (which I don't have) decides to go to a frat party alone, drinks shots on an empty stomach and spends the night and gets raped, I would blame myself for not addressing each one of these potentially dangerous situations before sending her off ill-equipped to make healthy decisions.

[StrawberryBlondie]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

Apparently we can also add "murder" to the list of legal terms of which you don't know the meaning.

[Le Olive]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

I didn't know I was "accidentally" raped in college. It was a lot easier for him to pin me down against my will when I was drunk, but I guess I wasn't sought out like I thought. Gee, now I can move on with my life!

At least I got some parts right, like taking personal responsibility. That whole "blaming myself" thing was a huge part of my PTSD, but hey, I deserved it, right? What an idiot I was to be at a party in college. With beer!

[RobotLegs]

Sorry my dick fell into your vagina while you were drunk.

[ttt]

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

No, it's more like walking home by yourself at night and somebody shoots and kills you to steal your wallet. Shouldn't have been walking by yourself a night, so really, you kind of deserved to get murdered.

[brookles]

You guys had to know that seesaw would pounce on this thread like a rapist on a girl he's just roofied.

Much like the roofied girl, we are not to blame.

But we should start expecting those sorts of responses from s/him.

[RapeVictim]

I went to a party in college. I was drunk. Some asshole put a roofie in my beer. I was raped by multiple men from the same frat and can remember saying 'no.' I remember them all trying to shush me so no one would hear. And then I woke up. Physically hurt. Emotionally hurt. And not able to trust anyone. I was drunk so I blamed myself. Never reported anything. Never told anyone.

But hey, I was drunk at a party (with guys I knew). Fuck me for having fun and going out. I should have known better than to do something so stupid. And I know that had I told my dad he wouldn't have been happy that I was drunk, but he sure as shit wouldn't have blamed me for my own rape.

[Le Olive]

May 27, 2012 15:35:58 GMT -5 @RapeVictim said:

I went to a party in college. I was drunk. Some asshole put a roofie in my beer. I was raped by multiple men from the same frat and can remember saying 'no.' I remember them all trying to shush me so no one would hear. And then I woke up. Physically hurt. Emotionally hurt. And not able to trust anyone. I was drunk so I blamed myself. Never reported anything. Never told anyone.

But hey, I was drunk at a party (with guys I knew). Fuck me for having fun and going out. I should have known better than to do something so stupid. And I know that had I told my dad he wouldn't have been happy that I was drunk, but he sure as shit wouldn't have blamed me for my own rape.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[arborgold]

I'm always by turns, pissed, saddened, and appalled at the responses in these threads, particularly given the knowledge that most regs here have of the experiences of other regs (and now of some new community members).

Rape victims are NEVER to blame. Never. Period. End. Full stop.

[DontForgetThe Nazis]

May 27, 2012 12:46:58 GMT -5 elle said:

May 27, 2012 12:10:17 GMT -5 @Seesaw said:

Agreed. Chick has some responsibility for putting herself in a stupid situation. Yes the rapist did the rape. It's like walking into traffic in the dark with dark clothes on. The one who runs you over is the murderer, but you could really have prevented it. In the case described and this example, neither the rapist or the murderer driver sought you out for the crime.

This is the dumbest anology I've ever heard. Rape isn't an accident caused by a woman being drunk. FFS.

But maybe she accidentally wore a hooker dress? You never know where those things are going to pop out from.

[emilyj]

The more I thought about this post today, the more upset over it I got, Seesaw's analogy aside.

I think we can all agree that we would all do everything we could to educate the young women in our lives - daughters, younger sisters, cousins, whoever - to do what they could to protect themselves. Stay in control. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't let anyone get you a drink you don't know. And then we will send these young women in our lives out into the world and hope to whatever that they remember these things and they take our advice seriously.

But come on. Are any of you seriously going to say that if someone got raped because they didn't 'follow the rules' to a t, you would look at them any point and do any sort of finger wagging, or even dare tell them "Well, if you didn't get so drunk...."? Do you not think if that happened to them, they wouldn't be kicking themselves 6 ways from Sunday without someone adding blame to them on top of them?

Ditto Arborgold. The victim is NEVER to blame. Period. End of story. Nothing a woman does - drunk, high - is any consent to having a man shove his dick in any part of her body.

[MixedBerryJam]

Oh, I think I'm one of the guilty as charged. No, I totally did not mean that the victim is at fault for putting herself "in harms way" ... Not what I meant at all. It is just that "she brought it on herself" flippancy that makes my gut say the mom didn't ever address this stuff with her daughter. I was just trying to say that parents DO need to teach these skills, and many of us look the other way, because "my daughter would NEVER do that." I am absolutely not saying "blame the girl who put herself into a dangerous situation" I would FIRST, blame the rapist, and THEN blame the mother. I was more commenting on the mother's cavalier, "She brought this on herself" attitiude, and I am very sorry that my words hurt.

[Le Olive]

May 27, 2012 16:20:26 GMT -5 emilyj said:

Are any of you seriously going to say that if someone got raped because they didn't 'follow the rules' to a t, you would look at them any point and do any sort of finger wagging, or even dare tell them "Well, if you didn't get so drunk...."? Do you not think if that happened to them, they wouldn't be kicking themselves 6 ways from Sunday without someone adding blame to them on top of them?

Seriously. I HATED myself. My friends and even my doctor said, "Well, it sucks that you put yourself in that position." I felt very alone. It took a really long time and a lot of medication before I accepted that it wasn't my fault. I didn't need any goddamn told-you-sos to learn my lesson, okay?

[MixedBerryJam]

You'd be wrong, then. Two kids, both teenagers. It's their job not to listen to me. But does the mother in the original post secret really sound to you like a nurturing role model who is doing her best to provide her daughter with the skills to make healthy choices? Because she doesn't sound like that to me.

I hope in my followup that I made it clear that I understand and agree that the victim is not ever, ever to blame. No matter what envelopes she's testing, no matter what circimstances she's in.

[ricksangrd2be]

my mom tried to pound in my head how to be safe when I was young. When I was a teen and in my early 20s, I still did dumb shit, like get completely wasted at parties, walk Bourbon Street alone/drunk at 4 AM to the parking garage, so forth. I was very lucky I was never harmed. Sometimes children don't listen to their parents, especially when peer pressure or a party environment is involved. It was very stupid of me to do these things but I think it's unfair to blame the victim or the mom of rape, WTF?
Men who are civilized and actual human beings don't rape a woman no matter what situation she is in, it isn't an open invite for sex.

[brookles]

Oh geez. It's not the victim's mom's fault. The only person who is at fault is the one who committed the crime ie the rapist.

[Michelle]

This whole thread is disturbing.

Anyone who wants to support the "you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation" position obviously also feels that any time a guy goes out in public (or to a house party where he knows the hosts and should feel "safe"), he is subject to getting ass-rammed because, well, he shouldn't have left his asshole unguarded and exposed after having too much to drink.

Ridiculous. And infuriating.

Le Olive and the other poster who shared your experiences, I'm so sorry that happened to you.