I wasnt drunk. How did I make myself vulnerable? By being 60 lbs lighter? Should I have stayed locked in my bedroom? The notions put forth in this conversation are repulsive.
I wasnt drunk. How did I make myself vulnerable? By being 60 lbs lighter? Should I have stayed locked in my bedroom? The notions put forth in this conversation are repulsive.
You didn't make yourself vulnerable. I'm so very sorry this happened to you.
it's more important to teach, no matter the sex, that you do NOT take advantage of another person.
You can teach a girl to avoid being a victim, but as long as there are people out there who think it's okay to violate her because of the "position" she's in, there will be more victims just like her. And more apologists saying that it's her fault because she didn't know better.
And the fact that there are apologists is what aggravates me. And that women "need to be taught to protect themselves." What about teaching the men so that women DON'T have these risks just because they're doing the same thing that everyone around them is doing - getting (overly) drunk, having fun and being stupid. 2V, you make an excellent point as to teaching what constitutes rape, but shouldn't it be common sense by now, as often as this is in the news, that "if she can't say no then that doesn't mean yes." There's an apalling lack of education regarding personal boundaries and acceptable behaviors when someone old enough to drive, vote, shoot and drink doesn't know this.
Sure, it should. But then again, there are a lot of things that should be common sense.
Anyone who thinks it's a good idea to stake themselves out spread eagle and naked on a frat house lawn on Thursday night is whack. Yes, in a fairytale dream land, maybe you could do that and no one would rape you because rape is wrong. In real life, there are bad people.
But is going to a party and drinking really equivalent to staking yourself naked on a frat house lawn??
Obviously, we should teach boys that rape is not okay but really, who teaches boys that is it? Are there a group of parents somewhere teaching boys that no means yes? I'll go out on a limb and say that most men know rape is a crime and know it's not acceptable. The ones who do it anyway, are sick fuckers who should be in jail for the rest of their lives.
I don't think it's blaming the victim to teach girls and women how to be aware of their surroundings, how to gauge a potentially dangerous situation unless that's what you have to say to her after the fact.
I do think we need to teach our boys not to have sex with drunk and/or incapacitated women. But again, I'm not sure that's a lesson men haven't heard as much as a lesson they don't want to hear. Which, again, is the reason we also have to teach situational awareness. Yes, it would be nice if we lived in a world where you simply have to smack boys on the nose and say, we don't rape, buddy. Rape is bad. But I'd hazard to guess there is something so very wrong with a man who hasn't internalized that message in the first place.
I'm just wondering how many men have actually been arrested and thought, dude, I didn't know that was rape/that rape was bad.
Also, I'd bet money the parents who haven't taught there children respect for women, respect for humanity, etc have more issues than this. I seriously doubt otherwise good parents are somehow neglecting the rape discussion with their boys.
These men are either cracked or they were raised in fucked up households where other types of violence and disrespect were common place.
Post by heightsyankee on May 28, 2012 20:26:10 GMT -5
Maybe in a lot of cases, but look at the recent situations where, say, college athletes from upper middle class homes rape a girl. Again, it is about power, not sex. Parents are only one part of the equation in the raising of a child. If the man/boy thinks he needs to gain the power, the fact that his parents taught him good manners won't matter anymore. The book The Parenting Myth claims that parents are actually significantly less influential on a child than we think; that their greatest influence is often their peers. Knowing when I was being bad vs being good growing up, it makes sense to me. Depended a lot on who I was hanging out with. Peer pressure can do a lot of things to a kid, especially one who feels powerless.
I think that really hardcore instilling the idea of not raping isn't something most parents want to talk to their boys about. No mother wants to think her son could possibly be a rapist and this is the fail. All mothers think their daughter could be a victim. No mothers think their son could be a perpetrator.