I got married young--19. I knew marriage wasn't a fairy tale and was a lot of work. I went in fully prepared for that.
My H is my best friend and I feel like every year we become closer and more in tune, and more committed. I did not expect to love him more than the day we got married--that was a surprise. I would do it all over again.
Marriage for me has always been really easy because I married the right person. Having and raising children has turned out to be a heck of a lot harder than I thought it would be. Worth it for a variety of reasons, but a lot of work.
I'm one of the luckiest people I know. I had no frame of reference for successful marriage and certainly nothing for happy marriage, so I really went into this whole thing blind. I just tried to choose a partner who was as unlike my family as possible, and go from there. It worked.
Kids add a whole new level of difficulty to the mix, but they add a whole new level of love, too. Seeing H interact with our kids can make me burst with love for him. He's an amazing daddy.
Cars can compliment each other. I drive a roadster. He drives an SUV. I wouldn't drive a roadster if one of us didn't have a car that could haul stuff (and dogs). He would miss having a convertible if we both had SUVs.
PS: *My* car is tres me. Perhaps I am *more* myself because of marriage?
don't even.
you know exactly what she meant. Her perfectly good (paid for) honda accord that got her through college and grad school looked bad parked next to his german machine. So now she's out $600+ a month for a lease on a beemer.
Post by GibsonGirl128 on May 28, 2012 14:09:02 GMT -5
I don't really have a dog in this fight being un married/divorced and all, but I wanted to echo Carrots. I never felt like I was in a marriage with ex-DH. He was an abusive alcoholic. Getting divorced was much easier than living with the asswipe. But now that I'm with J, I can totally see how a marriage with him in it would be a hundred times different than what I had. Not that I'm thinking marriage this early on, but just looking at him as a person and us as a couple, I think it would be tons easier than with my ex.
Hmm. I'll be starting marriage counseling soon, and I think marriage is not what I expected, but exactly what I SHOULD've expected. I ignored red flags, and to be honest I helped him ignore red flags too. I love my husband, and I know he loves me, but we didn't live together before and that was a huge eye-opener, plus we just come from very different backgrounds and expectations. The second thing I wish I had done differently (the first would be not ignoring the red flags while dating) would be not following his lead on dropping out of pre-marital counseling. Really there are a lot of reasons we shouldn't have gotten married. Here's to seeing if we stay that way. I guess my advice is pay close attention to your gut.
Total beebee bride. I've never been single or independent. I crave it now. Listen, kids, (IMO) don't marry your high school sweetheart unless you have some time apart.
Am I content being married? Not at all. Don't get me wrong - DH is a wonderful person. However, I've been married for seven years ("together" for 11) and I feel like I never had the chance to know myself, my likes, what I prefer, etc.
I love my son with everything I have. Being a mother, albeit hard, has been amazing and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Sometimes I just wish I had those single days. Maybe then I would be more grateful for the amazing person my DH is.
Post by sillygoosegirl on May 28, 2012 22:21:21 GMT -5
After almost 7 years, my marriage and family life are not at all what I expected. Not even close. It's been easier and more rewarding than I expected. Almost all the carefully laid plans we made before marriage have been thrown to the wind in favor of better plans and better opportunities than we ever expected. We don't have kids yet... that plan was one of the ones put on hold.
Which isn't to say DH doesn't drive me up the wall sometimes... just less than I expected given that we aren't exactly the same person.
Post by gretchenindisguise on May 28, 2012 22:46:57 GMT -5
I haven't read any of the other replies yet.
But yes, honestly marriage is what I expected it to be. H and I compliment one another very well. He's a great father and a good husband. We have a lot of fun together and are complete goof balls. I like that I can honestly say we enjoy spending time as a family.
I also want to add that I don't think my parents have the best marriage. So I didn't realize how fun it could be! We goof around a lot! We tease each other, make each other laugh. I'm seriously married to my best friend.
Post by pantsparty on May 28, 2012 23:02:21 GMT -5
I think every day I am lucky, lucky, lucky. My H is such a wonderful, kind, funny, sweet person. I adore him.
Sometimes I feel I personally am not giving enough to the marriage. Where we have had friction, it has to do with our different expectations of marriage. We don't fight often, but I really hate it because I get very emotional and he is better at arguing logically in the heat of the moment, lol.
I have learned a lot about myself. I wouldn't say I ever thought marriage was just two people co-existing, but occasionally I have acted like it.
The things we have experienced (such as family deaths) have only strengthened our relationship. He is such a steadying force in our relationship.
I am curious to see what the future brings. We don't want kids, and I think short of a surprise vasectomy reversal, kids are definitely not in our future. I would be really happy spending our time traveling and discovering the world together.
I think every day I am lucky, lucky, lucky. My H is such a wonderful, kind, funny, sweet person. I adore him.
Sometimes I feel I personally am not giving enough to the marriage. Where we have had friction, it has to do with our different expectations of marriage. We don't fight often, but I really hate it because I get very emotional and he is better at arguing logically in the heat of the moment, lol.
I have learned a lot about myself. I wouldn't say I ever thought marriage was just two people co-existing, but occasionally I have acted like it.
The things we have experienced (such as family deaths) have only strengthened our relationship. He is such a steadying force in our relationship.
I am curious to see what the future brings. We don't want kids, and I think short of a surprise vasectomy reversal, kids are definitely not in our future. I would be really happy spending our time traveling and discovering the world together.
You luckybitch! I kid, that is the kind of marriage I am holding out for, except with children.
But yes, honestly marriage is what I expected it to be. H and I compliment one another very well. He's a great father and a good husband. We have a lot of fun together and are complete goof balls. I like that I can honestly say we enjoy spending time as a family.
being goof balls is in my list of top priorities in a relationship/marriage. I would hope that bringing in kids just gives you more opportunity to be that way.
The highs are a lot higher, and the lows are a lot lower than I'd expected, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
My H is awesome, seriously. He's the funniest person I know, and we goof off all day, and I love that I can be that dorky with him. He's sensitive and sweet, and a far better partner than I am; I am definitely lucky.
We couldn't be any more different as far as hobbies go, but our "morals" if you will line up the same. I like that we have different interests, bc if we need an outlet alone we have an out without being smothered, and it gives H and I the opportunity to show the other something new we wouldn't have tried on our own.
We don't have children yet, so I can't help you on that front.
My first marriage? No. It was a complete nightmare from the start. I could feel it in my stomach going in that it wasn't right, and after 3 years he became addicted to Rx meds, at which point I left with my kids. He was selfish and manipulative, and he was horrible from the minute the ring was on my finger. I did get my children out of it though, and I learned a ton, so I can't say it was a total mistake.
My second marriage? Yes. We work together as a family unit, he puts up with more shit from my ex than anyone should be forced to, and does it just because he loves us. Is it all peaches and rose petals? Hell no, but we work together to achieve common goals, we respect one another and differing opinions, and we make each other laugh.
All my ex did was make me cry or be angry.
Maybe I knew more going into the second one and that helped....
It's what I expected. H is a wonderful father and a great husband. He's not perfect - and neither is our marriage - but to expect either to be would be setting us up for failure. He compliments me well and his mellow attitude has made me chill out, which I really needed to do. I'm more ambitious and goal-oriented and that rubbed off on him a little and after we started dating he went to school and got his associate's degree, and after spending 5 years in the same position at his job he went for training and got a promotion last year. We've both had a positive influence on each other, can depend on each other, and genuinely enjoy spending time together. We make each other laugh and watching him with the girls has made me love him even more. Most importantly (for me), both of us are very good about giving the other space. If I want to go out to dinner or shopping or whatever with my mom or girlfriends he says "have fun" and takes care of the kids without a second thought, even if it's for the whole day. My BIL gets all pissy whenever my sister wants to do something without him (like get her nails done with my mom and I yesterday, he was ridiculous about it) and H and I would have a very short marriage if he was like that.