I feel like a bad mother, you guys. I posted before about how H was against BLW and we disagreed about it. Since then, his sister has been texting him about how she's afraid Babysaurus is going to choke to death on the puffs I was giving her. (She could have talked to me herself because we see each other for lunch regularly, but that's another story. I would have told her that Babysaurus meets all the milestones for being ready for finger foods.) I got sick of fighting every single day, right around Christmas, and finally said, "Ok, fine. Let's not BLW." So I started mashing avocado and banana and such for her, but she'd still gag, and H thought we should give her pureed, not mashed. Heaven help me, because I can't tell the difference between mashed and pureed banana. They are both practically liquids, FFS. Our blender is a PITA to clean, so H wanted to do jarred baby food. OK, fine. She gags on that, too. We thin it with milk, and she still gags sometimes. She also gags on plain water. So far the only thing she has NOT gagged on at least once are the dreaded puffs/kix/that sort of thing.
Then last week, H's mom recommends rice cereal, and she brings some over. I mention that I think it will constipate Babysaurus. We decide to try a little, and she likes it a lot and has minimal gagging, so H wants to give it to her every night. Well, guess what? I didn't know this, but he has been giving her 3 oz at a time! And now she's constipated! With plums, I got her to poop a few times a couple days ago, but now it's really bad again. She didn't poop all yesterday and hasn't pooped yet today. She wakes up at night crying in pain. She won't nurse; I have been giving her small amounts of pumped milk in sippies, medicine spoons, bottles, any way I can get her to take it plus more prunes. She gets very frustrated and bites me when I offer the breast, and pushes me away. She has nursed twice in the last 24 hours. She's only peeing about half as often as normal and went almost 6 hours without a wet diaper before bed last night.
I am waiting to hear back from her doctor. I am terribly upset. She's also pretty grumpy, for obvious reasons, and I'm climbing the walls. I am low on sleep and engorged, too. I feel like I let other people pressure me into doing something I thought was not good for her. I mean, she's 8 months old. She shouldn't be just eating "first foods" like rice cereal. She shouldn't be eating 3 oz of an iron-fortified rice cereal right before bed when having half an ounce of regular rice had made her a little backed up previously. She was doing fine with smooshy cooked veggies and mashed things and puffs, aside from occasional gagging, which is happening ANYWAY with purees. I feel like I let her down, and I could have prevented this, and I didn't. Now I am also worried because my supply is taking a hit, and I might not be able to nurse her much longer. Maybe it's because I am so tired, but I tear up a little at the thought of losing our special time together so abruptly.
Tell me it's going to be ok, guys. Tell me the prunes will fix it, eventually, and she will poop and eat again.
Post by creamsiclechica on Jan 7, 2013 12:29:08 GMT -5
Oh mamasaurus, she will be okay, and it's not your fault, and you shouldn't feel like you let her down. You didn't know your H was doing that behind your back, and if you had, I'm sure you'd have prevented it. This isn't your fault. You were trying hard to compromise and do the right thing for both babysaurus AND H, but he doesn't seem to be keeping up his end of the deal. I think maybe you should bring him to the pedi so they can explain the gag reflex to your husband, and let him know that just because she likes the cereal, doesn't mean he can just give her a ton because of the constipation. You've done a lot of research, and I feel like it's not fair he just dismisses that (while not doing much of his own it seems). It's also hard because he has his family on his side, so he goes in armed with an arsenal of people.
She'll be alright, she'll get things moving, and she'll start nursing again. Can you pump in the meantime to help the engorgement and keep your supply okay? Could you try juice with her if she won't take the prunes or plums? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lots of hugs. Once she starts nursing again, she might be really hungry, and that could help get your supply back to where it needs to be. :heart:
Oh mamasaurus, she will be okay, and it's not your fault, and you shouldn't feel like you let her down. You didn't know your H was doing that behind your back, and if you had, I'm sure you'd have prevented it. This isn't your fault. You were trying hard to compromise and do the right thing for both babysaurus AND H, but he doesn't seem to be keeping up his end of the deal. I think maybe you should bring him to the pedi so they can explain the gag reflex to your husband, and let him know that just because she likes the cereal, doesn't mean he can just give her a ton because of the constipation. You've done a lot of research, and I feel like it's not fair he just dismisses that (while not doing much of his own it seems). It's also hard because he has his family on his side, so he goes in armed with an arsenal of people.
She'll be alright, she'll get things moving, and she'll start nursing again. Can you pump in the meantime to help the engorgement and keep your supply okay? Could you try juice with her if she won't take the prunes or plums? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lots of hugs. Once she starts nursing again, she might be really hungry, and that could help get your supply back to where it needs to be.
You are not a bad mom. Colin was severely constipated and we gave him half of a children's enema and promptly started him on bio Gaia. He has been great since. I hated to do the enema but he was in pain (so much do you couldn't even touch him without him screaming). Honestly, at this point, I would just tell everyone to shove it. You are mom and you know best!
They might have you try a suppository. Something else you can try is using an infant rectal thermometer lubed up with vasaline. A little bit of stimulation can get them to go.
As far as being engorged adn drying up - PUMP - even if you have to do it overnight. Babies go through nursing strikes not related to constipation and if you really want to protect your supply, you need to express the milk. You can always freeze it for your stash if she won't take it.
I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be incredibly frusterating feeling that people are questioning your judgement and taking matters into their own hands. You are her mother- YOU know best- and don't you forget it! DD has a very low tolerance for dairy and we had a constipation incident a month or so back. Same as you, crying out in pain and going days without a BM. We saw her pedi who recommended consuming only the Ps- peaches, prunes, plums, pears, and sweet potatoes. Sure enough, she had a great big BM in less than a day. I gave her very little grains and no dairy for a week or so and it's been smooth sailing ever since. Good luck and sending you baby poop vibes
Post by Faevantastic on Jan 7, 2013 12:39:26 GMT -5
Poor mama and babysaurus. . Prunes does the trick though. Does your H go to pedi appts with you? If not, maybe he should. Have the pedi explain to him what kind of foods are appropriate for an 8-9 month old and that gagging is a normal natural reflex.
He wasn't doing it behind my back, he just offered to feed her and didn't talk to me about how much to give her. He didn't know any better.
I do pump, but I can still tell my supply is down. The engorgement is mostly overnight.
I'm sorry, I interpreted that wrong. I didn't mean to come off bitchy about your H, I hope you know I didn't mean it that way! What a hard situation, because you both want to do what's best for baby and have really differing opinions. I hope there's a solution. ({) (})
Post by jessandandy09 on Jan 7, 2013 12:42:27 GMT -5
It will be okay mama. try offering her little sips of water. When my DD got backed up from having rice cereal, DH and I started givning her sips of cold water ~ she thought it was more fun than formula or breast milk and it really helped her. But she did not want it out of a sippy cup or bottle, she wanted to drink it out of my glass and she likes biting the glass.
He wasn't doing it behind my back, he just offered to feed her and didn't talk to me about how much to give her. He didn't know any better.
I do pump, but I can still tell my supply is down. The engorgement is mostly overnight.
I'm sorry, I interpreted that wrong. I didn't mean to come off bitchy about your H, I hope you know I didn't mean it that way! What a hard situation, because you both want to do what's best for baby and have really differing opinions. I hope there's a solution.
I didn't think you were being bitchy. I just wanted to clarify things. I am not blaming him for this. I could have monitored her rice intake, and I didn't.
I'm so sorry Prunes will definitely fix her tummy though, just give it a day or so and she will be regular again. Don't let anyone else talk you into doing something for your baby. Only mama knows best!!
There comes a point in all our Mommy careers that we feel like this and then we learn from it and put our foot down and say..."Nope, we aren't going to do ______, we're doing ______. It is what's best for my/our child and I appreciate your input, but I know Babysaurus better than anyone and this is what I am doing and either you can support it and follow my lead or you don't get a say at all."
Your husband and your in laws are undermining you as a mother and you have got to let them know that isn't ok. Show them the books/articles/your pedi stating gagging is normal. Show them Babysaurus eating the puffs and softer cooked veggies. I have to tell my in laws no all the time and I have done it with my husband and my own mother. You are Babysaurus's advocate in this world and you gotta stand up for her little intestines! (Sorry to get all preachy, I just get how you're feeling and stomaching it is hard.)
Post by thedahliharpa on Jan 7, 2013 13:17:35 GMT -5
Cream gave you really good advice. Does your pedi give you a pace that breaks down nutritional needs and suggested food by month? Is there any way you could arrange a time for your DH to go to the pedi or have a conference call? Maybe if you explain to your pedi first they would want to help out.
Everytime I have gone againsy my parenting instinct there has been an issue. It takes a few knocks before it gets easier to assert yourself. She will be fine in term of her poop. D is mega clogged right now and all I did was give her iron drops, peas and banana on the same day. We did prunes twice yesterday and she is pooping rabbit pellets. No real poop since Thursday. We are also doing tummy massages in warm baths and bicycling her legs. I hate this and feel like a rookie because H has nevere ever been constipated. Fingers crossed that poop starts flowing for you guys.
Post by Regina Philange on Jan 7, 2013 13:22:16 GMT -5
You are not a bad mom AT ALL!! You are a fantastic mom. I think the biggest lesson that comes out of this is we shouldnt listen to other people and trust our guts because we are the mom. We shouldnt feel bad about wanting to do what is right for our babies. Im guilty of this too!
eta: About wanting to do what WE FEEL is right for our babies.
Post by spaghetticat on Jan 7, 2013 13:33:06 GMT -5
I completely understand and sorry this is happening. Of course you aren't a bad mom. I agree with what everyone else said. She'll be fine, but I would do something a little heavier than prunes. Maybe juice? An I that doesn't work, the other suggestions may be te way to go. Hang in there!
Parenting disagreements with H always stress me out and I feel for you. I don't like that he's been doing something behind your back though, and why the heck his sister has any input at all in this situation is beyond me.
I am sorry that she's constipated and having difficulty nursing. It will pass and she will poop again, I promise. In the meantime, I hope others will take it down a notch and follow your lead. Hugs, mama.
When a was constipated her pedi told me to give her 3oz prune juice in a sippy cup. This is not your fault! You didn't know he was giving her that much and you would have stopped him had you known. It sounds like she's just a gagger. I would go back to what you were giving her before all this.
I'm sorry just remember there are going to be a lot of hiccups along the way but none of them make you a bad mama! I think you know what is best for her so after this passes, you should have a serious talk with H about what you want to do with her food wise. I hope babysaurus feels better soon!
awww mama, do not feel bad. It sucks but it's not your fault. It's hard with something like this, because you feel like you KNOW it's ok for them to do xyz but if there is a possible negative outcome, all you can think about is WHAT IF that happened then you'd be to blame. This is how I felt too when people would make comments about Matilda choking and stuff. I felt like I read the book, I know it's not dangerous, etc. But I still worried that it was on my head if she did choke.
We dealt with bad constipation recently and couldn't find any prunes. Eventually I gave her some prune juice but she wouldn't drink it except by spoon. Then I found prunes and she went and it was epic. Then she slept better. She would wake up screaming so much, I felt so lost because I couldn't help her.
I also did "colic massage" from youtube before bed. Not sure if it will help but worth a try?
I'm definitely no expert in this field, but I think that constipation and gagging are all a normal part of learning to eat solids. There is certainly a learning curve to eating chunkier foods and I'm of the opinion that once babies have reached their finger food milestones, waiting longer will not make a baby any less prone to gagging but would likely result in more resistance from an older, more willful baby.
You're not a bad mom. There hasn't been any intentional neglect or selfish decision-making. If you're a bad mom, so am I and so are just about everyone else here since I'm sure we've all had lo's who are bunged up and who have gagged at least a little.
Please dont feel bad, you are not a bad mom. At least now you know what it's from, H can see how shes not reacting well and it can be prevented. They are all going to get constipated, diarrhea, all that and I know it sucks and you feel at fault. I forgot to tell daycare "no carrots" when she eats their lunch and she came home with diarrhea last week. Luckily it wasn't a lot like when I gave it to her but still I felt bad. Hang in there!! And it always makes me smile when you refer to your DD as babysaurus, I love it!
agree with pp's. You are a wonderful mother - please don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard enough to do this well without people working against you and your instincts. Hang in there, and GL!
There comes a point in all our Mommy careers that we feel like this and then we learn from it and put our foot down and say..."Nope, we aren't going to do ______, we're doing ______. It is what's best for my/our child and I appreciate your input, but I know Babysaurus better than anyone and this is what I am doing and either you can support it and follow my lead or you don't get a say at all."
Your husband and your in laws are undermining you as a mother and you have got to let them know that isn't ok. Show them the books/articles/your pedi stating gagging is normal. Show them Babysaurus eating the puffs and softer cooked veggies. I have to tell my in laws no all the time and I have done it with my husband and my own mother. You are Babysaurus's advocate in this world and you gotta stand up for her little intestines! (Sorry to get all preachy, I just get how you're feeling and stomaching it is hard.)
All of this, plus ({) . Also, echoing everyone's juice suggestions, my mom said pear juice works miracles and taste better than prune juice. I just bought some at BRU with some rewards bucks but increasing her water consumption has helped us so I haven't used it yet.
Aww, poor baby. I'd tell DH, ok I have in and tried your way and it hurt her. So since mine wasn't we're going back to it. Babies gag, oh well. He'll have to get used to it and get his mother off your back. What about oatmeal? That might make him happy with his hard on for cereal and is MUCH less constipating. DS always had constipation problems and the oatmeal was fine.