Ugh. Mom is ALL OVER my life insurance money. Help

[imojoebunny]

Money for nothing? Losing your spouse is not nothing. Your mother is wrong, just plain wrong. $500k is enough to give you some leeway, while you figure out what to do next. It is obviously not enough to be wasteful and support other people. I am sorry this is adding to what is already a stressful time. Once you get back on your feet, you can be generous at Christmas, if your in a position to do so. I.e. give your brother $1,000 toward he's loans if you have a good year and that is what you want to do, or buy your mom a handbag. Now is not the time, if there ever even is one, and anyone asking you for money right now is does not have your best interest at heart.



Hugs.

[AAM2012]

I think you need to not give ANY money to anyone (your brother included) and wait at least 3-6 months when you are in a better position to make a rational decision. Obviously if you need some if the money right now for bills etc then go ahead and use some of it.

You don't want to regret any financial decision and there is no rush. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your mom is completely out of line.

[kwynn]

As a fellow young widow (what a sh*tty ass club that no one wants to be in), there's so much going on with emotions and feelings with everyone in the family. People say stupid crap. Heck, I've said stupid crap to ppl that probably made no sense or was hurtful.

My family is not great with money either, hence why I've been on MM since 2004. No one has asked me for a dime. I have not offered a dime.

The best advice I found for fellow widows is, when asked about life insurance, to say, simply: "There was some life insurance."

It lets people who care about you know that you aren't going to be on public assistance anytime soon, but you also didn't get a huge amount to just waste away.

I have done nothing with any life insurance that I've received. I waited 8 months to even apply. I will not talk about life insurance money to people aside from MM (and my financial advisor).

[Deleted]

FWIW i am used to my mother by now. While i do find this kind of stuff to be upsetting, its not the end of the world.

[Jermys]

Listen, my mother would have done the EXACT same thing, because she didn't know jack shit about money, except for how to spend it. The second she heard the amount, she would have had price tags in her eyes like Daffy fucking Duck.

I agree with the person who said lock it up for at least a year. Honestly, if you can lock it up longer, you should. And you really don't need to be paying off your brother's loan...he should be doing that himself. You do for you, and not for your mother or your brother. This money is not the lottery and it sure the hell isn't free money...I can't roll my eyes hard enough at that. It could be a damn good nest egg, but not if your mother gets hold of it. Do yourself a favor and lock it down now.

[explorer2001]

With that kind of money, you might seriously consider putting it in a trust and hiring an advisor/trustee. Then you can at least blame the trust/trustee to get your mom to back off. You sound like you are making sound decisions. You don't need her railroading you. This might give you the break you need.

Also WTF is she saying "free" money, you have been through hell and lost your husband. She needs to get some help and back off.

With the money plan, interest rates suck right now. So $260K getting paid off and saving you 7%, vs keeping that postion and only earning 3% isn't necessarily the best plan. However your financial advisor can help you with the actual numbers. There was an old example of a smaller life insurance amount ($200K I think) in one of my financial planning texts. They showed that the $200K invested produced enough to pay the mortgage monthly, but that if the mortgage ($140K or something) was paid off, there was no mortgage to pay and the balance remaining still paid XXX a month in interest. Hopefully that makes some sense.

Don't feel like you have to do anything today. You can wait 6 weeks, three months, 6 months, however long, until you feel comfortable making the decisions.

Hugs.

[Deleted]

If my mom ever said "money changes people" while asking me for money from my dead husband's insurance I would punch her in the face.  The end.

[10nille]

My sister just became a widow and it is staggering the people who are calling asking her for money. His side of the family were always asking him for 'loans' and now that he is gone they think my sister should keep the gravy train going.
It's amazing people who are terrible with money are the ones who think they know best how to spend it. Unfortunately, your Mom never learned how to handle money. Fortunately, you did not inherit her bad judgement regarding money. I'm sorry for your loss.

[sh10]

I think you've gotten some great advice here and I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss.

[RandZB]

Feb 3, 2013 22:33:01 GMT -5 @sirsleepsalot said:

If my mom ever said "money changes people" while asking me for money from my dead husband's insurance I would punch her in the face.  The end.

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