I can't add any useful information that hasn't already been given but I want to say I'm sorry that you are going through this. The fact that he is acting like this is more justification that you made the right decision by leaving him. Good Luck!
you have great advice in here. i know that you're hurting and confused and everything else, but you take whatever steps you need to care for yourself. you can do it.
I'm so sorry. Very good thoughts and wishes coming your way.
I once ended up in a shitty apartment with just a futon on the floor, a cell phone, and 20 boxes of stuff. That was a bad first month, but it all worked itself out for the better. If you're rid of a bad man, it's always for the better.
Post by margotmacomber on Mar 20, 2013 11:14:34 GMT -5
OMG I am so sorry this is happening. If ever there was a reason to go to his CoC, it is THIS RIGHT NOW. What a dirty fucker. You don't deserve that. Good luck to you, and hugs!
I am so, so sorry. What a nightmare. You do not deserve that! I hope you're able to get help through his superiors. Good luck, and please keep us posted.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Post by verycontrary247 on Mar 20, 2013 13:19:45 GMT -5
I've promised myself I won't cry any more today and this thread is making it hard! I really appreciate all the hugs and support from you ladies. H has duty today (24 hour shift) so I'm currently at my house trying to figure things out.
I've contacted the ombudsman for my husband's ship about who exactly I need to talk to in order to receive the support I'm entitled to while we are still married. She is going to tell his command and get me into contact with their family advocacy rep on board.
I sent all my professors an email apologizing for my absence, stating I had a family emergency, and requesting any appropriate coursework. I've been doing really well so I'm sure with a little effort I'll be able to catch up.
I figured out H cannot remove me from our joint account without my consent, so that's a plus, but I don't know if he will try to drain it to keep me from accessing money. I'm going to the bank today to open my own personal account and will move some funds just in case.
My sister is asking her friend (who had a very messy divorce) for a good lawyer recommendation.
I'm also planning on talking to my FIL tonight and giving him the rundown of the situation. He is a really nice, reasonable guy and I am hopeful he can convince H to move in with them at least for a few months while we are pursuing the divorce. My sister offered for me to move in with them, but I wouldn't be able to bring the cats since they are renting and have 3 of their own already. My brother/SIL/niece are living with my parents until they move in July, so there isn't really a room for me but if H refuses to go I will pack up the cats and stay on the couch.
Again, really, thank you for all the good thoughts and advice.
I never recommend this, but I'd call his 1st Sgt and let him/her know what's happened. Even if they can't get you the car, they need to know what he's done with your books and the finances. He's not allowed to financially abandon you while you're still married.
Second, e-mail your professors. You don't need to share all the details, but let them know that you won't be at class today due to some family issues. If there's a strict attendance policy in your program this is the kind of documentation you need just in case you have to go over the allotted allowed absences and want to appeal to retain your credits.
Third, CALL THE LAWYER!
Stupid question but I have no clue. What happens if you call his 1st. Sgt?
Sounds like you're handling this as well as possible. I'm glad you've got his command involved. Hopefully that and talking to FIL will help make things a bit more peaceful. So sorry you're going through this. Feel free to cry as much as you need. I think the situation warrants it.
Good for you, VC. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you right now, but it sounds like you are keeping a calm, rational head about you. (((hugs)))
I never recommend this, but I'd call his 1st Sgt and let him/her know what's happened. Even if they can't get you the car, they need to know what he's done with your books and the finances. He's not allowed to financially abandon you while you're still married.
Second, e-mail your professors. You don't need to share all the details, but let them know that you won't be at class today due to some family issues. If there's a strict attendance policy in your program this is the kind of documentation you need just in case you have to go over the allotted allowed absences and want to appeal to retain your credits.
Third, CALL THE LAWYER!
Stupid question but I have no clue. What happens if you call his 1st. Sgt?
Service members cannot financially cut off their spouse during divorce proceedings. They also can get in deep shit if infidelity is proven to be a factor (although it is very hard to prove, and very rarely severely reprimanded). He can get in a lot of trouble if he is uncooperative during divorce. That's the basics of it.
Stupid question but I have no clue. What happens if you call his 1st. Sgt?
Service members cannot financially cut off their spouse during divorce proceedings. They also can get in deep shit if infidelity is proven to be a factor (although it is very hard to prove, and very rarely severely reprimanded). He can get in a lot of trouble if he is uncooperative during divorce. That's the basics of it.