This is embarrassing. And possibly flameful. Oh well.

[open24hours]

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I would take it as a sign that my H cared about enough to give me some time away. But, it probably depends on your relationship with your H and your friend. I suffer from depression and I know that my H has called both my BFF and my dad at times suggesting they give me a call. When I am in the depths of depression, initiating the call is too much, but talking on the phone isn't. But all of the above parties know about my depression, so I don't feel like my H is sneaking behind my back. I feel like he is helping me take care of myself when I can't take care of myself.

I have also done the same for H when he was struggling with some issues - called some of his friends to set up a 'play date.' I don't think I was overstepping boundaries.

[Deleted]

Ok, well. I will think about it, I guess.

Like I said, I do get what his intentions were. I know he doesn't see it as "parental" but it felt a little that way to me.

[Deleted]

I guess I also don't like the implication that I don't know when I need a break.

[RoxMonster]

I would feel embarrassed also and possibly a bit angry. If my H did this, I would definitely let him know I don't want him doing this going forward and why it makes me feel embarrassed/pathetic/like a charity case.

I would probably explain that and then just move on. I know with my H, if he did this, he would be so clueless that what he was doing was wrong or that it'd make me angry. He would just have good intentions and would know I felt guilty about going out with friends, so he figured he'd just set it up for me.

I get why you are pissed and mortified, but I do think his intentions were good and he went about it entirely wrong. Let him know that it upset you and that he shouldn't do that in the future.

Sometimes we KNOW we need a break but are unwilling to take them because we feel guilty or that people at home need us more, so maybe he was worried you would put them above yourself and refuse to take some time when needed.

[Deleted]

That sounds like something my MOM would do when I was in JUNIOR HIGH!

[Captain Serious]

Try looking at it this way, I'm sure it's not that he thinks you can't go on without a break, but that you'd feel better if you had one.  And since you seem to enjoy yourself when you do go out, he's probably thinking that you enjoy the breaks, too.  He's just trying to do something nice for you.

If he was hiding it, you could say it's about him making decisions for you, but he's telling you, and that leaves you the option to still decline.  I also agree with whoever said that he likely feels guilty for all the stress he's been bringing into the marriage and you've been dealing with "because of him."  I'm sure seeing you get a little respite (especially at his prodding) makes him feel better and like he's not just adding stress to your life.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 15:56:28 GMT -5 @schmancy said:

Ok, well. I will think about it, I guess.

Like I said, I do get what his intentions were. I know he doesn't see it as "parental" but it felt a little that way to me.

You can (and should) let him know this.  That's where discussing another plan for how he should address whatever he was feeling when he decided to call her would come in. 

As for the implication you don't know when you need a break, I can't tell if you do or not.  I'm guessing he saw something that made him feel you did though.  Maybe you've been a bit shorter temper or looking more tired or maybe he felt it wasn't fair for the going out to be so uneven.  You said yourself you're trying to focus on what he needs right now because it's a tough time for him - implying you know he needs to go out or do whatever even if he's suggesting you take a night off - but maybe part of what he needs is to know you've had a night off too? 

[Captain Serious]

Apr 2, 2013 16:07:54 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

I would wonder what he's doing that he wants me out of the house so bad.

In that case, I'd assume you already have other problems.

[sparkythelawyer]

Apr 2, 2013 15:00:43 GMT -5 @booby said:

hmm, i can see why you are upset.

i'm trying to think of this in the context of my relationships. if my H texted one of my friends to do this, i think my friend would be cool about it and would likely understand why my H is asking. i mean, i would hope my H would contact a close friend and not some acquaintance, bc in the latter situation, i think that would be way embarassing. but a good friend? i would hope that i could shrug it off.

and while this is embarassing for you -- perhpas you should also try to consider why your H felt he had to do this. sounds like you are having a tough time making time for yourself and it's possible, your H is feelings the effects of this. doesn't justify what he did, but hopefully you underrstnad why he did it.

I am feeling what Booby is putting down here.  I think that your husband knew what you needed, and knew you would not seek what you needed out for yourself, and took the initiative to do it for you.  Now.  He should have handled this better.  But, I can't abuse him too much for what he did here. 

[sparkythelawyer]

Apr 2, 2013 15:59:35 GMT -5 @schmancy said:

I guess I also don't like the implication that I don't know when I need a break.

Meh.  I think that most people in a relationship can figure out when their partner is at their limit.  And sometimes we are not our own best judges of when we have hit our limit.

Also, if he really is going through some tough stuff, doing this for you probably gave him a sense of "at least I could do this" when everything is falling apart.

This is one of the kindest goof-ups I've seen in a while.  No rage here.

[Deleted]

I have already told him not to do that anymore. He did apologize for embarrassing me. But he still doesn't get why I'm embarrassed by it.

And just to clarify again...I was slightly upset and embarrassed. I wasn't pissed or raging. My tone was annoyed, not angry. I didn't even raise my voice, lol.

[Deleted]

He doesn't have to get it. He just needs to not do it again, even if he is trying to help you

[Deleted]

I'm ok with the rage responses.

I don't want my husband making plans for me.

I can and want to do that myself.

[margotmacomber]

Well, I consider my irate self to be in good company, so I'm ok if some of you think it's over the top.    (hot)

[azurely]

That was sweet of your H. I would be a little embarrassed too, but like others said, his heart was in the right place.

I would make a joke about it with my friend. I would joke about our "pity dates" and make more of an effort to invite her from now on.

[2boys2danes]

I think its kind of sweet... I wouldnt like it if H did it all the time or anything but sometimes its nice to have someone take notice that you need some time off and set up something fun for you to do. I doubt the other gal would have taken his suggestion if she didnt already like you and want to hang out.

I can see where it feels a little over the top but I tend to err on the side of "how kind of him" instead of "how annoying of him"....but everyone is different

I would totally make a joke of it later so we could all laugh it off

[lindsaymg]

I am trying to put myself in the place with my friends group. I can see my H doing this (we are all friends husbands and wives) and most of us have kids. I can see our H's do this and I don't think I would be mad. We would be excited the H's got us together. Maybe it is just our group dynamic but I don't think I would be outraged. More wine nights for me!

[eb777888]

Wow! So it seems we'd all have different reactions to a situation. That almost never happens here...

[mamasaurus]

You might need to slow your roll, nuggetbrain. I agree with you, but you're being pretty harsh.

[angelaa73]

I think I would be fine with this if it were my bff but to text Some random friend is so weird

Also, I have a huge problem when a douchebag can't be told that they are overreacting when they ARE CLEARLY AN OVERREACTING DOUCHEBAG. I could care less if you don't want to hear it. And I also couldn't care less how infrequent the overreaction is.

sent from my I crashed my car into a bridge. I don't care. I love it.

[Deleted]

Oh I can totally relate. A couple years ago, I had just arrived in the US and I was at a party out of state with XH. I didn't know anyone except XH and his friend. XH thought it would be a good idea to stop the party for 30 sec and tell people I was new and to talk to me. I was MORTIFIED.

Men are clueless.