Because - as you've already made clear - that's not how your family dynamic works. You include your 1st SIL as "one of your girls" and your relationship there apparently goes well-beyond "just being 2 girls married to brothers." You're making a deliberate decision to exclude future-SIL while openly acting like BFFs with first SIL. That's got to sting.
And, for the record, you're talking about a future family member here. Someone who's presence in your life will likely outlast your relationships with many of "your girls." Would it really kill you to invite her to a bar night and tell your friends to be nice to your sister?
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
Because it's important to HER and she is married to your brother, which means it's important to him.
I honestly want to understand your point here: Am I correct in reading that you don't want to socialize or develop a relationship with this woman, but you also do not want her telling others that you exclude her?
I honestly want to understand your point here: Am I correct in reading that you don't want to socialize or develop a relationship with this woman, but you also do not want her telling others that you exclude her?
SHE'S TOO DUMB TO KNOW SHE'S NOT WANTED, LEEANN. TOO DUMB.
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
Because it's important to HER and she is married to your brother, which means it's important to him.
On this part, I am going to side w/ Maria. She doesn't HAVE to bring this SIL into her friend group if she doesn't want to. She really, really doesn't. If it's true that this SIL actually pitched a fit over not being invited to Maria's best friends wedding just because the other SIL was - I do think this new SIL has some unrealistic expectations.
Her BIL marrying this girl does not require Maria to now become her buddy and include her in her friend group.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Because - as you've already made clear - that's not how your family dynamic works. You include your 1st SIL as "one of your girls" and your relationship there apparently goes well-beyond "just being 2 girls married to brothers." You're making a deliberate decision to exclude future-SIL while openly acting like BFFs with first SIL. That's got to sting.
And, for the record, you're talking about a future family member here. Someone who's presence in your life will likely outlast your relationships with many of "your girls." Would it really kill you to invite her to a bar night and tell your friends to be nice to your sister?
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
Give me your sister in law's number. I'll give her a call and tell her to run. She's not ruining your family - you people are all ready putrid.
Because - as you've already made clear - that's not how your family dynamic works. You include your 1st SIL as "one of your girls" and your relationship there apparently goes well-beyond "just being 2 girls married to brothers." You're making a deliberate decision to exclude future-SIL while openly acting like BFFs with first SIL. That's got to sting.
And, for the record, you're talking about a future family member here. Someone who's presence in your life will likely outlast your relationships with many of "your girls." Would it really kill you to invite her to a bar night and tell your friends to be nice to your sister?
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
which is it? In your OP you state that GF is jealous and wants BIL all to herself, now you say she wants to be invited to events?
Because it's important to HER and she is married to your brother, which means it's important to him.
On this part, I am going to side w/ Maria. She doesn't HAVE to bring this SIL into her friend group if she doesn't want to. She really, really doesn't. If it's true that this SIL actually pitched a fit over not being invited to Maria's best friends wedding just because the other SIL was - I do think this new SIL has some unrealistic expectations.
Her BIL marrying this girl does not require Maria to now become her buddy and include her in her friend group.
This is true.. but if that's the case I would just brush it off. This chick actually thinks that the SIL is hurting the family and is the most evil person ever, ha.
I honestly want to understand your point here: Am I correct in reading that you don't want to socialize or develop a relationship with this woman, but you also do not want her telling others that you exclude her?
I don't care if she tells people I exclude her. She tells people that My ILs treat her like crap. That he ignore her and never speak to her nicely. She tells people that my SIL who she attacked at her engagement party is calling her and saying horrible things to her. She claims that my DH hasn't spoken to her in over a year. He just called her for her birthday. He talks to her more than anyone.
I don't want to include her in nights out with my friends. I don't go out often and when I do I think i should be allowed to be with people I like and want to socialize with. Not someone that I have to handle like a delicate flower because she has melt downs.
To the poster that said I haven't posted anything she has done. You must have missed the post where I explained how she attacked my SIL at her Engagement party because she had the nerve to get engaged before the wedding took place. I also posted how she cried to MIL about how she has to throw her a bridal shower because her mother couldn't afford it.
Do you think that if you invited her and actually gave her a chance, maybe she would be less bitchy?
The poor girl probably feels really judged by your family, which she obviously is.
This is my problem... Why do I have to invite her to socialize with me and my friends? I don't get being forced to be "friends" why can't we just be 2 girls that are married to brothers.
DH's sister used to try to hang out with her. BIL proposed and they planned a 2 year engagement. SIL fiance waiting 6 months proposed and the planned the wedding for 2 months after. Crazy new sister in-law attacked DH's sister at the engagement dinner. She was crying and going on about unfair it was and they should have waited to get engaged until after the wedding. DH's sister refuses to really go out socially with her now also.
Alright, I'll try this approach: were you looking for advice or just a place to vent? I'm starting to feel like Dr. Drew when he was trying to reason with Kailin last night, so, yeah........................................
Oh man, I love that you "suprised" her with Christmas presents. How nice of you not to leave the poor girl with nothing to open on Christmas morning. Sheesh..
What can you do going forward to change this situation?
We have family functions once a month on average. I still call to see what she is wearing, ask what time they are going, etc. I have no problem continuing this type of stuff. We can hang out with the family any time.
I just don't know what to do about the social stuff. MIL called me to be sure we called for her birthday and I told her that both DH and I called. She then goes on and says maybe you should plan a dinner to celebrate with her so she doesn't get upset. This is where I have a problem... I don't want to be rude to my ILs but them pushing for everyone to kiss her Ass is too much for me. They are so afraid she will take their son away that makes us all run in circles. SIL told me ILs gave $500 towards their vacation... Really???
Oh I should have been clear... She doesn't let BIL go anywhere without her... No more ball games, no getting dinner with the guys or his brother.
She has no problem leaving him home to go out with the girls (AKA me and my friends).
My IL's have this perception of me too. They think I force DH to stay home and forbid him from going out with his brother, or hanging out at their house. What they don't acknowledge is that they reacted so badly to our engagement, and have been so cold to DH in the years since our wedding, that he doesn't want to be around them very much. If he goes out with any of them, they will go off on him about how much they hate me and his choices and blah blah. If I go with him, they are polite to both of us. So I go.
Oh man, I love that you "suprised" her with Christmas presents. How nice of you not to leave the poor girl with nothing to open on Christmas morning. Sheesh..
WTF are you talking about? She was new and not around for the holidays. I sent a really nice gift with BIL when he went to visit her for the holidays. It isn't something that will get my my angel wings, it was just something I thought was a nice gesture thats all.
She didn't get any of us anything but none of us were expecting it.
Post by cheeseandcrackers on May 7, 2013 14:36:14 GMT -5
OP, you are overreacting and acting jealous again. I'm sure your parents would give you some money toward a vacation if you really asked..and well maybe you can ask her who her surgeon is that did her boobs, maybe you'll get a discount.
We have family functions once a month on average. I still call to see what she is wearing, ask what time they are going, etc. I have no problem continuing this type of stuff. We can hang out with the family any time.
I just don't know what to do about the social stuff. MIL called me to be sure we called for her birthday and I told her that both DH and I called. She then goes on and says maybe you should plan a dinner to celebrate with her so she doesn't get upset. This is where I have a problem... I don't want to be rude to my ILs but them pushing for everyone to kiss her Ass is too much for me. They are so afraid she will take their son away that makes us all run in circles. SIL told me ILs gave $500 towards their vacation... Really???
How dare you ILs give their own son their own money without your approval!
I guess you missed the part where BIL called us, SIL and Ils and said we should pay for their vacation because she really needs one because we all stress her out. I don't really give a crap what they do with their money but the fact that they think we should pay for their vacation is too much for me.
Post by game blouses on May 7, 2013 14:36:53 GMT -5
I would bet that if you (and/or DH's sister) took her out to coffee a few times and asked her questions about her job, her hobbies, movies that are out, etc, she'd calm down. It doesn't take a lot for someone to feel accepted.
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
Because it's important to HER and she is married to your brother, which means it's important to him.
I respectfully disagree with this.
Yes, I think that if it's an informal GTG at your house or something casual, and you're inviting the other SIL, just suck it up and invite her once or twice.
She doesn't have to be included EVERYTHING with your other friends (like a wedding FFS), because she's not friends with them.
What can you do going forward to change this situation?
We have family functions once a month on average. I still call to see what she is wearing, ask what time they are going, etc. I have no problem continuing this type of stuff. We can hang out with the family any time.
I just don't know what to do about the social stuff. MIL called me to be sure we called for her birthday and I told her that both DH and I called. She then goes on and says maybe you should plan a dinner to celebrate with her so she doesn't get upset. This is where I have a problem... I don't want to be rude to my ILs but them pushing for everyone to kiss her Ass is too much for me. They are so afraid she will take their son away that makes us all run in circles. SIL told me ILs gave $500 towards their vacation... Really???
Nope. This is where I would say "I think her husband should plan a birthday celebration. It's not my place."
I don't plan my BIL's girlfriends birthday party. I don't plan my friend's wives birthday parties. I let their spouse plan it, and I attend.
I don't think it's your place to plan something for her.
DH's sister and I have known each other for 13 years. When she was single she use to vacation with my friends. They invited her to events in their lives.
Actually that was another big fight. My best friend invited DH's sister to her wedding. BIL's wife called me screaming that if SIL was invited I should have made sure she was invited too. My friend's aren't friends with her why should she be invited.
We go to family parties, we all sit together, laugh and joke and go home. Why do I have to invite her into my social circle. I don't beg her to include me with her friends.
which is it? In your OP you state that GF is jealous and wants BIL all to herself, now you say she wants to be invited to events?