Post by mariafromnj on May 7, 2013 13:38:31 GMT -5
I keep reading posts about the ILs ruining the family and I am kind of on the other side of that. I am super close with DH's family. They are my family too. We have been together for a really long time and I have grown up with them. DH's sister is my best friend and I was super close with both his brothers. One brother is a little wacky, kind of laid back, never takes anything serious. He meets this girl who was just his type Stick thin with big fake boobs and not much going on upstairs. He said he would never get married so no one was too concerned. Turns out he changed his mind. She not only stuck around but has been causing problems. She is a very insecure and jealous girl. She wants BIL all to her self and doesn't allow him to be away from her for very long. He was super close with my Dh and they never talk now, he treats his parents like crap and his sister (because she got engaged around the same time) even worse. ILs have asked us all to please go out of our way to be super nice because they are afraid she will cut BIL off from the family. This makes things really hard because she is not liked by any of us and yet she doesn't want to just casually deal with us, she wants to be included in everything. I had a B-day party a few months ago with friends and DH's sister came, BIL called MIL and said his wife was so upset she cried because she wasn't invited. Thing like this go on all the time. I ran into a friend of her's that was pretty rude to me, when I asked her why she went off about how horrible we are to her friend and how the family is mean and that she can't believe BIL still talks to any of us. I was so shocked! We are really nice to the girl, she is super sensitve and we tip toe around her to be sure she doesn't get upset.
Post by cheeseandcrackers on May 7, 2013 13:40:54 GMT -5
well, to play devils advocate, you guys do sound pretty judgmental. "Stick thin with fake boobs" "this makes things really hard because she is not liked by any of us"? And also, did you invite your brother to your bday, but not her?
Post by vanillacourage on May 7, 2013 13:43:27 GMT -5
What one person sees as being "super-close" to their family, a new person sees as being a clique. A judgmental clique at that (stick thin with big boobs, nothing much going on upstairs? Geez, wonder why she doesn't like you...?)
I like my inlaws very well, but I don't want to hang out with them all the time, and that seems to be your expectation of family. It's ok for people to want different things out of relationships, it doesn't mean that she's dumb or trying to take your BIL away.
Post by mariafromnj on May 7, 2013 13:43:44 GMT -5
No I didn't invite BIL, it was a girls night with my friends and DH's sister is a close friend who knows all my girls.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
i don't know, man. the story reads like "my dumb, shallow bil actually decided to marry the airheaded bitchy boob job we all judged him for dating." i'm not sure i'd want to hang out with you all either.
Post by mariafromnj on May 7, 2013 13:44:15 GMT -5
No I didn't invite BIL, it was a girls night with my friends and DH's sister is a close friend who knows all my girls.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
well, to play devils advocate, you guys do sound pretty judgmental. "Stick thin with fake boobs" "this makes things really hard because she is not liked by any of us"?
Yeah, I have to agree with this.
But past that- Honestly, I'd tell the ILs that they can do whatever they want to do in terms of this girl and BIL. However, you all will not be inviting her to YOUR functions and that you'll be civil and polite - but that's it.
I get it that this is their son, but if being around the 2 of them is so uncomfortable, is it really WORTH having them around jsut so you all can SAY "we're one big happy family?" (which is what is seems your ILs want).
In the end, you and DH need to do what works for the two of you, and you can let ILs know that. They can bend over backwards to include her and then be treated poorly. You don't have to follow suit.
well, to play devils advocate, you guys do sound pretty judgmental. "Stick thin with fake boobs" "this makes things really hard because she is not liked by any of us"? And also, did you invite your brother to your bday, but not her?
Yep, this is pretty much what I want to know. I don't think you're helping things here.
well, to play devils advocate, you guys do sound pretty judgmental. "Stick thin with fake boobs" "this makes things really hard because she is not liked by any of us"? And also, did you invite your brother to your bday, but not her?
This is where I'm at. She could be extra sensitive to things because you guys are showing your judgments on her without even realizing it.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
But do you really, REALLY believe that your judgements of her dont' come off in some way? People don't have to say "I don't like you" for it to still be clear that they actually don't like you.
Post by mariafromnj on May 7, 2013 13:47:54 GMT -5
I have honestly been nothing but nice to this girl. I don't really care what she looks like. We are just 2 different people. My friend's have met her and don't feel comfortable around her. She is very nosey and asks them lots of personal questions and the jealousy comes out pretty easily. I have no problem being nice and dealing when it comes to family stuff but now she calls in-laws saying I have to hang out with her socially. That is my biggest problem with her.
No I didn't invite BIL, it was a girls night with my friends and DH's sister is a close friend who knows all my girls.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
Do you think that if you invited her and actually gave her a chance, maybe she would be less bitchy?
The poor girl probably feels really judged by your family, which she obviously is.
It was a girls' night out that you didn't invite her to? I would have cried too. And good for BIL for sticking up for his wife. It sounds like you never gave her a chance.
I don't know what to tell you. We already said that you are coming off as very judgmental. She wants to be friends, and you don't, because she is "very different" from you, aka fake boobs and no brain. You ahve already made up your mind that SHEis a problem and is RUINING YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
What exactly do you want us to say? You sound like a "bad MIL", seriously.
I have honestly been nothing but nice to this girl. I don't really care what she looks like. We are just 2 different people. My friend's have met her and don't feel comfortable around her. She is very nosey and asks them lots of personal questions and the jealousy comes out pretty easily. I have no problem being nice and dealing when it comes to family stuff but now she calls in-laws saying I have to hang out with her socially. That is my biggest problem with her.
You don't care what she looks like, yet you pointed out she is stick thin and has fake boobs? Nice.
Maybe she asks personal questions because she is trying to be your friend? Just a thought.
I have honestly been nothing but nice to this girl. I don't really care what she looks like. We are just 2 different people. My friend's have met her and don't feel comfortable around her. She is very nosey and asks them lots of personal questions and the jealousy comes out pretty easily. I have no problem being nice and dealing when it comes to family stuff but now she calls in-laws saying I have to hang out with her socially. That is my biggest problem with her.
No I didn't invite BIL, it was a girls night with my friends and DH's sister is a close friend who knows all my girls.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
Do you think that if you invited her and actually gave her a chance, maybe she would be less bitchy?
The poor girl probably feels really judged by your family, which she obviously is.
Preach.
I can only imagine how hard it would be coming into an IL situation with the women in the family having been so close for years, and then the awkwardness of the dynamic changing, especially if the others didn't really extend themselves to include you.
Is she handling it the best? Probably not, but I think this situation would rattle a lot of people.
I have honestly been nothing but nice to this girl. I don't really care what she looks like. We are just 2 different people. My friend's have met her and don't feel comfortable around her. She is very nosey and asks them lots of personal questions and the jealousy comes out pretty easily. I have no problem being nice and dealing when it comes to family stuff but now she calls in-laws saying I have to hang out with her socially. That is my biggest problem with her.
A lot of the time, jealousy comes from insecurity. Imagine how you would feel in her place - marrying into a family that clearly thinks you don't fit in, where you're judged by your looks and where people don't seem to give you a chance? Give the girl a break. I'm not saying you have to be best buddies with her, but you are family now - it's easier to be cordial and friendly than to just write her off as an outcast.
Yeah, I'm not sensing the niceness. I'm sensing that there's a lot of judgement and exclusion. Has anyone actually given her a chance? Because it sounds a lot like this to me.
No I didn't invite BIL, it was a girls night with my friends and DH's sister is a close friend who knows all my girls.
Well for 1 I never said anything about the sitck thin and boobs thing to her and 2 even though all the others before her were the same, I never really cared until she became a B!tch!
Do you think that if you invited her and actually gave her a chance, maybe she would be less bitchy?
The poor girl probably feels really judged by your family, which she obviously is.
This is my problem... Why do I have to invite her to socialize with me and my friends? I don't get being forced to be "friends" why can't we just be 2 girls that are married to brothers.
DH's sister used to try to hang out with her. BIL proposed and they planned a 2 year engagement. SIL fiance waiting 6 months proposed and the planned the wedding for 2 months after. Crazy new sister in-law attacked DH's sister at the engagement dinner. She was crying and going on about unfair it was and they should have waited to get engaged until after the wedding. DH's sister refuses to really go out socially with her now also.
I have honestly been nothing but nice to this girl. I don't really care what she looks like. We are just 2 different people. My friend's have met her and don't feel comfortable around her. She is very nosey and asks them lots of personal questions and the jealousy comes out pretty easily. I have no problem being nice and dealing when it comes to family stuff but now she calls in-laws saying I have to hang out with her socially. That is my biggest problem with her.
Yeah, I don't believe this at all. If you didn't care what she looked like and you dislike for the reasons you listed here you would have started with, "She lacks boundaries, asks too many personal questions, and is quite nosey." Instead you jumped right to "dumb bitch with big fake boobs."
i don't know, man. the story reads like "my dumb, shallow bil actually decided to marry the airheaded bitchy boob job we all judged him for dating." i'm not sure i'd want to hang out with you all either.