How do you handle jealousE?

[studytime45]

My old housemate/'friend' got into 4 medical schools this morning. Four fucking schools in Canada. Medical school used to be my dream until I realized nursing is more my style. But I can't help but feel like she's better than me, and I'm SO jealous. 

I wonder if it's because I'm young? Is this an age thing? I feel like I can't control this emotion, like it's just eating me up. I congratulated her and am appropriately excited around her, so I'm not a total douche, but inside I want to bawl. 

Ugh. How do I deal with this? You guys are going to say 'suck it up, sweetheart', right? haha

P.S. I got into my first choice nursing school in March/April, so it's not like I don't have a future. I'm an asshole. 

[leeann]

It may be an age thing. I remember feeling envious of people in the past, but don't really feel that way now. I'm happy with my choices and where I am now. I can't really recall being jealous of anyone in a long time. Mostly because, I usually realize that while it may appear that someone has more/better/etc., usually there are burdens/hardships/issues that come with it that I may not even know about.

[Kit]

Just think of the massive amount of student loans she'll have! LOL

[fuckyourcouch]

look at that bitch with her four medical schools.

here's my advice: sabotage

[cheeseandcrackers]

I get over it and congratulate the person.

Then I think about all the good things that I have and try to take it from there, ha.

[Deleted]

Drink.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Well, you say yourself that nursing is "more your style." So it's not your dream anymore. Focus on that! Med school is long! And expensive! And nurses are awesome.

Congratulate your friend, though, because that's her dream, and that's cool.

[lilybug]

I am not much older than you, I think, and I do struggle with jealousy sometimes. Friends who are my age and kid-free, loaded with $$ from parents, partying, going to med school, law school... I feel shitty about myself. But you (and I) have to remind yourself of all that you've accomplished. And once you get into nursing, you'll see... nurses are the ones who actually run the show!

[Deleted]

You're not an asshole. You're normal. Besides, you're probably a better nurse than she will ever be a doctor.

My SIL, whom I dislike, is pregnant. I'm jealous because we've been trying for a year and a half. I allowed myself a set amount of time to have all the ugly thoughts I could muster. Then I focused all the stuff in my life that I *do* have and that helped a little. Then I had one (or a thousand) of these:

[studytime45]

May 14, 2013 10:09:44 GMT -5 toledo said:

I still get jealous of my grad school friends who are living the glamorous international travel life that I once aspired to. It doesn't eat me up or make me cry, but there are pangs from FB sometimes.

You'll get over it. Just feel the feels right now, but be nice, which it sounds like you are.

And if you DON'T get over it......maybe you should rethink going to medical school after all.

Yup, I'm being nice. I mean, I'm don't hate her for getting in. She's still an okay gal.

I'm pretty certain I'll get over it. But you're right - if I don't, maybe medical school is more important to me than I currently believe.

 

[MWOS]

By sinking into a massive depression that takes months and drugs to climb out of

Sent from outerspace

[studytime45]

May 14, 2013 10:13:26 GMT -5 MWOS said:

By sinking into a massive depression that takes months and drugs to climb out of

Sent from outerspace

That's awful Mary, I'm sorry.  

She's twenty-fucking-three, and pretty too. lol

[MWOS]

Eeeek, it was supposed to be kinda funny? Fail.

:wanders off to take wellbutrin:

[mbcdefg]

I try to remember that everyone has specific situations that may be right for them, but not me/others - and vice versa. And that there may be a lot of worries, costs, doubts, or unhappiness that I'm not privy to (not that I want people to suffer, but I'm just pointing out that someone who seems happy might not actually be happy).

I also try to let things go if I can't control them. If something in my own life is making me unhappy, then I can try my best to change it or develop a different outlook. If I can't control it, then there's nothing I can do about it and worrying won't make it any better and it'll only hurt me in the long run, so I do my best to try and let it go. Some days it works better than others.

I'm normally an even-keeled type of person and that's just always been my personality. MH is much more of a worrier and he gets more upset over what other people have vs. what we have - his family had a lot of major problems packed into a few short years when he was younger, and so he gets very worked up about money and security and the thought of other people seemingly getting things handed to them while he's working hard and not getting as much. Us doing OK for ourselves suddenly turns into us being dirt-poor in his eyes when he sees his friends with lots of stuff and a seemingly worry-free life. I try to remind him that they're getting those things by taking on debt, or because they're working a ton of overtime and not having time to relax or be with friends. An example is that we have a major home repair coming up and we're putting aside a lot of money to pay for that - so while he's upset that we don't have much fun money, I'm reminding him that we've got very little debt and we're avoiding additional debt by socking away the cash to pay for the repair.

He suddenly seemed to get it when I used the phrase, "The grass seems greener on the other side because there's more manure over there."

[studytime45]

May 14, 2013 10:20:53 GMT -5 MWOS said:

Eeeek, it was supposed to be kinda funny? Fail.

:wanders off to take wellbutrin:

LOL dude, I was just being PC. If that was real, I didn't want to be like "har har, you so funny!", ya know?

[pursemeatballs]

I hate that feeling. I think that some people are better at making themselves look good on paper and selling themselves. Unfortunately, it's not easy for employers to see work ethic and genuine talent through resumes and interviews. To get over jealousy, I try to remember that I'm happy with my life and other opportunities will arise. What's that Theo Roosevelt quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

[Deleted]

From that point on my experiences with her generally go like this:

[MWOS]

May 14, 2013 10:37:58 GMT -5 studytime45 said:

May 14, 2013 10:20:53 GMT -5 MWOS said:

Eeeek, it was supposed to be kinda funny? Fail.

:wanders off to take wellbutrin:

LOL dude, I was just being PC. If that was real, I didn't want to be like "har har, you so funny!", ya know?

Oh, it's totally real. That's why it's only kinda funny

[Deleted]

My brother has an extraordinary life.  It would be impossible not to be jealous, so I allow myself to be jealous because that is a natural feeling.

However, I am also incredibly and genuinely happy for him.  Are you not at all happy for your friend?  I don't know.  Perhaps this is hard for me to understand because I love my brother so much, and I can't imagine NOT wanting for him to be successful.  It is great that he has all that he has.

If you can't muster up some happiness for your friend's good fortune, then, yes, I do think you're an asshole.

At the very least, you're not a super friend if that feeling doesn't trump the jealousy.

[studytime45]

May 14, 2013 12:26:31 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

My brother has an extraordinary life.  It would be impossible not to be jealous, so I allow myself to be jealous because that is a natural feeling.

However, I am also incredibly and genuinely happy for him.  Are you not at all happy for your friend?  I don't know.  Perhaps this is hard for me to understand because I love my brother so much, and I can't imagine NOT wanting for him to be successful.  It is great that he has all that he has.

If you can't muster up some happiness for your friend's good fortune, then, yes, I do think you're an asshole.

At the very least, you're not a super friend if that feeling doesn't trump the jealousy.

You're right, we are not super good friends. But I AM happy for her, and I said in the OP that I congratulated her genuinely etc...

[Deleted]

I think it is mostly an age thing. I haven't been seriously jealous of anyone in a long time, probably because I am genuinely happy with my life. Of course I occasionally get jealous in the moment of a friend's amazing trip or new kitchen or whatever but #1. I can have those things too if I plan for them and #2. it's not like I would ever want to switch lives with them if I had the chance so the feeling goes away after a while. I think that's pretty normal.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2013 10:15:51 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

studytime45, doctors ain't shit without nurses! Plus, you will have a cuter outfit 

All of that!!!! Nurses are way cooler than doctors. And by the time she's an MD, she'll be asking your advice on her patients.

[karmasabiotch]

Pretty and smart? Yikes.

I use the word envious because it makes me feel better than saying I'm jealous of someone. It has a more positive sounding spin to it, imho.

[flex]

May 14, 2013 10:00:43 GMT -5 leeann said:

It may be an age thing. I remember feeling envious of people in the past, but don't really feel that way now. I'm happy with my choices and where I am now. I can't really recall being jealous of anyone in a long time. Mostly because, I usually realize that while it may appear that someone has more/better/etc., usually there are burdens/hardships/issues that come with it that I may not even know about.

This is me.  Between 35 and 40 I started accepting myself for who I am and the choices I've made.  Which is pretty awesome because I was SO hard on myself when I was younger.  

[lissaholly]

I think it is an age thing a little. I think as we grow up we let go of the different people we were going to be and as a result, we get jealous of the people who are being the version of us we thought we would be. One of my oldest friends is just so accomplished, literally trying to cure cancer while getting her PHD and now moving onto becoming an oncological surgeon. Plus she runs marathons and has a boyfriend who stands to inherit a lot of money. I just can't get jealous of her though because her life is just so removed from mine.

[Saint Monica]

I give significantly less fucks the older I get (hence less to no jealousy).

[Saint Monica]

Oh, holla - I see I am not alone

[MWOS]

May 14, 2013 19:28:59 GMT -5 Saint Monica said:

I give significantly less fucks the older I get (hence less to no jealousy).

WHY MUST I HAVE SO MANY FUCKS TO GIVE?!

[Saint Monica]

May 14, 2013 19:35:09 GMT -5 MWOS said:

May 14, 2013 19:28:59 GMT -5 Saint Monica said:

I give significantly less fucks the older I get (hence less to no jealousy).

WHY MUST I HAVE SO MANY FUCKS TO GIVE?!

IMHO, from your posts, you are young and attractive.  Youth+fineness = lots of fucks given

[MWOS]

I approve this explanation