I don't know how old you are but I do remember the few years after undergrad being ripe with jealousy issues for me. I didn't land a great post-college job, and I was really jealous of my friends who did, or were at least in a position that would advance their career. Plus many of them moved away and settled in (what I thought) were better and more exciting places to live than where I was. I don't have great advice for how to deal with it but I do believe it will pass, and its not unusual to feel that way when you are at a point in your life where every decision feels so important in setting up the rest of your life. Hang in there. Med school probably sucks anyway and you can get started working way before she can, and paying off debt quicker and sooner.
Honestly, I just work really hard so no one ever has something I want that I don't have. But there's a cost to that. Being a doctor is a tough life. She will have the prestige of the position but will sacrifice having a family while she is young, or she will get the degree and then quit to have a family and live with the guilt of not living up to her "potential." It is a lot to take on. BUT if it is nagging at you, then perhaps it does mean you have given up something you want, and you should reevaluate whether you want to go into nursing instead. I am a firm believer that if you want something enough that you care about not having it, you should just go get it.
Post by DotAndBuzz on May 14, 2013 20:39:51 GMT -5
In general, I wallow and stew for a day or 2. Or 8. But you have to let it go eventually. Consider this:
1) remember that nurses basically run the floors and (with the pharmacists) keep the residents and med students from killing large numbers of patients, and embarrassing themselves in front of attendings, for at least the months of July, August, and September. This also extends to any month that a resident is on a new rotation for the first time.
2) You're going to make a lot more than she is for a while. At least 7 years. During that time, she will be accruing an obscene amount of debt/deferring that debt because she can't afford to make payments due to a salary that is less than yours.
3) Your schedule is going to be better. WAY better. Forever.
4) If you ever want to change fields, it is as simple as applying for a new job. She is tied to hers for the duration of her career unless she wants to repeat the hell that is residency.
5) You'll get a lot more patient face-time. You'll get to know/interact with your patients in a way that she won't. Sometimes that will be good, sometimes bad, but mostly good.
I've been on both sides of this, and experienced the jealousy you're feeling. But ultimately, I feel that me not getting into med school was one of the best failures of my life. Truly. I didn't believe it at the time, but seeing what I was able to do (both in terms of schooling and the difference I made in patient's lives) in the time that H was still training and had zero autonomy, yeah. That was a failure win for sure.
That said, if you are still feeling this way 5 years from now, don't hesitate to look into nurse practitioner programs or even med school if it is still in the back of your mind. I totally understand how nursing school can feel like a "back up plan" in comparison to med school. But do know that it has huge benefits and rewards of its own. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help. PM/page/whatever.
In general, I wallow and stew for a day or 2. Or 8. But you have to let it go eventually. Consider this:
1) remember that nurses basically run the floors and (with the pharmacists) keep the residents and med students from killing large numbers of patients, and embarrassing themselves in front of attendings, for at least the months of July, August, and September. This also extends to any month that a resident is on a new rotation for the first time.
2) You're going to make a lot more than she is for a while. At least 7 years. During that time, she will be accruing an obscene amount of debt/deferring that debt because she can't afford to make payments due to a salary that is less than yours.
3) Your schedule is going to be better. WAY better. Forever.
4) If you ever want to change fields, it is as simple as applying for a new job. She is tied to hers for the duration of her career unless she wants to repeat the hell that is residency.
5) You'll get a lot more patient face-time. You'll get to know/interact with your patients in a way that she won't. Sometimes that will be good, sometimes bad, but mostly good.
I've been on both sides of this, and experienced the jealousy you're feeling. But ultimately, I feel that me not getting into med school was one of the best failures of my life. Truly. I didn't believe it at the time, but seeing what I was able to do (both in terms of schooling and the difference I made in patient's lives) in the time that H was still training and had zero autonomy, yeah. That was a failure win for sure.
That said, if you are still feeling this way 5 years from now, don't hesitate to look into nurse practitioner programs or even med school if it is still in the back of your mind. I totally understand how nursing school can feel like a "back up plan" in comparison to med school. But do know that it has huge benefits and rewards of its own. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help. PM/page/whatever.
This is really awesome advice, thank you!! I honestly think I will love nursing, and do not believe it's a back up plan. I guess it's just hard to realize you're giving up (at least for now) a dream you've had for a while and pursuing something different. I'm already feeling waaaay more non-chalant about the whole thing, so I think I'll be okay.
Again, thanks! And I'm sure I'll have questions once I start getting registered for/starting classes in Sept.
First, congratulations on getting into your first choice school!
I do get jealous from time to time, but it helps me to remember that there's not a limited supply of success in the world. Just because my friend has a success, that doesn't mean I can't have one too. It's actually great to be surrounded by successful friends; their presence pushes you to do your best.
Also, I am happy with who I am. I am definitely NOT as smart/talented/cool as some as my friends, not by a long shot. That's okay. I don't need to be the best, or even above average. I do need to feel that I can make my own decisions, that I am free to pursue the things that will make me happy, and that I am loved. I have all this, so that's all that really matters.
It's okay to be jealous. Own it. And then celebrate your strengths.
Getting into medical school is the easiest part. Either the first few years of classes will kick her ass or the sleepless rotations and residency will. And they will be hell on her skin. You, on the other hand, will have a life and keep your looks :-)
I won't deny that I still experience jealousE. Sometimes in a big way. Sometimes the bitch in me feels a little better when I find something about that person that doesn't make me feel jealous, and then I try and focus on that instead (sorry if that sounds bad! Sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do to cope, dammit!).
But usually, I try to remember that good and bad things ebb and flow in people's lives. It's taken me a long time to figure this out, but I've seen it time and time again.
:rambly story: A few years ago a semi-acquaintance (more like old HS acquaintance who I would never have heard from again if not for FB) of mine was living the "fab" life. She was filthy - no, disgustingly rich.... living in a real mansion, going on lavish vacations and writing about it like it was no big deal. She would even say things like "Yes, I love black tie galas, lavish vacations, massages, designer shoes, diamonds, expensive watches, 5 star hotels/restaurants, and flying first class. However, I am not a snob." followed by things like "look, I cut coupons too," or "I can work a 60 hour work week! Really!" I was jealousE!!! I want wealth. And I wanted her shoes and her clothes, for sure. And her freaking flawless body, ugh. And the means to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. But.... she married a man 25 years older than her to get that lifestyle.... and ended up divorcing him (pretty sure she hadn't married him for love!).... her family temporarily disowned her when she dated him because she was compromising her own morals and they weren't standing for it, her intentions were always pretty apparent to her x-h's friends and family and they treated her as such.... and it was just a mess. She has a lot - LOT more problems than I will ever know so for as much as I am/was jealousE of the lifestyle she temporarily had, and maybe even the comfortable life she still manages to have with alimony(?), I'm not at all jealous of her issues, both family and mental. She has started posting about going to these wild and crazy "raves" (mind you, we're in our 30's!) and doing some weird sh!t lately. I can't tell if this is her officially losing it, or if she's trying to convince the FB world she's "having a blast" or what... but yeah, not jealous of that anymore!
I get jealous of my friends in good marriages with kids and houses - what I really want. I'm going through a divorce, childless and turning 30 in a little over a month. It's been hard. But the other day I was having a heart to heart with my BFF and told her my feelings, and she told me that she is jealous of me. Getting to go out and do what I want, having more time to travel, no responsibilities outside of basics like work and bills, and the fact that I am going to grad school. She loves her H and her kid, but she misses the freedom sometimes too. It put things in perspective for me - yes, I still want those things, but what I have is enviable to others too.
I bet your friend is envious of things in your life too. Sometimes perspective and realizing what you do have is kind of amazing and freeing.