Post by studytime45 on May 14, 2013 9:58:11 GMT -5
My old housemate/'friend' got into 4 medical schools this morning. Four fucking schools in Canada. Medical school used to be my dream until I realized nursing is more my style. But I can't help but feel like she's better than me, and I'm SO jealous.
I wonder if it's because I'm young? Is this an age thing? I feel like I can't control this emotion, like it's just eating me up. I congratulated her and am appropriately excited around her, so I'm not a total douche, but inside I want to bawl.
Ugh. How do I deal with this? You guys are going to say 'suck it up, sweetheart', right? haha
P.S. I got into my first choice nursing school in March/April, so it's not like I don't have a future. I'm an asshole.
It may be an age thing. I remember feeling envious of people in the past, but don't really feel that way now. I'm happy with my choices and where I am now. I can't really recall being jealous of anyone in a long time. Mostly because, I usually realize that while it may appear that someone has more/better/etc., usually there are burdens/hardships/issues that come with it that I may not even know about.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on May 14, 2013 10:06:51 GMT -5
Well, you say yourself that nursing is "more your style." So it's not your dream anymore. Focus on that! Med school is long! And expensive! And nurses are awesome.
Congratulate your friend, though, because that's her dream, and that's cool.
I am not much older than you, I think, and I do struggle with jealousy sometimes. Friends who are my age and kid-free, loaded with $$ from parents, partying, going to med school, law school... I feel shitty about myself. But you (and I) have to remind yourself of all that you've accomplished. And once you get into nursing, you'll see... nurses are the ones who actually run the show!
You're not an asshole. You're normal. Besides, you're probably a better nurse than she will ever be a doctor.
My SIL, whom I dislike, is pregnant. I'm jealous because we've been trying for a year and a half. I allowed myself a set amount of time to have all the ugly thoughts I could muster. Then I focused all the stuff in my life that I *do* have and that helped a little. Then I had one (or a thousand) of these:
I still get jealous of my grad school friends who are living the glamorous international travel life that I once aspired to. It doesn't eat me up or make me cry, but there are pangs from FB sometimes.
You'll get over it. Just feel the feels right now, but be nice, which it sounds like you are.
And if you DON'T get over it......maybe you should rethink going to medical school after all.
Yup, I'm being nice. I mean, I'm don't hate her for getting in. She's still an okay gal.
I'm pretty certain I'll get over it. But you're right - if I don't, maybe medical school is more important to me than I currently believe.
I try to remember that everyone has specific situations that may be right for them, but not me/others - and vice versa. And that there may be a lot of worries, costs, doubts, or unhappiness that I'm not privy to (not that I want people to suffer, but I'm just pointing out that someone who seems happy might not actually be happy).
I also try to let things go if I can't control them. If something in my own life is making me unhappy, then I can try my best to change it or develop a different outlook. If I can't control it, then there's nothing I can do about it and worrying won't make it any better and it'll only hurt me in the long run, so I do my best to try and let it go. Some days it works better than others.
I'm normally an even-keeled type of person and that's just always been my personality. MH is much more of a worrier and he gets more upset over what other people have vs. what we have - his family had a lot of major problems packed into a few short years when he was younger, and so he gets very worked up about money and security and the thought of other people seemingly getting things handed to them while he's working hard and not getting as much. Us doing OK for ourselves suddenly turns into us being dirt-poor in his eyes when he sees his friends with lots of stuff and a seemingly worry-free life. I try to remind him that they're getting those things by taking on debt, or because they're working a ton of overtime and not having time to relax or be with friends. An example is that we have a major home repair coming up and we're putting aside a lot of money to pay for that - so while he's upset that we don't have much fun money, I'm reminding him that we've got very little debt and we're avoiding additional debt by socking away the cash to pay for the repair.
He suddenly seemed to get it when I used the phrase, "The grass seems greener on the other side because there's more manure over there."
Post by pursemeatballs on May 14, 2013 10:38:44 GMT -5
I hate that feeling. I think that some people are better at making themselves look good on paper and selling themselves. Unfortunately, it's not easy for employers to see work ethic and genuine talent through resumes and interviews. To get over jealousy, I try to remember that I'm happy with my life and other opportunities will arise. What's that Theo Roosevelt quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
My brother has an extraordinary life. It would be impossible not to be jealous, so I allow myself to be jealous because that is a natural feeling.
However, I am also incredibly and genuinely happy for him. Are you not at all happy for your friend? I don't know. Perhaps this is hard for me to understand because I love my brother so much, and I can't imagine NOT wanting for him to be successful. It is great that he has all that he has.
If you can't muster up some happiness for your friend's good fortune, then, yes, I do think you're an asshole.
At the very least, you're not a super friend if that feeling doesn't trump the jealousy.
My brother has an extraordinary life. It would be impossible not to be jealous, so I allow myself to be jealous because that is a natural feeling.
However, I am also incredibly and genuinely happy for him. Are you not at all happy for your friend? I don't know. Perhaps this is hard for me to understand because I love my brother so much, and I can't imagine NOT wanting for him to be successful. It is great that he has all that he has.
If you can't muster up some happiness for your friend's good fortune, then, yes, I do think you're an asshole.
At the very least, you're not a super friend if that feeling doesn't trump the jealousy.
You're right, we are not super good friends. But I AM happy for her, and I said in the OP that I congratulated her genuinely etc...
I think it is mostly an age thing. I haven't been seriously jealous of anyone in a long time, probably because I am genuinely happy with my life. Of course I occasionally get jealous in the moment of a friend's amazing trip or new kitchen or whatever but #1. I can have those things too if I plan for them and #2. it's not like I would ever want to switch lives with them if I had the chance so the feeling goes away after a while. I think that's pretty normal.
It may be an age thing. I remember feeling envious of people in the past, but don't really feel that way now. I'm happy with my choices and where I am now. I can't really recall being jealous of anyone in a long time. Mostly because, I usually realize that while it may appear that someone has more/better/etc., usually there are burdens/hardships/issues that come with it that I may not even know about.
This is me. Between 35 and 40 I started accepting myself for who I am and the choices I've made. Which is pretty awesome because I was SO hard on myself when I was younger.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by lissaholly on May 14, 2013 17:44:18 GMT -5
I think it is an age thing a little. I think as we grow up we let go of the different people we were going to be and as a result, we get jealous of the people who are being the version of us we thought we would be. One of my oldest friends is just so accomplished, literally trying to cure cancer while getting her PHD and now moving onto becoming an oncological surgeon. Plus she runs marathons and has a boyfriend who stands to inherit a lot of money. I just can't get jealous of her though because her life is just so removed from mine.