my teen is pregnant and so am I...

[sake]

So on the episode I'm watching, the 14 year old pregnant girl stated that she was worried that they wouldn't let her bring her baby home, b/c she had nothing for him, and the mom said that she hadn't gotten her anything for him b/c she didn't want her to feel like it was ok to be pregnant at 14. 

I feel so conflicted about this for some reason... I agree that a 14 year old being pregnant is not something that I would want to celebrate, but obviously the little girl feels nervous and un prepared to bring a baby home, and probably nervous and unprepared to  be a mom at all... so I sort of feel like her mom should do SOMETHING to help her feel more prepared.... and a little more at ease....

What are your opinions?

[orangeblossom]

I think the mother is doing the best that she can. Her daughter has completely shut down and won't let her in. Sure, she should be could have done more to get ready, but she just had her own baby and has many other children to tend to.

I go between feeling sorry for the girl and wanting to knocking some sense into her. I get that teens are moody, but here's where she's wrong. She would be telling me more about the child's father, because those parent's need to be helping out as well. If he's an adult, well then he needs to go to jail for statutory rape.

She wants to be grown and is not. She has too much of the "mind your own business/it's not your business" attitude towards her mother. Um no, you better get it together.

I don't agree with lording it over a teen's head that yes, they made a mistake, but I'm not making it easy either, especially with that kind of attitude. I would allow a teen to still have some fun and give them a break, because every mother needs a break every now and again, regardless of age.

I find it hypocritical when people fall over themselves to help a new mother out with offers of food, babysitting, etc, but then a teen mother who is already not ready for motherhood and the stress doesn't get that. If a mature mother struggles emotionally/physically with a new child, what do we think happens to teenagers who are emotionally/physically immature with a new child and don't know how to cope.

That said, there's a happy medium and you can give too much help and the teenage parents don't learn and soon there is another child. I've seen that time and time again. 20% of teenage pregnancies are to second-time teenage mothers.

[missbella]

I get it. I remember when I was young, like 12, one of the girls at church got pregnant at 16 and they had a baby shower for her. My mom wasn't thrilled about going because it seemed kind of improper to celebrate so elaborately but we went because she said it is not fair to punish the baby because he didn't do anything wrong.

I think if my daughter got pregnant as a teenager and was going to keep the baby, we probably wouldn't have a shower and I would buy/ help her get the necessary items. Only the stuff that was absolutely necessary and probably from craigslist or thrift stores etc. I don't think it's right to not help her at all because at 14 she probably doesn't have the means to prepare herself. I would definitely make her and the father of the baby do as much as they could though.

[sake]

I completely agree that she should tell her mom who the father is, she said he is 17, so it's not like he would go to jail. But she needs to tell.

I also agree that the mom of the teen is doing the best she can, and she's basically a single mom herself, b/c she has a boyfriend/baby's daddy, but he doesn't even live with her, and he's the father to the toddler too, so this isn't a NEW thing... I feel bad for both the moms in this situation. Obviously the teen doesn't have the greatest roll model of how parenting should look.

I just feel a little bit bad for the teen mom b/c shes clearly scared, REALLY young, and TOTALLY unprepared. WHY WHY WHY WHY THE FUCK didn't anyone suggest adoption for her is BEYOND my realm of understanding.

[rex]

The baby needs a place to sleep FFS. Just get it a damn crib.

I get not agreeing with what happened, but the baby is coming. And the girl is 14 and terrified. She needs her mother.

[joenali]

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

[livinitup]

That's the thing about having a minor child bringing home an infant. Either you prohibit the infant from coming home with your 14 year old, or you make provisions for his/her care. It's absurd to allow the baby into your home and then do nothing to prepare for his/her care because you're pissed at your 14 year old, the mother.

What's the grandmom's end game? Adoption? Crappy upbringing?

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:08:33 GMT -5 joenali said:

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

I would NOT be forcing my daughter to get an abortion. If she decided that she wanted one, i would support her, but forcing her to get one, would potentially irreparably damage our relationship forever. 
I would DEFINITELY suggest adoption for the baby, and support her in that decision, and picking a family for the baby, etc.  

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:12:18 GMT -5 sake said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:08:33 GMT -5 joenali said:

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

I would NOT be forcing my daughter to get an abortion. If she decided that she wanted one, i would support her, but forcing her to get one, would potentially irreparably damage our relationship forever. 
I would DEFINITELY suggest adoption for the baby, and support her in that decision, and picking a family for the baby, etc.  

I'm her hypothetical mother. There is nothing wrong with making a decision for my own spawn. A baby would damage her for a long time. Abortion: you go in have the procedure and carry on with your life. I would also make sure she was armed with BCP.

Flame away!!!

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:16:45 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:12:18 GMT -5 sake said:

I would NOT be forcing my daughter to get an abortion. If she decided that she wanted one, i would support her, but forcing her to get one, would potentially irreparably damage our relationship forever. 
I would DEFINITELY suggest adoption for the baby, and support her in that decision, and picking a family for the baby, etc.  

I'm her hypothetical mother. There is nothing wrong with making a decision for my own spawn. A baby would damage her for a long time. Abortion: you go in have the procedure and carry on with your life. I would also make sure she was armed with BCP.

Flame away!!!

Yeah there are a lot of decisions I will make for my child, but deciding they will get an abortion is NOT one of them, especially when there are other options. 
I'm not going to waste my time flaming you, b/c obviously we agree on very few things... so your opinion is yours and mine is mine. 
You can do what you think is best for your child, and I will do what I think is best for mine

[Deleted]

Oh is that why the social worker asked us if we had a crib and stuff? I thought she was just making conversation. Lol. What channel is this show on?

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:21:07 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Oh is that why the social worker asked us if we had a crib and stuff? I thought she was just making conversation. Lol. What channel is this show on?

Tlc

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:21:07 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Oh is that why the social worker asked us if we had a crib and stuff? I thought she was just making conversation. Lol. What channel is this show on?

its on tlc

[TrickyBob]

Jun 26, 2013 19:16:45 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:12:18 GMT -5 sake said:

I would NOT be forcing my daughter to get an abortion. If she decided that she wanted one, i would support her, but forcing her to get one, would potentially irreparably damage our relationship forever. 
I would DEFINITELY suggest adoption for the baby, and support her in that decision, and picking a family for the baby, etc.  

I'm her hypothetical mother. There is nothing wrong with making a decision for my own spawn. A baby would damage her for a long time. Abortion: you go in have the procedure and carry on with your life. I would also make sure she was armed with BCP.

Flame away!!!

You act like an abortion is no biggie and she'd never regret or feel pain in that and that she'd just go on carrying on with her life as though nothing has happened. 

[marissa]

Jun 26, 2013 19:08:33 GMT -5 joenali said:

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

Your thought process is the reason why many kids hide their pregnancies. I was a pregnant 18 year old year old scared kid and my mom drilled into me that she'd force me to have an abortion. I didn't tell anyone until I knew it was "safe". I had my son in October told everyone in late July.

[sake]

Tiffini is SO supportive of Chae. 

I don't know if I could be THAT supportive of a teen pregnancy, but I think it's nice that Chae has someone to support her and baby London. 

*Austin is a DOUCH BAG

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:28:30 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:16:45 GMT -5 joenali said:

I'm her hypothetical mother. There is nothing wrong with making a decision for my own spawn. A baby would damage her for a long time. Abortion: you go in have the procedure and carry on with your life. I would also make sure she was armed with BCP.

Flame away!!!

You act like an abortion is no biggie and she'd never regret or feel pain in that and that she'd just go on carrying on with her life as though nothing has happened. 

THANK YOUUUUU. This is EXACTLY what I was thinking, but i was trying to stay cool, bc i didn't know how to say it without being crazy. Abortion is a BIG deal. It's not like the mom will never have regrets about doing it, even if she makes the choice. FORCING someone to kill their child, even if it is in utero is completely fucking crazy in my mind. 

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:28:54 GMT -5 marissa said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:08:33 GMT -5 joenali said:

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

Your thought process is the reason why many kids hide their pregnancies. I was a pregnant 18 year old year old scared kid and my mom drilled into me that she'd force me to have an abortion. I didn't tell anyone until I knew it was "safe". I had my son in October told everyone in late July.

My thought process would be telling my daughter that an abortion is the best option.

[joenali]

I've had an abortion!

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:32:01 GMT -5 joenali said:

I've had an abortion!

Did someone FORCE you to have one? 

If you have had one, and it was your decision, you would think that you would understand that if someone forced you into that decision that it would cause considerable damage to you emotionally.

[marissa]

Jun 26, 2013 19:31:39 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:28:54 GMT -5 marissa said:

Your thought process is the reason why many kids hide their pregnancies. I was a pregnant 18 year old year old scared kid and my mom drilled into me that she'd force me to have an abortion. I didn't tell anyone until I knew it was "safe". I had my son in October told everyone in late July.

My thought process would be telling my daughter that an abortion is the best option.

Abortion isn't always the best option.

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:33:55 GMT -5 sake said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:32:01 GMT -5 joenali said:

I've had an abortion!

Did someone FORCE you to have one? 

If you have had one, and it was your decision, you would think that you would understand that if someone forced you into that decision that it would cause considerable damage to you emotionally.

I was an adult. 

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:35:37 GMT -5 marissa said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:31:39 GMT -5 joenali said:

My thought process would be telling my daughter that an abortion is the best option.

Abortion isn't always the best option.

Best decision I ever made! And no it wasn't a walk in the park by any means. But yes, I carried on with my life and haven't regretted a thing. 

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:35:41 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:33:55 GMT -5 sake said:

Did someone FORCE you to have one? 

If you have had one, and it was your decision, you would think that you would understand that if someone forced you into that decision that it would cause considerable damage to you emotionally.

I was an adult. 

ok, so no one forced you... you just have a scary thought process about why it would be ok to make your potential daughter have one... 
good to know.

what if the father wanted 100% custody?

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:36:45 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:35:37 GMT -5 marissa said:

Abortion isn't always the best option.

Best decision I ever made! And no it wasn't a walk in the park by any means. But yes, I carried on with my life and haven't regretted a thing. 

and NOT having an abortion (for my unplanned pregnancy) was the best decision I've ever made. So how are you going to make that decision for someone else, when they could have a different thought process than you?

[TrickyBob]

I think there is a huge difference between an adult having an abortion with her own free will and a child having an abortion that they were forced into. A pregnant young teen already is all over the place, but to then force them into it? No. You can give them options, you can give them the upside and down side and prepare them for a long struggle later in life of "did I do the right thing?", you can even make your stance on it well known. But forcing them doesn't allow for them to even process their own thoughts and feelings.

[joenali]

Jun 26, 2013 19:40:34 GMT -5 sake said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:36:45 GMT -5 joenali said:

Best decision I ever made! And no it wasn't a walk in the park by any means. But yes, I carried on with my life and haven't regretted a thing. 

and NOT having an abortion (for my unplanned pregnancy) was the best decision I've ever made. So how are you going to make that decision for someone else, when they could have a different thought process than you?

We're you 14?

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:39:59 GMT -5 freedom said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:31:06 GMT -5 sake said:

THANK YOUUUUU. This is EXACTLY what I was thinking, but i was trying to stay cool, bc i didn't know how to say it without being crazy. Abortion is a BIG deal. It's not like the mom will never have regrets about doing it, even if she makes the choice. FORCING someone to kill their child, even if it is in utero is completely fucking crazy in my mind. 

Oh go fuck yourself for calling abortion killing a child. 

I won't be fucking my self for this one. It's how I feel. I don't hate people who have abortions, b/c it's their choice to make, but I do think of babies, in utero, as children. 

[meganew]

Jun 26, 2013 19:08:33 GMT -5 joenali said:

I would march my daughter to the nearest clinic.

It's not your place, even as a mother, to decide this for your child. No more than its some 65 year old republicans place to tell me what to do with my body.

Consider if you had wanted your child, and someone forced you to terminate it. You still think there would be no regrets?

This is just stupid.

[sake]

Jun 26, 2013 19:41:24 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jun 26, 2013 19:40:34 GMT -5 sake said:

and NOT having an abortion (for my unplanned pregnancy) was the best decision I've ever made. So how are you going to make that decision for someone else, when they could have a different thought process than you?

We're you 14?

no, but no matter what your age is, the only option isn't abortion or keeping the baby. And that isn't anyone else's decision to make for you.