S/O Pregnant Teens: Would you raise your daughter's child?

[expatpumpkin]

In reading the other post, I didn't see anyone say they'd raise the child as its mother...  As in the teen mom would be big sis and grandparents are Mom and Dad.

ETA:  To be clear, the kid would know the truth about who mom is, but you would be the "Mom in charge" and teen mom would, for all intents and purposes, be the big sister.

Would you consider this over abortion/adoption?  Assuming you were financially able, this would address the teenage parenting issue, allow the teen to continue her life, etc.

Thoughts?

Please don't construe this as promoting a pro-life agenda.  That's not the intent at all.  This question is coming from one of Wendy Davis's biggest fans

[sake]

I might consider raising the child, but not as it's mother, as its grandmother.

[luckyval]

No - I love my kid, but if they make the decision to have a kid, then they need to own up to the responsibilities that come with that.

[brooklyn]

If my child wanted to keep the baby, I'd certainly help out as much as I was able, but as it's grandmother, not mother. I think the child deserves to know his/her true family history.

[Deleted]

If my teen was under 16, yes. Otherwise, no.

I can't really explain why I think they should parent if they are older than 16, but that just seems like the age I would expect them to buck up and take care of business herself.

[verypunny]

Probably. My mom offered to raise my oldest when I got pregnant at17. She also strongly encouraged abortion and made me go talk to PP. for some reason she didn't feel so strongly about adoption, she felt that would be very difficult. I'm glad she made me consider all options.

edit: I would not lie to the kid nor would my mom have if I had agreed.

[expatpumpkin]

Jun 28, 2013 8:19:11 GMT -5 @booby said:

what do you mean? lie to the kid and pretend the grandmother is the mother? that's a great way to fuck up the kid, no?

No, not what I meant.  I just ETA'd the OP.

[rosiedozie]

Nope, nope, nope.

If the kid is staying in our lives/home then my hypothetical daughter would have to step up and be he primary parent and caretaker. We would help and support but not take over for her.

[Saint Monica]

I think by default the mom in charge is still the teen mom's mom.

[lolly]

Jun 28, 2013 8:16:20 GMT -5 luckyval said:

No - I love my kid, but if they make the decision to have a kid, then they need to own up to the responsibilities that come with that.

This 100%. I'd help where I could but I would not raise the child. 

[luckyval]

Even with the eta: no

I would be there for support, and to help, but this really is a bootstraps issue for me.

[wambam]

Probably not. I think I would probably encourage adoption and I would support abortion.

[expatpumpkin]

Jun 28, 2013 8:24:28 GMT -5 @booby said:

Jun 28, 2013 8:22:32 GMT -5 Saint Monica said:

I think by default the mom in charge is still the teen mom's mom.

i agree.  i've watched a lot of teen mom and when are the teen moms ever in charge?

What I mean by "mom in charge" is that the child is raised by Grandma Mom, period.  No moving out with the teen mom one day, etc.  

[soozy87]

The mom is the mom, but I would make sure that everyone was taken care of. If my kid is dumb enough to do something like that I don't know that she would be smart enough to take care of a baby.

[Miss Phryne Fisher]

Jun 28, 2013 8:20:15 GMT -5 romymichele said:

Pretty sure that's how Jack Nicholson was raised. He thought he had an older sister. Turned out she was his mother.

Pretty common in his day as well. My grandmother had a brother, turned out he was the son of her cousin, born when the cousin was like 14. I don't think he ever even found out. They grew up like siblings. I think it is absolutely nuts to do it now though. And really keeping a secret like that would be hard these days. Mom would have to pretend to be pregnant and keep it from everyone or else someone is definitely going to let it slip. 

[papie]

Nonononono.  Flame all you want, but I would be VERY VERY convincing and you bet my daughter would abort. 

[pooh8402]

Jun 28, 2013 8:15:45 GMT -5 sake said:

I might consider raising the child, but not as it's mother, as its grandmother.

This. And it's the most common arrangement I see with my teen moms. My daughter and grandchild live in my home, I take care of them, but I'm nana, not mom. And my daughter is expected to continue to go to school and get a job, at least part time, upon HS graduation.

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[verypunny]

I realize I am the exception and not the rule but I ( and my now husband) raised our son from day one. It can happen. We bootstrapped and decided we did it 100 percent or not at all.

[Miss Phryne Fisher]

Oh and no. I would push abortion, then adoption, then my own kid would be working and going to school to contribute what they can. I would help as much as possible but even if my own kid took off and gave me custody, I would still be grandma.

[verypunny]

Jun 28, 2013 8:26:28 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

The mom is the mom, but I would make sure that everyone was taken care of. If my kid is dumb enough to do something like that I don't know that she would be smart enough to take care of a baby.



i don't think this is fair.

[fuckyourcouch]

would i help my kid get on her feet with her baby and in any reasonable way i could? of course. would i do all the work for her? no.

[expatpumpkin]

Jun 28, 2013 8:30:21 GMT -5 @booby said:

Jun 28, 2013 8:26:17 GMT -5 expatpumpkin said:

What I mean by "mom in charge" is that the child is raised by Grandma Mom, period.  No moving out with the teen mom one day, etc.  

i feel that you are getting irrationally defensive to my responses.

Not at all, just clarifying.

[fivechickens]

I don't know how my husband would feel but I would be willing to help out my daughter so that she can finish school and go to college.

We would support her if she chose to put the child up for adoption too but we would not push her to do that.

[rex]

No. I may help her but if she's choosing to have this kid it's time to grow up and learn how to raise it. I am not raising another baby.

I would really hope my kid would choose other options instead of raising the baby though.

[karmasabiotch]

I only have a son but I would be open to raising his child depending on the circumstances. I would rather help him to become a responsible father though and help him when needed.

[CurlyQ284]

Yes, but as a grandmother. I wouldn't lie and say I was the child's mother.

[Captain Serious]

I probably would, but to be honest, I think in many situations (and probably even my own), it's a lot healthier to have the child adopted by a family who really wants a child and would cherish him/her, provided they are committed to an open adoption. As the grandparent, raising a child you never planned for or wanted could lead to resentment and lots of unhealthy dynamics.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I would do my best to help

[DotAndBuzz]

Yes, but definitely as a grandmother. And this might be flameful, but I would be willing to take a very involved role in raising the child to make sure my own kid could get a good education and be able to provide for herself, and the child, longterm. Like, if she wanted to go away to college, I'd let her, and keep the child at home with me if that was her wish. Now, she'd better have a job as well, keep up good grades, and not be out partying it up while she's at school, but if she was taking is seriously, I'd help as much I could.

[Deleted]

Jun 28, 2013 8:24:17 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Even with the eta: no

I would be there for support, and to help, but this really is a bootstraps issue for me.

And I'll agree with this as a boys' mom, too.

If they/she decides to keep the kid I'll help as much as possible but they/she/he would be in charge as parent.

ETA and I would try to discuss options with them as much as possible so they'd see the consequences as much as possible.  But it'd definitely be a harder position being the boy's mom