I would not. I would try to help my daughter any way I could -- she could live with us while completing school, and I would pay for whatever she needed to get on her feet -- but always with the understanding that she would live on her own with her baby as soon as she was an adult and financially able.
would i help my kid get on her feet with her baby and in any reasonable way i could? of course. would i do all the work for her? no.
So much this.
Pro-choice to me means I'd have to accept her decision to keep the baby, even if it was what I strongly disagreed with. But to keep the baby in my household, I would not absolve her of all responsibilities. I actually think if she was inclined to birth the child an open adoption would be best suited for her and the baby. She can still have her life, and the baby has a stable family that has wanted them and has needs to provide for them.
I think it's admirable of grandparents that do it in a healthy manner. I just don't think I'd be willing to "start over" as a parent with an infant at that point in my life.
i agree. i've watched a lot of teen mom and when are the teen moms ever in charge?
What I mean by "mom in charge" is that the child is raised by Grandma Mom, period. No moving out with the teen mom one day, etc.
well I don't think it's fair that the teen mom and child are NEVER allowed to move out. My BILL had a baby when he was 16, with a 16 year old girl. The grandparents helped raise my nephew, but once BIL finished high school, he moved an hour away for college. And the girl stayed at home to go to college. He is a CPA, she is a teacher. They are both remarried with other children now. They have successful lives, and their child lives with them (shared custody) he's 11. It would be weird for him to still love with the grandparents in my opinion
What I mean by "mom in charge" is that the child is raised by Grandma Mom, period. No moving out with the teen mom one day, etc.
well I don't think it's fair that the teen mom and child are NEVER allowed to move out. My BILL had a baby when he was 16, with a 16 year old girl. The grandparents helped raise my nephew, but once BIL finished high school, he moved an hour away for college. And the girl stayed at home to go to college. He is a CPA, she is a teacher. They are both remarried with other children now. They have successful lives, and their child lives with them (shared custody) he's 11. It would be weird for him to still love with the grandparents in my opinion
I think it's a helluva lot weirder to, at 11, have to move away from the people who raised you in order to be shuffled back and forth between what are essentially your glorified brother and sister.
i would do what my mother did when i got pregnant.
she allowed us to live with her for free while i finished school. she helped out by babysitting brae so that i could go to class and work. she helped out with the daily baby-related tasks but on her terms.
it was very clear that this was MY child and she was just grandma. it hasn't done wonderful things for our relationship now, but i truly appreciate everything she did for me.
My gut reaction is 'no way'... but it would depend on the circumstances. If my daughter was a teen, I believe I'd prefer adoption to a loving family. If she was an adult and something happened, it would be a whole different story. I think.
Post by AHappierHour on Jun 28, 2013 9:17:42 GMT -5
Yes I would help my child as much as I could as long as that was because they were finishing school and going to college. After college and have a job they are on their own.
Maybe I wasn't clear. He wasn't raised as a brother or sister. The grandparents just assisted in raising him. He always knew who is mom and dad were. And he has loved with them in their own homes for 6 years now bc they have been out of college for that long
I'd help out within reason, but I'd like to think the responsibilities would fall on the teen mom/dad. I also would not want to start over in 15 years or so.
On a somewhat unrelated note, I was adopted and as a kid, I was convinced that my aunt was really my birth mother, & she'd gotten pregnant too young and my (adoptive) parents had chosen to raise me as their own. I imagined all these scenarios where my aunt would come clean and announce that I was really her daughter and this was all one big family secret and she couldn't hold it in any longer. (FTR, I wasn't completely delusional as a child-my aunt was fantastically glamorous & sophisticated and my parents were just...not).
I wouldn't 100% raise the kid unless the mom had serious issues. Such as mental, drug addiction, jail, etc. Just incapable of raising a child. I would hope my daughter would hold herself responsible. I would assist her when/where she needed it, she would be able to depend on me for help if she wanted. However, she would be the mom and make decisions such as doctors appointments, immunizations, etc. I might give her my opinion on issues, but she would get final say.
Nonononono. Flame all you want, but I would be VERY VERY convincing and you bet my daughter would abort.
not going to flame, but I just see it as once you're pregnant, there are choices to make. and ALL of those possible choices have negative consequences that go along with them.
I get confused when it appears people think that abortion doesn't have the potential to negatively impact lives just as much as the other choices.
DH and I have actually talked about this. We would strongly encourage abortion/adoption but if she chose to keep the baby, she (and hopefully the father) would be the one raising it. We would help her as grandparents but only to the extent we would help her out if she was 30 and having a baby.
This is why we decided to just have two boys. (/TIC)
lol.
funny enough - I feel more nervous about my boys b/c the only choice they have in the matter is if they have sex or not. after that - their lives are in the hands of the mother (and her family's influence). that scares me more.
My knee-jerk response was a "HELL NO" but if my (imaginary) daughter/son had a kid, I would probably step in only if the grandkid was in danger/squalor/or something otherwise bad situation. I had a craptastic childhood and I would not be able to sit by and do nothing if I saw it happening to my grandchild. I'm not sure I'd raise the kid, but if circumstances were bad enough, I might.
This is why we decided to just have two boys. (/TIC)
lol.
funny enough - I feel more nervous about my boys b/c the only choice they have in the matter is if they have sex or not. after that - their lives are in the hands of the mother (and her family's influence). that scares me more.
This is true. If one of my boys dates a girl, gets her pregnant, and then she has some fairy-tale vision of them getting an apartment and making a little family together at 16 (like I feel like all the Teen Mom girls do), then there's not much I can do about it.
This is why we decided to just have two boys. (/TIC)
lol.
funny enough - I feel more nervous about my boys b/c the only choice they have in the matter is if they have sex or not. after that - their lives are in the hands of the mother (and her family's influence). that scares me more.
I know, that stuff is hard.
It's the balance of "You should have a say on if you want to be a parent, too" and "don't be a deadbeat jackass to your kid."
It'd be hard for me to balance my kid's best interests w my female-y "what if I was in her position" thoughts.
I just hope it never happens. Or maybe they'll be gay and I can worry about other things instead of pregnancy. NO GLOVE NO LOVE boys!!!!
I think I'd push for abortion first honestly. After that I'm not sure I'd have a preference between adoption and keeping the baby. I'd provide a place for them to live, an in-law suite type situation probably, but not help out much in the day to day other than financial assuming kid is in school and has a part-time job. Make teen parenthood easier but not easy so that they still have a good shot at college and life. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 but I think abortion is my first choice because even though there is a potential lifelong feeling of regret by the mother (consequence of your actions), there's no chance that the baby will also have a hard life being raised by a teen mom or bad adoption situation.
Nonononono. Flame all you want, but I would be VERY VERY convincing and you bet my daughter would abort.
not going to flame, but I just see it as once you're pregnant, there are choices to make. and ALL of those possible choices have negative consequences that go along with them.
I get confused when it appears people think that abortion doesn't have the potential to negatively impact lives just as much as the other choices.
Well, yes, of course, it will impact her life. But I believe abortion is easier long term. You can move on from it. You can't move on from having a child, the child will always be there.
I don't think a young teen should go through pregnancy and child birth, I think it is too much. And obviously, I don't think a teen should raise a child either, while still beong a child herself.
I would help raise the baby but my child would need to step up and be a parent.
I worked with a girl who got pregnant at like 15 or 16 and her mother adopted the child and would not let her raise him. I find it so odd. The girl now lives in another state than her child. I wouldn't want this for my child.
Your actions have consequences and the child should be held responsible.
HELL no. I'm not raising a kid I didn't even have the fun sex to get.
lol.. obviously you haven't TTC.
We had the most awful sex the other night. So much that we died laughing afterwards. We are too old for this every other day no matter what and sometimes 2-3 days in a row thing, lol.
not going to flame, but I just see it as once you're pregnant, there are choices to make. and ALL of those possible choices have negative consequences that go along with them.
I get confused when it appears people think that abortion doesn't have the potential to negatively impact lives just as much as the other choices.
I am pro-choice, and I agree. I hate thinking about Joanna having to through an abortion when it wasn't something she knew she wanted. I also hate thinking about her going through pregnancy and childbirth and giving a child up for adoption, even if that is what she wanted. AND I hate thinking about her having a baby at 16 and keeping it and how that is going to affect the rest of her life. Ugh.. I hope she just doesn't have sex until she's out of college, lol.
Obviously, all the options are awful.
I'll go with my mom's approach. When I was 16 and my dad asked what was going on with "that boy" (my boyfriend) my mom said "I don't know, but don't worry, she is on birth control". Apparently my dad refused to speak to her for the rest of the day, lol
I wouldn't become the mom but I would do everything necessary to help her finish school and get on her feet. If that means taking on some child care/buying child necessities (diapers/formula/basic clothes) I will. However, I will not be providing full time care and getting up with the child etc, that's her responsibility. Of course I would hope she'd place the child for adoption and will highly encourage that option so they can both have better and easier lives but I would respect whatever choice she makes after talking them through (abortion, adoption, raising the child) and do my best to help her through said decision.
I'll go with my mom's approach. When I was 16 and my dad asked what was going on with "that boy" (my boyfriend) my mom said "I don't know, but don't worry, she is on birth control". Apparently my dad refused to speak to her for the rest of the day, lol
Yeah, but I shudder to think how many teens would approach birth control. I'd have to be on her every night asking "did you take your pill? did you take your pill?" or lay it out by her bed for her in a little cup if I wanted any hope of relaxing about the possibility of pregnancy. lol. Hell, it's hard for adults to take the pill properly.
I was pretty good with it. My main worry would be that they wouldn't use condoms, and get STDs. I did, but it was mostly because it was so ingrained in teenage boys mentalities that they just wrapped one on without asking about BCP. I only stopped using it after a few months with the same boyfriend for who I was the first.
When it comes down to it, I think I would (as the grandmother, not "the mom"). Without making my response a novel, I know a girl who had tremendous support from her family after she got pregnant in hs. She went on to college (and even went away to college) and is very successful in life. She would never be where she is now if her parents hadn't helped her the way they did.
I hope I never have to make a decision like that though. It's never easy for anyone, regardless of the decision made.