Sometimes I think it's okay for people to do things they'd rather not to teach them the importance of committment and family. I think teaching my nephew that his 8 week league schedule is more important than his family is a joke and if anything my sister is throwing my nephew under the bus.
Is a "Proboards is being a dick and won't let me like anything" a close family member to an "app like"?
Sometimes I think it's okay for people to do things they'd rather not to teach them the importance of committment and family. I think teaching my nephew that his 8 week league schedule is more important than his family is a joke and if anything my sister is throwing my nephew under the bus.
Yes, but it looks like this event is clearly not more important to your sister. So why would it be important to your nephew? If it is not a priority for her, it's certainly not a priority for him.
I am definitely of the mindset that family events are very important, and I spend a lot of time and money each year going home to see my family or attend events. But not everyone thinks that way.
Sometimes I think it's okay for people to do things they'd rather not to teach them the importance of committment and family. I think teaching my nephew that his 8 week league schedule is more important than his family is a joke and if anything my sister is throwing my nephew under the bus.
A commitment to a team is just as valid as a commitment to family. Just because your nephew's tournament doesn't seem important to you, doesn't make it unimportant to your sister, your nephew, or your nephew's teammates.
Speckled, oy. I just got back from my family reunion! I have an opinion to offer! I have one sister that does shit like this! It's not like I go around arguing like this in every post. It's something I obviously feel strongly about.
Sometimes I think it's okay for people to do things they'd rather not to teach them the importance of committment and family. I think teaching my nephew that his 8 week league schedule is more important than his family is a joke and if anything my sister is throwing my nephew under the bus.
A commitment to a team is just as valid as a commitment to family. Just because your nephew's tournament doesn't seem important to you, doesn't make it unimportant to your sister, your nephew, or your nephew's teammates.
Agree that playing in a tournament game IS a commitment. Now, it's ok for you to be sad that your sister holds that commitment higher than the reunion, but you don't get to make the choice for her on what her family does. Leave it alone.
A commitment to a team is just as valid as a commitment to family. Just because your nephew's tournament doesn't seem important to you, doesn't make it unimportant to your sister, your nephew, or your nephew's teammates.
It is important but first commitments are just as.
No one is saying they aren't, or that you can't be bummed she isn't coming. But things happen and when you have conflicts one thing always has to give. In this case they are choosing the tournament because it is the right choice for them. Have you never had to sell concert tickets, cancel dinner with friends, or miss a party because of work or school?
You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Does it suck they won't be there? Heck, at this point I don't even know. So much time is being spent talking about how awful she is for not making her kid go and how awful she is for not going that you're actually making me think she's doing you a favor.
Let it go. What is getting upset and being all huffy about this going to get you? Furthermore, what is telling her again how awful she is going to get you? Just a lot more tension and a much worse relationship.
My family is huge and super super close. We still don't all make everything. Is no big deal if one person can't make it. E have enough events. Generally one person can't make each event. It's no big deal. We don't all have to be at every single one. And we are all still close.
So I don't get the concept that ou have to drop everything to make every single even or you won't be close. That's simply not true.
My dad coached our local baseball team (one team and was the All-Star coach and then the school baseball coach). He was strict - no swimming during the season, no one skipped practices, even if injured the kids came and sat on the bench. I am trying to think of it from that perspective, but I think he would have said this is your sister's fault for allowing the reunion to be scheduled during baseball season. My recollection is that we cleared everything during the season and scheduled around it. Your sister obviously didn't, so you can talk lots of shit about her, but there is no way you're going to change her mind so I wouldn't try. But yeah, this is her bad for poor scheduling.
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For those who are pro miss the game, what exceptions count? What about high school sports where they would let the team down? A state play off game? What about tthe school musicalthat they star in? Are there any events you would let a kid attend instead if a family function?
one of my cousins missed our wedding because she had an audition on bRoadway. She and I are super close. I was not only not offended, I would have been pissed at her if she skipped that opportunity. Obviously that isn't the same as a 14 year olds sporting event, but I wonder what thing "count" and what do not.
Post by margotmacomber on Jul 7, 2013 16:07:12 GMT -5
A team is a commitment, even if it's JUST a summer league. I know we aren't talking about HS band, but if you missed an event you dropped a letter grade, just like that. Rules like these are in place for a reason.
Obviously if it were our family reunion, and DD was playing soccer at the Y, I would probably regretfully miss the game. But each family is entitled to decide what is most important to them. If it were the dance recital that she will be in this winter, I'd definitely skip a family obligation. I can't get worked up over this.
I am also on team you already said something, let it go. Maybe this side of the family isn't that important to her? Hopefully you guys can still have a good time anyway.
How far is the reunion from her? Interesting the coach is also the BF, so give up on her and go and have a fabulous time. She's already shut you down with her reply.
i was a middling athlete and i'd never have missed a tournament/major event at the high school level. not only would i have been off the team (teams which, despite my "middle of the road at best . . . never going pro" skills, taught me myriad lessons and helped me to get into college, which i'm sure in turn helped get me into law school, which has set me up for my career), but i wouldn't have wanted to go back on a commitment i had made. while my family perhaps will never be featured on any TLC programming honoring commitment to family above all else, they valued things like follow through and exploration of new skills and being well-rounded, so they got it.
whether YOU value your nephew's ballplaying is irrelevant here. he does. your sister does. at least more than they value attendance at a reunion that you don't even want to go to!
you've said your piece. this isn't your bag, it's your mom's and dad's. lay off.
I'm just glad my family is close enough and supportive enough to back me when I was a kid. They were supportive of the things that were important to me and also made me feel like they understood how important basketball was to me...even though I wasn't going pro.
For those who are pro miss the game, what exceptions count? What about high school sports where they would let the team down? A state play off game? What about tthe school musicalthat they star in? Are there any events you would let a kid attend instead if a family function?
one of my cousins missed our wedding because she had an audition on bRoadway. She and I are super close. I was not only not offended, I would have been pissed at her if she skipped that opportunity. Obviously that isn't the same as a 14 year olds sporting event, but I wonder what thing "count" and what do not.
We had an October wedding and after we set the date my mom pointed out that it might be the same night as my cousin's homecoming dance. I immediately called that cousin and told her that I wanted her to attend her senior homecoming, even if it meant missing the wedding. I'd never want someone to feel compelled to miss something they cared about just to prove how much they care about me. I already know that she loved and supported me, and I wanted to show her that I felt the same way. BTW, this is the daughter of the uncle whose wedding my brother missed.
I really do think we need to know if her schedule was accounted for when it was planned. Did she give an all clear? But this is solely for purposes of judging. Clearly, you should say no more than you already have.
This has not much to do with 11d's OP, but damn, it's really hard for me to understand the whole "my immediate family always comes first" attitude, when it pertains to something like a sports event or whatever (like, obviously, with important shit, my H and kids come first, but cheerleading events do not apply). I will always place a higher importance on my commitment to my family as a whole, which includes my sisters and mom and dad and cousins, than I will our commitment to extra-curriculars. How would families ever get together if their individual members won't/aren't willing to give any of their time to do it? This concept is so foreign to me.
Not every family is close. Not every family needs to drop everything for group events and get-togethers. Different strokes.
And even if the family members ARE close, you know what? Sometimes something comes up that's more important to another family member than it is to you. A close, loving and respectful family, as a group of individuals, knows this. At 14 you can bet a sports tournament is a big effing deal to your nephew. OP's "get your butt to the reunion" comment sure came off to me as condescending at best, and bitchy at worst. It would not make me make my son miss his tournament, it would just be another tick in the "why I'm not close with that sister column," frankly.
A commitment to a team is just as valid as a commitment to family. Just because your nephew's tournament doesn't seem important to you, doesn't make it unimportant to your sister, your nephew, or your nephew's teammates.
It is important but first commitments are just as.
It doesn't sound like she actually ever committed though ... at least the way you originally described it, it sounded like she might have thought there would be a conflict, and now, that's been confirmed, and she gets to prioritize her conflicting schedule as she sees fit.
She is an adult with her own family who made a sound decision for her family. Why can't you respect that? It is a reunion. Not a presidential inauguration.
I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but why can't the kid play in his game and the sister come to the reunion? Especially if the BF is the coach. He can drive him to and from the game, or maybe even one of his friends on the team can take him.
I'd be put out if there was an easy compromise to make the best out of the conflict but someone didn't want to do it (i.e., boyfriend takes nephew, mom and niece go to reunion). I definitely think you have a right to think that was crappy of your sister. It doesn't sound like she'll change though.