Whenever I hear about a child being left in the car, I always wonder how easy it is to do that. I can't imagine not realizing my child was in the car, but I also don't have children.
How easy is it to forget you have a baby or child in the car? I also added a poll to see if anyone has done this...it doesn't mean that your child was harmed, just wondering if you ever forgot a child was in the car and left them in there.
But then, I hardly ever go places alone. I've actually opened the back door to get the baby when he wasn't there, because I'm so used to getting him out.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jul 7, 2013 15:46:00 GMT -5
No, I've never left my kids in the car (on purpose or accidentally). But probably because I'm damned lucky.
How easy is it to forget? Pretty easy. It usually happens when you're doing something that's different from your regular routine. Your spouse usually drives the baby to daycare, but today you have to do it. You have to go somewhere else before you go to daycare/school/work. Think about how many times you've gotten to work or home and realized that you were on auto pilot and dont even remember getting there- that you just drove without thinking about it. I've done it TONS of times. Or, I've even ended up going one place when I was supposed to be going somewhere else because it's where I usually go and I just zoned out and drove.
Imagine that your spouse usually drops the baby off at daycare but today you are doing it and you are late for a meeting. You're thinking about the meeting, running late, and the baby falls asleep in the back seat. You go into auto pilot mode, drive straight to work and grab your bag from the front seat and high-tail it into your office, all while the baby is still asleep in the back seat. IT'S EASY.
No, I've never left my kids in the car (on purpose or accidentally). But probably because I'm damned lucky.
How easy is it to forget? Pretty easy. It usually happens when you're doing something that's different from your regular routine. Your spouse usually drives the baby to daycare, but today you have to do it. You have to go somewhere else before you go to daycare/school/work. Think about how many times you've gotten to work or home and realized that you were on auto pilot and dont even remember getting there- that you just drove without thinking about it. I've done it TONS of times. Or, I've even ended up going one place when I was supposed to be going somewhere else because it's where I usually go and I just zoned out and drove.
Imagine that your spouse usually drops the baby off at daycare but today you are doing it and you are late for a meeting. You're thinking about the meeting, running late, and the baby falls asleep in the back seat. You go into auto pilot mode, drive straight to work and grab your bag from the front seat and high-tail it into your office, all while the baby is still asleep in the back seat. IT'S EASY.
I JUST did this yesterday. I was driving to my parents' house and instead drove to DH's parents' house. That's where I usually go, they are in close proximity, and I was zoning out listening to NPR and DD humming in her car seat. It happens.
Post by 2boys2danes on Jul 7, 2013 15:49:29 GMT -5
One of the worst days of my life was not leaving a child in the car (never forgot them) but I did forget our 11 YO Great Dane Dixie many years ago. I was working from home that day and I let her ride with us to school to drop the boys off and when I got home I jumped out of the car and never looked back. It was a Spring day so it wasnt but maybe 60 degrees out but damn, I felt awful. It was probably for about 4 hours... the lady that cleans our house came in later and saw Dixie and had let her out so imagine my surprise when she and my dog walked in the house! Ugh, that brings back some bad memories... I felt hot-rib-le with a capital H
I imagine it's as easy as accidentally leaving the stove on, or getting home at night and realizing that your flat iron or curling iron has been in all day. I think we've all done stuff like that.
How many times have you found yourself standing in the kitchen with a vitamin or medication bottle in your hand and you can't remember if you just took one or were about to take one? That seems ridiculous, too, but I have done it a number of times.
You just space out sometimes and do things automatically without realizing it.
Post by rupertpenny on Jul 7, 2013 15:51:31 GMT -5
I read the Washington Post article referenced in the other thread a while ago. It was a really good piece and it drives home how this could happen to anyone. Usually it does happen to caring, attentive parents, not neglectful assholes.
My DS rotates between a sitter and DCP and due to a change in schedule, I almost forgot to drop him off last week and drove straight to work. I turned into the parking lot and had a duh moment when i saw him in the rearview. Obvs he is older so I wouldn't have left him in the car unknowingly because he is verbal, but I can definitely see how a changed routine could cause something tragic to happen.
I voted SS because I can absolutely see myself doing this on a morning when I was distracted/out of my routine (which is when these tragedies tend to happen) and a sleep-deprived new parent. Someone linked Gene Weingarten's story about infant car deaths from 2008/2009 in the other post, and I really do heartily recommend that you all read it if you possibly can. I read it back when it first ran (this was before I had kids--I'm really not sure I could re-read it now) and leaving my babies in the car became my #1 biggest fear when I did have kids. The details from that story have haunted me for years, but I do believe that reading it made me a more aware new mom.
Also, I happen to know a family this happened to earlier in the year. The parents in question are some of the best, most responsible people I know. It truly was the kind of horrendous and unthinkable accident that the story describes. Parents in this situation shouldn't be villainized, they should receive nothing but the deepest sympathy for what has happened to their family.
I can't imagine forgetting my kids are in the car. I'm sorry, I just don't understand it. I know this happens and people do not do it intentionally, but I don't fully understand the logistics. I guess maybe if I drove a large SUV with 3 rows of seating and the baby was rear-facing and asleep in the third row, MAYBE, but other than that, hpw do you not physically see/hear the child still sitting there? I don't know. It is a tragedy regardless. I'm not judging, I just don't understand.
I accidentally locked my daughter in the car in my mom's driveway a few weeks ago. It wasn't a hot day, thankfully. Roadside assistance was there in about 15 minutes.
I accidentally locked my daughter in the car in my mom's driveway a few weeks ago. It wasn't a hot day, thankfully. Roadside assistance was there in about 15 minutes.
It sucked.
I have done this! It happened when I got my minivan. DD's were almost 3 and we were leaving McDonalds (FOR SHAME) anyway, my DD who is on the spectrum was having a mighty meltdown and I was trying to strap her in her seat. I somehow managed to press the door lock on the key and she knocked the key out of my hand. I did not realize the key was no longer in my hand until I had already slid the side door closed and tried to get into the driver's seat. I was in a panic! It was FREEZING that day. I was so grateful my H was not in the city and he arrived about 15 minutes later with my spare key.
Maybe my kids are just noisy as fuck. Someone is ALWAYS singing
They never fell asleep in the car, even as a newborn?? EVER?
One does but my DD on the spectrum does not. In hindsight wonder if the motion made/makes it difficult for her to sleep or something. It is a running joke in our family. I actually took her into Manhattan (walking around) for the first time this Thursday to see fireworks and she fell asleep maybe 10 minutes before I got home. It was such an event I took a photo of her in the driveway when I got home.
I drive a van though. It is impossible for me to not see them sitting there. Maybe it is because I have two and one is always visible in the rearview mirror? I don't know. When I drove the Jetta, it was impossible not to see them as well. Maybe people have dark tinted windows or something. How do you get out of the vehicle and not see the child?
It's sadly, not as hard to happen as we want to think. The main reason being that our brains are quite primitive in certain ways, we operate on a check mark system mentally for our daily routine and if we are required to do something differently one day it's super easy for our primitive brain to fuck up the checkmarks. That post article will stay with me forever, reading it changed me.
No, but I feel weird when he's NOT with me, like I possibly left him somewhere because I'm ALWAYS WITH HIM, lol. Non-stop we are together almost all of the time so I fear the opposite. My heart still stops when he's at the IL's and I glance back at his empty carseat like "did I leave him some place???"
I have heard lots of stories of it happening unfortunately. People just go on autopilot and it slips their mind. Or they are in a rush or stressed or something. I feel like I should always put the diaper bag or something in the front to remind me, because I cannot imagine.
I can definitely understand if it's out of your normal routine. It just makes me sad and scared that the truth is it could happen to anyone.
Yes. I think that is why it's so easy to be sure it "couldn't/wouldn't happen to me!" Because the alternative, that it could, it too terrible to deal with.
An awesome mom that I babysat for left her baby in the car. She had 5 kids, but just 3 with her that day. She stopped at the grocery store, the baby was sleeping and the two oldest jumped out and shut the door. She was at the deli and the worker asked her where the baby was. Thank God. It was a hot day (Florida) and she had parked in the shade but the baby was covered in sweat in the 10 minutes she was gone.
I'm terrified of this. I see how it could happen.....you just get on auto pilot and if dropping the kid off isn't part of your routine, you forget to turn off. We start M at a new school tmw, and my H is going to be doing some of the picking up/dropping off. So it won't be a set routine for either of us. We are going to have a check in every morning for both of us to make sure M was dropped off. I literally have nightmares about this :/
Im petrified of this too. I always leave my bag in the backseat. When I get to work I have to get that. I make my husband do the same.
Daycare does call if he's not dropped off by his normal time and I haven't called them.
Also, I constantly find myself looking back at the empty car seat when I am driving, almost to reassure myself he is not back there. I think this stems from the stuff I've read on here.
My 10 month old nephew fell asleep in the car on the way to their house thir morning so my SIL let him sleep in the car with the windows down until they were ready to go (maybe half an hour). It was 90 degrees by 10 am. This makes me feel squicky too and I probably would have said something to her but I didn't hear her say it (my H did and mentioned it to me later).
Post by juliagoulia on Jul 7, 2013 16:57:06 GMT -5
No but I have accidentally left my cell phone on top of my car approximately 1,738,736 times (no idea how it hasn't fallen off- once was for a 20 minute drive!!!) and I have driven past DS's daycare and normally make it 1/4 mile before he says something and I realize where I am and go "CRAAAAP" and have to turn around. I've always been terrified of leaving him in the car though. Thankfully now he is older and never stops yapping so you don't really forget he's with you.
Post by fivechickens on Jul 7, 2013 17:11:30 GMT -5
Sometimes when I go somewhere, for a split, I freak that I left one of the girls in the car or in the shopping cart in cart corral. Luckily I have never done it....I would never forgive myself if I did.
I can see how it would be easy to do especially being sleep deprived, stressed, routine being disurpted, all of the above.
Hell sometimes, when they were younger especially, I will be at home craving a big Mac and think 'i will just run up too McDs and get one' but then I remember I can't because I would have to load all three them in the car.
It is hard getting used to not having the freedom you did before when you have kids and I can see people absentmindedly doing something like this. It could happen to the best of us.
I can't imagine forgetting my kids are in the car. I'm sorry, I just don't understand it. I know this happens and people do not do it intentionally, but I don't fully understand the logistics. I guess maybe if I drove a large SUV with 3 rows of seating and the baby was rear-facing and asleep in the third row, MAYBE, but other than that, hpw do you not physically see/hear the child still sitting there? I don't know. It is a tragedy regardless. I'm not judging, I just don't understand.
All three of my, normally noisy, 2 year olds have been in the car quiet as can be AWAKE so I am guessing its possible with 1 or 2.
I guess I see how someone could be out of their normal routine and forget.
But when I'm out of my normal routine, I'm so focused on being out of my normal routine that I don't see how I could do this. I drop the kids off 4 days a week at daycare, the 5th day H does it. Its been this way for 4 years. I have never ever "forgotten" my kid is in the car. Even if she is asleep. Even when she was an infant. I'm never driving along and think "oh yeah you're in the car with me".
And before I had kids this was one of my biggest fears. I would read about it and think how awful it was (and it is awful!). I even had nightmares of forgetting my kid in the car after DD1 was born.
But honestly now that I have a kid, I cannot feasibly see this ever happening to me. No judgment to someone that this does happen to.
I actually saw a child's grandfather find his grandson in his vehicle on a hot 101 degree day. It was lunch time and he had forgotten to drop him off at the babysitter that morning before he reported to work that am. The toddler later passed. It was absolutely horrific to watch him make the discovery, pick him up, and start screaming for help. All I could do was dial 911. I was still shaking when I went home that night. He was an employee and I was promoted a few months later 1800 miles away. When I left his daughter, the child's mother, was begging the DA not to prosecute. I don't know that came of it (and won't let myself look). It was an absolutely horrible, tragic accident.
Just thinking about it is chilling to me. I won't leave my dogs in the car, even on a cold day now. I always check backseats and babyseats when i walk by other cars in parking lots. It has effected me more than I can articulate.