S/O the sad daycare question (possibly sad)

[luckyval]

Jul 7, 2013 21:24:27 GMT -5 bab said:

The only explaination is that I think I am better than everyone else. Just run with that.

What I think a lot of people are touching on is that this is about more than the logistics of the vehicle, which you've covered. The situational logistics play heavily in these situations

[toepick]

Seriously, read that Washington post article and you will never ever judge again.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2013 19:17:24 GMT -5 bab said:

Jul 7, 2013 19:00:42 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

But by saying "This couldn't happen to me and I dont understand how it happens" (not that you are saying that exact thing) is sort of putting yourself in a category of "better than" somehow.

No.
I will never comprehend why people are not allowed to have differing opinions or questions.

I have not made it my job to study each and every case of a child being left in a car.  I am GENUINELY curious if certain types of vehicles are more commonly involved and what the circumstances are that lead up to this.  Admitting that I can't imagine it happening to me does not equal me saying that I am better than everyone else who it has happened to.  

I wonder if large vehicles, particularly those with third row seating cause a greater risk. I wonder if having darkened windows plays a role because you might not see the child when you exit and a passerby may not notice a child sitting there unattended. I wonder if parents should be told to place baby seats on the passenger side so they will be in view while driving. I don't know.  It seems very difficult to not see a human being in the car with you that is all I was saying.


  
 

I drive a Honda Civic and I did it once when he was a newborn. Thank god it was a cool day and he wasn't out there more than 5 minutes before I realized what I had done. It hasn't happened since but I'm always scared that I'm going to do it again even with him at 2 now.

[hopecounts]

I haven't but I am a obsessive about it and put my purse back there with her because I never go in without it.
It's far to easy to do if its not your usual routine or something interrupts you.

[copperboom]

If I'm alone in the car, I just get out of the car and go. I don't look in the backseat or through the windows.

Also, that article was horrific to read. Those poor kids and parents.

[hopecounts]

Jul 7, 2013 17:54:58 GMT -5 bab said:

Jul 7, 2013 17:06:15 GMT -5 toledo said:

I guess they're just negligent shits.

I never said that.  I just don't understand how a peson would not see a child sitting there.  Why is it not OK to feel this way? 

A lady I babysat for (who worked with my mom) forgot her son he was rear facing and she didn't have a mirror so when she got a call and forgot to turn to the babysitter's she kept driving to work, she was still on the call and walked right in to work.
thank god the sitter called to see if they were coming about 5 minutes later and it was fall so there was no harm done but I can all to easily see how in the midst of the hustle and bustle someone could get distracted and forget the LO is in the back.

[PeonyParty]

I remember reading that article while pregnant I believe and it is haunting.
I am TERRIFIED of this. I am super terrified because I can see myself doing this. My work is actually right on the way to my MIL's (who watches E) and I am always worried my autopilot will kick in and just park right at work. I find small relief in the fact that I park in a garage that shades all sun and is a lot cooler than the outside. I also am thankful that my coworkers would typically say "Hey, you're here early".
But yes, this is one of my worst parental anxieties.

I also sometimes freak that I forgot her somewhere when she's not in the car some days.

[livinitup]

Nope. Haven't done it.

Yes, it's a haunting fear that could/would because I read those articles and saw that Oprah show.

I really just thank g*d it hasn't happened to our family. 

While it makes no sense with my regular routine, I can imagine a bad day, and then I break out into a cold sweat for what-ifs. None of these tragedies where born out of what "normally" happened.

None.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2013 17:07:31 GMT -5 @theycalledherkate said:

I always judged this really severely until I read this article: www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html?sid=ST2009030602446

This section really stuck out to me:

On the day Balfour forgot Bryce in the car, she had been up much of the night, first babysitting for a friend who had to take her dog to an emergency vet clinic, then caring for Bryce, who was cranky with a cold. Because the baby was also tired, he uncharacteristically dozed in the car, so he made no noise. Because Balfour was planning to bring Bryce's usual car seat to the fire station to be professionally installed, Bryce was positioned in a different car seat that day, not behind the passenger but behind the driver, and was thus not visible in the rear-view mirror. Because the family's second car was on loan to a relative, Balfour drove her husband to work that day, meaning the diaper bag was in the back, not on the passenger seat, as usual, where she could see it. Because of a phone conversation with a young relative in trouble, and another with her boss about a crisis at work, Balfour spent most of the trip on her cell, stressed, solving other people's problems. Because the babysitter had a new phone, it didn't yet contain Balfour's office phone number, only her cell number, meaning that when the sitter phoned to wonder why Balfour hadn't dropped Bryce off that morning, it rang unheard in Balfour's pocketbook.


It just shows how this really could happen to anyone.

[VillainV]

That article is haunting. Absolutely haunting. I'm really really glad that we are having this discussion, and that someone posted the link to that article. I don't have kids, but hope to someday (hopefully someday soon) and I can easily see something like this happening.

It's the same mechanism in the brain that causes experienced pilots to forget to put the landing gear down or forget that they are still dumping fuel. Most pilots adopt some kind of habit or checklist to make sure they don't do this, some kind of trigger in their brain to always double-trippe-quadruple check that the wheels are down, or always leave their hand on the fuel dump switch until they turn it off. It's the same memory trick as leaving the diaper bag in the front seat, purse in the back seat, doll on the dash....or of always (always!) doing the "keys, check, phone, check, kid, check" mantra or texting a loved one that the kid is dropped off. It's not silly, it's just how the brain works. We are creatures of habit, and breaks or changes to a routine can wreak havoc on our memory.

I feel so bad for those poor parents. That woman Lyn Balfour in the article sounds a lot like me, like she could easily be me. And that happened in the town I grew up in and went to school in -- I know all of those places she talks about in the article. VERY close to home. I'm so glad that I've read that.

[Jermys]

I forgot Freddie when he was like 3 or 4 months old. I took him with me on a quick trip to Meijer by himself, and in the literal five minutes from our house to the store, he fell asleep. And I completely spaced and just walked right in the store without him. It was 8 or 9 at night and May or June, so it was cool out, and I was only gone for like 15 minutes, and he never woke up, but I nearly threw up when I got back and realized he was in the car. I've never told anyone but H. I'm lucky.

[Deleted]

Newborns can be completely silent. It used to freak me out how easy it would be to forget a sleeping baby back there.

I kept my bag on the floorboards beneath the carseat so I "had" to remember they were there.

[CurlyQ284]

My DS usually falls asleep in his car seat. If he doesn't, he is pretty silent just staring out the window. I am so paranoid about forgetting him. I look in his seat at every red light. DH doesn't typically take him anywhere by himself, if he is in DHs car we are usually all together but if he does I text him a lot to check on DS for this reason. So scary!

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2013 8:19:18 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

Newborns can be completely silent. It used to freak me out how easy it would be to forget a sleeping baby back there.

I kept my bag on the floorboards beneath the carseat so I "had" to remember they were there.

I do this too. With the car keys in it so even if I forget m bag I can't lock the doors which will trigger 'something's off' because I always lock my doors without thinking. 

[mrssandro]

I don't know if this counts or not...

Once on a very coldish day in Texas I took DD to the park. She was having a terrible 2 tantrum when it was time to go home. I was trying to get her in the carseat but she was fighting me all the way and so I accidentally placed my in keys in the front seat so I could get her strapped into the carseat. Of course I was SO stressed out dealing with her I left the keys in the front seat. The door somehow auto locked when I closed it. All the doors locked with my key inside in the front seat. Thank god it was a cold day. I was trying to get her to unlock the door..but she is 2 and she didn't understand. Then I tried calling a locksmith who told me because a kid was involved I had to call the police and that they can't help me. WTF? Then I called my amazing BIL and told him where the spare key is the house. He goes to the house picks up the key and has it to me in less than 10 mins. DD has scared the entire time. (as was I) She never did that again. 

[Deleted]

I think I'm going to start getting in the habit of putting my purse in the backseat. Big hugs to anyone that has had this happen...it's so easy to do.

[angelaa73]

It has always been my biggest fear. It can happen to anyone, if you are sleep deprived, straying from your routine or if the kid is asleep and you just blank out.

My advice. Stick your purse next to your kid. Fat chance you'll. forget that.

[FloFTW]

That article has haunted me for years, and is the reason I put ALL my shit in the backseat so that I check it before I get out. I can totally totally understand how it could happen.

Thanks for everyone that shared their stories. It helps to make it apparent that this can happen to anyone.

[hopecounts]

Jul 8, 2013 11:44:35 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

Sleep deprivation can cause you to do all sorts of shit you wouldn't normally do.

Flameful? We were leaving from E's appt on Friday and I got about a mile down the highway when my oldest informed me I forgot to buckle her in. I pulled over right away and jumped back there to get her buckled.
She said "mommy, I wasn't safe!"
I cried the whole way home.

My heart hurts so much for the parents who leave their kids in the car. I cannot begin to imagine the level of guilt they feel. I still get a paniced feeling when I get into the car at the end of the day and I look in the back seat.

Not flameful. It's one of those things that can unfortunately happen to anyone. Something that routine can become so ingrained that the slightest shift in the routine can cause you to forget a step.
Flameful would be if you didn't stop and buckle her in.

[eb777888]

Jul 8, 2013 11:44:35 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

Sleep deprivation can cause you to do all sorts of shit you wouldn't normally do.

Flameful? We were leaving from E's appt on Friday and I got about a mile down the highway when my oldest informed me I forgot to buckle her in. I pulled over right away and jumped back there to get her buckled.
She said "mommy, I wasn't safe!"
I cried the whole way home.

My heart hurts so much for the parents who leave their kids in the car. I cannot begin to imagine the level of guilt they feel. I still get a paniced feeling when I get into the car at the end of the day and I look in the back seat.

I've done this twice in David's 4.5 years.