I actually saw a child's grandfather find his grandson in his vehicle on a hot 101 degree day. It was lunch time and he had forgotten to drop him off at the babysitter that morning before he reported to work that am. The toddler later passed. It was absolutely horrific to watch him make the discovery, pick him up, and start screaming for help. All I could do was dial 911. I was still shaking when I went home that night. He was an employee and I was promoted a few months later 1800 miles away. When I left his daughter, the child's mother, was begging the DA not to prosecute. I don't know that came of it (and won't let myself look). It was an absolutely horrible, tragic accident.
Just thinking about it is chilling to me. I won't leave my dogs in the car, even on a cold day now. I always check backseats and babyseats when i walk by other cars in parking lots. It has effected me more than I can articulate.
I guess I see how someone could be out of their normal routine and forget.
But when I'm out of my normal routine, I'm so focused on being out of my normal routine that I don't see how I could do this. I drop the kids off 4 days a week at daycare, the 5th day H does it. Its been this way for 4 years. I have never ever "forgotten" my kid is in the car. Even if she is asleep. Even when she was an infant. I'm never driving along and think "oh yeah you're in the car with me".
And before I had kids this was one of my biggest fears. I would read about it and think how awful it was (and it is awful!). I even had nightmares of forgetting my kid in the car after DD1 was born.
But honestly now that I have a kid, I cannot feasibly see this ever happening to me. No judgment to someone that this does happen to.
I must really suck. This happens to me if my kids aren't talking (usually if I only have one of them) now and my kids are (almost 10) and 8 years old. My son startled me a few months ago when he started talking about 10 min. into a drive because I forgot he was back there. I was thinking about a million different things.
I drive a van though. It is impossible for me to not see them sitting there. Maybe it is because I have two and one is always visible in the rearview mirror? I don't know. When I drove the Jetta, it was impossible not to see them as well. Maybe people have dark tinted windows or something. How do you get out of the vehicle and not see the child?
I guess they're just negligent shits.
I never said that. I just don't understand how a peson would not see a child sitting there. Why is it not OK to feel this way?
During that first 6 months of hallucinations and extreme sleep deprivation I can see it happening. I was petrified and paranoid the whole time. I always kept my purse in the back seat with her to help force me to go back there.
A lot of times these tragedies happen when the parent dropping the child off is not the usual parent, or something else disrupts the usual schedule.
I never said that. I just don't understand how a peson would not see a child sitting there. Why is it not OK to feel this way?
A baby in a rear facing convertible car seat might not be readily visible, especially if you don't think to look back there, probably because you don't think you have a reason to look back there.
That Washington post article is amazing. My husband was being a dick about "those people" who would do such a thing and I made him read the article and he later emailed and apologized to me
I never said that. I just don't understand how a peson would not see a child sitting there. Why is it not OK to feel this way?
A baby in a rear facing convertible car seat might not be readily visible, especially if you don't think to look back there, probably because you don't think you have a reason to look back there.
That Washington post article is amazing. My husband was being a dick about "those people" who would do such a thing and I made him read the article and he later emailed and apologized to me
I don't think I could forget about a child being in the car, BUT...I could totally see myself leaving the baby in the car seat on top of the car and driving away. The times I've heard about parents doing that and not noticing it made me feel badly for them because I can be such a knucklehead myself and I can understand how that could happen.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
A baby in a rear facing convertible car seat might not be readily visible, especially if you don't think to look back there, probably because you don't think you have a reason to look back there.
That Washington post article is amazing. My husband was being a dick about "those people" who would do such a thing and I made him read the article and he later emailed and apologized to me
OK
Sorry, wasn't trying to hammer anything home. I actually didn't see all the other replies when I posted it.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jul 7, 2013 18:58:54 GMT -5
I can empathize with the mindset of "I can't imagine ever doing that". It's too horrible to fathom. But when you look at the people who have actually done it, who have forgotten their child in the car, you have to acknowledge that it DOES happen, and it happens to people who probably at some point thought the same thing. Doctors, teachers, scientists, police officers- it's happened to loving, caring, attentive and SMART parents who never imagined they were capable of forgetting their own child in the car. To think that something like this only happens to other people is naive.
No, but I feel weird when he's NOT with me, like I possibly left him somewhere because I'm ALWAYS WITH HIM, lol. Non-stop we are together almost all of the time so I fear the opposite. My heart still stops when he's at the IL's and I glance back at his empty carseat like "did I leave him some place???"
I do this too. Sometimes I will go to the gym without her while my husband is home. I catch myself thinking," Omg I forgot to take her out of the car!! "
This isn't fair. I can honestly say I can't see myself doing this for many reasons, that doesn't mean that I judge.
A two year old just drowned here in shallow water while her parents were four feet away. I'm at the lake right now and reading that story, I could totally see how I could put myself in that position. For instance, I went to the bathroom without telling my friend. She was right there with both kids in the water, but what if she was also distracted and not specifically keeping an eye on my kid? I ran back out mid pee because I panicked.
But by saying "This couldn't happen to me and I dont understand how it happens" (not that you are saying that exact thing) is sort of putting yourself in a category of "better than" somehow.
I can empathize with the mindset of "I can't imagine ever doing that". It's too horrible to fathom. But when you look at the people who have actually done it, who have forgotten their child in the car, you have to acknowledge that it DOES happen, and it happens to people who probably at some point thought the same thing. Doctors, teachers, scientists, police officers- it's happened to loving, caring, attentive and SMART parents who never imagined they were capable of forgetting their own child in the car. To think that something like this only happens to other people is naive.
Yup, and that is why I am getting a little annoyed at some of the "not judging, but *i* would never do this," responses.
I haven't but I can understand how it happens. When you do something over and over and over again you can go on autopilot. I was afraid of this exact scenario when DH started doing daycare drop off last fall. For years he had just gotten in the car and gone straight to work. I actually told our daycare provider to call me if he did not show up at the usual time in the morning. Once he even admitted to driving past daycare only to have DD say, "Are we going a different way today?" I'd like to think he would have eventually turned around and seen a sleeping infant had there been one.
This isn't fair. I can honestly say I can't see myself doing this for many reasons, that doesn't mean that I judge.
A two year old just drowned here in shallow water while her parents were four feet away. I'm at the lake right now and reading that story, I could totally see how I could put myself in that position. For instance, I went to the bathroom without telling my friend. She was right there with both kids in the water, but what if she was also distracted and not specifically keeping an eye on my kid? I ran back out mid pee because I panicked.
But by saying "This couldn't happen to me and I dont understand how it happens" (not that you are saying that exact thing) is sort of putting yourself in a category of "better than" somehow.
No. I will never comprehend why people are not allowed to have differing opinions or questions.
I have not made it my job to study each and every case of a child being left in a car. I am GENUINELY curious if certain types of vehicles are more commonly involved and what the circumstances are that lead up to this. Admitting that I can't imagine it happening to me does not equal me saying that I am better than everyone else who it has happened to.
I wonder if large vehicles, particularly those with third row seating cause a greater risk. I wonder if having darkened windows plays a role because you might not see the child when you exit and a passerby may not notice a child sitting there unattended. I wonder if parents should be told to place baby seats on the passenger side so they will be in view while driving. I don't know. It seems very difficult to not see a human being in the car with you that is all I was saying.
Post by lolobeth802 on Jul 7, 2013 19:42:14 GMT -5
My husband worked with a physician when he was in med school in Mississippi, who left his baby in the car. His wife normally dropped the child off. He took leave after the tragedy and never returned. I'm so embarrassed to admit this, but I once drove right past daycare and into my work parking lot with DS who was 3 at the time. He said "mommy you forgot to take me to daycare haha. I'd like to think had he not spoken up I would have remembered on my own, but I can see how it happens .
A friend of mine forgot. It was right after her DH deployed, her son was a brand new newborn, her dog had just gotten really sick, and she was running a hundred different errands. Baby fell asleep in the back seat so all was quiet in the car, and she was focusing on the errands she had left to do. She said she got around 5 steps from the car before she remembered and wheeled right back around. She freaked out on herself and then made plans to move back to her home town for the duration of the deployment to have extra help. It was just an honest mistake. She's a really, really good mom, she just had too much going on and not enough support.
Not a car, but I locked my kid and the key in a hotel room. Similar situation, I was waiting for DH to come back for R&R. Kid was asleep and I slipped out into the hallway to talk to him on the phone about his flight getting in a little early. Ended the call and realized I'd locked her in and me out. Luckily, the desk clerk remembered me and made me a new key. I slipped back in before she ever woke up.
ETA: I'll add, her story freaked me out enough that when dd was old enough, around 2 maybe, we taught her to say "Don't forget me!!" like it was joke every time we got out of the car. Now she only does it if she sees what she thinks is us walking away without her, but usually we're just getting into the trunk before we get her.
I read that Post article when it came out, and I still cannot describe it in a conversation without tearing up. I felt like it was important to read, but I can never, ever re-read it. It was just too heart-wrenching. When my first child was one month old, there was a well-publicized instance in my area of a grandfather leaving his grandson in the car, and I've never forgotten it.
While I never left a kid in the car, I did leave my infant daughter in my son's preschool classroom. I left the building, got in my car, and was pulling out of my parking spot when I just felt like I was missing something. So, yes, I can easily see how you could forget a child, especially a non-verbal one.
My aunt, who is the greatest mother of all time (not being sarcastic, she really is), forgot my cousin in the car once. She dropped the older one off at daycare and then went to run errands, walked into the store and thought "why does my cart look so empty? What am I forgetting?"
Then she realized it looked empty because my cousins carseat was usually in the basket. She ran outside and found him smiling away. The whole thing only took 5 minutes, but she was so shook up she had to drive home and left her cart in the store.
I think about this every time I get out of my car. It really can happen to anyone. and as terrible as it is to hear about it, the more you do, the more vigilant you are.
I can't imagine forgetting my kids are in the car. I'm sorry, I just don't understand it. I know this happens and people do not do it intentionally, but I don't fully understand the logistics. I guess maybe if I drove a large SUV with 3 rows of seating and the baby was rear-facing and asleep in the third row, MAYBE, but other than that, hpw do you not physically see/hear the child still sitting there? I don't know. It is a tragedy regardless. I'm not judging, I just don't understand.
I'm sure the people this has happened to would have said the same thing......before it did happen to them
Is the bolded the only part you read? I went on to explain exactly what I meant by that.
i drove to the office and didn't remember until i was in the parking garage that i hadn't dropped off my daughter. i think she was 6 months old? anyway, i didn't forget-forget her, i was just on autopilot and it wasn't my usual drop off day. my husband and i have a text at drop off/pick up policy in place because that washington post article came out when i was pregnant and it made me sob for days. and i put my purse back there.
as for the logistics, i don't think it's a matter of what you can or can't physically see, necessarily. it's whether or not you're looking. if you are not thinking to look back there and your silent, rear-facing child is in a non-neon/light up outfit, what's there to trigger you? for me, the day i pulled into my garage, i realized it was earlier than usual, and i would have realized it when i went to get my purse. but otherwise?
Post by CheshireGrin on Jul 7, 2013 20:30:27 GMT -5
I have had moments where I was driving with my dog in the back seat, and all of a sudden he would move or make a noise and it would scare the shit out of me because I'd forgotten he was back there. I could never leave him in the car accidentally because he makes too much of a fuss to get out when I stop, but if it weren't for that, I think it could totally be possible.
I can definitely see how easy it would be to forget a child (or pet), especially if it were a deviation from your normal routine.
I haven't but I once thought if locked her in the car with it running. I stopped at the end of the street to get mail when she was about 18 months old. My automatic door lock was broken so I was in the habit of manually hitting it when I got out. I was sooo scared and she was sound asleep. I ran to my parents house which was literally on the next corner and my step dad flew out the door behind me with a jimmy bar (I'd locked my keys in my previous car many times so he was already ready). Got back to the car and realized the passenger door was still unlocked. She was still sound asleep thank god. Of course then I freaked out that someone could have come along and stolen my car with my baby in it. My step dad was amazingly comforting. I was beyond thankful it worked out and dd now kids me about car locks and locking her in since it has come up in family talks. I cant see forgetting my kid is in the car but I think a lot of it can be different routine or sleep deprivation which luckily I never had with her.
I'm sure the people this has happened to would have said the same thing......before it did happen to them
Is the bolded the only part you read? I went on to explain exactly what I meant by that.
And everyone else is explaining how it can happen. Without tinted windows or a third row. It has nothing to do with having a different opinion. You make it seem like this is above you. Like you are so cautious that it could never happen to you, not like the people it has happened to.
Being a twin mom myself, I can maybe see how its a little harder to do. But still doable. One day, I just had Jack with me and Henry was with my husband. I wanted some one on one time with him. He was about 7 months old and I took him to Target. He fell asleep in the car and I was thinking of all the things I needed at Target. I remembered he was in the back as I was parking the car and saw my Ergo on the front seat. I had JUST been talking to him telling him how excited I was to be with just him 5 minutes before that as he was crying in the back seat. I was so used to having either both babies or no babies. It scared the crap out of me.
I can't read the Washington Post article anymore times. I always cry. Its awful. I remember reading it before I had kids and thinking that I would always put my purse in the back if I ever had them.
Is the bolded the only part you read? I went on to explain exactly what I meant by that.
And everyone else is explaining how it can happen. Without tinted windows or a third row. It has nothing to do with having a different opinion. You make it seem like this is above you. Like you are so cautious that it could never happen to you, not like the people it has happened to.
Being a twin mom myself, I can maybe see how its a little harder to do. But still doable. One day, I just had Jack with me and Henry was with my husband. I wanted some one on one time with him. He was about 7 months old and I took him to Target. He fell asleep in the car and I was thinking of all the things I needed at Target. I remembered he was in the back as I was parking the car and saw my Ergo on the front seat. I had JUST been talking to him telling him how excited I was to be with just him 5 minutes before that as he was crying in the back seat. I was so used to having either both babies or no babies. It scared the crap out of me.
I can't read the Washington Post article anymore times. I always cry. Its awful. I remember reading it before I had kids and thinking that I would always put my purse in the back if I ever had them.
Yeah OK fryjack. that's exactly what I'm saying. YOU CAUGHT ME!
bab Caught you? Sorry, my intent was not to make you defensive. To me, it seemed like your explanation was more it would never happen to ME, than I can see it happening if the windows were tinted or if my kid slept in the car. I'm sorry if I'm reading it wrong.
And everyone else is explaining how it can happen. Without tinted windows or a third row. It has nothing to do with having a different opinion. You make it seem like this is above you. Like you are so cautious that it could never happen to you, not like the people it has happened to.
Being a twin mom myself, I can maybe see how its a little harder to do. But still doable. One day, I just had Jack with me and Henry was with my husband. I wanted some one on one time with him. He was about 7 months old and I took him to Target. He fell asleep in the car and I was thinking of all the things I needed at Target. I remembered he was in the back as I was parking the car and saw my Ergo on the front seat. I had JUST been talking to him telling him how excited I was to be with just him 5 minutes before that as he was crying in the back seat. I was so used to having either both babies or no babies. It scared the crap out of me.
I can't read the Washington Post article anymore times. I always cry. Its awful. I remember reading it before I had kids and thinking that I would always put my purse in the back if I ever had them.
Yeah OK fryjack. that's exactly what I'm saying. YOU CAUGHT ME!
But what ARE you saying? You've made it clear that you dont believe that this could ever, in any possible way happen to you and that you dont understand how it could happen to anyone. So...how do you explain it? How does it happen? If good, loving parents aren't just truly forgetting, then are they doing it on purpose? Or are you saying that this doesn't happen to good, loving parents? I'm trying to follow your reasoning, and believe me, I dont WANT to believe that I'm capable of letting this happen, but it could happen to me or anyone. There are psychological studies that explain why. Your BRAIN is capable of tricking you into not noticing.
As for they types of cars/windows? It's pretty easy not look in the backseat AT ALL getting out of the car so it wouldn't matter whether it's an SUV with tinted windows or a compact car with no tint. Bag is in the front, grab it, close the door, and walk away towards the front of the car and not past the rear windows.