Do you want your child to go away for college?

[bab]

Lets assume that you have a child who is an A-/B+ student and a gifted athlete.  Would you be upset if that child turned down tuition at a school offering $$$ to be on a sports team?  How about if that child got into their "dream school" then went to orientation weekend and was like, "Nope, I didn't make any friends this weekend, I want to stay home and go to community college with my loser friends from high school."


Would this upset you?  How easily would you give in to this?  Would you make your child attempt the move away or just accept their new desire to stay home. 

Someone I know is going through this. 

[speckledfrog]

Yes. I think it is important that they get out on their own and experience adulthood.

MH did not want to leave home. His parents literally got out a map and drew a circle around their house and told him he had to go to school outside of the circle. Once he got to college he wondered WTF he wanted to stay home for.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2013 16:14:24 GMT -5 bab said:

Lets assume that you have a child who is an A-/B+ student and a gifted athlete.  Would you be upset if that child turned down tuition at a school offering $$$ to be on a sports team?  How about if that child got into their "dream school" then went to orientation weekend and was like, "Nope, I didn't make any friends this weekend, I want to stay home and go to community college with my loser friends from high school."


Would this upset you?  How easily would you give in to this?  Would you make your child attempt the move away or just accept their new desire to stay home. 

Someone I know is going through this. 

I would be livid with the fire of a thousand suns.

But I don't think we can make them do anything at that point can we? Or maybe we can. Lol

[sawyerthedestroyer]

If he's offered a scholarship somewhere he'd better have a DAMN GOOD reason for choosing not to take it.

Not making friends during orientation is not a good enough reason.

ETA: H's parents refused to help him with college unless he went to school out of state because they wanted him to get out of their little town.

[speckledfrog]

Jul 7, 2013 16:16:38 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

Jul 7, 2013 16:14:24 GMT -5 bab said:

Lets assume that you have a child who is an A-/B+ student and a gifted athlete.  Would you be upset if that child turned down tuition at a school offering $$$ to be on a sports team?  How about if that child got into their "dream school" then went to orientation weekend and was like, "Nope, I didn't make any friends this weekend, I want to stay home and go to community college with my loser friends from high school."


Would this upset you?  How easily would you give in to this?  Would you make your child attempt the move away or just accept their new desire to stay home. 

Someone I know is going through this. 

I would be livid with the fire of a thousand suns.

But I don't think we can make them do anything at that point can we? Or maybe we can. Lol

If you pay for their schooling you sure can.  You can also send them out to live on their own. 

[overture]

If my kid turned down free tuition, I hope they're prepared to pay for college on their own.

[rugbywife]

Jul 7, 2013 16:14:24 GMT -5 bab said:

Lets assume that you have a child who is an A-/B+ student and a gifted athlete.  Would you be upset if that child turned down tuition at a school offering $$$ to be on a sports team?  How about if that child got into their "dream school" then went to orientation weekend and was like, "Nope, I didn't make any friends this weekend, I want to stay home and go to community college with my loser friends from high school."


Would this upset you?  How easily would you give in to this?  Would you make your child attempt the move away or just accept their new desire to stay home. 

Someone I know is going through this. 

My example isn't college, I was I. High school, boarding school but I also had no choice, I couldn't go to high school in Saudi.

When I got to my first boarding school, in Italy, I hated it. It took me at least a month to stop crying (I was in the second half of grade 9). But after that it was fine, my homesickness faded.

When I moved to France for grade 10 I went through the same thing, but it didn't last nearly as long, maybe a couple of weeks.

I say tough it out a bit, it takes time to get adjusted, to find friends. But that's me, by the time I went to university I had lived away from my parents for 4 years already and was accustomed to new circumstances. Personally I think it made me very resilient and able to persevere.

[jreeds]

I would be mad. DH would be so, so happy.

[underwaterrhymes]

We would be okay with either. One thing we will encourage is a gap year.

[Deleted]

Not everybody in his/her class was there that weekend.

Don't make a foolish decision based on one weekend.

[joshlyman]

Yes. I did t go away and that is one thing I regret. Doesn't have to be far or anything - but I want them to have the whole college experience, including living on campus.

[underwaterrhymes]

I need to amend my post. We would be okay with either, but he would need to make more of an effort than just one visitation weekend.

[rupertpenny]

Yes, I want them to go away. The college I went to was only 2 hours away from home and honestly it was too close. Almost everyone was in state and went home on weekends to do laundry or get their hair cut and stuff. Everyone also already had friends from high school when they got to college. I had a great college experience, but I think it would be even better if everyone had to try a little bit harder to make new friends and live independently.

Also, this is purely anecdotal and obviously not true for everyone, but most of the people I know who stayed home for college never ended up graduating.

[lola]

If my kid turned down tuition that somebody else was going to pay for, s/he better have a damn good plan for paying on their own. I wouldn't be picking up that expense on my own.

[speckledfrog]

Jul 7, 2013 16:25:35 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

We would be okay with either. One thing we will encourage is a gap year.

Really?  That is something I would highly discourage.  What makes it so appealing to you?

[joshlyman]

Jul 7, 2013 16:26:37 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Not everybody in his/her class was there that weekend.

Don't make a foolish decision based on one weekend.

Also this.

I think that she/he is freaking out about leaving what she knows. Tell him/her to give it at least one semester.

[speckledfrog]

As for what I would do, I would be packing him, forcibly if needed, and his stuff into the car and dragging him to where he needs to go. Going away to college can be scary. But that doesn't mean it's bad.

[isabel]

I went away for college and was pretty miserable the first half of freshman year. I really wanted to go home. I ended up meeting DH toward the end of the year and stayed because of him. Not sure if I would have had I not met him.

That said, college was an amazing time and I love where I went to school. It became home. I think it's worth trying to go away for a year. If it doesn't work out by the summer, then I would be fine with my kid changing his mind. I will encourage our kids to go to school in another state.

[rex]

If the kid is at orientation, that means they are already going there. Suck it up, kid.

Also, I'd be pissed if they turned down free $ for school. And living with me isn't an option. I think the experience of going out on their own is important.

[lilybug]

I would encourage them not to make a decision based solely on their weekend visit. However, I wouldn't push my child go move far away for college unless they wanted to. Honestly, it will probably come down to whatever will necessitate the fewest loans.

I had my heart set on getting as far from Texas as possible. I regret that bigtime. I also wish that my parents had not pushed the traditional 4 year liberal arts college gig so much.

ETA, no matter where my child goes, I would want them to live in a dorm/student apt. Not with me.

[bab]

Jul 7, 2013 16:36:51 GMT -5 rex said:

If the kid is at orientation, that means they are already going there. Suck it up, kid.

Also, I'd be pissed if they turned down free $ for school. And living with me isn't an option. I think the experience of going out on their own is important.

No, they have not paid tuition yet.  She's bowing out and going to community college

[Deleted]

i'd lose my shit if my kid bowed out of her dream school to go to community college based upon some midsummer orientation nonsense. LOSE MY SHIT. and i'd make her go anyway for a full semester before i'd permit her to bow out. i have no idea how i'd make that happen, but damn it all if i'd let one weekend of cold feet ruin my kid's future/derail the plan SHE made.


ETA:  my mom lived at home while she attended college and her ONLY rule for me (well, the only one she told me about) was that i HAD to live on campus wherever it was that i went.

[Deleted]

Heck, my parents even encouraged me to turn down scholarships in state to go out of state. They believe (and I agree) that going away is a good thing.

[Deleted]

This goes beyond turning down a place away from home for a place close to home.

This is the difference between a four-year university and a community college.

It's simply not comparable and is a poor decision.

[rex]

Jul 7, 2013 16:40:56 GMT -5 bab said:

Jul 7, 2013 16:36:51 GMT -5 rex said:

If the kid is at orientation, that means they are already going there. Suck it up, kid.

Also, I'd be pissed if they turned down free $ for school. And living with me isn't an option. I think the experience of going out on their own is important.

No, they have not paid tuition yet.  She's bowing out and going to community college

Yeah fuck that. Stick it out a year. First semester is hard, and one weekend tells you nothing.

[underwaterrhymes]

Jul 7, 2013 16:29:57 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Jul 7, 2013 16:25:35 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

We would be okay with either. One thing we will encourage is a gap year.

Really?  That is something I would highly discourage.  What makes it so appealing to you?

I think a lot of European and Australian teens are better prepared for the world at large and are much more independent than American teens for a number of different reasons including the fact that many of them take a gap year to travel.

I think it would be great for K to take 6 months to a year after graduating high school to travel around the world, volunteer somewhere awesome, take a language immersion class, or take a job in a distant place to gain life experience prior to starting college.

We won't force this on him and plan on showing him as much of the world as we can between now and then, so if he prefers to go to college right away that would be fine too.

And I know it's anecdotal, but I wasn't ready for college right away and performed far better after taking two years off to work full-time before returning. I've also, IMO, gained an outstanding education through the traveling I've done and I wish I'd gotten an earlier start.

[circa1978]

My mother dropped me off at the university I did not want to attend but she felt I should go to with no car, no phone and no money, other than my student charge account, so...

It ended up being the best experience of my life. I don't think I'd replicate her methods but I might feel differently when Henry is 18 and about to pass up a great opportunity.

I would also say that I work at a university and while summer welcome can be a great experience, at ours anyway there is only maybe a 10th of the class there at a time, maybe even less, so it doesn't mean much if you walk away w/o a BFF. He has plenty of time to make friends and I do think Id impress that on him as firmly as possible.

[Deleted]

this so infuriated me, that i was talking about it with my husband. he reminded me that the morning after his mom dropped him off at his college (a truly DREAM college) he showed up at her hotel room and told her he'd changed his mind and wanted to go home. she made him stay and he adored it within a month.

[circa1978]

Oh, and I do think some kids can benefit from a gap year that is spent doing service and traveling. My H really probably needed that to find himself and ended up doing it after his sophomore year at an Ivy League school because the pressure was a little much. He went back and resumed his classes there after a year off and was in a much better place. But I think it should be done for personal development, not to hang out with of friends, or out of fear.

[lime]

This is a terribly poor decision on the student's part.

I was nervous as hell to go away to college at 17, with no car, and well before the days of cell phones. The first week was stressful, but I was fine after that.

Character building and such.