Had a MIL throwdown this weekend. (long)

[deanlicker78]

I've posted before how MIL and FIL treat SD and SS way better than they treat all of our other children.  This weekend was finally the last straw.  Every year on SD's birthday MIL takes her on an hour trip to the city to have lunch and go shopping.  SD is the only grandchild she does this for.  This year she took Viv to a nearby town but made her wait two months after her birthday because it was the first available time that SD could go with.  Viv didn't want SD to go because she wanted to spend the day by herself with Grandma, but it my MIL wouldn't take her unless SD went too.  So SD just had her bday and I assumed that this year Viv would be going along too.  I mentioned this to SD and she was all "Umm, yeah, we're all going."  The morning of I was doing a mud run and was gone.  SD woke up early, shut off the alarm didn't wake up Viv and snuck out of the house not telling anyone goodbye and left without Viv. MIL was in on it, which is why she didn't come inside the house and get SD.  SD called her dad after they were down the road and told him she had left.  Viv was really heartbroken. 

Later in the day, still before I came home, FIL came to take SS to the cemetery with him to do clean up on various family members graves.  Both of my boys wanted to go with and FIL said no, he just wanted SS.  Both boys were crushed.  So I get home and H is wicked pissed that both of his parents managed to disappoint every single one of the kids.  I told him not to say anything because it was just going to cause problems and we couldn't force them to be the grandparents they should be. H insisted he was going to deal with it. 

When MIL dropped SD off, H finally addressed the issue.  MIL lost it.  She essentially blamed me for SS being Bipolar.  She started out with how she doesn't think he's Bipolar she just thinks I pushed for him to go to the Dr. and they HAD to label him as something so they slapped a bipolar label on him and it's my fault.  She thinks he's just being a boy.  However, later on during her rant she accused me of picking on SS when he is a special needs child and he shouldn't be disciplined because he can't help his behavior.  So apparently he doesn't have a mental illness but shouldn't be punished for bad behavior because he....has a mental illness? You can't have it both ways MIL.  She also said she doesn't like me because I treat SD like any one of the other children and that SD is special and deserves special treatment.  That was when I got pissed.  In an unfortunate display of temper I told her to get the fuck out of my house. 

Christmas is going to be super duper fun this year. 

[glassofsyrah]

Oh boy. Your MIL and FIL sound awful. I'm sorry.

[sparkythelawyer]

Dean, by the time you lose your temper, the rest of us have just straight up burned the house down. I have no qualms with how you handled this.

Now, please tell me that SD is getting her ass handed to her for the bullshit she pulled where V was concerned. Because if I had ever tried that in my house growing up, I would still be grounded.

[alare]

Jul 8, 2013 16:00:00 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

  In an unfortunate display of temper I told her to get the fuck out of my house. 

Christmas is going to be super duper fun this year. 

I think that was an appropriate display of temper. Also think your family should go on vacation somewhere for Christmas. When you get back, open the presents. If they're not of equal value, they all go back to GrandmaJerk and GrandpaJerk.

That was pretty shady behavior on SD's part, too.

Hats off to Husband Deanlicker for addressing the issue!

[Deleted]

The fact that you didn't throw them the fuck out of your house shows you have incredible restraint.

[Kit]

That is fucking crazy, I'm sorry.

[mirandahobbes]

This is heartbreaking. I can't stand favoritism amongst kids. I think you handled it like any (good) mother would. (((hugs)))

[deanlicker78]

Jul 8, 2013 16:05:45 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Dean, by the time you lose your temper, the rest of us have just straight up burned the house down. I have no qualms with how you handled this.

Now, please tell me that SD is getting her ass handed to her for the bullshit she pulled where V was concerned. Because if I had ever tried that in my house growing up, I would still be grounded.

H told her he was disappointed in her for doing something so shady to her sister and she was completely unashamed.  She just shrugged her shoulders and walked away.  She leaves in a couple of days to go back to her mom's house so she doesn't really care what we think because she knows she's leaving.  She is detasseling this summer which is why she is going home early.  SS is staying for another 3 weeks.

[lola]

These people would not be invited to my Christmas, if I were you.

Sorry, Deanlicker, families can suck sometimes.

[snickers]

Wow. That is insane.
I also agree that sd should have consequences for what she pulled, that was not ok
Your in-laws are jerks.

[emjacobs]

Jul 8, 2013 16:07:21 GMT -5 alare said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:00:00 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

  In an unfortunate display of temper I told her to get the fuck out of my house. 

Christmas is going to be super duper fun this year. 

I think that was an appropriate display of temper. Also think your family should go on vacation somewhere for Christmas. When you get back, open the presents. If they're not of equal value, they all go back to GrandmaJerk and GrandpaJerk.

That was pretty shady behavior on SD's part, too.

Hats off to Husband Deanlicker for addressing the issue!

Yeah that's pretty shitty and you had every right to tell her to get out of your house in whatever manner you wish to. 

I agree with vacation for Christmas and maybe sometime after several weeks / months go by have a sit down with DH and his parents and let them know "You can't treat ALL of our children, your grandchildren, and us fairly and equally and because of that you will not be allowed to speak or see them until we all think that you can treat them all with the love that they deserve." 

I grew up with a grandmother that very definitely favored my aunts kids, while not the same it sorta is.  We were all super close growing up but it stings when your grandmother calls you by your cousins name or treats them to cooler things than you get. I'm not very close to my grandmother at all anymore, and while that makes me sad and I've tried to have a relationship with her, she doesn't really care.  T's grandmother cares more about me than my own grandmother does

[Jalapeñomel]

What a terrible situation.

I would not involve them in Christmas this year.

[alare]

Jul 8, 2013 16:13:49 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:05:45 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Dean, by the time you lose your temper, the rest of us have just straight up burned the house down. I have no qualms with how you handled this.

Now, please tell me that SD is getting her ass handed to her for the bullshit she pulled where V was concerned. Because if I had ever tried that in my house growing up, I would still be grounded.

H told her he was disappointed in her for doing something so shady to her sister and she was completely unashamed.  She just shrugged her shoulders and walked away.  She leaves in a couple of days to go back to her mom's house so she doesn't really care what we think because she knows she's leaving.  She is detasseling this summer which is why she is going home early.  SS is staying for another 3 weeks.

That is cold. Really hard to put consequences on her when she's not there full time.

But she is detasselling, which is its own form of torture--waking up at 4 am, battling mosquitos, cursing the sun when it shines over the shimmery stalks and burns your flesh. Also, having to eat a crappy bagged lunch.

[Muddled]

It's about time this happened.

And yes, SD lied. She needs to hear about this too.

[sparkythelawyer]

Does the stepkids biomom facilitate any sort of relationship with these grandparents?

[10outof9]

Ugh. That's horrible. It really grinds my gears when parents/grandparents play favorites. I'm so sorry that you and your kiddos have to deal with this.

[alare]

Jul 8, 2013 16:15:31 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:07:21 GMT -5 alare said:

I think that was an appropriate display of temper. Also think your family should go on vacation somewhere for Christmas. When you get back, open the presents. If they're not of equal value, they all go back to GrandmaJerk and GrandpaJerk.

That was pretty shady behavior on SD's part, too.

Hats off to Husband Deanlicker for addressing the issue!

Yeah that's pretty shitty and you had every right to tell her to get out of your house in whatever manner you wish to. 

I agree with vacation for Christmas and maybe sometime after several weeks / months go by have a sit down with DH and his parents and let them know "You can't treat ALL of our children, your grandchildren, and us fairly and equally and because of that you will not be allowed to speak or see them until we all think that you can treat them all with the love that they deserve." 

I grew up with a grandmother that very definitely favored my aunts kids, while not the same it sorta is.  We were all super close growing up but it stings when your grandmother calls you by your cousins name or treats them to cooler things than you get. I'm not very close to my grandmother at all anymore, and while that makes me sad and I've tried to have a relationship with her, she doesn't really care.  T's grandmother cares more about me than my own grandmother does

That is sad. Grandparents are supposed to be the shit, not the shitheads.

[Captain Serious]

Jul 8, 2013 16:00:00 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

She also said she doesn't like me because I treat SD like any one of the other children and that SD is special and deserves special treatment.

What, praytell, is her justification for this?

[ECB]

I wouldn't be spending Christmas with them. I mean... why? Why do they get that access to your kids when they are so horrid?

[deanlicker78]

Jul 8, 2013 16:22:59 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Does the stepkids biomom facilitate any sort of relationship with these grandparents?

No, she and FIL HATE each other. 

[sparkythelawyer]

Jul 8, 2013 16:50:57 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:22:59 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Does the stepkids biomom facilitate any sort of relationship with these grandparents?

No, she and FIL HATE each other. 

Whelp, I'd be limiting Skids access to the gparents when the Skids are in town.
Any chance your husband and his ex are on good enough terms to coparent the crap out of the SD on this one?

[deanlicker78]

Jul 8, 2013 16:29:56 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:00:00 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

She also said she doesn't like me because I treat SD like any one of the other children and that SD is special and deserves special treatment.

What, praytell, is her justification for this?

Because she feels SD is an extraordinary child.  She gets straight A's so therefore she is gifted.  She plays sports so she is the most amazing athlete ever.  MIL describes her as being so beautiful she will have a difficult life because of it. SD is very pretty, but she will not have to struggle through life because of it. She is the same way about my SIL.  My H and his brother are great but SIL is just amazing and outstanding in every way.  It's just how she operates.

[pedanticwench]

LOL that being beautiful makes life difficult for you.

Good for you for telling MIL off.

[deanlicker78]

Jul 8, 2013 16:53:26 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:50:57 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

No, she and FIL HATE each other. 

Whelp, I'd be limiting Skids access to the gparents when the Skids are in town.
Any chance your husband and his ex are on good enough terms to coparent the crap out of the SD on this one?

I don't think her mom would see anything wrong with it.

[sparkythelawyer]

Jul 8, 2013 16:59:34 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:53:26 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Whelp, I'd be limiting Skids access to the gparents when the Skids are in town.
Any chance your husband and his ex are on good enough terms to coparent the crap out of the SD on this one?

I don't think her mom would see anything wrong with it.

Ugh, that's a shame.

I'd seriously be limiting my contact with these fuckwagons.   And my kids contact, all of the kids. 

[bania]

Oh I'd be livid! What a creep! She sounds outrageously immature. Poor Viv

[demofea01]

Yeah there wouldn't be a Thanksgiving or a Christmas with these people if it were my family. And GrandmaAsshole totally deserved being told to gtfo.

[Captain Serious]

Jul 8, 2013 16:55:52 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:29:56 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

What, praytell, is her justification for this?

Because she feels SD is an extraordinary child.  She gets straight A's so therefore she is gifted.  She plays sports so she is the most amazing athlete ever.  MIL describes her as being so beautiful she will have a difficult life because of it. SD is very pretty, but she will not have to struggle through life because of it. She is the same way about my SIL.  My H and his brother are great but SIL is just amazing and outstanding in every way.  It's just how she operates.

Puke.

[WOT?*]

Jul 8, 2013 16:50:57 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

Jul 8, 2013 16:22:59 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Does the stepkids biomom facilitate any sort of relationship with these grandparents?

No, she and FIL HATE each other. 

If that's the case, then it's up to DH and you to limit the SKs interactions with Grandma and Grandpa We-Play-Favorites.  If they have no interaction through mom and they're DH's parents so any access has to be through DH, then cut.the.fuck.off.the.interactions.  Why are they still seeing the grandkids when they're able to treat the youngers this way?  It's on YOU, as the parents, to knock.this.shit.off.  Starting with cutting it off at the roots.  No private visits, all visits supervised, and if they start shit, they need to go then and there until they learn proper grandparent etiquette and any future interaction will take place at a park or a McDonald's with a play area where you can leave forthwith until they show they've learned their lesson, that all their grandchildren are equally special.

[janiejones]

What assholes SD included.