What would you do if you heard a mom

[snickers]

That is heartbreaking

[Gato]

Jul 9, 2013 0:34:32 GMT -5 11d said:

I live in Canada and each report has to be followed up on. So yes, child services would have followed up.

Yes, people are crazy. Clearly. I still don't buy that people just need to avert their eyes. No wonder society gets more and more violent... no one is keeping them accountable. People need to mind their own business a little less. Flame away 'cause I can already feel the flames.

I'd dare someone to hit me... much easier to call the police that way.

Society isn't getting more and more violent.  There have been a million studies to prove this.

Do you actually think people are more violent to their children than they were 50 or 100 years ago?  Adults may not have used curse words as publicly like that back then, but definitely our society has gotten a lot nicer to children. 

I wouldn't have done anything, to be honest.  It might have been made me feel good to say something along the lines of, "Don't take your bad day out on your child."  But I think it's delusional to think you can change what is probably a fucked up life with just a few words.

[juliagoulia]

I wouldn't do anything. There's nothing illegal about being a disgusting asshole. That poor kid

I like the idea about asking if anything is wrong though, but I wouldn't have thought of that because in afraid if I opened my mouth it would go from 0 to screaming banshee instantly.

[sergey]

I don't know, cry? I guess I hope I'd say something snarky yet profound but I've never been in this situation so I can't really say. Hard to know what the best course of action would be but I suppose getting a license plate and reporting the incident to CPS wouldn't hurt; maybe if it happens enough something will come of it.

[Muddled]

I hear this shit all.the.time. I don't see that there is anything I can do. I don't know where they live and, even if I did, CPS has bigger fish to fry. If I were to say something directly to the mom (it usually is a woman), I feel it would only escalate the situation, so I do nothing but tell my husband that maybe we wouldn't be such bad parents after all.

[bittybomb]

these stories make me so sad.

[joenali]

Jul 9, 2013 8:37:07 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

Jul 9, 2013 0:13:17 GMT -5 joenali said:

How would I report to CPS? Other than license plate? I don't know if that would work.

Aren't you a teacher and a mandated reporter? I have taught mandated reporter training in our state and we are told to advise people that they should make a report, even if they don't know names, just with whatever info they have. So, I guess a license plate. It varies from state to state though.

To answer your OP though, I don't know what I would do. If I had DS with me, I probably wouldn't do anything because I wouldn't want to risk confronting the crazy with my DS. If I were alone, IDK, I would like to think that I would at least make a sarcastic comment to her, but I don't really know. That is just awful.

I didn't see any physical abuse happen. Just foul language and a threat.

[blueballoon]

I probably would do nothing. There's some crazies around here I wouldnt want to fight with.

I am loling that society is more violent now then ever though. I'm sure the 1800's were a great time for children.

[Deleted]

Judge her in my mind

[anlo]

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe shoot the mom a glare, but that's it. It would likely just make things worse for the poor kid once they were home.

[TrudyCampbell]

That's awful. I don't think there is much you can do though.

I just saw a nanny at the playground slap a kids hand and say "what the hell is wrong with you!" when he tried to eat an acorn. It made me want to seriously punch her.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2013 10:19:17 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jul 9, 2013 8:37:07 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

Aren't you a teacher and a mandated reporter? I have taught mandated reporter training in our state and we are told to advise people that they should make a report, even if they don't know names, just with whatever info they have. So, I guess a license plate. It varies from state to state though.

To answer your OP though, I don't know what I would do. If I had DS with me, I probably wouldn't do anything because I wouldn't want to risk confronting the crazy with my DS. If I were alone, IDK, I would like to think that I would at least make a sarcastic comment to her, but I don't really know. That is just awful.

I didn't see any physical abuse happen. Just foul language and a threat.

I agree and obviously I do not know the standards in your state, but emotional abuse also falls under the umbrella of "abuse and neglect."

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2013 10:25:56 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I would like to think that I would say something, or do something, that would help that child. I don't know what that could be. 

I remember, distinctly, being at my aunt's house with my dad and stepmom, and they were being really unpleasant to me for some reason. My aunt very gently said something to my dad, about how he should be kinder, or something, and I was horrified, I knew what would happen, and it did. My dad dragged us out of the house, drove us home drunk, and beat me and my brother and sister with a belt for about half an hour after we got home. I did not see my aunt for another 6 years (my mom's sister).

(hug) (hug2)

[anlo]

Jul 9, 2013 10:25:56 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I would like to think that I would say something, or do something, that would help that child. I don't know what that could be. 

I remember, distinctly, being at my aunt's house with my dad and stepmom, and they were being really unpleasant to me for some reason. My aunt very gently said something to my dad, about how he should be kinder, or something, and I was horrified, I knew what would happen, and it did. My dad dragged us out of the house, drove us home drunk, and beat me and my brother and sister with a belt for about half an hour after we got home. I did not see my aunt for another 6 years (my mom's sister).

Ugh, poor little Sue. This is exactly what I'd be afraid would happen.

[juliagoulia]

Jul 9, 2013 10:25:56 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I would like to think that I would say something, or do something, that would help that child. I don't know what that could be. 

I remember, distinctly, being at my aunt's house with my dad and stepmom, and they were being really unpleasant to me for some reason. My aunt very gently said something to my dad, about how he should be kinder, or something, and I was horrified, I knew what would happen, and it did. My dad dragged us out of the house, drove us home drunk, and beat me and my brother and sister with a belt for about half an hour after we got home. I did not see my aunt for another 6 years (my mom's sister).

:-( I'm so sorry, Sue Sue. 

[speckledfrog]

There isn't much you can do. Sadly, you can't solve or fix every situation. Engaging in a confrontation is reckless and will not accomplish anything. CPS in the states is not going to follow up on a mom swearing at her kid.

As far as mandated reporting, I believe it extends only to your professional role. I don't think joenali would have been required to report abuse she saw while at the grocery store. I realize this likely varies by state. I also don't think what she saw necessarily qualifies as abuse. Terrible parenting, for sure.

[speckledfrog]

11d, I understand why you would want to confront the mom, but if you do some searching you will find that it is NOT recommended.

[emsumm]

Jul 9, 2013 0:10:55 GMT -5 11d said:

FUCK NO. Just no. I would totally say something (shocking I know). And I would call CPS. I would put money that if this is how she talks to the kid in public, worse is happening in private.

I'm so sorry you had to see that. It's so heartbreaking.

Yeah, I have a big mouth (surprise!), and I might say something before I stopped myself.  Then again, I would really worry that she'd take it out on the kid.  Fuck, I don't know.  Poor baby. 

[thumper55]

I'm not verbally confrontational, but I'd loiter around and give her dirty looks

[thebamker]

Nothing.

[lime]

I'd do nothing.

Unfortunately, that is probably the best for the child.

My parents would have absolutely taken a stranger's kind (or confrontational) words out on me as a child.

[10nille]

Ever watch John Quinones on Primetime's What Would you Do? They had an episode where a young girl was being verbally abused and the reactions of people on the street.
As much as I would like to kick the woman in the crotch, I'd try pretending to care if she was having a bad day and could I help. Depending on her reaction I'd try to figure out what to do.

This gives me flashbacks from my childhood, too.

[mushmouse]

It's amazing how many people say they'd be so quick to call the police or try have CPS remove the child from their home.  And not one person ever considers trying to help the person who is struggling.  I think it's disgusting to talk to a child that way.  But I also think people who have no desire to be helpful should mind their own god damn business more.

[joenali]

Jul 9, 2013 12:00:17 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

It's amazing how many people say they'd be so quick to call the police or try have CPS remove the child from their home.  And not one person ever considers trying to help the person who is struggling.  I think it's disgusting to talk to a child that way.  But I also think people who have no desire to be helpful should mind their own god damn business more.

Whoa there turbo!!

[Blueper]

I work in a very public place and I am overly exposed to this type of parenting- so when I see a parent show their kid any warmth or compassion I feel an irrational surge of pride and appreciation for that parent.  All that you can really do is give them a  face.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2013 12:02:14 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Jul 9, 2013 12:00:17 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

It's amazing how many people say they'd be so quick to call the police or try have CPS remove the child from their home.  And not one person ever considers trying to help the person who is struggling.  I think it's disgusting to talk to a child that way.  But I also think people who have no desire to be helpful should mind their own god damn business more

which 'struggles' lead a person to refer to a small child as a fucking bitch?

If they were themselves abused? Or in an abusive relationship?

It's certainly no excuse, there is no excuse to talk to a child that way.  But maybe approaching them with concern might garner a better outcome.

[mushmouse]

Jul 9, 2013 12:01:00 GMT -5 joenali said:

Jul 9, 2013 12:00:17 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

It's amazing how many people say they'd be so quick to call the police or try have CPS remove the child from their home.  And not one person ever considers trying to help the person who is struggling.  I think it's disgusting to talk to a child that way.  But I also think people who have no desire to be helpful should mind their own god damn business more.

Whoa there turbo!!

Yeah, I'm sure I'll regret this!  I keep reading this stuff though.  Like the police are coming with lolly pops and pixie dust to make it all better.  Calling the police on someone who runs in for milk and leaves their kid or dog in the car (and I'm not talking about in extreme heat).  Maybe this woman was a total nutjob but I don't ever see anyone offering to do anything but possibly make it worse.

[mushmouse]

Jul 9, 2013 12:04:59 GMT -5 calamity said:

Jul 9, 2013 12:02:14 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

which 'struggles' lead a person to refer to a small child as a fucking bitch?

If they were themselves abused? Or in an abusive relationship?

It's certainly no excuse, there is no excuse to talk to a child that way.  But maybe approaching them with concern might garner a better outcome.

That's all I'm saying.  Maybe she had a hatchet and the crazy eyes.  But if not, how about a simple "they can really drive you to the end of your rope, huh?".  Instead of huffing and puffing and calling the police.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2013 12:06:59 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

Jul 9, 2013 12:01:00 GMT -5 joenali said:

Whoa there turbo!!

Yeah, I'm sure I'll regret this!  I keep reading this stuff though.  Like the police are coming with lolly pops and pixie dust to make it all better.  Calling the police on someone who runs in for milk and leaves their kid or dog in the car (and I'm not talking about in extreme heat).  Maybe this woman was a total nutjob but I don't ever see anyone offering to do anything but possibly make it worse.

I think people feel that if there were consequences for her actions she would think twice before doing it again.  But most likely she would just do it at home and not change her ways.

Honestly, I don't think there is a right answer.  That mom is going to do what she wants

I feel so bad for that little girl.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2013 12:09:00 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

Jul 9, 2013 12:04:59 GMT -5 calamity said:

If they were themselves abused? Or in an abusive relationship?

It's certainly no excuse, there is no excuse to talk to a child that way.  But maybe approaching them with concern might garner a better outcome.

That's all I'm saying.  Maybe she had a hatchet and the crazy eyes.  But if not, how about a simple "they can really drive you to the end of your rope, huh?".  Instead of huffing and puffing and calling the police.

Eh, I mean- isn't that kind of encouraging it?

I was thinking more of "You seem really stressed.  It's hard, I know. But independence is all part of growing up, gotta let 'em fly some time..." And then tell the little girl she's a good kid and call it a day...