I don't think it would be encouraging it. I think something along those lines would diffuse the situation. Something to stop the verbal assault without escalating it. I see that mine is not nearly as good as calamity's but something to start with - "they really push you" and following with stepping and taking a deep breath or whatever.
It's certainly not about being nice to the Mom - it's about helping the child. Because I didn't think the people who would be side eyeing, glaring, and calling CPS would just be trying to make themselves feel better. The point would be to try and do something for the child right?
My mom witnessed a situation like this a few years ago, and asked the mom if everything was ok.
The lady broke down and bawled; she had really, really bad ppd.
My mom sat with the woman in the food court part of the store while she cried, and my mom calmed down the baby. They called the woman's husband and he came to pick them up. She said the lady seemed so lost.
You never know. I don't think I would say anything, but I wish I would.
My mom witnessed a situation like this a few years ago, and asked the mom if everything was ok.
The lady broke down and bawled; she had really, really bad ppd.
My mom sat with the woman in the food court part of the store while she cried, and my mom calmed down the baby. They called the woman's husband and he came to pick them up. She said the lady seemed so lost.
You never know. I don't think I would say anything, but I wish I would.
Post by Overthemoon on Jul 9, 2013 13:16:48 GMT -5
There was a mother being nasty to her little girl at Target last year while I was there without my kids. She caught me looking at her and I said as mildly as I could, "it looks like you are having a hard day." And she started crying. Which was definitely not the response I was expecting. I offered to buy her a coffee at the Starbucks if she wanted to sit down for a minute and relax but she just said no and that they probably should just go home.
I agree that speaking to a child like that is unacceptable but I think when a person is already stressed to the max like that, defusing the situation can be so helpful.
Yeah, I'm sure I'll regret this! I keep reading this stuff though. Like the police are coming with lolly pops and pixie dust to make it all better. Calling the police on someone who runs in for milk and leaves their kid or dog in the car (and I'm not talking about in extreme heat). Maybe this woman was a total nutjob but I don't ever see anyone offering to do anything but possibly make it worse.
You realize that CPS does other things than just yank kids from their home and put them into foster care, right? In most states, they can offer a wide range is services in the home to benefit the family. FFS, no worker would remove kids for what she described.
I've got a mouth on me, so I would probably rush around the aisle and ask "is everything okay over here? Oh, you're talking to a baby. I thought you were fighting with another grown adult. :extreme death glare:" If she wants to come at me, then I wish she would. I'm very mama bear when it comes to small children, and I have a mean streak a mile wide.
Post by cinnamoncox on Jul 9, 2013 14:45:30 GMT -5
I'd likely just give her a dirty look and say hi pretty girl and I'd be all smiling and happy toned toward the toddler. I wouldn't completely call her out because I don't want to get hit by some loser.
When my son was in first grade we lived in a fairly rich section of Boston (we r not rich we just lucked out with a good rent free situation) but due to bussing kids from every corner and section of Boston proper there was a lot of diversity in many senses of the word.
One day I was out waiting for my son and the kindergarten classes got out a little earlier than the older grades so anyway this woman and her daughter come walking out of the school and I could see them talking then as they walked by me I heard her say to her little 5 year old "cuz you're a fucking liar that's why" I was so stunned and honestly I almost puked thinking of how that poor little girl is treated. Another day same school year as we were walkin up the Main Street that the school is on, first there are lots of people also walking home then it gets less crowded as people turn down side streets, etc. there was a fist fight up ahead, fifth grade kids, they were barely fighting mainly pulling on each others jackets and trying to shove each other down. I saw a woman running toward them so I was thinking good she's going to stop it. She was one of the kids mothers and this is how it went down when she got there "punch him in the fucking face" repeated a few times
Post by wildfloweragain on Jul 9, 2013 14:53:53 GMT -5
I was abused, and when my mother would say or do things in public, I wished someone would say something to her. I wanted her to know she was in the wrong and that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I wanted someone to be on my side, even if I got hit more when I got home, because I was going to be hit anyway.
Every situation is different though and that could set someone off.
I'd likely just give her a dirty look and say hi pretty girl and I'd be all smiling and happy toned toward the toddler. I wouldn't completely call her out because I don't want to get hit by some loser.
When my son was in first grade we lived in a fairly rich section of Boston (we r not rich we just lucked out with a good rent free situation) but due to bussing kids from every corner and section of Boston proper there was a lot of diversity in many senses of the word.
One day I was out waiting for my son and the kindergarten classes got out a little earlier than the older grades so anyway this woman and her daughter come walking out of the school and I could see them talking then as they walked by me I heard her say to her little 5 year old "cuz you're a fucking liar that's why" I was so stunned and honestly I almost puked thinking of how that poor little girl is treated. Another day same school year as we were walkin up the Main Street that the school is on, first there are lots of people also walking home then it gets less crowded as people turn down side streets, etc. there was a fist fight up ahead, fifth grade kids, they were barely fighting mainly pulling on each others jackets and trying to shove each other down. I saw a woman running toward them so I was thinking good she's going to stop it. She was one of the kids mothers and this is how it went down when she got there "punch him in the fucking face" repeated a few times
We moved soon after
Damn poors. I bet that kid went into the military, too, to become a baby killer.
I was abused, and when my mother would say or do things in public, I wished someone would say something to her. I wanted her to know she was in the wrong and that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I wanted someone to be on my side, even if I got hit more when I got home, because I was going to be hit anyway.
Every situation is different though and that could set someone off.
I don't think anyone who is truly an abuser would think of it this way though. I know with my Mom, she wouldn't take it as "other people think I'm doing something wrong", she would have taken a comment and turned it into the OTHER person being wrong or me having done something to 'make her look bad' in front of people etc. and then freaked out on me just the same if not worse.
Yeah it's true she never feels like she is in the wrong, even still. But that's what I wished. I would stare at people, wishing they'd do something.
I'd likely just give her a dirty look and say hi pretty girl and I'd be all smiling and happy toned toward the toddler. I wouldn't completely call her out because I don't want to get hit by some loser.
When my son was in first grade we lived in a fairly rich section of Boston (we r not rich we just lucked out with a good rent free situation) but due to bussing kids from every corner and section of Boston proper there was a lot of diversity in many senses of the word.
One day I was out waiting for my son and the kindergarten classes got out a little earlier than the older grades so anyway this woman and her daughter come walking out of the school and I could see them talking then as they walked by me I heard her say to her little 5 year old "cuz you're a fucking liar that's why" I was so stunned and honestly I almost puked thinking of how that poor little girl is treated. Another day same school year as we were walkin up the Main Street that the school is on, first there are lots of people also walking home then it gets less crowded as people turn down side streets, etc. there was a fist fight up ahead, fifth grade kids, they were barely fighting mainly pulling on each others jackets and trying to shove each other down. I saw a woman running toward them so I was thinking good she's going to stop it. She was one of the kids mothers and this is how it went down when she got there "punch him in the fucking face" repeated a few times
We moved soon after
Damn poors. I bet that kid went into the military, too, to become a baby killer.
Pardon me, I specifically said I am not at all even close to rich. I'm far far closer to being poor, so I don't understand your comment about the damn poors I don't think she entered the military, at least not yet anyway. My DS is 14 and she was one yr younger so too young for armed forces. And wtf does killing babies have to do with anything I said? That's crude
I'd likely just give her a dirty look and say hi pretty girl and I'd be all smiling and happy toned toward the toddler. I wouldn't completely call her out because I don't want to get hit by some loser.
When my son was in first grade we lived in a fairly rich section of Boston (we r not rich we just lucked out with a good rent free situation) but due to bussing kids from every corner and section of Boston proper there was a lot of diversity in many senses of the word.
One day I was out waiting for my son and the kindergarten classes got out a little earlier than the older grades so anyway this woman and her daughter come walking out of the school and I could see them talking then as they walked by me I heard her say to her little 5 year old "cuz you're a fucking liar that's why" I was so stunned and honestly I almost puked thinking of how that poor little girl is treated. Another day same school year as we were walkin up the Main Street that the school is on, first there are lots of people also walking home then it gets less crowded as people turn down side streets, etc. there was a fist fight up ahead, fifth grade kids, they were barely fighting mainly pulling on each others jackets and trying to shove each other down. I saw a woman running toward them so I was thinking good she's going to stop it. She was one of the kids mothers and this is how it went down when she got there "punch him in the fucking face" repeated a few times
We moved soon after
I would guess that if these mothers were present at the school, their kids were not getting bussed in and they were actually from your own neighborhood...........
But go ahead and blame "those other people"......
Some were bussed some weren't, clearly, since my son went there and we lived in that section of Boston. And since I can't give specifics. Because it would be too personally identifying, the particular section of Boston I lived in, there were neighborhoods within neighborhoods and it had $1Mil condos overlooking the projects and then the further away u got from a specific landmark the lower the housing cost. So we lived in the same section of the city, we lived in a different "neighborhood" if that makes sense. And again, I'm not even close to rich so I'm not blaming those other people. What other people do u mean anyway? If its the ones I mentioned, 1 calling a 5 yo a fucking liar and the other egging her son on to punch a kid in the fucking face, then ya, I'm blaming those people because they are the ones who did it Jeez
Yeah, I'm sure I'll regret this! I keep reading this stuff though. Like the police are coming with lolly pops and pixie dust to make it all better. Calling the police on someone who runs in for milk and leaves their kid or dog in the car (and I'm not talking about in extreme heat). Maybe this woman was a total nutjob but I don't ever see anyone offering to do anything but possibly make it worse.
I remember when President Reagan laid a wreath at the grave of some SS officers from WWII in Germany, saying that they were as much victims of Hitler as the concentration camp inmates. Elie Wiesel pointed out that he had seen the films, and it was not difficult to determine who the victims were. This popped into my head when you talked about how no one is helping the struggling mother, I can't imagine why.
Edit: I must say, however, that I am biased. And, in looking back, I do have some sympathy for my dad. He was not well equipped to parent. I wouldn't leave a dog alone in his care, but yeah, I get the comments.
I get what you're saying and I was really not thinking 'poor mother', I was only thinking of diffusing the situation. I would not be overcome with sympathy for someone if I heard them talking to their child this way. I would be overcome with the urge to scoop up the child and take them home with me. But if someone actually wanted to help, instead of just get a few licks in, I think that would work better. And I don't think the police or CPS would help at all.
Maybe CPS is better in other areas, but that's not who you would go to for parenting help in NYC and that's the only place I have any kind of knowledge/second hand experience with.
I don't think stepping in is the answer because people like this are jackasses, and you can't reason with jackasses. I would worry, too, that the mom would be all wound up from confrontation and take her anger out on her daughter. I don't know, it's a sucky situation.
I agree with this. As much as I would want to intervene on behalf of the child, there really isn't anything you can legitimately do to help. It's heartbreaking, though.
I was abused, and when my mother would say or do things in public, I wished someone would say something to her. I wanted her to know she was in the wrong and that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I wanted someone to be on my side, even if I got hit more when I got home, because I was going to be hit anyway.
Every situation is different though and that could set someone off.
This. I went through the same thing when I was young with my father.
I would have called CPS, but also because I'm a mandated reporter.
I was abused, and when my mother would say or do things in public, I wished someone would say something to her. I wanted her to know she was in the wrong and that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I wanted someone to be on my side, even if I got hit more when I got home, because I was going to be hit anyway.
Every situation is different though and that could set someone off.
This. I went through the same thing when I was young with my father.
I would have called CPS, but also because I'm a mandated reporter.
I don't get this. I'm a mandated reporter too. So you call and give them the story. "Yeah, she's white, has brown hair, medium build, obnoxious and awful." They would never follow thorough with it. Not enough information.
I also didn't see the slap, but heard a threat and heard the name calling. CPS wouldn't do a thing.
This. I went through the same thing when I was young with my father.
I would have called CPS, but also because I'm a mandated reporter.
I don't get this. I'm a mandated reporter too. So you call and give them the story. "Yeah, she's white, has brown hair, medium build, obnoxious and awful." They would never follow thorough with it. Not enough information.
I also didn't see the slap, but heard a threat and heard the name calling. CPS wouldn't do a thing.
Sadly, you're right. I feel like I'd call for my own peace of mind, since I could see myself saying and indulging in really depressing "what-if's."
If they were themselves abused? Or in an abusive relationship?
It's certainly no excuse, there is no excuse to talk to a child that way. But maybe approaching them with concern might garner a better outcome.
That's all I'm saying. Maybe she had a hatchet and the crazy eyes. But if not, how about a simple "they can really drive you to the end of your rope, huh?". Instead of huffing and puffing and calling the police.
Yah, I have never witnessed anything as bad as this story, but whenever I see a mom with an evil heathen child in public, I try to say something sympathetic, like "OMG, when my dd was that age she was awful in stores, too!" Or, "girl, I have so been there", or, just, anything to let the mom know she wasn't being judged, that she had sympathy and understanding.
That's awful. I don't think there is much you can do though.
I just saw a nanny at the playground slap a kids hand and say "what the hell is wrong with you!" when he tried to eat an acorn. It made me want to seriously punch her.
Oh man. I would definitely be trying to figure out who this kids parents are. I would most certainly want to know if someone saw my nanny do this