Talk me down please.

[8675309]

poof

[Deleted]

I would reply with "I'm sorry I won't be able to make it that weekend. DS has his birthday then and I'm sure you understand that I can't miss celebrating with him".

She sounds like a nightmare!

[So_Fetch]

Why are you not talking to your brother about the issues? IF you didn't hear back on the attire, you should contact your brother. I would let her know that the b-party weekend doesn't work for you and to have fun. You can help plan and if you feel compelled you can "donate" towards the room to cover your portion of the bride's stay or something.

[karmasabiotch]

She sounds like a peach. Tell her what you can and can't do. Draw the line now and then let her make the next move.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I dunno, I would think your kids birthday is a good excuse not to go.
She sounds annoying.

[fryjack2]

Maybe she will do you a favor and cut you out of the wedding party if you tell her you won't miss your son's birthday for her shower.

[bcv513]

I would be looking for any excuse to get out of that trip, so I wouldn't go and wouldn't think twice about it

[pixelpassion]

Ew...just, ew. It's clear you really don't want to go, and your son's birthday is time better spent than with this demanding shrew.

[8675309]

Aug 7, 2013 14:34:35 GMT -5 So_Fetch said:

Why are you not talking to your brother about the issues? IF you didn't hear back on the attire, you should contact your brother. I would let her know that the b-party weekend doesn't work for you and to have fun. You can help plan and if you feel compelled you can "donate" towards the room to cover your portion of the bride's stay or something.

My brother has heard an earful from me. He just doesnt want to cause waves. The Tommy Bahama outfit was actually his selection and again I was cool with our outfits because we're adults and may wear them again but $300 for kids clothes?

Also to answer another posters question, I sent her SEVERAL alternatives to the kids attire. There is only one other flowergirl and we still have 8 months until the wedding so I didn't drop any balls yet on that.

[sneetch]

I get wanting to have a good relationship with your future SIL, but that doesn't mean she can just push you around and make demands. Decide what you're able to do, and let her know kindly but firmly what your limits are. If she gets upset, that will reflect poorly on her, not you.

[lime]

Aug 7, 2013 14:37:22 GMT -5 namasteak said:

It sounds like it is time to back out as a bridesmaid, this is pretty ridiculous. What does your brother think of all this?

This is where I'm at. 

[8675309]

Aug 7, 2013 14:40:47 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Maybe she will do you a favor and cut you out of the wedding party if you tell her you won't miss your son's birthday for her shower.

You know what's funny about this. She had the nerve to call my mom and complain that "her bridesmaids were being difficult about the dates." My mother KNEW that was a horrible weekend and stood up for me thank god.

[idoinjuly]

I would not miss my kid's birthday or reschedule his party to attend this bachelorette party.

[Deleted]

i wouldn't go to one of them. pick the one that sounds the most awful and skip that one. she is going to bitch about you FOREVER because you did so, but she's going to bitch about you if you pick the wrong shade of blush'n'bashful to paint your nails, so may as well make it over something that benefits you.

and i'd buy $300 worth of kid clothes for a wedding never. or for any reason, up to and including an audience with the queen. and i make good money. she can suck it. i might reach out to my brother on that one. plus you'll need the money to fly out and console your brother when one day they divorce because she drives him insane. (kidding! sort of.).

as for the rest, well, she didn't hire you to plan her event so just revel in the fact that only SHE is looking like a total asshole to everyone else.

[Jalapeñomel]

Tell her that you are happy to be in the wedding but you are not financially able to attend all the other events.

[tulip]

I wouldn't go to anything and I wouldn't pay for anything. Entitled, BSC and out of control is an understatement.

[BaliHai]

I'd remind her that you'd asked for cheaper options for your kids' attire, and if she ignores it again or gives you trouble, call your brother.

I think it would be okay to miss the bachelorette party in order to have your son's party. I like the wording a pp used in regards to that. It might not be the best option as far as etiquette goes, but she doesn't seem to care much about decorum, sooo...

I also think it would be okay to get a collective opinion from the other bridesmaids and contact the MOH directly about chipping in on expenses, especially if she'll be attending the shower/bachelorette extravaganza. If she won't be attending, I'd let that go.

Good luck and godspeed, lol.

[soozy87]

I would tell her you are planning a party for your son's birthday that weekend and you are not able to attend the bach. party. Say it in a reallly nice way so it makes it look like you feel bad. Even though none of these things are your fault, make it sound like you feel really bad about the outfits and everything else, but just be straight with her. I would start by dealing with her only, or if you are emailing maybe email them both, hopefully your brother has a good head on his shoulders.

[wannabe]

Your FSIL is an asshole. No to the birthday weekend.

/gavelbang

[8675309]

Aug 7, 2013 14:44:09 GMT -5 cville said:

i wouldn't go to one of them. pick the one that sounds the most awful and skip that one. she is going to bitch about you FOREVER because you did so, but she's going to bitch about you if you pick the wrong shade of blush'n'bashful to paint your nails, so may as well make it over something that benefits you.

and i'd buy $300 worth of kid clothes for a wedding never. or for any reason, up to and including an audience with the queen. and i make good money. she can suck it. i might reach out to my brother on that one. plus you'll need the money to fly out and console your brother when one day they divorce because she drives him insane. (kidding! sort of.).

as for the rest, well, she didn't hire you to plan her event so just revel in the fact that only SHE is looking like a total asshole to everyone else.

I couldn't hit like for some reason but I Love everything you said here.

[CurlyQ284]

Aug 7, 2013 14:36:53 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

She sounds like a peach. Tell her what you can and can't do. Draw the line now and then let her make the next move.

I agree with Karma. You need to set boundaries now. I get not wanting to make waves but she isn't likely to change after the wedding. I would rip the bandaid off.

Plus I wouldn't want to miss my kids birthday for this person.

[Deleted]

Dude, nobody can treat you like this without your permission. Tell her what you can do/afford and then stick to it and don't worry about it. She is an asshole and she's going to be no matter what you do, so don't put yourself out.

[Stingyshark]

[VeryViolet]

She sounds awful. Honestly, I think you are probably going to piss her off over something regardless of what you do. I would send an email to her and your brother and very nicely say that you are so sorry you can't make the bachelorette party because of your son's birthday and you will make sure to touch base with the other bridesmaids so that you can help. Then email the other bridesmaids offering $100 (or whatever you are comfortable with) towards the costs and weekend of send champagne to her room. She will probably still be pissed but your sanity will be intact. You will need it to deal with her in FL.

[8675309]

Aug 7, 2013 14:34:24 GMT -5 specialk said:

Tl;dr. But from what I gathered, FSIL is a snatch. Why are you agreeing to all of these things? She doesn't get to tell you what she wants as a party if you don't let her including location, theme, dates, etc. You are setting yourself up for a long relationship of letting her walk all over you.

It's nice to accommodate if you can but this girl sounds like she is going to complain about it all anyway, so save yourself the aggravation.

I think we were all pretty caught off guard by this "demand" of how it was going to go down. Like, we all literally eyeballed each other as the words spewed from her mouth. I do not intend to use her ideas for her shower but we are kind of stuck doing what she wants for the bachelorette party. As far as the Shower, she wants it at her mom's house. No if, ands or buts.

[pugz]

skip the bachelorette party and since you aren't going you are in NO WAY obligated to pay for ANY of it.

kid's bday comes first. It's her future fucking nephew, she needs to back the fuck off

[redheadk]

The only major issues I see are etiquette infractions on her part that really don't have anything to do with you (FB post and cash gifts).

For the clothes, the costs are on the higher end but not completely insane for you and DH. The kids clothes are pricey but you also dropped the ball on this. I don't think she was necessarily rude about it, though.

For the Bach party, just tell her that you regret that you can't make it bc that is your son's birthday but that you hope they have fun and then let it go. I wouldn't expect anyone to schedule something around my child's birthday. Coordinating with multiple schedules is hard so it makes sense to go with what works for the bride.

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2013 14:56:48 GMT -5 @chloe77 said:

All of this is annoying, and I'd complain about it on the back end, but I'd probably try to keep the peace and do what she wants about everything but the MOH not chipping in financially and being away for my son's birthday. I'd say I don't mind if MOH doesn't help plan, but it's too expensive for us to pay for without her, and I would absolutely tell her that you aren't going away over your son's birthday weekend. Can she make the bachelorette party the weekend before the shower, instead?

I disagree about the MOH...I don't think anyone is obligated to pitch in financially, TBH. The bachelorette party and shower are gifts and not requirements. People should only contribute if they want to. 

[sunshineluv]

Aug 7, 2013 14:56:29 GMT -5 pugz said:

skip the bachelorette party and since you aren't going you are in NO WAY obligated to pay for ANY of it.

kid's bday comes first. It's her future fucking nephew, she needs to back the fuck off

I agree with this, I would skip the bach and not pay a dime. If she was my good friend, I would maybe do something for her for missing it, but she is not, she is your FSIL. My SIL didn't come to my bachelorette, or send money, nbd.

And yes, my kids bday party comes first too.

[8675309]

I think someone asked about the MOH's involvement. To answer, because she's in FL and I don't talk to her I am only relying on what FSIL tells me. She is not attending, planning or contributing to either party because "She'll probably be pregnant by then." These BFF's were made for each other.

As I said, at one point, one of her BMs asked WTF the MOH was doing if she wasn't planning or attending the most important events. FSIL said she's helping her pick out vendors and flowers out in FL so that's enough.

I'm honeslty trying REALLY hard to not piss her off and have been extremely nice to this chick. The birthday thing just finally put me over the edge. My mom thinks I should just help with the shower and skip the bachelorette party. I think this is where I'm at.