Flameful Post

[youbetcha]

Jun 19, 2012 14:32:25 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Great, now I'm a shitty spouse too! lol

No, no, no!!!! Not shitty in the least. I was just curious about that part of your response. That's half the reason I'm on this board...to peek inside other people's marriages and see if I'm doing it wrong. LOL. I'm guessing 90% of the people here are in the self-preservation camp. And that's great.

[Nicole]

I'm late to this party but I wanted to add

Tamb- I didn't start really enjoying my kid until like the 6 month mark (when colic subsided). I stand firm in my never wanting another child. I am one and done.

St.Pete- I am struggling in my marriage right now as well. I'm so sorry that you are going through it too. Big hugs to you and lots of wine.

[Marle]

I'm trying to figure out if I would take a bullet for DH and the only thing I can think of is leaving DS motherless. So, if DS didn't exist would I? Maybe?

[thebamker]

Jun 19, 2012 14:51:24 GMT -5 Que? said:

Jun 19, 2012 14:37:34 GMT -5 thebamker said:

I'm having a weird marriage day. I feel like I have all these *waves hand in big circle* marriage issues, but everyone (today) is posting about things that are non-issues for us. I didn't even realize we had 'non-issues'. lol. perhaps I should throw some focus on that.

I don't think there as ever been a time in my 11 years with H where he made me feel like I wasn't screwable x 100. ok - maybe once or twice. idk - seems more realistic that it HAS happened, but I don't remember so it definitely wasn't for an extended period of time.

I have the comfort in knowing that all I need to do it throw on a cute pair of undies and innocently get noticed. It's on. I should appreciate this more than I do.

Any man that could still fuck you on that god forsaken quilt is a keeper.

Hmmm - I kind of thing it's the other way around. haha.

since when do men care what covers the bed they are getting laid on?

[MrsStark]

I would definitely take a bullet for my H. It's purely out of selfishness; I can't imagine raising a kid without him. I know it's generally accepted that kids need their mother more, but in the long run I have no doubts that he's going to be the "better" parent. Being a single mother isn't something I think I could handle well.

[manzer1979]

I might jump in front of a bullet for DH...it might just be an instinctual reaction but if someone said he has to die or you die for him I'd be-every man for himself!

[speckledfrog]

There are too many things for me to quote about the parenting thing. I just want to say that I feel the same way. Everyone I talked to after I had my baby was all, "Isn't it amazing? The LOVE you fee." And I was all, "Umm...yeah. Totally. Love." MH and I had multiple discussions in those first few months about how we weren't really all that attached to him. I had this daily debate with myself on whether or not I had PPD because I wasn't gaga over my kid. I don't. Those first few months are all about surviving and figuring out what the hell you are supposed to do with this thing. Again, people were all, "How's it going? Isn't it just wonderful?" And I am all, "Well, I'm keeping him alive. So there's that." I also felt the need to fill his every waking moment with some sort of brain boosting, enriching activity. Which is kind of hard when they just stare at your hairline or the ceiling. Once I got past that things were a little better. Once he hit 12-14 weeks things got even better. He started interacting more, laughing more, and doing things that endeared him to us. I still spend most of my time wishing it was nap time, though! As you can see from everyone's responses, it's a pretty common feeling. I think people just don't talk about it.

[wrathofkuus]

Right now I think I'd take a bullet for Mr. Kuus, but then again, this morning I was pondering whether we were all wrong for each other and should divorce, so I dunno.

[eddy]

Jun 19, 2012 14:15:54 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Oh also, my mom keeps saying stuff like "don't you feel like in an instant she became your whole world?" to which I awkwardly respond "heh.. yeah" and pretend like I am having the emotional response to motherhood that she thinks I should have. Sometimes I feel like she's more into Joanna than I am, and I never perceived her as the motherly type either, so that is a bit concerning.

This is because she has the perspective you don't have yet. She has watchded her girls grow up and knows to cherish each stage. Heck I am completely more into mothering a newborn with Leo than I was J ack because I have persoective about how quickly this time is over. Don't feel guilty about that it is just the evolution of motherhood. I feel guilty I am over the moon over Leo right now in a way I was not with Jack. But I know I was still an excellent mom to J and so ae you.

[eddy]

Jun 19, 2012 14:17:21 GMT -5 thebamker said:

I was very surprised with how much more I was able to enjoy #3 as a baby. And I'm still enjoying it now. I have been in no hurry for him to grow up. I've liked him just fine all along.

I *think* it's probably b/c I've seen how quickly they do grow up and if I know what's best for me, he will be my last child. so I'm trying to savor it to avoid regrets later in life. *possibly*

Yes this is my experience with Leo. It was not with Jack.

[youbetcha]

OK, now I feel like I must be an idiot that I would take a bullet for H. Not that I have ever been in that position, and maybe a survival instinct would kick in and make me use him as a human shield. But philosophically, I think I would take one. Whatever that says about me.

[eddy]

My babies need their mother. I wouldn't take a bullet for H.
Yes I have an inflated sense of self why do you ask?

[youbetcha]

Jun 19, 2012 15:21:06 GMT -5 eddy said:

My babies need their mother. I wouldn't take a bullet for H.
Yes I have an inflated sense of self why do you ask?

When I originally asked Tamb, I removed the "My babies need their mommy" angle. Just talking about your H and removing all other circumstances. If you factor in the kids, hell no I am not taking a bullet.

[scotty]

I don't think it's weird or questionable that someone wouldn't take a bullet for their H.

[broc]

Jun 19, 2012 15:07:43 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Right now I think I'd take a bullet for Mr. Kuus, but then again, this morning I was pondering whether we were all wrong for each other and should divorce, so I dunno.

whoa, what?

[wrathofkuus]

Jun 19, 2012 15:33:19 GMT -5 broc said:

Jun 19, 2012 15:07:43 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Right now I think I'd take a bullet for Mr. Kuus, but then again, this morning I was pondering whether we were all wrong for each other and should divorce, so I dunno.

whoa, what?

Oh, you know, we've had sex once in the past six months (the bc issues and whatnot) and it wasn't good, plus he had the water in the shower way too cold this morning. And I really, really had to poop. It's not as interesting as it must have sounded.

[missyny]

Tamb,
infanthood is my worrrrrst stage! Especially with the first child, i was like... "i know I love you, but... uh... why? do i? am i attached to you or just going through the motions here?"

all normal. it feels crappy, but it's normal. You are getting to know her. She is getting to know you and the world, etc.. etc...
For me, it wasn't really fulfilling until around the first year.

[imoan]

I'm pretty sure I would take a bullet for H. Now I feel all clingy or something.

[eightangryreindeer]

I just remembered that I had to eat my grapes for snack.

Thanks, kuus.

If it was a situation in which each of us had a gun pointed at our heads, and I had to choose which one of us got shot, I'm afraid my subsequent guilt would keep me from enjoying the life insurance properly.

Then I might get over it.

In time, of course.

[Deleted]

I'm worth more dead than he is.

So, even if we had children, it'd be better for me to take the bullet.

[RobotLegs]

Oh hell fucking no, I would not take a bullet for my H. Sorry, dude.

I would only take a bullet for 2 people: my daughter and my mom. Finis.

[lintscreen]

*lurker here*

Tamb, I just want to say that I could have written your posts (about motherhood) word for word.

DS is almost 6 months and when people ask me "isn't motherhood the most amazing thing?" I'm like..uh, I guess. I miss the shit out of my old life and my freedom. DS is getting to that fun age now where I do enjoy him, but it's not this overwhelming-this-is-the-greatest-thing-in-the-world feeling. I honestly considered going back to work early, too. I didn't cry when I went back to work, it was actually a huge relief to me. It does get funner as DS has gotten older, and I'm told it keeps getting better. But the greatest thing to ever happen? I'm not there yet.

[wrathofkuus]

Jun 19, 2012 15:57:39 GMT -5 RobotLegs said:

Oh hell fucking no, I would not take a bullet for my H. Sorry, dude.

I would only take a bullet for 2 people: my daughter and my mom. Finis.

Okay, the mom but not the husband is weird.

[RobotLegs]

Jun 19, 2012 16:04:05 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Jun 19, 2012 15:57:39 GMT -5 RobotLegs said:

Oh hell fucking no, I would not take a bullet for my H. Sorry, dude.

I would only take a bullet for 2 people: my daughter and my mom. Finis.

Okay, the mom but not the husband is weird.

Why? The woman who gave birth to me and has sacrificed the last 33 years of her life for me? My mom is the most selfless person I've ever met.

[wrathofkuus]

That your primary loyalty is to your mom and not your husband? Yeah, that's pretty weird.

[RobotLegs]

My primary loyalty is to my daughter, not my mom or my husband.

[curmudgeon]

Not sure if I would take a bullet for DH, I like him well enough but I'm just not sure. Now, factor in kids and "it must be him or I" hells yes I would take the bullet (he's a better parent, I have no illusions on this).

[Jalapeñomel]

I would take a bullet for DH, without a doubt.

[Deleted]

OK, then it's weird your secondary loyalty is to your mom and not your husband. That's weird.

I'd let DH take the bullet. He wouldn't want to go on without me. I wouldn't want to go on without him either but I'm selfless like that.

[Deleted]

Here is my order:

(1) husband
(2) brother
(3) mother

And I'd let my father take the bullet for me.