Stpete, I'm so sorry. I do want to say, as someone who has been where your H is, talk to him before you make a move. It is extremely frustrating to be told that a person does not want to be with you, list all sorts of problems and say they were working on things, etc but yet were never told that there was something wrong. It's not working on things if both parties are not completely aware what the issues are, how unhappy the other person is, etc. I would at least give your H a chance to hear how you are feeling and then make strides to work on things. Also, a lot of things can impact a person's sex drive and it may not have anything to do with their partner.
Tamb, when I heard women talking about having another baby 2 months after giving birth I thought they were driving the crazy train. I just wanted time to enjoy my daughter, have time to get my body back and as much as I love babies, I just was not feeling it. There is nothing wrong with that.
Stpete, so wait, earlier this year you were flirting with someone and you guys had a come to Jesus. You went to counseling, talked it all out, refocused and he still didn't get the memo that you need more attention outside of the whole wife and mother deal??
I'll be honest, ever stage of parenting is 75% WTF was I smoking and only 25% awww, isn't that cute?
p&p are 8 and 10. They do dishes, they do laundry, they help with the baby, and they say ridiculously hilarious shit. But I have to resist the urge to murder them all the damned time. What do you mean you need new dance shoes? What the hell did your teacher say to you? I don't have any effin cash, what do you need $3 for anyway? I don't care if you're bored. Did you clean your room like I asked you to? Hurry up and do your damned homework before I murder you in your sleep.
Oh also, my mom keeps saying stuff like "don't you feel like in an instant she became your whole world?" to which I awkwardly respond "heh.. yeah" and pretend like I am having the emotional response to motherhood that she thinks I should have. Sometimes I feel like she's more into Joanna than I am, and I never perceived her as the motherly type either, so that is a bit concerning.
thats the grandparent talking. seriously. my mom is nuts for my kids, but was never really into us as little kids.
I was very surprised with how much more I was able to enjoy #3 as a baby. And I'm still enjoying it now. I have been in no hurry for him to grow up. I've liked him just fine all along.
I *think* it's probably b/c I've seen how quickly they do grow up and if I know what's best for me, he will be my last child. so I'm trying to savor it to avoid regrets later in life. *possibly*
Oh also, my mom keeps saying stuff like "don't you feel like in an instant she became your whole world?" to which I awkwardly respond "heh.. yeah" and pretend like I am having the emotional response to motherhood that she thinks I should have. Sometimes I feel like she's more into Joanna than I am, and I never perceived her as the motherly type either, so that is a bit concerning.
My mom asked these same kind of questions! It was awkward, because even if I felt how she thought I did, I don't really gush in front of people. Even her.
And I felt the same way you did. She seemed to be way more into my son than I did at the time. I'd happily hand him off just to take a nap, and when I came back, chances are she'd still be staring at him, lol.
Oh also, my mom keeps saying stuff like "don't you feel like in an instant she became your whole world?" to which I awkwardly respond "heh.. yeah" and pretend like I am having the emotional response to motherhood that she thinks I should have. Sometimes I feel like she's more into Joanna than I am, and I never perceived her as the motherly type either, so that is a bit concerning.
she's having misty watercolored memories of the way things were. she was all "ugh, tamb, i can't wait for you to feed your damn self" 30 years ago. trust. just look at how suesue alternates between "having infants was hell and i didn't even like them!" and "omg, they grow so fast, my BAYBEEE is going to college and i wish i could bottle every precious moment!" she's only 18 years out and has moments where she has forgotten the slog and disconnect.
ETA: when my ILs came to meet L for the first time, i'd take every opportunity to get the hell out and go get my nails done, and then when i came home (to nurse) my mil and fil would be fixed in the very seats where i'd left them an 9/10 times, my mil would have these tears of joy in her eyes. i was all "whoa, wtf." and she confirmed for me that she was NOT like that with her own kids.
The sex thing HAS to be an ebb an flow but when the top of that curve is barely enough to satisfy you then the low lasts forever. This hasn't changed in years and yes there has to be something else you can do. Not saying leaving but you cannot expect different results with the same approach.
Floyd I totally agree. If stpete is not totally fuckable right now then we would all be more than doomed.
Tamb I didn't enjoy my kid until about 9 months and now I am having a lot of fun but just barely starting to feel like myself again mostly because I don't have to worry about diapers. I did notice a major change it may just be too early for you: I am way less tolerant of the bad things that happen in this world. I'm not always thinking " my kid has to grow up in this kind of world?" but subconsciously I just feel motherly about anyone who is having a hard time. Idk that might just be me.
Okay, I joke about being "unmotherly," but I am really getting concerned that I'm not enjoying motherhood enough and need people to tell me how boring or otherwise not fun the newborn stage is.
I know, Tamb, stay away from the Bump! I can't help it.
I'm over the initial OHSHIT period, but between the formula feeding, the peacefully sleeping 8 hrs every other night and letting H care for J, the being happy to be back at work, the laziness w/r/t activities during her wakeful times, the anxiety/mild horror I experience when other people discuss wanting # 2 soon... I need to know I'm not completely abnormal. Because I feel like I am not experiencing new motherhood the same way other people are. Is it my antidepressants? Should I not have had a kid? Am I going to suck as a mother? lol, I'm wigging out over here!
The newborn stage sucks. I roll my eyes when I read all of the posts on the bump about how much they miss that age or how guilty they feel for working. I was actually just on my BMB and thinking that I should just stop going there because I can't relate to most of the women there. I enjoy working, I enjoy time away from the girls, and I thought I was going to tear my hair out when I was home alone with them all week 2 weeks ago. I love them to death of course, but I just don't understand what is so awesome about babies who just eat/sleep/poop in a 3 hour-ish schedule for a few months. I'm thrilled that we had twins because now I don't have to go through the newborn stage again.
Like LHC said, I started to enjoy them so much more last month. That's when they started chattering and really laughing. Now they talk a lot, smile a lot, laugh a lot, and are rolling over and bouncing and just are more fun. Oh, and while I was on maternity leave I was so exhausted that I hated making time every day for tummy time and other activities, and even now on the weekends it's not my favorite thing. My sister and mom tell me that we should be reading to them, but when we do they just fall asleep so I'm waiting until they're older. And even though I already have 2, my ILs keep talking about us having another baby (because we need a boy!!!) and I just laugh and tell them it's not happening.
Marle, YES! I realize now that everyone in the world is someone's baby, just like DD is my baby. I have a new level of compassion and empathy for humanitiy that I didn't have before.
I find the fact that I'm fully responsible for your life and happiness to be a major joy killer.
Some moms are so nurturing about it. I'm all: "I can't wait till you can get a drink of water for yourself."
Yeah, I am kind of like this too. I feel like I should be CHERISHING this time, and there are moments, but for the most part I am looking forward to her being a little more independent.
I also don't FEEL any different than before I had kids. I'm still the same old tamb, except now there is a kid in my life. Sure, I have someone I care about more than myself and would take a bullet for for the first time ever, but I guess I thought that would translate into this overarching feeling that I AM NOW A MOTHER or something.
Idk. This sounds stupid. THanks for indulging me. I think too much!
Not judging, but I'm just curious. You don't feel this way about your H? (Leaving aside the notion of leaving your daughter motherless, obvs.)
I have three kids and at no point in time did I ever feel like they became my whole world. Well except for the meltdowns where I thought WHEN WILL I GET MY LIFE BACK, DAMMIT!!!!!! But then bedtime comes and I'm all better.
I want to hurry up and get pregnant already so I can have 6 weeks off. I know that sounds naive. I just need a break.
I just went back to work last week after my year of mat leave. There were days I was itching to go back, but overall it was wonderful once we got into a groove.
I repeat, once we got into a groove. 6 weeks =/= a groove.
I wouldn't even be entertaining the thought of one day having a 2nd if all I got was 6 weeks. It's that much of a break... And then when said "break" is over (regardless of length), the kid's still there, so now you need to still take care of them AND go back to work and you'll really need a break.
I DID feel the same way though when we were trying to get stay KU, and throughout my pregnancies, but I knew I had longer to enjoy that time off work. Hats off to you ladies who don't. I really, truly mean it.
(I wish I had said "routine." Typing "groove" that many times seems silly.)
It's so refreshing to hear everyone's take on the newborn stage. I was wondering if something was wrong with me for not enjoying it.
I also feel like an a-hole because I'm counting down the days until I go back to work, even though I know I'm going to freak out about R being at daycare for the first week or so.
I'll be honest, ever stage of parenting is 75% WTF was I smoking and only 25% awww, isn't that cute?
p&p are 8 and 10. They do dishes, they do laundry, they help with the baby, and they say ridiculously hilarious shit. But I have to resist the urge to murder them all the damned time. What do you mean you need new dance shoes? What the hell did your teacher say to you? I don't have any effin cash, what do you need $3 for anyway? I don't care if you're bored. Did you clean your room like I asked you to? Hurry up and do your damned homework before I murder you in your sleep.
and on and on and so it goes.
YES! Cheers. And I feel guilty that my favorite time of day is their bedtime.
There are people who would take a bullet for their H?
Although I do hope he would take one for me, being the man and all. :::waits for flames:::
LMAO.
Tamb, I hated the first 6 months both times, and somehow I have already forgotten about it and am all awww when I see a baby. But I never felt that way when they were little, lol.
And although toddlers are adorable, mine is in full blown terrible twos and I'm like "WTF is so cute about that?"
I'm having a weird marriage day. I feel like I have all these *waves hand in big circle* marriage issues, but everyone (today) is posting about things that are non-issues for us. I didn't even realize we had 'non-issues'. lol. perhaps I should throw some focus on that.
I don't think there as ever been a time in my 11 years with H where he made me feel like I wasn't screwable x 100. ok - maybe once or twice. idk - seems more realistic that it HAS happened, but I don't remember so it definitely wasn't for an extended period of time.
I have the comfort in knowing that all I need to do it throw on a cute pair of undies and innocently get noticed. It's on. I should appreciate this more than I do.
I would not take a bullet for my H. Holy shit, people.
This is reminding me of that terrible Bruno Mars song that's out right now, "I would catch a granade for you hoooo, I'd throw my hand on a blade for you hoo...." HORK.
It's so refreshing to hear everyone's take on the newborn stage. I was wondering if something was wrong with me for not enjoying it.
I also feel like an a-hole because I'm counting down the days until I go back to work, even though I know I'm going to freak out about R being at daycare for the first week or so.
The week before I went back to work (and DS started daycare), I scheduled 2 half-days for him at the daycare. It was good practice for both of us before the big day.
Sure, I have someone I care about more than myself and would take a bullet for for the first time ever, but I guess I thought that would translate into this overarching feeling that I AM NOW A MOTHER or something.
Not judging, but I'm just curious. You don't feel this way about your H? (Leaving aside the notion of leaving your daughter motherless, obvs.)
Good god, I'd never even entertain the thought of sacrificing my life for h's. And I'd be seriously fucking upset if he thought the opposite was a good idea.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Honestly, Tamb, I think it's healthy that you still feel like the same old you. I have a couple of friends who had kids and their entire world revolves around their children - stay at home moms, rarely have play dates, spend all day on the internet researching and posting about various child-related things (breastfeeding, vaccinations, other boring crap), and NEVER go out without their kids. I have other friends who in essence remained the same people. They go out, both with and without their children, all of the time and still have their own identities. The children of the parents who still have lives outside of their kids seem to be much more well-adjusted and function better in social situations. Of course, this is from my small group of 5 friends with kids, but don't think that because you don't feel or act different you're a bad mom. That could be a reason why you're actually a GREAT mom.
Okay, I joke about being "unmotherly," but I am really getting concerned that I'm not enjoying motherhood enough and need people to tell me how boring or otherwise not fun the newborn stage is.
I know, Tamb, stay away from the Bump! I can't help it.
I'm over the initial OHSHIT period, but between the formula feeding, the peacefully sleeping 8 hrs every other night and letting H care for J, the being happy to be back at work, the laziness w/r/t activities during her wakeful times, the anxiety/mild horror I experience when other people discuss wanting # 2 soon... I need to know I'm not completely abnormal. Because I feel like I am not experiencing new motherhood the same way other people are. Is it my antidepressants? Should I not have had a kid? Am I going to suck as a mother? lol, I'm wigging out over here!
I haven't read the other replies yet, but I struggled with these doubts and not being motherly enough during the first few months. I feel like I wasted several months of our lives having to EP and not like I expected. I told myself it was because I wasn't BFing him, or that EPing while SAH meant I had to leave him alone when happy and I only got to attend to him when he wasn't happy. I would cringe and then self-doubt when every cashier and their mother would say, "Aren't you just loving motherhood? Isn't it just the greatest thing?" WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT? I would sit and rock DS and think, "Hmmm, I'm supposed to say I would choose him over my life of DH's life in a heartbeat. Would I? Why wouldn't I? What's wrong with me?" Well, DH has been a part of my life for 15 years, DS was new, motherhood was new.
I realize (on the eve of his 1st birthday) that I now feel the way I am "supposed" to, but there wasn't a sudden switch, it just slowly evolved.
I promise I will NEVER be the person who approaches a new mom though and demands, "So, tell me how wonderful it is!" She'll likely see it that way in her own time. She certainly doesn't need me unconsciously making her question why her morning of a crying baby with an upset tummy, being peed on 10 mins before she needed to leave the house and not having any other clean clothes that fit your in-between body, running around with a crotch that still aches, and not sleeping is anything less than sheer bliss. Because sometimes it isn't. And I think people who insist it is are in denial, forgetful, or really ought to share some of their sleep/drugs/caffeine with me.
I would not take a bullet for my H. Holy shit, people.
This is reminding me of that terrible Bruno Mars song that's out right now, "I would catch a granade for you hoooo, I'd throw my hand on a blade for you hoo...." HORK.
I have a funny story about this song.
DH is totally clueless when it comes to what the words of a song are and put this on a mixed CD for me. I freaked the hell out, tears and all over this stocking stuffer asking why he thought I was so awful. He then pulled up the lyrics, trashed the cd, and made a new one for me.
I am in the would not take a bullet for DH camp, I am confident he can fend for himself.
Post by partiallysunny on Jun 19, 2012 14:52:09 GMT -5
Babies are boring up until 3-4 months. Then they start to get fun. All women are different. Some like that bump on the log stage where all they do is eat, sleep, and shit. I prefer toddler stage and up. I'm sure I will hate the teenage stage though.
I might dive infront of my H in a mugging type situation, but if I had time to think or it was a proposition type situation (him or me) you'd better believe he'd have to take it.