SAHM - do your kid(s) go to daycare?

[themoneytree]

Another S/O question from the SAHM threads.

My area has a lot of SAHParents.
The thing that has surprised me is how much help other SAHP seem to get. Almost all my SAH friends have a cleaner. They also nanny share or have their kid in daycare a couple of days a week.

We live in a fairly affluent area, but this has definitely surprised me. I would have judged a little pre kid, but now I get it. We don't have family nearby so I rarely get a break except for weekends when H is home... which still isn't a break because I want to spend time with him so we're all together.

I would LOVE to put DD in daycare a morning or two a week both to give me a break and because I think it would be really good for her. We do a lot if activities and play dates with other kids, but I think there are a lot of benefits in a daycare environment. I just have a seriously hard time justifying paying for daycare while I'm home to look after her.

So SAHMs - how much help do you get?
Do you have a cleaner?
Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis?
Nanny?
Daycare? If so, how often?
Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no?

[lolly]

My dogs go to daycare once a week.

We have cleaners that come every 2 weeks.

Other than that, it's all me.

[mushmouse]

I have no help whatsoever and my husband is gone almost 12 hours a day. If I could afford to pay for something it would be a lawn service. When my son was 2 we started going to MOPs (they have childcare) and the Y. The Y is a stretch to be able to afford and I'm probably giving that up when preschool starts. I would not have put him in daycare even if we had the money. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity, but I see no benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare. I'm happy to have made it 3 years and will really be enjoying these 6 glorious hours a week with preschool.

FWIW - I don't know any SAHM that has used any kind of daycare. But I don't really know anyone who has NO help either.

[hopecounts]

DD is 3 and has started preschool 2 mornings a week just this year.
No cleaning help, MIL babysits if I have an appointment but not as a regular thing (maybe 3 or 4 times a year).
in my area most SAHM have no help with cleaning but kids start preschool at 2 or 3 and go 2 or 3 mornings a week some have family that will take the kid(s) here and there.
ETA: definitely check out a MMO/MDO or preschool programs in your area it's way cheaper then daycare so it would be a nice compromise to give you a little time kid free.

[psychmom]

Mothers day out or preschool is pretty common here. DS isn't in anything because it's so expensive. We do 3 or 4 playdates a week so he's socialized enough.


ETA: no other help. But when we have another baby I fully intend on getting a house cleaner for the first few months. If I could afford it I'd abso-fucking-lutly do preschool and a house cleaner.

[TrudyCampbell]

I have no help. My family also doesn't live nearby so we really have no one.

I would LOVE to have something set up like that but we cannot afford it.

[themoneytree]

Sept 10, 2013 7:14:59 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Find a nice Mother's Day Out program for a couple of days a week. It will be a good compromise. Not as expensive as daycare. Usually only a couple of mornings a week. The kids get to play with other kids and socialize.

But do they get taught stuff? I am really unfamiliar with daycare, but plan to go and take a look at one next week. My understanding is that it's way more structured than a group play time (which I think I can do through the YMCA, I'll look into that too thanks), and they learn stuff. Like a pre-pre school. Lol. Maybe my expectations are out of whack for this age group though!! I mean how much can they be learning at 1 that they wouldn't learn just by playing with other kids?

[whitemerlot]

No daycare and no help. My inlaws live almost an hour away and work full time and my parents haven't ever watched my kids.

[idoinjuly]

My dd (4) goes to preschool two days a week from 9-2. No housecleaners or anything else. My inlaws help when I ask them to, but that's not often.

[hopecounts]

Sept 10, 2013 7:19:25 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Sept 10, 2013 7:14:59 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Find a nice Mother's Day Out program for a couple of days a week. It will be a good compromise. Not as expensive as daycare. Usually only a couple of 

But do they get taught stuff? I am really unfamiliar with daycare, but plan to go and take a look at one next week. My understanding is that it's way more structured than a group play time (which I think I can do through the YMCA, I'll look into that too thanks), and they learn stuff. Like a pre-pre school. Lol. Maybe my expectations are out of whack for this age group though!! I mean how much can they be learning at 1 that they wouldn't learn just by playing with other kids?

it depends on the program some add in education at age appropriate atages others are more playtime.
A preschool will have the education element you want for cheaper and without having to pay for a whole day when you may not need it.

[Deleted]

themoneytree do you have any preschool/nursery schools in your area? A lot of them start at 2 (not sure how old your LO is) and I think they're often cheaper than daycare, which often operate on a full-time or at least part time model to maximize revenue...

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2013 7:14:59 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Find a nice Mother's Day Out program for a couple of days a week. It will be a good compromise. Not as expensive as daycare. Usually only a couple of mornings a week. The kids get to play with other kids and socialize.

Yep. No shame in getting a break.

I don't judge having a cleaner. No one likes to clean! I just assume they use that time they would be cleaning to do fun activities or cook more involved meals or something.

[sunshineluv]

Sept 10, 2013 7:17:29 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

I have no help whatsoever and my husband is gone almost 12 hours a day. If I could afford to pay for something it would be a lawn service. When my son was 2 we started going to MOPs (they have childcare) and the Y. The Y is a stretch to be able to afford and I'm probably giving that up when preschool starts. I would not have put him in daycare even if we had the money. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity, but I see no benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare. I'm happy to have made it 3 years and will really be enjoying these 6 glorious hours a week with preschool.

FWIW - I don't know any SAHM that has used any kind of daycare. But I don't really know anyone who has NO help either.

No benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare? Social interaction? Learning from watching their peers? The teachers at daycare teach lessons.

That comment annoys me.

[hopecounts]

oh yes how old is your LO?
under 2 and teaching her stuff isn't really age appropriate.
2-3 should be very light learning in a very playbased model.
3+ can be more educationally based but should still be focused on learning being fun and interactive until 6 or so.

[tulip]

We have no family near us now, before we had my parents who would watch DD for date nights or to give me a break. For the last year I and H got zero help. It sucked.

I enrolled DD in "school" she goes M-F from 8am to noon. It's been awesome, she is having a blast and I have the freedom to go to DR appts and get errands done.

[lifewithpants]

Mine just turned 4, so she's in preschool (3 full days)now, but until she hit 3, it was all me. My H works 12-16 hour days, and we have no family in town. When I was 6 mos pg, I insisted on having someone come clean every three weeks because all of our family time was being eaten up by cleaning.

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2013 7:25:06 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

Sept 10, 2013 7:17:29 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

I have no help whatsoever and my husband is gone almost 12 hours a day. If I could afford to pay for something it would be a lawn service. When my son was 2 we started going to MOPs (they have childcare) and the Y. The Y is a stretch to be able to afford and I'm probably giving that up when preschool starts. I would not have put him in daycare even if we had the money. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity, but I see no benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare. I'm happy to have made it 3 years and will really be enjoying these 6 glorious hours a week with preschool.

FWIW - I don't know any SAHM that has used any kind of daycare. But I don't really know anyone who has NO help either.

No benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare? Social interaction? Learning from watching their peers? The teachers at daycare teach lessons.

That comment annoys me.

Yeah. My baby loved his daycare. Loved. I pulled him out because I couldn't deal. It was a selfish choice. He thrived there.

[Overthemoon]

My older kid is in a mothers morning out two days a week. She loves the program and I get the chance to do grocery shopping, errands, budgets, etc. with just one kid. DD2 can start going in January and I plan to sign her up too.

I wish we could afford a housecleaner.

[TrudyCampbell]

I don't send my child because I can't, but I see TONS of benefits to day care. Sometimes I wonder if she would be better off in a structured environment like that.

[lifesapeach]

Preschool saves my sanity! Both of my kids started at a year and a half for 2 mornings a week. Here they do call the baby class "mother's morning out" but it's not that different from my daughter's preschool class in the same building. They get music time, art time, etc. It's great for them to learn that there is life outside of me and how to socialize without me, IMO. Most preschool programs in my area are in churches and synagogues and are very affordable.

[eav2c]

My 18m old starts a preschool program today, actually. Its similar to MDO and is twice a week for 2.5 hours. I think it's important for him to have the interaction. I get no other help but an infrequent house cleaner to do the big things once or twice a month would be great. I don't see what's strange about it and everyone needs a break.

[liveintheville]

I had a nanny for 3 years. I'm still in mourning that he left us this fall 
We did 2 days/wk for Kid 1 when he was 4. He has an October birthday so he wasn't eligible for pre-K until the following year. We did this for 4 or 6 months, I think? Mostly because he had friends there and we wanted a bit more structure/learning before he entered pre K. And he is a high energy kid, and with Kid 2's napping schedule I felt bad Kid 1 wasn't as active as he'd like to be.

Kid 2 will not be going to daycare. He'll start pre-k next year. And we no longer have a nanny. Currently we go to the park or rec center each morning for several hours and he socializes with his friends there. Learning wise I'm not concerned because he's picking up a lot from Kid 1. With Kid 1 in kindergarten Kid 2 has tons of 1:1 time so I don't see the need for daycare with him.

[mushmouse]

Sept 10, 2013 7:25:06 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

Sept 10, 2013 7:17:29 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

I have no help whatsoever and my husband is gone almost 12 hours a day. If I could afford to pay for something it would be a lawn service. When my son was 2 we started going to MOPs (they have childcare) and the Y. The Y is a stretch to be able to afford and I'm probably giving that up when preschool starts. I would not have put him in daycare even if we had the money. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity, but I see no benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare. I'm happy to have made it 3 years and will really be enjoying these 6 glorious hours a week with preschool.

FWIW - I don't know any SAHM that has used any kind of daycare. But I don't really know anyone who has NO help either.

No benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare? Social interaction? Learning from watching their peers? The teachers at daycare teach lessons.

That comment annoys me.

I'm sure they get something while they are there.  But nothing they aren't getting from home or the playdates OP says they already go to.  Babies and young toddlers don't need socialization.  Nor do they need lessons.  The idea that all kids need daycare annoys me.  But we're parents - I'm sure we both have a long list of things that annoy us!

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2013 7:37:58 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

Sept 10, 2013 7:25:06 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

I'm sure they get something while they are there.  But nothing they aren't getting from home or the playdates OP says they already go to.  Babies and young toddlers don't need socialization

There is a lot of area between "need" and "no benefit".

I obviously think kids do fine without daycare, seeing as I have two that don't go, but I don't have parenting tunnel vision to the extent that I don't think there are some benefits to a daycare environment, even for infants.

There are some benefits to SAH too, but kids don't "need" those either.

Get it?

[mushmouse]

Get it? lol No need to defend daycare. All kids don't NEED to go to daycare. That's what I'm saying.

[snickers]

Honestly, every single SAHM should have help. Working moms get vacation time and sick time, they get nothing of the sort. Damn, that must be really freaking hard.

[EmilieMadison]

Sept 10, 2013 7:37:58 GMT -5 mushmouse said:

Sept 10, 2013 7:25:06 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

No benefit at all to babies/toddlers in daycare? Social interaction? Learning from watching their peers? The teachers at daycare teach lessons.

That comment annoys me.

I'm sure they get something while they are there.  But nothing they aren't getting from home or the playdates OP says they already go to.  Babies and young toddlers don't need socialization.  Nor do they need lessons.  The idea that all kids need daycare annoys me.  But we're parents - I'm sure we both have a long list of things that annoy us!

If I had put my kids in daycare when they were little, it would have been for ME. Because, of course, daycare has benefits for kids (even if they don't "need" it), but if I'd had the opportunity to use daycare, it would have been for my sanity and mental health, not for them. 

ETA: Parents have needs/wants, too. I wish we'd had enough money for me to have someone watch my kids a few hours a week. They both started Preschool at 3 and it was great for ALL of us. 

[Deleted]

Kai goes to preschool on MWF. That is awesome. And he loves it, learns a lot, gets tons of exercise. It's like camp. But we let go of the cleaner that came once every 2 weeks to make room in the budget for preschool.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

[snickers]

I work in an infant classroom at a daycare. There are plenty of pros and cons to sending your child to daycare, as with anything else. It definitely depends on your situation, preferences, and child. But they can, and do, learn a lot while they are there.

[eb777888]

I put David in preschool at two and he LOVES it. He started two days the first year, three days last year and five days this year. He starts kindergarten next year.

I really, REALLY wish I would have put him in daycare at least one day a week before preschool. I think it would have been good for his speech and really, he is just a really social kid and he loves being around other kids. He immediately took to preschool and that's when I realized I should have put him in daycare for a bit. Just my experience! All kids are different, I know.