Honestly, every single SAHM should have help. Working moms get vacation time and sick time, they get nothing of the sort. Damn, that must be really freaking hard.
yep the worst was a couple months ago when I was sick but DH had an audit at work and had to be there and MIL had the class at the university she teaches so she couldn't come until afternoon. It was the longest and most miserable morning of my life.
I seriously cannot give you enough credit. Kids are hard on a good day, not to mention when you are sick as a dog.
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? Do you have a cleaner? Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? Nanny? Daycare? If so, how often? Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no?
Bimonthly house cleaner. My mom watches her for a date night about twice a month. With more money, I'd up the cleaner to weekly.
She also attends preschool two mornings a week (3.5 hours a day). Preschool isn't about "help" as much as socialization and development.
If we had twins and the funds, I could see having a nanny. I will be getting a mother's helper for one morning a week when we have a newborn to entertain the toddler.
Some of this is about help and some of this is about needing a break from the kids. If you work and parent, you have a lot of stresses and pressure. However, the one thing you do get is a physical separation from the kids. Everyone needs that occasionally, especially if a child is in a particularly needy or difficult phase. Right now, she's two. Sure, there are tantrums, but generally it's easy. Those first 6 months, she'd cry for much of the day when DH was gone. Working would have been so much easier. DH had to drag himself home to see us (his boss would routinely tell him to get the F out and go home to his wife and baby) and he yearned for Monday all weekend.
I agree...you can't blanket statement this kind of thing. It depends on the number of kids, personality of kids, what you do with them at home, difficult ness of your job, etc. I worked P/T with 3 kids because I just needed a break from being a SAHM (older 2 in school, little I put in daycare). My job was generally a cushy office job where I sat in A/C drawing buildings. It was such a break from the constant demands at home. My DD3 hated daycare though & I had another baby so I SAH again now. I enjoy it again now but that 2yr break did me wonders.
I will re-phrase then, for me being a working mom was so much harder than a SAHM. It wasn't even close. My job wasn't a break. And then when I got home I had to do all the SAHM duties in a tiny time window.
How did you manage to squeeze a full day of child care into a brief time window? Sounds like some kind of magic!
I think how much of a break you need depends on your personality, the number of kids you have, and the personalities of said kids.
Yep. Plus, the age/developmental stage of such kids and if they have any special needs. SAH with a colicky newborn was more painful and gut wrenching than any job I've held. In contrast, SAH with one fiesty, smart, cheery two year old I have one of the better "coworkers" I've had.
That being said, all this "mom's need a break" seems a bit much. I was a working mom and I have been a SAHM. Being a SAHM is about 10 thousand times easier. It isn't even close.
This is fucking annoying...
to me since you are judging others situations solely based on your one and only experience. It's very narrow-minded.
Also, you have ONE kid! Perhaps your one child status is something to consider in forming opinions about your experience versus other people's.
I had the same thought. You better believe I relish the break I get for the short time both girls are in school, because just having one kid to take care of or cart around is so much easier.
I had GD2 in daycare 2x week when she was 2/3 and 3x week at 4/5. Other than that it was scheduled activities and playgroups and on me. I never had a cleaning person or lawn care or anything else, darn it. Now with the kids in school there's no excuse for a housekeeper or lawn care or anything else unless I go back to work, darn it. Several others in my area were in similar arrangements, although I knew a number who had cleaners come in every other week arrangements while the kids were little.
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? Do you have a cleaner? No. I would not hesitate to get one if I could afford it. Bathrooms and floors, yes please. Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? Once a month or so. Not a regular thing. Nanny? No. Daycare? If so, how often? Gym daycare 2-3 x a week for an hour to 90 minutes. She will start preschool at 3. Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? Yes, if I could afford it I'd get a cleaner every week or two. I'd also outsource the yard work and some house projects. DH is handy, but it would be nice to hire out all the painting, electric work, etc. I only have one at home right now FT and she naps, so I feel okay with out help in the child care department.
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? - Not a lot, but both kids are in full day school now Do you have a cleaner? I wish! Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? No Nanny? No Daycare? If so, how often? No If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? If I could afford it, yes, I'd absolutely pay for housekeeping. But that has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with me not liking to clean
We started each of our children in some kind of preschool at age 3. Now that they are both in school all day, I'm thinking of going back to work part-time. It would be nice to have the money, but it's also nice to have the quiet time to get things done, run errands kid-free, and have some time for myself without eating into our family time during the week or on the weekend. We have a lot more free time as a family now that I can get grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. done during the week without dragging the kids along. Also, DS has special needs, which was the deciding factor in me staying home.
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? DD is in MDO three days a week Do you have a cleaner? no Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? my parents and ILs watch her once every week or so Nanny? no Daycare? If so, how often? no Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? we could afford it, but I don't see the point
That being said, all this "mom's need a break" seems a bit much. I was a working mom and I have been a SAHM. Being a SAHM is about 10 thousand times easier. It isn't even close.
Post by mandy0810 on Sept 10, 2013 12:37:34 GMT -5
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? No help during the day. Once my H gets home from work, he helps me a lot with our girls.
Do you have a cleaner? No
Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? No, our families live 1.5hrs away.
Nanny? No
Daycare? If so, how often? My oldest daughter is in preschool 2 days a week for 3hrs/day
Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? I do everything myself and I wouldn't really want help if we could afford it just because I like things done my way.
I do have a really good friend that lives near by and occasionally she'll watch my girls so my H and I can go to dinner alone & we'll watch her kids so her & her H can go to dinner.
Here's a novel idea: let's support each other in whatever decision we've made for our own kids. (Yes, I'm hormonal)
Anyway, I've been a working mom up till about a week ago. My son has been in daycare since he was 5 months old. In my experience, the most benefits came after he was a year old.
Now that I'm staying at home for awhile, my son (3.5) will go to junior pre-k three or four days a week. He learns so much more at school then I know he would learn at home. I'm not a preschool teacher. I can provide a lot but honestly I feel like he better off at school. He comes home saying things that I can't believe. He is learning so much.
I'll be home with our newborn. No help (family, house cleaning service, etc.)
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? DD is in MDO three days a week Do you have a cleaner? no Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? my parents and ILs watch her once every week or so Nanny? no Daycare? If so, how often? no Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? we could afford it, but I don't see the point
That being said, all this "mom's need a break" seems a bit much. I was a working mom and I have been a SAHM. Being a SAHM is about 10 thousand times easier. It isn't even close.
Considering your daughter is in MDO 3x a week and your parents &IL's also watch her, I say you get a pretty good amount of break time. Everyone needs a break wether its working full time or being a SAHM/D. It's really crappy to say that moms don't deserve a break every once in a while.
Honestly, every single SAHM should have help. Working moms get vacation time and sick time, they get nothing of the sort. Damn, that must be really freaking hard.
Actually, that's not true for all working moms. I haven't had sick time in about ten years; if I miss work because I'm sick, it comes out of my vacation time. If I don't have any vacation time left, then I don't get paid at all. Some working moms don't get any vacation OR sick time.
Even when a working mom does get a vacation from her paid job, you know what happens then? She becomes a SAHM - y'know, the kind of mom who NEVER GETS A VACATION. It's not like her child/home care responsibilities disappear during that week or two, so I don't understand the logic behind the idea that working moms get a vacation but SAHMs don't.
Finally, WTF is it OK to make blanket judgements about working moms when the board gets all OMGDON'TGENERALIZE when it's done to SAHM's? Just sayin.
So SAHMs - how much help do you get? DD is in MDO three days a week Do you have a cleaner? no Grandparents/ siblings who take the baby on a regular basis? my parents and ILs watch her once every week or so Nanny? no Daycare? If so, how often? no Or do you do it all yourself? If you could afford it would you pay for help or no? we could afford it, but I don't see the point
That being said, all this "mom's need a break" seems a bit much. I was a working mom and I have been a SAHM. Being a SAHM is about 10 thousand times easier. It isn't even close.
Considering your daughter is in MDO 3x a week and your parents &IL's also watch her, I say you get a pretty good amount of break time. Everyone needs a break wether its working full time or being a SAHM/D. It's really crappy to say that moms don't deserve a break every once in a while.
Honestly, every single SAHM should have help. Working moms get vacation time and sick time, they get nothing of the sort. Damn, that must be really freaking hard.
Actually, that's not true for all working moms. I haven't had sick time in about ten years; if I miss work because I'm sick, it comes out of my vacation time. If I don't have any vacation time left, then I don't get paid at all. Some working moms don't get any vacation OR sick time.
Even when a working mom does get a vacation from her paid job, you know what happens then? She becomes a SAHM - y'know, the kind of mom who NEVER GETS A VACATION. It's not like her child/home care responsibilities disappear during that week or two, so I don't understand the logic behind the idea that working moms get a vacation but SAHMs don't.
Finally, WTF is it OK to make blanket judgements about working moms when the board gets all OMGDON'TGENERALIZE when it's done to SAHM's? Just sayin.
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
Actually, that's not true for all working moms. I haven't had sick time in about ten years; if I miss work because I'm sick, it comes out of my vacation time. If I don't have any vacation time left, then I don't get paid at all. Some working moms don't get any vacation OR sick time.
Even when a working mom does get a vacation from her paid job, you know what happens then? She becomes a SAHM - y'know, the kind of mom who NEVER GETS A VACATION. It's not like her child/home care responsibilities disappear during that week or two, so I don't understand the logic behind the idea that working moms get a vacation but SAHMs don't.
Finally, WTF is it OK to make blanket judgements about working moms when the board gets all OMGDON'TGENERALIZE when it's done to SAHM's? Just sayin.
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
^o) That's just stupid. Do you seriously think working moms actually do this?
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
That's just stupid. Do you seriously think working moms actually do this?
Well, since I work in a daycare, I know lots of working moms who do do this on a regular basis. Why wouldn't you? What's wrong with doing it? You pay for the spot, enjoy your time off once and awhile.
Actually, that's not true for all working moms. I haven't had sick time in about ten years; if I miss work because I'm sick, it comes out of my vacation time. If I don't have any vacation time left, then I don't get paid at all. Some working moms don't get any vacation OR sick time.
Even when a working mom does get a vacation from her paid job, you know what happens then? She becomes a SAHM - y'know, the kind of mom who NEVER GETS A VACATION. It's not like her child/home care responsibilities disappear during that week or two, so I don't understand the logic behind the idea that working moms get a vacation but SAHMs don't.
Finally, WTF is it OK to make blanket judgements about working moms when the board gets all OMGDON'TGENERALIZE when it's done to SAHM's? Just sayin.
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
Right, and SAHMs can be sick and their H's can take the day off and help with the kids. See what I did there? Nothing good comes of this mommy war stuff! SAH, WOH, do whatever works for your family, just own your decision and don't act like you have the hardest life ever and the person on the other side is on easy street.
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
Right, and SAHMs can be sick and their H's can take the day off and help with the kids. See what I did there? Nothing good comes of this mommy war stuff! SAH, WOH, do whatever works for your family, just own your decision and don't act like you have the hardest life ever and the person on the other side is on easy street.
That's just stupid. Do you seriously think working moms actually do this?
Well, since I work in a daycare, I know lots of working moms who do do this on a regular basis. Why wouldn't you? What's wrong with doing it? You pay for the spot, enjoy your time off once and awhile.
Well, since I work in a daycare, I know lots of working moms who do do this on a regular basis. Why wouldn't you? What's wrong with doing it? You pay for the spot, enjoy your time off once and awhile.
Oh.
Then I suppose SAHMs could do this as well.
Which is my point, everyone should have the opportunity for some help
Which is my point, everyone should have the opportunity for some help
And my point was that SAHMs have the same opportunity to take vacation that working moms do (and in many cases, more) which kinda blows your "OMG, SAHMs nehhhhhhhhver get a vacation" theory right out of the water.
Which is my point, everyone should have the opportunity for some help
And my point was that SAHMs have the same opportunity to take vacation that working moms do (and in many cases, more) which kinda blows your "OMG, SAHMs nehhhhhhhhver get a vacation" theory right out of the water.
Unless you can't afford daycare for your child or you don't have anyone nearby to help and that is why you decided to stay home in the first place.
Which is my point, everyone should have the opportunity for some help
And my point was that SAHMs have the same opportunity to take vacation that working moms do (and in many cases, more) which kinda blows your "OMG, SAHMs nehhhhhhhhver get a vacation" theory right out of the water.
Yes, if they have someone to relieve them.
My mom was a SAHM and there was no one to take care of us when she was sick, needed to go to an appointment, or just wanted a break. I NEVER said that working moms DIDN'T need vacations and sick time too, obviously they need them just as much. We are all human, and everyone needs a break. I just think that sometimes people might overlook the fact that being a SAHM isn't a huge joke where the mom gets to sit on the coach and watch TV all day, because my mom sure as hell did not get to do that. She worked her freaking ass off everyday, but that didn't stop people from generalizing her. Being a mom in general is freaking hard (probably more than I can even imagine right now( and everyone needs a break now and again.
*generally speaking* working moms can take vacation time and still send their children to daycare. I realize that this is a generalization and I am not saying anyone should do this/does do this. I will most likely stay at home during the day with my baby, and then work at night, so joke's on me anyways lol
That's just stupid. Do you seriously think working moms actually do this?
And my point was that SAHMs have the same opportunity to take vacation that working moms do (and in many cases, more) which kinda blows your "OMG, SAHMs nehhhhhhhhver get a vacation" theory right out of the water.
Unless you can't afford daycare for your child or you don't have anyone nearby to help and that is why you decided to stay home in the first place.
The problem is that she's generalizing. If you look at her reply on page 1 that I first quoted, she said that no SAHM ever gets a vacation, regardless of her ability to afford anything or who's around to help.
But apparently, generalizations are fine as long as they're in the SAHM's favor, or against the working mom.