Post by heightsyankee on Jun 25, 2012 13:32:31 GMT -5
My ILs have never come to any of the boys' parties. They live 4 hours away, so I excuse them. Still, they sometimes makes it Austin for my SIL's kids b-day. This is mostly due to the fact that my SIL is very needy. My DH is the opposite. Again, it doesn't bother me. I don't think having grandparents there is the be all, end all. BUT if I planned a party for them where they live so they could be there, I would be so annoyed.
i'd be pissed at myself for having bothered to go through the trouble. but i wouldn't necessarily be pissed at them. well, i'd be pissed at them because i have a nearly endless well of rage, but i'd recognize that the kid didn't really care and try to get over it.
mainly i'd feel like charlie brown and the football.
So the burning question in my mind: Was this strawberry festival not in a similar type of venue and mobility challenge as going to a park for a birthday would be?
I'm with you - I'd be pissed. But then I'd definitely stock that away for future events and make sure there would be far less bending over backwards to cater to the needs of someone who prefers strawberries over grandchildren.
I wish they would have just said at the outset that they didn't give a shit.
That's the part that makes their actions asshole-ish. They should have been upfront about their other plans and allow you to alter your plan accordingly.
I don't know if there really is any "par." They just kind of do weird shit and it gets on my nerves. I can't really explain it. Like, one time DH and I and both sets of our parents went out to eat together at a restaurant. DH's dad said he'd get the bill, but when the bill came, he asked the waiter to take me and my parents meal off the bill and give them their own check. He only wanted pay for DH, MIL, and himself.
I don't know if there really is any "par." They just kind of do weird shit and it gets on my nerves. I can't really explain it. Like, one time DH and I and both sets of our parents went out to eat together at a restaurant. DH's dad said he'd get the bill, but when the bill came, he asked the waiter to take me and my parents meal off the bill and give them their own check. He only wanted pay for DH, MIL, and himself.
I can't explain it other than just weird shit.
I actually started laughing out loud... so he GOT the bill, but didn't PAY for the bill in the sense we all know of "getting" a bill. LMAO. And ditto the ^o)
I would be annoyed. This is the type of shit DH's family pulls too and every year he thinks it will be different and every year he is still the hurt 8 year old boy. It is hard to accept that your family just fucking sucks sometimes.
This. I have never witnessed DH more hurt than when his mom couldn't manage to keep herself functional until 7p when we got there to see her for Mother's Day. He was almost in tears on the way home and I hated her more than I have ever hated someone in my entire life.
Sorry, sbp. It was super douchey of them. At least K is little enough that he didn't notice? That is about the nicest thing I have to say about it.
i'd be pissed at myself for having bothered to go through the trouble. but i wouldn't necessarily be pissed at them. well, i'd be pissed at them because i have a nearly endless well of rage, but i'd recognize that the kid didn't really care and try to get over it.
mainly i'd feel like charlie brown and the football.
Ditto, word for word. And then I'd probably get in a fight with DH because he'd brush it off. And then I'd go sulk with a self-help book on boundaries and vow to not give a shit about the ILs. And that would last for about a week.
God, what is it with old people having no polite filter?
One of our kids broke a part of MIL's espresso machine, which she lives on daily. So for the next Christmas a few months later we got her a new espresso machine to replace the one she had duct-taped back together to function enough to work.
Upon opening it, she looked blankly at it, then at DH and said, "I don't know why you got me this. The one I have works just fine."
We now have a pact to get her exactly zero material goods any more. Experiences only. That way the rest of us can have fun and use her as an excuse.
I live this to a certain degree w my ILs. All I can say is you can't force them to care. You've learned your lesson, so to speak, and don't try so hard for them next year.
I say next year, IF you're feeling generous, and I'm not sure I would be, you can stop by their place with the kids and a cheap grocery store cake to share. Let them sing happy birthday to the kid, give him a hug, and then you can book it.
So the burning question in my mind: Was this strawberry festival not in a similar type of venue and mobility challenge as going to a park for a birthday would be?
I'm with you - I'd be pissed. But then I'd definitely stock that away for future events and make sure there would be far less bending over backwards to cater to the needs of someone who prefers strawberries over grandchildren.
Oh sorry. Yeah, the strawberry festival was AT the apartment complex but in another part of the facility. So they didn't have drive anywhere or leave for it.
I would be really annoyed too. I'm sure the strawberry festival was not during that exact 2 hour timeframe when the party was. They couldn't do it earlier or later?
Not as bad but we just moved a week ago and now live exactly 7 mins from the ILs. We haven't seen them in person since Mother's Day. We have seen my parents, who live 5 hours away, about 4 times in that time frame. When we do get together with DH parents it's always scheduled around their "gym time"...they go for many hours at a time. Why can't you go earlier if you know we are getting together?? Why is it such a factor? I guess I'm coming from parents who have always worked out at some crazy 5am hour or something and it never impacted the rest of the day.
I'm sorry your IL's disappointed you and DH. I'm trying to think of the other side and play devil's advocate but not having an easy time with it. For me, I am not big into birthdays and don't really have much interest in celebrating for myself or for anyone else, but I think I would be pretty hurt if I had gone out of my way to involve people we love into a big event and they hadn't had the decency to tell me that they weren't really into it and weren't planning to be there the whole time. There have been times that DH's parents have let him down and that is what I think I would have the hardest time with in your case - it's really crushing to see him hurt while he tries to play it off as no big deal.
I guess at least now you know for next time and don't have to try to arrange things around them.
That would definitely irritate me. I don't know the back story, but is this pretty much on par with how they normally act?
I don't know if there really is any "par." They just kind of do weird shit and it gets on my nerves. I can't really explain it. Like, one time DH and I and both sets of our parents went out to eat together at a restaurant. DH's dad said he'd get the bill, but when the bill came, he asked the waiter to take me and my parents meal off the bill and give them their own check. He only wanted pay for DH, MIL, and himself.
I can't explain it other than just weird shit.
Wow. That's...um...yeah. I don't know what I'd do in that circumstance. They just seem rude and inconsiderate.
I'm sorry, they brought their stomach flu selves over to see your new baby??
Even without heart problems this would have set me off like a mofo and I am nothing approaching a germaphobe.
Okay, seriously. #donetrying
I don't have to rude to them, but I also don't have to be so invested. I'm seeing the light.
It's really kinda liberating once you're there. Trust.
We've seen ILs a total of four times since Christmas. Two were family events, the other two were at H's soccer game where I was only there for, like, 10 minutes. It's a bit frustrating on that end since they're not old and they want to be involved (but only on their schedule, not ours or B's), so I have to deflect a lot of whining but, eh.
I don't have to rude to them, but I also don't have to be so invested. I'm seeing the light.
It's really kinda liberating once you're there. Trust.
So this. It's one thing I adore about DH: when FIL calls from the airport (his first and only call to us that he's coming within 100 miles of us) asking if we can drop what we're doing and haul the kids 40 miles east of the city to dine with him on the concourse between his flights, DH has no qualms saying, "Um, no. Next time please give us more notice and maybe something can happen." Words like that are better than foreplay.