God, what is it with old people having no polite filter?
One of our kids broke a part of MIL's espresso machine, which she lives on daily. So for the next Christmas a few months later we got her a new espresso machine to replace the one she had duct-taped back together to function enough to work.
Upon opening it, she looked blankly at it, then at DH and said, "I don't know why you got me this. The one I have works just fine."
We now have a pact to get her exactly zero material goods any more. Experiences only. That way the rest of us can have fun and use her as an excuse.
Sorry, I can't just let this one go. Your kids broke her espresso machine (which she used every day) and instead of replacing it immediately, like you should have done, you pawned off the replacement as a GIFT to her? She wouldn't need a new espresso machine if your kids hadn't broken it, so that is not a gift to her. I'm not surprised she was disappointed.
I actually started laughing out loud... so he GOT the bill, but didn't PAY for the bill in the sense we all know of "getting" a bill. LMAO. And ditto the
LOL, you sound like Seinfeld. Did you ever see the episode where Jerry reserved a rental car but when he went to pick it up, there were no cars available?
"So you took my reservation but you didn't hold a car for me? You know, ANYone can TAKE a reservation. The important part is HOLDING the reservation..."
Post by basilosaurus on Jun 25, 2012 15:43:11 GMT -5
I'm stuck on that check thing. That's just the epitome of rude. I can't even contemplate how someone could do that with a straight face.
These people are going to be nothing but disappointment (or sometimes funny stories) for you. The sooner you stop having expectations of them being decent, the happier I think you'll be.
God, what is it with old people having no polite filter?
One of our kids broke a part of MIL's espresso machine, which she lives on daily. So for the next Christmas a few months later we got her a new espresso machine to replace the one she had duct-taped back together to function enough to work.
Upon opening it, she looked blankly at it, then at DH and said, "I don't know why you got me this. The one I have works just fine."
We now have a pact to get her exactly zero material goods any more. Experiences only. That way the rest of us can have fun and use her as an excuse.
Sorry, I can't just let this one go. Your kids broke her espresso machine (which she used every day) and instead of replacing it immediately, like you should have done, you pawned off the replacement as a GIFT to her? She wouldn't need a new espresso machine if your kids hadn't broken it, so that is not a gift to her. I'm not surprised she was disappointed.
Fine, I'll clarify. My son broke the glass carafe, so she started using a small glass measuring cup instead with her already duct-taped machine. Instead of buying her a carafe, we replaced the entire machine and gave it as a gift at Christmas. And she's back to using the same glass measuring cup since she broke that carafe.
It's really kinda liberating once you're there. Trust.
So this. It's one thing I adore about DH: when FIL calls from the airport (his first and only call to us that he's coming within 100 miles of us) asking if we can drop what we're doing and haul the kids 40 miles east of the city to dine with him on the concourse between his flights, DH has no qualms saying, "Um, no. Next time please give us more notice and maybe something can happen." Words like that are better than foreplay.
On the list of reasons I think God put A in the NICU is it gave me a spine. People were asking me shit and I just had to say you are not important to me right now. I literally didn't know how to say no before that.
My dad called at 9:30am on Fathers Day and wanted to come over and see the kid. I said nope, sorry, we've got plans, hung up, and yelled "Happy Fathers Day!" to MrP.
My sister's in-laws are a lot like your in-laws. The morning after their wedding, my parents hosted a brunch at their house. There were maybe 25 or so people - immediate family, the out of town guests staying with my parents, and a couple close friend that had helped out a lot. The in-laws invited the out of town guests that were staying with them, which included people that were not even in town for the wedding (the groom's sister's husband's adult children from a previous marriage...it was weird). The brunch was held in the back yard. The in laws and their friends sat at one table and didn't talk to anyone else. After the brunch, everyone went inside when my sister and husband began to open their wedding presents. My mom was like, "where are X's parents and the others?" and my BIL said, "oh they went home." They didn't even come in the house to say good bye and thank you. While everyone was cleaning up, They just walked all the way around the house to get to their car in the front and left.
My sister doesn't put her foot down and bends over backwards to accommodate these people. She's miserable.
I can understand the sick and elderly part though - that is what complicates things. Ultimately, you don't want to look back and wish that you didn't make more of an effort, but you'll make yourself sick and resentful if you give up too much. I would try to focus on events where their selfishness can be minimized - so one on one things, where other people aren't bothered, and where you aren't giving up things you really enjoy. Next time, plan the birthday party you want, and go over there a separate time that week with some cupcakes and party hats, and just recreate the blowing out the candles. The kids get two cakes and feel extra special, and you don't have to feel like you've given up your life to accomodate such flakiness.
I'm sorry, they brought their stomach flu selves over to see your new baby??
Even without heart problems this would have set me off like a mofo and I am nothing approaching a germaphobe.
Sounds like my MIL. We had arranged for her to fly up to see us when DD was 3 weeks old. It had been the plan for months prior to my DD. Well, when DH called to announce the birth, she must have gotten excited and booked a ticket immediately. Two hours after we had been discharged from the hospital, MIL was knocking on our front door, with a taxi in the driveway. She comes striding into the house with a face mask on and announces she didn't think she could wait three weeks because, get this, she had been on antibiotics for weeks due to a nasty respiratory/sinus infection. She mentioned that she had an upcoming appointment with an infectious disease doctor and she was afraid he would tell her she couldn't travel by plane so she decided to come earlier. WTF? I called my SIL and told her to come pick up her mother ASAP because she wouldn't be staying at my house. My MIL is still mad at me, 6 years later, and can't begin to imagine why she wasn't allowed to hold her 2 day old grandchild.
So yeah, I hear you on the "old people suck" front.
I'm sorry, they brought their stomach flu selves over to see your new baby??
Even without heart problems this would have set me off like a mofo and I am nothing approaching a germaphobe.
Sounds like my MIL. We had arranged for her to fly up to see us when DD was 3 weeks old. It had been the plan for months prior to my DD. Well, when DH called to announce the birth, she must have gotten excited and booked a ticket immediately. Two hours after we had been discharged from the hospital, MIL was knocking on our front door, with a taxi in the driveway. She comes striding into the house with a face mask on and announces she didn't think she could wait three weeks because, get this, she had been on antibiotics for weeks due to a nasty respiratory/sinus infection. She mentioned that she had an upcoming appointment with an infectious disease doctor and she was afraid he would tell her she couldn't travel by plane so she decided to come earlier. WTF? I called my SIL and told her to come pick up her mother ASAP because she wouldn't be staying at my house. My MIL is still mad at me, 6 years later, and can't begin to imagine why she wasn't allowed to hold her 2 day old grandchild.
So yeah, I hear you on the "old people suck" front.
Wow. It's like she was going for the gold medal on inappropriateness there: unannounced, unscheduled visit, face mask + newborn... this is what sitcoms are made of.
Ditto everyone else (well, except Sisu). Your ILs were wrong, SBP. And no offense, but your MIL sucks for that comment about the necklace.
I'm happy to hop on the Old People Suck train after my experience at the doctor's office today, as well as today's experience at the supermarket. They have no filter and I'm growing ballsy enough to start calling them out on it every once in a while. Just trying to do my part to make the world a better place.
So this. It's one thing I adore about DH: when FIL calls from the airport (his first and only call to us that he's coming within 100 miles of us) asking if we can drop what we're doing and haul the kids 40 miles east of the city to dine with him on the concourse between his flights, DH has no qualms saying, "Um, no. Next time please give us more notice and maybe something can happen." Words like that are better than foreplay.
On the list of reasons I think God put A in the NICU is it gave me a spine. People were asking me shit and I just had to say you are not important to me right now. I literally didn't know how to say no before that.
The problem is when people get all butt hurt when you say that. That you're "disrespecting" them by not putting their needs and wants first.
I still have this occasional battle with the ILs when we see them. Like yesterday at the soccer match - B wanted to go for a walk right when we got there (because what 18 month old is going to sit still and watch 90 minutes of soccer). So we did. MIL was all butt hurt about it because she wanted to get her "grandma time." But I'll be damned if I put her wants ahead of B's. And she's the less odious of the two.
And B and I had a lovely walk, talking about cars and flowers and birds and singing more verses of Old MacDonald than I think actually exist.... Much better than sitting on my ass making small talk with my ILs.
Okay, what is UP with people like that? I do not understand it. I'm sure I have my fair share of eating with my mouth open moments, but for real. I would be mortified to behave this way. I do not understand it.
Right? I mean, I have a pretty low bar too. I do not get my panties in a twist over a lot of the etiquette things that cause people on the nest to clutch their pearls. But being home for a party at your own damn house that was planned there because of you isn't really etiquette so much as it is just plain common sense.
Some people are just weird.
And the children and the cake are friggin adorable.
SBP, the party looks awesome! And your kids are adorable.
And your ILs are rude assbags.
Anyway, I can honestly say that in the past 2 years, I've just let similar shit like this go. I don't get my ILs. Sometimes I don't even get my own parents. Our motto is that we do what works for our family (meaning the 4 of us). If others can make it, and want to come, they are welcome. We invite them, but we do what is best for us and the kids b/c otherwise we ended up bitter and annoyed. I still think my ILs are weird, and occasionally rude, but the bitterness is gone, you know? And I don't worry that I'll regret my actions, either. It's been very freeing to just say - our priority is our family. We'd love to have you join us for X, and leave it at that.
Most of the time - they do. But we don't argue, or try to figure any of it out anymore for them. We make the call, let them know the info and then it's on them. It all used to bother me so much, but I realized that I can't control them and I'm sick of them ruining holidays/birthdays/whatever. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my life - I want to fucking enjoy it without feeling annoyed at some rude people.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jun 25, 2012 21:13:55 GMT -5
Your in-laws make ME crazy. I think it's more annoying just knowing what else you have to deal with, when it comes to them, but I still think this was bitchassness.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Just as a voice of experience, the fact is that your DH is still going to want his parents included in the future (are your parents local?) so I'd suggest event types where you just couldn't include the ILs (mountain hiking?) and then visit them separately.
Totally different reasons, but we don't get my parents/ILs gifts like that. We get them photo gifts or "staples" they love like Dunkin Donuts Coffee (no DD in Alabama). You don't really expect them to have any great reaction to things like that, kwim?
Sorry about this SBP. I am curious though.....what *did* they say when you suggested having the party at their place?
I don't know what they said exactly because DH is the one who talked to them about it, but when I asked him what they said, he said that his mom "was just like, 'Oh okay. That sounds good.'" I don't know if DH presented it in the context that there was really no other way for his father to attend, which was the angle we were coming at it from. There are like multiple levels of denial about FIL's condition. There's his (utter and complete denial that anything is wrong at all), MIL's (understanding that something is wrong, but refusal to accept that it's a deteriorating terminal condition), and DH's (understanding that it's a deteriorating terminal condition in patients, but somehow it won't be for his father).
Communication is complicated, to say the least.
I definitely think you were right to have your husband speak with his mom. The hard part about having anyone deliver a message is you never really know how it was delivered or exactly what the other person said. However, given the weird stuff in the past, I suspect this was just another example of IL fail...and I would protect myself in the future for sure. I think you did what you thought was best and tried to be considerate. Some folks just never get that....