Women Held in Contempt for Bringing Newborn to Jury Duty

[tef]

Oct 21, 2013 11:07:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Oct 21, 2013 10:55:40 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I apparently have a low-threshold for tolerating people who shirk their civic duty. I just can't with the "it costs money!" Yeah, and so does incarcerating prisoners who are innocent who wouldn't receive a fair trial should the jury system go away.The civil good *far* exceeds any other argument in this thread.

Summary of my argument: Suck it up, buttercups.

This isn't really about the money it's about the logistical nightmare that is arranging FT temporary childcare for an undetermined time.
Most of us don't live in a places where drop in care is readily available or have people who can put their lives on hold to watch our kid(s) for an unknown period of time.

And if you live in such places, it probably happens infrequently AND you are given adequate notice.  

[tef]

Oct 21, 2013 11:10:29 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Oct 21, 2013 10:41:48 GMT -5 sweetpea508 said:

I'm a first time SAHM with a 7 week old who is breastfeeding. All of my family/friends with kids work and I haven't developed a network of SAH friends yet. I've been having issues with low supply so I feed quite often as well as take supplements. I don't feel like jury duty is worth asking someone to call in their very limited sick days and or have to pay for childcare. Our jury duty only plays $8/day. The reason I SAH is because we can't afford childcare and I surely cant afford it on $8. This is going to be flame worthy but daycares are dirty places. The kiddo doesn't have all of his vaccinations/flu shot and I don't want him getting sick just because I had to go to jury duty. I don't think the issue is as easy as just telling SAHP's to "just deal with it."

Daycares are dirty places? Really? What an awful thing to say. I've used many kinds of daycares and they were all clean.

I don't usually pull this in, but by dirty they mean poor people will be near them.  Yup.

[pixy0stix]

Oct 21, 2013 11:10:38 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:08:12 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Court. provided. daycare.

most don't have this option. at least mine doesn't and neither does back home. 
If this was an option, I would be OK with it.
A BF mom of a 5 month old may not be able to for various reasons.
For me my kid was nursing for 30 minutes every 2.5-3 hrs during the day st that age could she be excused that much and be an effective juror?

I can't with this argument. I just can't. I wasn't given the option to be around my kid during the day. Should I have been given the option to bring my 5 mo to work?

This isn't a mommy-war. This is a "do you want to live in this society" argument. Again, being a mother doesn't excuse you from having to perform your civic duty.

[sunterp]

I would love to serve JD. I have been summoned several times but every time I called my number was not selected. The only time I had an issue was in Bloomington, IN. I got the summon filled out that I was a SAHP that nursed but would love to serve. I figured it was a week, as that was what I was use to in every other state I had lived and there was no mention of the JD duration. Oh no, in Bloomington you have to call every day for a month to see if you need to show up. You call at 6 or 7 pm the night before and find out if you need to come in to the courthouse at 8am. That pissed me off because a day or week or two I can get a friend or my DH on short notice but a whole month that is crazy. I don't know a single person that can do that whether working or SAH.

It was an easy fix when I called and explained the situation and the lovely lady said no problem fill out this form with the days you can serve during the month. Why didn't they send that form in the first place, this could maybe solve a lot of people's issues.

I think someone can find somebody for a day, even if it is not the ideal situation. I have three kids and no family living in the same state but I am sure a friend would watch my kids (do pick ups) for a day. I would have problems with a long term situation but at least try to figure it out or state my case to the judge.

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:08:12 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:07:27 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

This isn't really about the money it's about the logistical nightmare that is arranging FT temporary childcare for an undetermined time.
Most of us don't live in a places where drop in care is readily available or have people who can put their lives on hold to watch our kid(s) for an unknown period of time.

Court. provided. daycare.

No one said it was easy. Jury duty isn't easy. But shit happens and in the course of your lifetime you're going to have to give back to society. Having children doesn't exempt you from living in this system.

Our courts don't have this, which I would imagine is why the exempt sole caregivers for kids under a certain age. And I also think exempting out for a short period of time doesn't mean you never give back or will never serve (or have never served before)

[pixy0stix]

Oct 21, 2013 11:11:42 GMT -5 marissa said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:08:12 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Court. provided. daycare.

Doesn't work with everyone.  Some aren't cut out to work with populations of kids who are special needs.  I couldn't drop my kids off and know they are safe.  If they were typical kids I might be ok with it.  Might...I wouldn't be ok with it knowing they have significant transition issues and communication issues.  I need to know who is taking care of my kids.  I need to know what their background is and know that they can understand what my kids are saying.

Marissa, I understand your argument with special need kids. You I would give an exemption for, as I would for other mothers with SN kids.

Giving an exemption because your kid is breastfeeding? No.

[tef]

Oct 21, 2013 11:11:42 GMT -5 marissa said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:08:12 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Court. provided. daycare.

Doesn't work with everyone.  Some aren't cut out to work with populations of kids who are special needs.  I couldn't drop my kids off and know they are safe.  If they were typical kids I might be ok with it.  Might...I wouldn't be ok with it knowing they have significant transition issues and communication issues.  I need to know who is taking care of my kids.  I need to know what their background is and know that they can understand what my kids are saying.

Wait, kids?  What do you do at parties?  Playgrounds?  In public where students with special needs may come into contact?

I feel this thread is about to do this

[pixy0stix]

Oct 21, 2013 11:14:53 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:08:12 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Court. provided. daycare.

No one said it was easy. Jury duty isn't easy. But shit happens and in the course of your lifetime you're going to have to give back to society. Having children doesn't exempt you from living in this system.

Our courts don't have this, which I would imagine is why the exempt sole caregivers for kids under a certain age. And I also think exempting out for a short period of time doesn't mean you never give back or will never serve (or have never served before)

Short period of time? There are people in this thread bitching about finding after school care for their school aged kids. If we carry it that far, that's 11 years (going by the legal age that you can leave a kid home alone in CO) that you're out of performing Jury Duty.

[thejen626]

Oct 21, 2013 11:13:02 GMT -5 tef said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:10:29 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Daycares are dirty places? Really? What an awful thing to say. I've used many kinds of daycares and they were all clean.

I don't usually pull this in, but by dirty they mean poor people will be near them.  Yup.

Well, not to be an asshole, but op sounds pretty poor herself. So her kid would fit in perfectly

[redheadbaker]

Oct 21, 2013 11:15:46 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:11:42 GMT -5 marissa said:

Doesn't work with everyone.  Some aren't cut out to work with populations of kids who are special needs.  I couldn't drop my kids off and know they are safe.  If they were typical kids I might be ok with it.  Might...I wouldn't be ok with it knowing they have significant transition issues and communication issues.  I need to know who is taking care of my kids.  I need to know what their background is and know that they can understand what my kids are saying.

Marissa, I understand your argument with special need kids. You I would give an exemption for, as I would for other mothers with SN kids.

Giving an exemption because your kid is breastfeeding? No.

The woman in the story, her kid wouldn't take a bottle. What should she do? (Not snarky. Honestly curious what others think she should do.)

I'm mobile and miss my physical keyboard!

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:18:55 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:14:53 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Our courts don't have this, which I would imagine is why the exempt sole caregivers for kids under a certain age. And I also think exempting out for a short period of time doesn't mean you never give back or will never serve (or have never served before)

Short period of time? There are people in this thread bitching about finding after school care for their school aged kids. If we carry it that far, that's 11 years (going by the legal age that you can leave a kid home alone in CO) that you're out of performing Jury Duty.

I am only relating it to my situation, which where I live is kids under 6. That includes my son, who is 5, and is in school but only until 2, so I would have to find after school care for him. I would not try to get out of it once my kids are both in school.

[hopecounts]

Oct 21, 2013 11:13:31 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:10:38 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

most don't have this option. at least mine doesn't and neither does back home. 
If this was an option, I would be OK with it.
A BF mom of a 5 month old may not be able to for various reasons.
For me my kid was nursing for 30 minutes every 2.5-3 hrs during the day st that age could she be excused that much and be an effective juror?

I can't with this argument. I just can't. I wasn't given the option to be around my kid during the day. Should I have been given the option to bring my 5 mo to work?

This isn't a mommy-war. This is a "do you want to live in this society" argument. Again, being a mother doesn't excuse you from having to perform your civic duty.

Would your kid take bottles? were they used to nursing on demand or a feeding schedule? 
your kids were used to a bottle I imagine pretty early.
My good mom friend couldn't leave her kid (including MNO) for a year because the kid would not take a bottle.
She tried he would literally refuse to eat all day until she nursed she tried all the tricks butevery time  it ended up with a starving baby and her nursing every hour all night.  Babies who are strictly BF sometimes just will not take a bottle. I was fortunate that DD was happy with either but a lot aren't
Its not a mommy war thing its a trying to put a BF older baby into a FT care situation is very tricky a lot of times thing. They are used to certain feeding habits and changing them can take work.

[penguingrrl]

Oct 21, 2013 11:13:31 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:10:38 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

most don't have this option. at least mine doesn't and neither does back home. 
If this was an option, I would be OK with it.
A BF mom of a 5 month old may not be able to for various reasons.
For me my kid was nursing for 30 minutes every 2.5-3 hrs during the day st that age could she be excused that much and be an effective juror?

I can't with this argument. I just can't. I wasn't given the option to be around my kid during the day. Should I have been given the option to bring my 5 mo to work?

This isn't a mommy-war. This is a "do you want to live in this society" argument. Again, being a mother doesn't excuse you from having to perform your civic duty.

Do daycares in your area provide drop in or short term care? Do the courthouses offer a care facility? If either is the case, I agree, problem solved. Neither is the case in my area, which is why it's a hardship. I would be all over the idea of court provided care. I would actually love to serve on a jury, but can't because of the lack of childcare options around here, affordable or otherwise.

[ESF]

I actually get it when its a breastfeeding parent and/or brand new parent of a newborn. Between the need to pump and the sleep deprivation, neither parent is a state to be deciding matters of life or death.

But this is why I love my county's way of doing things. Everyone gets to postpone for up to a year to a date of their choosing, no questions asked. When that date rolls around, you are up.

Honestly, if anyone thinks that it is still unreasonable to ask a SAHP to find childcare a year in advance, you need to get over yourself.

[ttt]

I think it's ridiculous to expect a SAHM who has been EBF for five months to suddenly learn how to pump, purchase pumping supplies, cross her fingers and hope baby takes a bottle, and leave baby with strangers she has had neither the time nor the option to research or choose.

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:25:17 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

does the YMCA not do after school care anymore?

How do the kids get there? They do not around me.

[pixy0stix]

Oct 21, 2013 11:23:26 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:13:31 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I can't with this argument. I just can't. I wasn't given the option to be around my kid during the day. Should I have been given the option to bring my 5 mo to work?

This isn't a mommy-war. This is a "do you want to live in this society" argument. Again, being a mother doesn't excuse you from having to perform your civic duty.

Do daycares in your area provide drop in or short term care? Do the courthouses offer a care facility? If either is the case, I agree, problem solved. Neither is the case in my area, which is why it's a hardship. I would be all over the idea of court provided care. I would actually love to serve on a jury, but can't because of the lack of childcare options around here, affordable or otherwise.

Yes they do, there are even day drop in facilities.

I don't know about the courthouse, I've never had to check.

Plus, as I said, my work provides emergency care services at discounted prices. Up to 100 hrs a year.

Is it that no services are provided, or that you've never looked because you haven't had to? (Not snark, just wondering.)

[ttt]

Oct 21, 2013 10:14:01 GMT -5 @barefootbarista said:

frlcb-there are no college students, or friends with kids that could help you out? Most sitters around here are looking for ft gigs as well, but they are happy to take an extra kid for a while for some extra money.

I've never had to use a sitter other than a friend, my nanny or my parents but I know I could get help from another mom in a pinch.

I've been in this situation and the answer was no, there werent. Especially not on short notice.

[iammalcolmx]

Oct 21, 2013 10:41:48 GMT -5 sweetpea508 said:

I'm a first time SAHM with a 7 week old who is breastfeeding. All of my family/friends with kids work and I haven't developed a network of SAH friends yet. I've been having issues with low supply so I feed quite often as well as take supplements. I don't feel like jury duty is worth asking someone to call in their very limited sick days and or have to pay for childcare. Our jury duty only plays $8/day. The reason I SAH is because we can't afford childcare and I surely cant afford it on $8. This is going to be flame worthy but daycares are dirty places. The kiddo doesn't have all of his vaccinations/flu shot and I don't want him getting sick just because I had to go to jury duty. I don't think the issue is as easy as just telling SAHP's to "just deal with it."

Sho is and they gon get you!!

[ESF]

Can people explain how their counties work? Where is it that people are expected to show up at the drop of a hat and cannot request a new date under any circumstance?

[penguingrrl]

Oct 21, 2013 11:18:55 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:14:53 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Our courts don't have this, which I would imagine is why the exempt sole caregivers for kids under a certain age. And I also think exempting out for a short period of time doesn't mean you never give back or will never serve (or have never served before)

Short period of time? There are people in this thread bitching about finding after school care for their school aged kids. If we carry it that far, that's 11 years (going by the legal age that you can leave a kid home alone in CO) that you're out of performing Jury Duty.

In NJ my mother was exempt until her youngest was 16, which was the age the court considered reasonable for the child to be home alone. My brother is 27 now, so that was still the case 11 years ago. I'm not saying that's reasonable, just that it's what was traditionally the case. I do think that it excludes a lot of people unfairly from the pool (especially since she WOH and my brother was home alone all afternoon starting at age 10, when he aged out of our town's latch key program) but it's not a new concept that people with young children can't leave them unattended to perform their civic duty and it's more difficult for the court to aid in solving childcare issues than it is to say that people with children under a certain age don't need to serve.

[ttt]

Well daycares are dirty places. As are the homes of most people with children. Kids are dirty little creatures.

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:27:42 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:26:38 GMT -5 frlcb said:

How do the kids get there? They do not around me.

the school bus drops them off.

I know some of the local churches have after school care and they go to the school and get the kids. So the public school bus drops the kids off at the Y? Interesting. Our school offers after school care at a high premium, unfortunately.

[pixy0stix]

Oct 21, 2013 11:25:16 GMT -5 ESF said:

Honestly, if anyone thinks that it is still unreasonable to ask a SAHP to find childcare a year in advance, you need to get over yourself.

Ding ding ding ding!

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:32:10 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:30:02 GMT -5 frlcb said:

I know some of the local churches have after school care and they go to the school and get the kids. So the public school bus drops the kids off at the Y? Interesting. Our school offers after school care at a high premium, unfortunately.

yeah, our public school buses will drop kids off where you tell them to. either at a stop by your house or at a stop near a place where you will then pick them up - daycare, in home daycare, church, Y, the after school center.

I think that is great, I wish they did this around here.

[tef]

Oct 21, 2013 11:25:17 GMT -5 ttt said:

I think it's ridiculous to expect a SAHM who has been EBF for five months to suddenly learn how to pump, purchase pumping supplies, cross her fingers and hope baby takes a bottle, and leave baby with strangers she has had neither the time nor the option to research or choose.

Then why didn't she submit ahead of time? I am all for exceptions when asked, but not following the rules (and, really, going in to sign in and ask to be excused takes all of maybe 1-2 hours.  I have not BF, but I'd imagine that is not too long to go without BF.

[ttt]

Oct 21, 2013 11:27:40 GMT -5 ESF said:

Can people explain how their counties work? Where is it that people are expected to show up at the drop of a hat and cannot request a new date under any circumstance?

Isn't that what happened here? She was called less than a month in advance (it doesn't tell us when but it was les than a month) and her request to postpone was denied.

[frlcb]

Oct 21, 2013 11:34:06 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:32:53 GMT -5 frlcb said:

I think that is great, I wish they did this around here.

have you called and asked? i am getting that you dont NEED to, but the option might be there

We aren't at the public school, and our school has no buses. Or do you mean the Y?

[penguingrrl]

Oct 21, 2013 11:26:51 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 21, 2013 11:23:26 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

Do daycares in your area provide drop in or short term care? Do the courthouses offer a care facility? If either is the case, I agree, problem solved. Neither is the case in my area, which is why it's a hardship. I would be all over the idea of court provided care. I would actually love to serve on a jury, but can't because of the lack of childcare options around here, affordable or otherwise.

Yes they do, there are even day drop in facilities.

I don't know about the courthouse, I've never had to check.

Plus, as I said, my work provides emergency care services at discounted prices. Up to 100 hrs a year.

Is it that no services are provided, or that you've never looked because you haven't had to? (Not snark, just wondering.)

I have looked. We were hoping when we moved from NYC to NJ I would return to work, so we started touring facilities towards the end of my pregnancy to make that happen. Then I sent out hundreds of resumes and got no responses and now DH has decided that our previous plan of doing whatever it takes to live near family is scrapped in favor of a tenure track academic position, so my returning to work is back on hold (sob, I love my kids but desperately need the intellectual stimulation; six more months until I know where DHs career will take us and can start looking there). So I am too well aware of the lack of daycare in the area. Now that I've met other moms it seems either you earn enough for a nanny or you SAH, there's no real in between.

DHs current University does not offer childcare services other than an on-campus center that's difficult to get a spot in, his old one had the 50 hours of emergency backup care. I could easily find someone to take my 1st grader after school, but the other two would be much harder to arrange.

[tef]

Oct 21, 2013 11:27:31 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

Oct 21, 2013 10:41:48 GMT -5 sweetpea508 said:

I'm a first time SAHM with a 7 week old who is breastfeeding. All of my family/friends with kids work and I haven't developed a network of SAH friends yet. I've been having issues with low supply so I feed quite often as well as take supplements. I don't feel like jury duty is worth asking someone to call in their very limited sick days and or have to pay for childcare. Our jury duty only plays $8/day. The reason I SAH is because we can't afford childcare and I surely cant afford it on $8. This is going to be flame worthy but daycares are dirty places. The kiddo doesn't have all of his vaccinations/flu shot and I don't want him getting sick just because I had to go to jury duty. I don't think the issue is as easy as just telling SAHP's to "just deal with it."

Sho is and they gon get you!!

No. By dirty she means too beneath her as she is a SAH.  Suck it.  Don't care as this shouldn't be a mommy-war, but she is making it one.