talk about marital problems. whoa.

[thebamker]

*poof*

[jaylea]

Well, I suppose she should have spoken up in the beginning here.

[hubes]

That might be divorce territory.

[papie]

Jun 26, 2012 12:52:59 GMT -5 jaylea said:

Well, I suppose she should have spoken up in the beginning here.

That's what I was thinking too. And hey, if he isn't ok with being the sole breadwinner anymore, that's ok too. But they should have just communicated properly.

[Deleted]

Jun 26, 2012 12:52:59 GMT -5 jaylea said:

Well, I suppose she should have spoken up in the beginning here.

Yep

[rhiannon]

:-|

[bcv513]

I can't even fathom what a 300k pay cut would look like

[Deleted]

Jun 26, 2012 12:53:28 GMT -5 hubes said:

That might be divorce territory.

She'd still end up working.

[mrsjuleshs]

There is no way I would support a huge lifestyle change like that.

[hubes]

Jun 26, 2012 12:56:18 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

Jun 26, 2012 12:53:28 GMT -5 hubes said:

That might be divorce territory.

She'd still end up working.

Not over the money. Over the sheer fact that he just kind of gave her a big old ef you.

[thebamker]

Jun 26, 2012 12:53:28 GMT -5 hubes said:

That might be divorce territory.

divorce really doesn't change the 'suck factor' for her. It's get a job and stay married, or get a job and divorce.

I feel terrible for her b/c nobody thought this would happen. Not just her. (sorry I can't give the details... I'm sure that's annoying)

and yes, I know them. well.

There is always the option of an insane downgrade in lifestyle... but it will be major. I don't know which would be easier to do.

[papie]

Jun 26, 2012 12:57:31 GMT -5 hubes said:

Jun 26, 2012 12:56:18 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

She'd still end up working.

Not over the money. Over the sheer fact that he just kind of gave her a big old ef you.

No he didn't. he applied for what is likely his dream job. She knew about it, but brushed it off with "he'll never get it". Now he got it.

Maybe he hated his job. Maybe he wanted more balance.

[thebamker]

Jun 26, 2012 12:57:31 GMT -5 hubes said:

Jun 26, 2012 12:56:18 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

She'd still end up working.

Not over the money. Over the sheer fact that he just kind of gave her a big old ef you.

not really. she agreed. (in theory b/c it was completely nuts. lol)

[partiallysunny]

Wow.

[Deleted]

Did she know there would be a massive pay cut coming if he got the new job?

[papie]

Now I'm curious. Is he jumping into politics? Versus practicing as a surgeon? (I have no idea about there, but here the pay sucks in politics)

[emjacobs]

I would love to be able to take a $300k / year paycut and still be getting a paycheck.

1) She should have spoke up to begin with
2) She might want to start speaking up about things before it actually happens
3) She might want to start looking in to jobs.

[snipsnsnails]

Did she not realize there would be a downgrade when she gave the go ahead to pursue?

Am I just extra ornery lately? I read this and thought, "Well, she didn't want to be a dream crusher. But when it comes to a $300,000 paycut, she's feels like she has to be?"

[thebamker]

Jun 26, 2012 13:00:57 GMT -5 papie said:

Now I'm curious. Is he jumping into politics? Versus practicing as a surgeon? (I have no idea about there, but here the pay sucks in politics)

[ECB]

Jun 26, 2012 12:59:12 GMT -5 papie said:

Maybe he hated his job. Maybe he wanted more balance.

I lived through a similar experience. DH HATED his job as an attorney, and because of it, he went through a period of depression and really didn't know "how" to get out of it.

So - he crashed and burned. Lost his job, was a tutor for about a year and a 1/2 and now works on a tugboat and is working his way up to becoming a captain. he LOVES what he does now.

It was a HUGE lifestyle change on many fronts for us. $$ was the huge hit at first. Combined, we're still making less than what he was making on his own as an attorney. And now it's his schedule. He works 2 weeks on/ 2 off.

At the time this all went down, it was shocking. But then we actually ended up having DS while DH was only tutoring (and made less than $12k that year), and while we aren't living as nicely as we did - we still have a decent life.

Honestly - because of what we went through, I STRONGLY believe that if you aren't happy, no matter how much you THINK you need your salary, there are choices out there and there are ways to change your life.

I think there are also better ways of navigating this change than how floyd's friend is handling it or my DH handled it, but I also think that the concept of the golden handcuff's is very, VERY hard to walk away from. To the point it affects how you handle the entire situaiton.

[smock]

Were they planning for her to SAH long-term, or was the plan for her to go back to work at some point, like when the kids are in school? If it's the latter, it's not such a huge deal to move up their timetable. If it's the former, she really should have said something sooner.

[thebamker]

Jun 26, 2012 13:02:57 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Did she not realize there would be a downgrade when she gave the go ahead to pursue?

Am I just extra ornery lately? I read this and thought, "Well, she didn't want to be a dream crusher. But when it comes to a $300,000 paycut, she's feels like she has to be?"

I think it was kind of like this:

H - "I just really want to look into it. It's probably never going to happen but I'm not going to be happy if I don't at least explore the opportunity."

W - "I really, really, really, really, really don't like the idea. but I can't see it being a reality - so fine."

H - "great. thanks. I love you. you're awesome. I'm going to make some calls."

*spirals.out.of.control.hard.core*

[peachykate]

Jun 26, 2012 12:55:28 GMT -5 bcv513 said:

I can't even fathom what a 300k pay cut would look like

and if she does find a new job, is this what her salary will look like?

If not, then they have a huge lifestyle change coming their way either way.

I really need to know if she knew what the pay cut would be before I can decide how I feel about this.

[Deleted]

And is his plan she finds a job that will make up the $300K difference? Because even if she were actively practicing law that seems like a nearly impossible job to find. So hopefully they were just saving $300K a year? Or that's discretionary spending money and not actually needed for bills?

Do either of have a plan between crushing his dream and her finding a job right now?

[hubes]

I'm pretty shocked at these responses. Even if I applied for a job and got it- even if it were a long shot, there would be some sort of "can we do this? Can I follow this path?" talk with my SO, not just a "Looks like you are going to have to get a job buddy! Sorry!"

The only thing I can think of is politics, and if that is it, I understand it a bit more on her, but that is a huge sacrifice for the family- not just with the money. But, I think you've said that you have someone close to you running for office, so if this is the couple, then it is probably a little more on her.

[cahabalily]

Isn't it going to be a huge lifestyle change, anyeay? How can she go from SAH to lawyering and start out at $300?

[Tacocat]

I need to know whether the salary cut was discussed before he took the job. That's a big change, but if they both agreed to it, then she should've expected a lifestyle change.

[thebamker]

Jun 26, 2012 13:05:59 GMT -5 smock said:

Were they planning for her to SAH long-term, or was the plan for her to go back to work at some point, like when the kids are in school? If it's the latter, it's not such a huge deal to move up their timetable. If it's the former, she really should have said something sooner.

I don't know the answer to this. I agree with you though.

[papie]

I just don't understand how a couple can make that kind of decision (I know the decision isn't really made, but he apparently thinks it is) without a detailed plan and budget. But that's probably the accountant married to an accountant in me speaking.

[lissaholly]

My first thought is: if a surgeon really wants to change careers, let him. It seems like too serious of a profession to just suck it up and keep at it. As a patient, that thought horrifies me.

My second thought is: if she okayed him pursuing this, she should have been matching his steps and figuring things out before he got it.

Overall it sucks though. Her life has to change.