Did she not realize there would be a downgrade when she gave the go ahead to pursue?
Am I just extra ornery lately? I read this and thought, "Well, she didn't want to be a dream crusher. But when it comes to a $300,000 paycut, she's feels like she has to be?"
I think it was kind of like this:
H - "I just really want to look into it. It's probably never going to happen but I'm not going to be happy if I don't at least explore the opportunity."
W - "I really, really, really, really, really don't like the idea. but I can't see it being a reality - so fine."
H - "great. thanks. I love you. you're awesome. I'm going to make some calls."
*spirals.out.of.control.hard.core*
Aw, dude, I see. It's time for some tough conversations between the two of them now that it can be a reality. Once upon a time, I took an 89% paycut willingly, but you bet I was communicating with DH every step of the way and making sure it could and would work for not just me, but our whole family. Still a huge adjustment. I don't envy the position they're in now as a family.
It sounds like he hasn't taken the job yet, but now it's a really possibility, if I'm reading correctly?
It would be really shitty if he accepted a job with a $300k paycut and informed his spouse via text, like "u must get job ASAP."
But I'm reading it more like they thought it was a long-shot, now it seems like it might actually happen, it's his dream job, and he suggested that she get a job because of the paycut. Which might be shitty or might not be shitty, depending on both of their delivery.
It sounds like she banked on it not happening and committed to something she wasn't ready to actually commit to...because she didn't think it would happen.
I do want to know if she was aware what the change in salary would be. I mean, if he was leaving out that detail on purpose, then it is shady city, but if she just went along with it because she was tired of hearing about it and really didn't think he would get it anyway... well, that's on her.
I'm in the "it SO depends on the discussion how much I'd be pissed"
I applied for a job on the other end of the country last week. The Mr. knows. We both know that 1-I'm unlikely to get an interview, let alone an offer and 2-I think I REALLY want it. But if I get an interview than an offer, THEN we will do the math to see if I could take it, ifit's worth uprooting my family/ending his job for, etc.
One one hand, he isn't happy and she's expecting him to stick w/ being unhappy so she can be the happy SAHM. On the other hand "sure, go ahead and apply" is not carte blanche.
Maybe I'm materialistic, but I'd have a really hard time with a lifestyle change that would occur by taking a hit of $300k. There HAS to be a happy medium... where he could've found an opportunity that would've still made him happy, without taking that much of a hit.
i'm glad they live in norecessionland where a person who opted out of a career as a high paying attorney to be a SAHM can get a law job on minimal notice making anything close to six figures because the legal market hasn't suffered permanently career-altering rates of job loss.
oh wait, they don't. they need to have at least a billion conversations about this, at least one of which covering the "and what if i can't get a job?" possibility. which should've been conducted BEFORE he went after the dream job.
Maybe I'm materialistic, but I'd have a really hard time with a lifestyle change that would occur by taking a hit of $300k. There HAS to be a happy medium... where he could've found an opportunity that would've still made him happy, without taking that much of a hit.
Oh, it's not just you. I'm hung up on this big time. This dude is a surgeon. If they were together throughout his education etc. then she has made some serious sacrifices for his career. I would be nonplussed about the idea of more sacrifice.
I might be projecting. I worked my ass off while my H built his career and he would be sorrily mistaken if he thought I'd be all gung ho about him ditching it all to pursue another dream. No fucking way.
not to mention the types of financial commitments people make when they have that type of "guaranteed" income. like, you know, mortgages. or student loans. or eating ramen during his residency every night.
i'd be having a stroke. this dude needs to rethink how he's approaching this.
Maybe I'm materialistic, but I'd have a really hard time with a lifestyle change that would occur by taking a hit of $300k. There HAS to be a happy medium... where he could've found an opportunity that would've still made him happy, without taking that much of a hit.
Oh, it's not just you. I'm hung up on this big time. This dude is a surgeon. If they were together throughout his education etc. then she has made some serious sacrifices for his career. I would be nonplussed about the idea of more sacrifice.
I might be projecting. I worked my ass off while my H built his career and he would be sorrily mistaken if he thought I'd be all gung ho about him ditching it all to pursue another dream. No fucking way.
EXACTLY!
My DH is talking about not interviewing for a job he was offered. I pretty much put his balls in a vice grip and told him that he at least needs to talk salary. If its higher than his current salary, I don't give a shit if he likes his job.
I'm in the "it SO depends on the discussion how much I'd be pissed"
I applied for a job on the other end of the country last week. The Mr. knows. We both know that 1-I'm unlikely to get an interview, let alone an offer and 2-I think I REALLY want it. But if I get an interview than an offer, THEN we will do the math to see if I could take it, ifit's worth uprooting my family/ending his job for, etc.
One one hand, he isn't happy and she's expecting him to stick w/ being unhappy so she can be the happy SAHM. On the other hand "sure, go ahead and apply" is not carte blanche.
This. DH has made similar compromises for me to have a job I love. ($100 k pay hit to live in an area he doesn't love) If he came to me tomorrow with a job he loved that required some sacrifice, we would sort it out in a way where hopefully nobody would wind up resentful.
I just..... can't fathom having that kind of problem.
This is where I'm at. I don't like my job now, and I make like one trillionth of his salary. I'm pretty sure H or I could suck it up for that kind of dough. Hell, I'd love to.
Surgeons can make millions a year, so a 300k drop may not be a deal breaker for me. BUT if it also included a cross country move, more work hours, less privacy, etc. I would say hell no.
Can he do this new job while still performing surgeries a couple days a week? I'm trying to imagine what kind of job was his dream job.
Post by firedancer49 on Jun 26, 2012 14:22:09 GMT -5
This is why I always tell DH i would possibly consider, but we would have to talk about it more of a reality if he were ever to get a job far away.... or something along this circumstance.
She can still say something to him. I can't imagine not voicing my opinion right away so it is weird to even imagine being in this position. Maybe he has no clue that this cut in paycheck, her need to get a new job etc is even a big deal to her. Maybe he though she was all gun ho on it?
Did she not realize there would be a downgrade when she gave the go ahead to pursue?
Am I just extra ornery lately? I read this and thought, "Well, she didn't want to be a dream crusher. But when it comes to a $300,000 paycut, she's feels like she has to be?"
I think it was kind of like this:
H - "I just really want to look into it. It's probably never going to happen but I'm not going to be happy if I don't at least explore the opportunity."
W - "I really, really, really, really, really don't like the idea. but I can't see it being a reality - so fine."
H - "great. thanks. I love you. you're awesome. I'm going to make some calls."
*spirals.out.of.control.hard.core*
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. I'm not feeling too sorry for this woman.
I'd divorce my H for this. Not for making me work when I've been a SAHM. Not even for pursuing his dream or whatever. But for wholesale plunging into a decision that is hugely life altering and thinking that indulging him in the beginning means I have to go along with the whole shebang.
Even if we had always been a two income family, a 300k blow is ridiculous.
I just don't understand how he thinks someone who's been out of the workforce for X years to be a SAHM (and therefore, all her knowledge of her industry is most likely obsolete) is just going to be able to up and get a job that will make ANY sort of dent in a $300k loss.