Update to Shower Disappointment

[livinitup]

So, I posted that I was disappointed that SIL didn't want me to host her shower in my house. And wise MLs told me that different families do it differently, it's okay, her sisters were enthusiastic, maybe I over stepped, let it go. So I got over it. I bought a nice gift off her registry.

Now, I found out that her sisters aren't planning anything. There is no reservation in a hall where sisters are bringing food and decorations. She has nothing planned and no one is helping her. So she's running around and calling places and looking HERSELF. 

I reach out to her and ask her what she really wants and really listen. Not at a house. Fine. Casual. Fine. Somewhere BIL likes. Fine. I find an available restaurant, that has a nice room, with a great view - right in their neighborhood. It triples my budget but I don't care. They go there all the time. BIL really likes the place. Enthusiastically, she told me to put a deposit down. Then called back a few hours later and said no. She only wants a hall. It has to be a hall.

Why? Because BIL wants a place he can bring a beer keg. He doesn't want to participate in a Jack & Jill (SIL really, really wants it to be J&J) unless its "casual" and that means no house and no restaurant. He wants a hall. Only.

Where does he get the nerve?

[spitforspat]

These people have a lot of demands for a party other people throw for them.

I would be like "well, cool! Have fun planning and I'll keep an eye out for my invitation!"

[ECB]

Well, she's got a lot of nerve too. Sounds like they are perfect for each other.

[speckledfrog]

I don't get why you are so wrapped up in this. It's not weird that they are making compromises to have a shower they will both like. I think you just like being offended.

[papie]

Wtf? I'd tell her good luck at this point and step down.

And how the fuck is a hall more casual than a house??

[purrbox]

If you can't get your deposit back, that's super messed up! What are her plans if the deposit cannot be refunded?

[mandy0810]

They are being ridiculous. Instead of making so many demands, they should be happy that you are taking the time to host a baby shower for them.

[papie]

Nov 13, 2013 15:58:51 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I don't get why you are so wrapped up in this. It's not weird that they are making compromises to have a shower they will both like. I think you just like being offended.

Really??
I think her SIL deserves to plan her own goddamn shower at this point.

[leeann]

I don't see why you even want to help at this point. I'd wash my hands of it and wish her luck with her planning.

[livinitup]

I'm such a fool.


ETA: And I didn't put the deposit down. I was going to do it today. And they didn't have a wedding reception. They are not legally married, just having a baby. I consider her a SIL, though.

[speckledfrog]

Nov 13, 2013 16:01:50 GMT -5 papie said:

Nov 13, 2013 15:58:51 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I don't get why you are so wrapped up in this. It's not weird that they are making compromises to have a shower they will both like. I think you just like being offended.

Really??
I think her SIL deserves to plan her own goddamn shower at this point.

It doesn't sound like she's annoyed with the SIL.  It sounds like she's annoyed with SIL's H because he's interfering with livinitup's desire to plan this shower.

[tacocat]

I would stop helping. I don't see how a hall is more casual than a house.

[ECB]

Let her plan her own shower.  I'm really not sure why you feel responsible.  And if she doesn't plan it?  So be it.  Not everyone gets a shower. 

[papie]

Nov 13, 2013 16:03:52 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Nov 13, 2013 16:01:50 GMT -5 papie said:

Really??
I think her SIL deserves to plan her own goddamn shower at this point.

It doesn't sound like she's annoyed with the SIL.  It sounds like she's annoyed with SIL's H because he's interfering with livinitup's desire to plan this shower.

No it sounds like he wants to micromanage every single detail and his wife is on board with it.
Fuck them.

But I am tired and cranky.

[BaliHai]

Yep, I would tell myself I gave a great effort but then wash my hands of the entire thing. Have fun, SIL!

[BicycleBride]

A home is LESS casual than a hall? Wtf? I didn't read the op but I think at this point it's time to let it go and buy her a nice gift. I don't know how it is near you but here the guest of honor is told how many guests the host can accommodate and provides a guest list and that is all the input she should expect to have. I would be really irritated at BIL and SIL.

[ECB]

Nov 13, 2013 16:05:58 GMT -5 specialk said:

My bet is they already pissed her sisters off and that's why they aren't planning it now, either.

My thoughts too.

[snickers]

Let her plan it herself, and give her the present you got her and call it a day.

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2013 16:05:44 GMT -5 papie said:

Nov 13, 2013 16:03:52 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

It doesn't sound like she's annoyed with the SIL.  It sounds like she's annoyed with SIL's H because he's interfering with livinitup's desire to plan this shower.

No it sounds like he wants to micromanage every single detail and his wife is on board with it.
Fuck them.

But I am tired and cranky.

so am i, papie.  they're acting like assholes.  both of them.

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2013 16:05:05 GMT -5 ECB said:

Let her plan her own shower.  I'm really not sure why you feel responsible.  And if she doesn't plan it?  So be it.  Not everyone gets a shower. 

^^^this.

[shopgirl07]

Nov 13, 2013 16:02:47 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I'm such a fool.


ETA: And I didn't put the deposit down. I was going to do it today. And they didn't have a wedding reception. They are not legally married, just having a baby. I consider her a SIL, though.

OK, now you're being dramatic. Either tell her what you intend to plan and tell her to take it or leave it or bow out. It's not your responsibility and it's not your fault. It's just a shower, don't get too upset over it.

[sonrisa]

Nov 13, 2013 15:58:51 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I don't get why you are so wrapped up in this. It's not weird that they are making compromises to have a shower they will both like. I think you just like being offended.

?

A shower thrown by someone else is a gift. You don't get to be this rude about gifts. If they want to also throw a party of some sort (not a shower), they should just plan that and leave livingitup alone. If they don't want a shower at all, they should have declined graciously when she first offered.

[mrssandro]

I would try to get out of this. They obviously have a completely different vision in mind.

I freaking HALL?? I don't get that at all. How many people are they expecting to come to this event?

[Deleted]

Three times over your budget? Nope. I mean I get that you didn't end up booking the restaurant but don't start going over your budget for these ungrateful people.

[sharknado]

Do it at your house and serve pisco sours.

[Deleted]

You are being way too nice to these assholes.

[EmilieMadison]

Stop letting them walk all over you. Let her do it herself if she can't be happy with what you've already generously offered.

[psychmom]

So she lied about her sisters planning something knowing you had already started and now she's being noncommital about a location? This is getting out of hand. Its time to now out graciously and let her do what she wants to do.

[Deleted]

Nov 13, 2013 15:59:35 GMT -5 freedom said:

I think you need to stop begging them to let you host this. It is not working out.

This. She lied to you so you wouldn't have it at your house, you then are kind enough to try again and then BOOM burnt again.  TIme to bow out

[livinitup]

I wish I could find a meme of a towel being thrown-in dramatically.