I don't know what I am looking for with this post. I just want to say this to someone. I am having a hard time with my 3 week old. We can never seem to settle him down. He won't sleep unless he is laying on someone's chest or right next to us. And even then whoever is holding him can't get much sleep. We are supposed to be waking him up every 3 hours to eat day and night because he is so small. He saves us the trouble by waking us up every 2.5 or so hours. And then at night after he eats he doesn't seem to want to go back to sleep.
I am exclusively pumping. I tried nursing him until about the middle of last week. I just felt like it was taking too long. The LC in the hospital had me nurse him until he quit and then pump to build my supply up. (We were in the hospital for a week after he was born). So a feeding/pumping session would take 40-50 minutes in the middle of the night. I was having a hard time sleeping anyway so I gave up nursing and have just been pumping since then. The problem now is that my supply seems to be going down. I have some milk saved up in the freezer but not enough to last more than a week or so.
I am to the point where I really want to quit pumping and just go to formula. We fought formula in the hospital and with his ped. BM has worked so well for his weight gain. His pediatrician was impressed with his weight gain and I know that it is working to help with that. I know it is the best thing for him. But I am having a hard time with it. It is frustrating to not be able to pump much.
I don't know how to get him to sleep better. It seems that he eats and is fine for an hour or so but then gets fussy. We feed him more and he doesn't want it. It looks like he is struggling to pass gas or poop and sometime he will do that and be fine for a few minutes afterwards.
I just don't know what to do. Our weekends are fine. My mom has been over while my husband has been at work and of course when other people are over he is just an angel and has no problem sleeping for them. Other people comment on how he is such a good/quiet baby and I just think that I am a horrible parent because I can't hardly make him stop crying when I am alone with him.
If someone could give me an end date of when this gets better I could deal with it, I could get though it. I just feel like there is no end in sight.
Feeding the baby shouldn't be stressful, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using formula if it helps YOU.
Hugs. Those first couple weeks are ROUGH but you'll get through it. I don't remember much from the early days, it was so terrible I think I blocked most of it out. Newborns are fucking hard as hell. But it will get easier and before you know, you'll have a smiley baby that acknowledges your existence soon! For me, things eased up around 3 months...I know that seems FOREVER away for you but I just remember once we got out of the 4th trimester and those back to back growth spurts, it was easier and it just keeps getting easier.
Post by speckledfrog on Nov 25, 2013 14:01:06 GMT -5
1. The first 6 weeks are hell on earth. This is a universal truth. 2. Do what ever it is you need to do to retain your sanity and get through and don't ever, for a second, feel guilty about making that choice for your family. 3. Next week will be better. 4. It's cliche, but take a nap if you can. An extra hour will do you a world of good. 5. Don't forget that you are still pumped full of hormones and that shit is no joke. You are riding a crazy train on no sleep. Next week will be better. 6. By the end of 6 weeks I no longer thought I was going to die of trying to keep my kid alive. By 8 weeks I thought I might have had a little bit of a handle on this whole newborn thing.
Post by dragonfly08 on Nov 25, 2013 14:03:14 GMT -5
It gets better. I can't give you a timeline because every kid is different, but these phases DO pass eventually.
My younger daughter went through one where she wouldn't sleep unless she was being held by someone upright...I couldn't even sit/lie down with her. Once when DH had to go out of town, I was awake for four days/nights straight since I was walking her at night and had to take care of #1 during the day (and #1 no longer napped). It's tough and I never thought we'd get through it, but now I look back and actually laugh when I say to DH "remember when..."
I'm glad you have family around to help/support you. That's huge. You're doing fine and you'll make it through, I promise!
Post by oceanstbride on Nov 25, 2013 14:03:25 GMT -5
Lots of hugs. Newborns are rough, even if other people in your life are telling you that DS is good. Have you tried the 5 S's? In the beginning, I would always use a method to soothe our DS that worked and then get so frustrated that it didn't work the next time. They are constantly changing. If you're pumping, can your H feed the baby 1-2 times overnight so you can just literally wake up to pump and go back to sleep. I found that around 3-4 weeks, getting even a 4-5 hour stretch of fairly uninterrupted sleep made a HUGE difference in my mood.
I used to sleep in a recliner with DS in a moby wrap, so he was on my chest and happy but I could fall asleep confident that he wouldn't fall out of my arms. The moby wrap also kept him content when I needed to eat or pee or walk. Pretty much anything. That wrap saved me.
Are you familiar with the 5 S's?
You sound a little conflicted about feeding issues. How can we help? Support your decision to FF? Help trouble shoot pumping and/or breast feeding issues? Just commisserate?
You can always try breastfeeding again. My daughter was small and jaundiced at birth. I had to feed her (with a breast shield), then pump and then give her a bottle. I was getting no sleep, because the process took so long. It was really hard. A few months into it, she was able to feed without the shield and my supply was keeping up with her. It got so much easier. I cried a lot those first few months (and have trouble processing that I may be in a similar situation in a few weeks), but it did get easier and we had eight solid months of breastfeeding before my supply dried up.
I am not saying that you should not switch to formula. There is nothing wrong with that and you need to do what is best for you and your family. But please know that it can (and will) get better. Is your husband helping you at night?
Post by Velar Fricative on Nov 25, 2013 14:10:37 GMT -5
Hugs. I agree with the above advice about naps - I was never a nap person before DD came along but I quickly learned how helpful even an hour-long nap was during her first couple of weeks. I'm glad you have help.
As for switching to formula, that's your decision to make and no matter what you decide, your baby will be fed appropriately. If it is important to you to keep trying to nurse, I say keep trying daily. I EPed for DD's first week until she finally, and completely randomly, latched on (with a nipple shield). Then just as randomly at around 6 weeks old, she latched on beautifully without the shield and it's been smooth sailing ever since. If you're not ready to make the switch to formula, keep trying to get him to latch at least a couple of times a day. No guarantees, but maybe he'll just suddenly decide he's ready to latch on! And if you decide to stop and switch to formula, that's fine too! Happy mom, happy baby.
Good luck - it gets so much better, so hang in there. You're a great mom.
I used to sleep in a recliner with DS in a moby wrap, so he was on my chest and happy but I could fall asleep confident that he wouldn't fall out of my arms. The moby wrap also kept him content when I needed to eat or pee or walk. Pretty much anything. That wrap saved me.
Are you familiar with the 5 S's?
You sound a little conflicted about feeding issues. How can we help? Support your decision to FF? Help trouble shoot pumping and/or breast feeding issues? Just commisserate?
I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know if I am ready to give up BF/pumping just because I know it is working. I know he is gaining the weight that he needs. Any ideas on why my supply would be going down more and more? What can I do to get it back up?
You can always try breastfeeding again. My daughter was small and jaundiced at birth. I had to feed her (with a breast shield), then pump and then give her a bottle. I was getting no sleep, because the process took so long. It was really hard. A few months into it, she was able to feed without the shield and my supply was keeping up with her. It got so much easier. I cried a lot those first few months (and have trouble processing that I may be in a similar situation in a few weeks), but it did get easier and we had eight solid months of breastfeeding before my supply dried up.
I am not saying that you should not switch to formula. There is nothing wrong with that and you need to do what is best for you and your family. But please know that it can (and will) get better. Is your husband helping you at night?
My husband has been great. I feel bad that he has to get up because he has to go to work in the mornings and I don't.
I used to sleep in a recliner with DS in a moby wrap, so he was on my chest and happy but I could fall asleep confident that he wouldn't fall out of my arms. The moby wrap also kept him content when I needed to eat or pee or walk. Pretty much anything. That wrap saved me.
Are you familiar with the 5 S's?
You sound a little conflicted about feeding issues. How can we help? Support your decision to FF? Help trouble shoot pumping and/or breast feeding issues? Just commisserate?
I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know if I am ready to give up BF/pumping just because I know it is working. I know he is gaining the weight that he needs. Any ideas on why my supply would be going down more and more? What can I do to get it back up?
Hang in there! Your baby is gaining weight, and that's the most important thing. Some people don't respond well to pumping, so that could affect your supply. Can you try nursing again? DD took 45 min to eat at that age, and it felt like forever, and then she would eat again an hour later. It was really not what I expected at all with BFing, but she did get faster eventually. Once I figured out side lying nursing, it was like my life changed. You are still in survival mode right now, so just do what you can to get through, and it will get better!
I used to sleep in a recliner with DS in a moby wrap, so he was on my chest and happy but I could fall asleep confident that he wouldn't fall out of my arms. The moby wrap also kept him content when I needed to eat or pee or walk. Pretty much anything. That wrap saved me.
Are you familiar with the 5 S's?
You sound a little conflicted about feeding issues. How can we help? Support your decision to FF? Help trouble shoot pumping and/or breast feeding issues? Just commisserate?
I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know if I am ready to give up BF/pumping just because I know it is working. I know he is gaining the weight that he needs. Any ideas on why my supply would be going down more and more? What can I do to get it back up?
my supply went down when I went back to work and started pumping so that could be it. Are you bfing during the day? Are you ssleeping when he sleeps?
I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know if I am ready to give up BF/pumping just because I know it is working. I know he is gaining the weight that he needs. Any ideas on why my supply would be going down more and more? What can I do to get it back up?
my supply went down when I went back to work and started pumping so that could be it. Are you bfing during the day? Are you ssleeping when he sleeps?
I stopped bfing and just have been pumping. I guess I can give it another try. I feel like a week ago my breasts would get hard and full of milk and be leaking all over the place and now I hardly ever get to that point. Like they are never full and ready to go.
Post by leshoequeen on Nov 25, 2013 14:26:26 GMT -5
I'm never sure of the right thing to say about BF vs. FF, but for me personally I had to make a choice for my own sanity. I had PPD and BF was not going well at all for me so I switched. It was the best decision I could have made and my baby is perfectly healthy.
It will get better soon! Its so hard to function on minimal sleep.
You sound a little conflicted about feeding issues. How can we help? Support your decision to FF? Help trouble shoot pumping and/or breast feeding issues? Just commisserate?
I don't know what I am looking for. I don't know if I am ready to give up BF/pumping just because I know it is working. I know he is gaining the weight that he needs. Any ideas on why my supply would be going down more and more? What can I do to get it back up?
Basically everything @mrswindycity said. The decrease could be from not nursing, responding poorly to the pump, the wrong flange size or worn out membranes, hormonal changes, not eating and drinking enough... there's a million things that impact milk supply.
Since you've been pumping a lot, try changing your pump membranes (little white things on a Medela PISA) or valves (white rubbery things on an Ameda PY). If you're interested in nursing again, try latching him or see an LC for help getting back to breast.
There are foods like oatmeal and supplements like fenugreek that you can try if you want. Lactation cookies boost the mood if nothing else
Or, just combo feed. Pump what you can and use formula for the rest. There is nothing wrong with combo feeding.
You can always try breastfeeding again. My daughter was small and jaundiced at birth. I had to feed her (with a breast shield), then pump and then give her a bottle. I was getting no sleep, because the process took so long. It was really hard. A few months into it, she was able to feed without the shield and my supply was keeping up with her. It got so much easier. I cried a lot those first few months (and have trouble processing that I may be in a similar situation in a few weeks), but it did get easier and we had eight solid months of breastfeeding before my supply dried up.
I am not saying that you should not switch to formula. There is nothing wrong with that and you need to do what is best for you and your family. But please know that it can (and will) get better. Is your husband helping you at night?
My husband has been great. I feel bad that he has to get up because he has to go to work in the mornings and I don't.
Sorry. I re-read my post. I hope it didn't come off as unsupportive. I was just saying that as the baby gets older, things change and it will get easier.
I tried to do it all on my own, because my husband had to work. It wasn't a great idea. Take the support when you have it. Your husband sounds great.
Post by karinothing on Nov 25, 2013 14:43:55 GMT -5
I am sorry, newborns can be rough. DS only slept on our chests for every 2.5 months, and eat every 2 hours. It was hard. I will say, it was better when we excepted that he wanted to sleep on us. I used to just lay flat in my bed, with him on my chest. I used a thin sheet pulled up to my waist. I felt comfortable with that, but I know a lot of others don't.
Your post hits so close to home. I was in the same boat, and honestly for me it got better once I decided to give up pumping and switch to formula. It was a huge huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I know that may be unpopular in general, but the fact is you need to be a good mom to your baby. For me, that meant making the decision to remove a huge obstacle in my life. Towards the end I just made small goals for myself and it helped my confidence. Pump for 3 more days, pump through the weekend, be done on Wednesday for example.
It will get better. 6 weeks was a turning point for me, and then again at 12 weeks. Things get soooo soooo sooo much better after 3 months. Good luck, you are doing great!!
Post by blindyswife on Nov 25, 2013 14:49:39 GMT -5
The first few weeks are a war zone, man. You are just trying to stay alive, and keep your baby alive. That, coupled with your hormones being totally bananas, makes it seriously HARD. Ditto the poster that said it will soon be a hazy memory.
I agree that if you're seeing a decrease in supply, its because babies trigger the supply/demand better than a pump. If you want to keep BFing, get baby to back to that breast as much as possible. Ditch the pump entirely, for now. IMO, there is no need to be worrying about the pump or your stash at this point.
Take it easy on yourself. You are not doing a bad job. It will get better. HUGS!
my supply went down when I went back to work and started pumping so that could be it. Are you bfing during the day? Are you ssleeping when he sleeps?
I stopped bfing and just have been pumping. I guess I can give it another try. I feel like a week ago my breasts would get hard and full of milk and be leaking all over the place and now I hardly ever get to that point. Like they are never full and ready to go.
(((hugs))) I know how unsettling this can be, but not feeling full does not mean that your body doesn't have enough milk. Your LO nursing (or the letdown feature on the pump) will trigger your body to make more milk immediately.
If you want to try nursing again, just give it a try. Even if it's just one session. If you are concerned your LO isn't getting enough, get a scale and do weighed feedings, or call your LC and see about doing weighed feedings with her or at your pedi's office. The weighed feedings are the only reason I was able to nurse for a year without driving myself insane. If you want to, go to formula. You need to do what's best for you at this point.
I had a colicky infant for 4 months. I thought I was going to lose my mind. It sounds like your LO may be similar. I highly recommend getting a wrap carrier (I used the K'Tan) as it gives them the feel of being swaddled and allows them to be close to you. DS and I would hang out and do skin-to-skin pretty much all day in the K'Tan. It was the only way he would nap for 3 months.
Also, I realize it's cold in many parts of the country right now, but if you can get outside, do it. The silence of outdoors would settle my DS almost immediately. It worked even better than white noise. Our daily walk while I was on maternity leave saved me.
Hang in there. It will get better. You are in survival mode right now. Do whatever you need to.
We wnet through the only sleep on us stage and then bought a rock n play sleeper at 3 weeks. Our dd slept great in that swaddled. Changed our lives, might be worth a try.
Post by turtlegirl on Nov 25, 2013 15:15:44 GMT -5
Lots and lots of hugs! I could have written this post 3 years ago.
My first rarely slept for the first few months unless he was being held or snuggled up next to someone. My husband and I would trade off bedsharing with him every 2-3 hours in the guest room. That way the other person got a couple of hours of good sleep by themselves. We were pretty much walking zombies back then.
It definitely starts to get better around 2-3 months.
Also - I would try to get back to just breastfeeding him. Pumping sucks, especially in the middle of the night. Both my boys took a long time to nurse (40-50 mins a session) in the beginning. Right around 2 months they both got more efficient with their sucking and nursing sessions got down to only 10-15 minutes.
No advice but big hugs. Hang in there. It will get better.
My DD had reflux and was colicky. She cried for almost 6 months straight. It was in no way a reflection of my parenting skills. It sucked and was completely awful but it had nothing to do with me. She is a very happy little thing now.
We had weight problems due to reflux (it sounds like you have weight problems due to premature birth?). If you ever need to vent, feel free to PM me. You are NOT alone. Many of us have had fussy, finicky babies that aren't easily soothed and many of us have had very small babies and struggled with weight gain. It WILL get better.
Good luck and try to take it easy on yourself. You are doing a good job. It's early days yet, it doesn't have to be perfect
Lots of hugs - these ladies have all given you some great advice. It really doesn't seem like it in the moment, and sometimes in that moment you may not want to hear that it gets better eventually, you want a way for it to get better now! (I've been there and raged at my DH when he'd say this to me). But it really does, the newborn stage is so hard. Whatever you decide about BF or FF, you are doing what is best for your LO and your family.
Post by imojoebunny on Nov 25, 2013 15:40:29 GMT -5
My DD was small, and didn't gain weight easily, so I get were your coming from. I had to BF, then give a bottle, then pump at every feeding for about 6 weeks, then it got better. I would not wake him, if he is sleeping, since it sounds like he is mostly waking on his own. My DD started sleeping 6 hours a night around 4 weeks, and no way was I waking her. She also cried a great deal for seemingly no reason. They put her on Zantac at one point. I promise you it is not forever.
Engorged leaky boobs don't last more than a few days. Otherwise we'd all be pretty miserable. Supply is more about your baby if your nursing, or oz if you're pumping, not how your boobs feel.
If you think you might want to keep nursing, I would try to get the baby back to the breast at least during the day. And of course, you know you have options. Just seek support (here and from a LC or LLL) before you quit if you're not yet "there" on not regretting quitting.
A BFing support group could be really helpful, and seeing a LC. They can help figure out combo feeding, getting baby back to breast, or whatever you choose to do. I know I've struggled with pumping since going back to work, I would have really struggled adding pumping in at three weeks.
Everyone has said it, but it's so hard. I had a very fussy/borderline colicky baby, and I've already blocked it out. He's so much easier now, but there were some very dark days. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, time really will make it better!
Post by UnderProtest on Nov 25, 2013 16:22:29 GMT -5
Hugs. Breastfeeding didn't go well for me and I ended up formula feeding for my sanity. My kids are still healthy and I was a much happier mom. I will say I was really conflicted about giving up on breastfeeding and I had some guilt afterward, but overall I am very happy with my decision. You know what your breaking point is.