I can't decide how to deal with one particular person. I've known her a long time and our relationship has had its ups and downs. However, every time I mention running she feels she has to warn me about shin splints. It's beginning to really irritate me. I have never had shin splints, neither has she. It's like she doesn't want me to run and I haven't got a clue why. Fortunately she lives on the other side of the world and I don't have to face her often, but yesterday when I posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to join me for a couple of HMs, she again had to pipe up with "be careful of shin splints". Gah!!
My mom is like this. Every time she sees a picture of me (or comes to a comp for that matter) and sees me with weight overhead, she tells me I'm destroying my shoulders and I would be able to lift with hypothetical, not-yet-conceived children. I ignore it. Every single time. I have to be very consistent with ignoring her because she feeds off of the attention. Do not negotiate.
Have you tried something like "Thank you SO much for warning me of the shin splints. I have seen my doctor. I don't have them, and he said that I can run without fear of getting them. I REALLY appreciate your concern, but please don't mention them again."? That would irritate me.
Wambam, that is super annoying. I told my dad I'd entered in the Paris Marathon and his first response was 'will that interfere with me getting a grandchild?" I was floored. Told him if I ever actually got pregnant I would not do the marathon, but until then I don't see why I shouldn't run, nor does my doctor.
Sadlebred, love your response. I think I will have to say it to her if she says it once more. I've been trying to ignore it, but it's just getting tiresome. It's not like I am asking for her advice. She is overweight, never sticks to any fitness plan and moans about being big. I wonder if that's part of it. Sure, maybe if she actually ran as much as me right now, she'd get injured, but I have put in months of elliptical, spin and other low impact work to start running again. I didn't just one day start running half marathons.
Non-running friends and running are a tough mix. Most people who aren't runners don't "get" it, and don't know how to be supportive, even if they want to be. Others don't even particularly want to be, either because they're jealous of your fitness/accomplishment, because it reminds them of their lack of fitness, because they resent how much of your time it takes up now, etc., etc. Still others are actively annoyed at runners because they find FB posts about running to be annoying, etc.
My solution is a lot more passive. I created a FB friend group for my tri/running friends, and when I post something about training/racing, I usually limit the privacy setting to that group. My friends from other circles don't have to see it and can't get annoyed by it (or comment negatively on it), and I get the validation/response that I'm looking for from the friends who care and want to know. I guess that's the other half of it too - having friends who are into it and who "get" it. It's not to say you should ditch old friends, but also having people who share the interest so you can get your fix talking about it is important.
My Mom is this way and it's extremely frustrating. Like cheshire, it has everything to do with her wanting another Grandkid. Every time I talk about my half Ironman next year, (or my dog, or something exciting with my job) it's immediately "well when are you having a baby??" I wish I had her support, but I don't and never will until I'm knocked up.
Hang in there until the point when you can stand it any more, then have a real conversation with her. It stinks that she can't just be supportive.
That's so annoying. I feel like for whatever reason fitness is one of those things where everyone feels free to throw in their 2c, even when it's totally unnecessary or none of their business. I really try not to post much about running on FB - everyone thinks I run too much (I don't) or I'm too skinny already (I'm definitely not) or else I just end up looking like a huge AW and I feel weird about it. To be fair, I don't have many FB friends who are as active as I am, and even if they are it's not really something they talk about much. So I try to get it out of my system here where everyone gets it.
Side note: That is one of my biggest pet peeves - when other people think they have the right to an opinion about the state of my uterus. NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
Completely agree with all of your points. She is a good friend, but we sometimes don't see eye to eye (she once made an anti-Jewish remark and I told her I was offended by it and she said that I shouldn't be offended because I'm not Jewish. I told her that I don't have to be Jewish to find racism offensive. We didn't speak for a while.) I don't post about running much on Facebook, in fact I only post if I have done a race, so roughly once a month. I come to this board to talk about running
So I really don't get what her fear is that I will get shin splints. Perhaps it is jealousy. I've got a history of achieving things that she hasn't. She is still finishing her first degree (she's 36 now) while I got my Masters last year, she loves to travel but is stuck in the place we lived when we met while I have been overseas for 12 years. She's put on quite a bit of weight while I am a US size 4 - 6. Plus, she wanted to do the Paris marathon. That said, she's got a beautiful family which I don't. Maybe she's unhappy with her choices?
Oh, and I have a friend who posts every. single. workout she does on Facebook, including posts when she is on her way to a workout and on her way home from a workout. I find that really excessive but I don't say anything, I can always take her out of my feed. Besides, she does it to make herself feel accountable, and she has lost 55kgs so it's clearly working!
Side note: That is one of my biggest pet peeves - when other people think they have the right to an opinion about the state of my uterus. NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
I hear ya! It's made worse by the fact that I feel bad enough about probably ruining my chances by getting cervical cancer. I don't need the guilt that I'm not giving someone a grandchild. Sigh.
Wambam, that is super annoying. I told my dad I'd entered in the Paris Marathon and his first response was 'will that interfere with me getting a grandchild?" I was floored. Told him if I ever actually got pregnant I would not do the marathon, but until then I don't see why I shouldn't run, nor does my doctor.
Sadlebred, love your response. I think I will have to say it to her if she says it once more. I've been trying to ignore it, but it's just getting tiresome. It's not like I am asking for her advice. She is overweight, never sticks to any fitness plan and moans about being big. I wonder if that's part of it. Sure, maybe if she actually ran as much as me right now, she'd get injured, but I have put in months of elliptical, spin and other low impact work to start running again. I didn't just one day start running half marathons.
Dang. Balls of steel.
One of my biggest pet peeves is parents that make comments like that. MIL used to do that but then we told her we aren't having kids, she quit making comments; it wasn't a total lie, we weren't sure for a while, but she didn't need to know that. We never told her we were trying or even considering trying. She shut her mouth about it.
I have no advice for your "friend." Find a good article about shin splits, and post it in response to her comments and let her know you're taking all precautions to avoid shin splints.
My mom is like this. Every time she sees a picture of me (or comes to a comp for that matter) and sees me with weight overhead, she tells me I'm destroying my shoulders and I would be able to lift with hypothetical, not-yet-conceived children. I ignore it. Every single time. I have to be very consistent with ignoring her because she feeds off of the attention. Do not negotiate.
My mom is like this too, she is so concerned about my knees. I finally asked if she would prefer if my blood sugar was back at prediabetic levels. She has since stopped talking about my knees.
Non-running friends and running are a tough mix. Most people who aren't runners don't "get" it, and don't know how to be supportive, even if they want to be. Others don't even particularly want to be, either because they're jealous of your fitness/accomplishment, because it reminds them of their lack of fitness, because they resent how much of your time it takes up now, etc., etc.
Wambam, that is super annoying. I told my dad I'd entered in the Paris Marathon and his first response was 'will that interfere with me getting a grandchild?"
This made me LOL. My mom has been so patient. Luckily my sister spent the last 5 yrs giving her two beautiful granddaughters, so she's had a distraction. They were both hoping that we would start trying on our London & Paris trip this past spring, then I had to break it to them that I was signed up for the Chicago marathon in Oct. I think in her mind, that meant that maybe it meant we would try after Chicago. (Which actually was the plan at the beginning of last year. It's changed)
When I went home for Christmas, one of the first things she did was offer me a drink. I was about half way through my drink when she said, "So I guess this means no surprise Christmas announcement?" LOL. What? No. Poor thing. I then mentioned my marathon in 3 weeks, and my sister said, "I told you. I told you she had another big race & that you were crazy." When I called her the other day & mentioned our Italy trip for this September, I'm pretty sure she died a little inside. Parents!
Anyway, the friend thing is annoying, and her obsession with shin splints is....odd. 5 marathons, and not once have I had even a hint of them. It's just not one of the injuries I get. It seems like possibly a combination of different insecurities. I'm the type of person that would just ignore it, or reply each time with a very simple, "I'm good. Thanks!" Really, I wouldn't entertain her with a big response.
Wambam, that is super annoying. I told my dad I'd entered in the Paris Marathon and his first response was 'will that interfere with me getting a grandchild?"
This made me LOL. My mom has been so patient. Luckily my sister spent the last 5 yrs giving her two beautiful granddaughters, so she's had a distraction. They were both hoping that we would start trying on our London & Paris trip this past spring, then I had to break it to them that I was signed up for the Chicago marathon in Oct. I think in her mind, that meant that maybe it meant we would try after Chicago. (Which actually was the plan at the beginning of last year. It's changed)
When I went home for Christmas, one of the first things she did was offer me a drink. I was about half way through my drink when she said, "So I guess this means no surprise Christmas announcement?" LOL. What? No. Poor thing. I then mentioned my marathon in 3 weeks, and my sister said, "I told you. I told you she had another big race & that you were crazy." When I called her the other day & mentioned our Italy trip for this September, I'm pretty sure she died a little inside. Parents!
Anyway, the friend thing is annoying, and her obsession with shin splints is....odd. 5 marathons, and not once have I had even a hint of them. It's just not one of the injuries I get. It seems like possibly a combination of different insecurities. I'm the type of person that would just ignore it, or reply each time with a very simple, "I'm good. Thanks!" Really, I wouldn't entertain her with a big response.
Oh wow! It sounds like they are all speculating behind your back! My dad already has five grandchildren thanks to my siblings. I swear he wants me to have a kid way more than I do.
I am curious to know how common shin splints are, but in all the injuries I have read on this board which has dozens of ladies that exercise as much or more than I do, I haven't seen it mentioned once.
I have had some very minor knee pain (pain is too strong a word, discomfort?) and when that happens I rest up and it comes good. I was uncomfortable when I came back from skiing but I had been skiing about 30 mikes a day plus I did a 13 mile run while on the ski trip. I couldn't fully straighten one leg. But like I said, I rested it and it seems fine now.
so yeah, I guess I wish she'd either say something encouraging or stfu about a condition I don't even have and might not get. Especially when I was trying to encourage other people to run.
I have no advice, but I might just be choking out the next person who tells me I'm destroying my knees by running marathons. a) my knees are fine and b) I don't run marathons that often. 3 marathons in 5 years hardly makes me an avid marathoner.
I'm going to admit that I once was the morbidly obese person judging people who ran. Not vocally or by posting stuff on people's FB pages, but I think I was judging them in a way that wasn't quite jealousy but more of a rationalization of my own inaction. Like telling myself over and over "running causes shin splints/knee damage/etc." so that I justified the fact that I didn't even want to try it.
Not necessarily trying to play psychiatrist for your friend, but this just triggered that memory of myself.
Very interesting, and honest, thank you for sharing. Because she's vocal about it, I feel like it's more jealousy, but you could be right. She gives up a lot and tries to make herself feel better. If something is too hard, she resents me completing the same thing. She's missing the fact that it's no easier for me, I'm just more stubborn or determined. Running isn't easy for many people, whether it's managing boredom, physical condition, surroundings (hats off to those of you running in snow right now!) or lifestyle (again, hat tip to those with busy jobs and or kids). Running is hard for most people. But while she has a grand idea and puts a half hour effort into achieving it then gets distracted, I'm like a dog with a bone. Which is why I am a project manager in real life: I like to complete tasks.
I have no advice, but I might just be choking out the next person who tells me I'm destroying my knees by running marathons. a) my knees are fine and b) I don't run marathons that often. 3 marathons in 5 years hardly makes me an avid marathoner.
My knees are better now than when I first started running. People are like parrots. They just squawk out anything they hear. Running= bad knees & shin splints.
I have no advice, but I might just be choking out the next person who tells me I'm destroying my knees by running marathons. a) my knees are fine and b) I don't run marathons that often. 3 marathons in 5 years hardly makes me an avid marathoner.
Exactly! I only plan on doing Paris Marathon. After that, half Mara all the way. I like that distance. It feels rewarding without a ginormous training plan. Why is it so wrong to want to do a marathon that people feel they have to piss on your chips to discourage you?
I'm sorry your friend does that. I'd be inclined to say something eventually to her, in an attempt to shut her up about shin splints.
My MIL was sure H and I were going to die training/running marathons. She made off hand comments about "your seriously going to do that".
To make matters worse, I get asked if I think running is why I can't get pregnant and have to do fertility treatments. Quite often actually. It makes me see red and I have to hold my tongue. If my OB is fine with me running, then its none of your business!
To make matters worse, I get asked if I think running is why I can't get pregnant and have to do fertility treatments. Quite often actually. It makes me see red and I have to hold my tongue. If my OB is fine with me running, then its none of your business!
This is so horrible and terrible. I'm sorry that people are saying that!
Non-running friends and running are a tough mix. Most people who aren't runners don't "get" it, and don't know how to be supportive, even if they want to be. Others don't even particularly want to be, either because they're jealous of your fitness/accomplishment, because it reminds them of their lack of fitness, because they resent how much of your time it takes up now, etc., etc. Still others are actively annoyed at runners because they find FB posts about running to be annoying, etc.
My solution is a lot more passive. I created a FB friend group for my tri/running friends, and when I post something about training/racing, I usually limit the privacy setting to that group. My friends from other circles don't have to see it and can't get annoyed by it (or comment negatively on it), and I get the validation/response that I'm looking for from the friends who care and want to know. I guess that's the other half of it too - having friends who are into it and who "get" it. It's not to say you should ditch old friends, but also having people who share the interest so you can get your fix talking about it is important.
Totally agree with all of this. I have found it best to have my running friends and my non-running friends. Of course my running comes up during the course of conversation sometimes with non-running friends, but I save the bulk of it for my running friends. I joined a big national running group and started a local chapter, which has now grown to 200+ people and started spreading into new chapters around my area, so I have plenty of people to talk to about running now!
My aunt tells me every time she sees me about how her husband had to have 2 knee replacements because of all the running he did when he was younger. Which is super-annoying because I'm 41 and my knees are fine! Luckily other than that I have very few friends who don't get it at all. But that may be because I like to surround myself with the same kind of crazy as me.
The rare times I get shitty comments, I usually just say to the person "Why do you think it's ok to say something like that?" That usually shuts them up pretty quick, or if they try to stammer out a response, I can cut them off and say "It's really not supportive and is pretty rude."
My mom, however, is convinced that my knee surgery was because I started running. "All that pounding can't be helping your knees at all." Thanks mom. She's also a nurse. *head desk*
To make matters worse, I get asked if I think running is why I can't get pregnant and have to do fertility treatments. Quite often actually. It makes me see red and I have to hold my tongue. If my OB is fine with me running, then its none of your business!
This is so horrible and terrible. I'm sorry that people are saying that!
People suck sometimes. There's a lot of stupid things said when people don't understand how things work.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jan 3, 2014 17:47:22 GMT -5
I agree. So annoying. Thinking jealousy for your friend. My mom drives me crazy and is always telling me I'm pushing myself too hard, going to hurt my knees or get too skinny. I am a size four so this is strange.
I'm sorry you're having this issue,but glad you posted because now I know I'm not alone with these comments. I always get the comment I'm ruining my knees (?!?!?) from my in laws, friends, mom... It's an annoyance and I try not to talk about running. Usually my in laws bring it up (when is your next race, how many miles did you run today). My advice is to try to nicely inform your friend that your shins are fine; she can stop asking about them.
I've found runner friends/coworkers who I talk about running with. Everyone else I don't talk about it since I either get negative comments or blank stares =)
That is annoying. If it's only via FB, I would either hide running posts from her, or add a comment to my next post saying "And yes, X, before you issue your unfailing reminder, I will watch out for shin splints." If she kept doing it, I would probably send her a private message saying "I get it, enough."
If she does it in person, you can communicate a lot with a WTF facial expression and a light tone and a laugh. "I knew you were going to say that! Do you realize you say it every time I mention running?"
To make matters worse, I get asked if I think running is why I can't get pregnant and have to do fertility treatments. Quite often actually. It makes me see red and I have to hold my tongue. If my OB is fine with me running, then its none of your business!
Wow! That would make me want to throat punch whoever said that. Hugs.