Over analyzer (s) , party of ___?

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I'm definitely with you. I'm not breezy. I would love to be and I hope I am able to hide my non-breeziness, but it's work.

I would be annoyed with him and the "I'll try" because it's almost like he making it out that you are being needy or something, when that wasn't the case at all.

[Deleted]

I'm only hella breezy when I don't give much of a damn.  If I care?  OVERANALYZE EVERYTHING NOW NOW NOW.

I'm breezy right now with the guy I'm dating. We are going to have thesex tonight. I worry he's going to blurt out the L word too soon in this dating thing we have going on. (sigh). He's way into me (oh yeah baby) and I'm like halfway into him (hey-oh!). I keep stressing the breeziness, and I think he's happy I'm not psycho smothering. But where a void exists, an opportunities lies... (for him to become a Stage 5er). We'll see how tonight goes.

[btay]

Anyone else thinking of the episode of Friends where Monica calls Richard and says on his voicemail "I'm breezy!"



Just me?

In all honesty, dating sucks and I do not ever want to have to do it again. I told my husband if we end up divorcing I will be perfectly content as crazy dog lady.

[Deleted]

I think trusting your gut will never steer you wrong.

[becwheat]

When I dated I was a lot like you. Even at my most confident, I still would just assume they didn't want to talk or were not that into me.

5 years ago I would have been just like you and been sad or letdown, in the last couple years I was ok with it. I still over analyzed, but it didn't bum me out quite as much. I was lucky enough not to have to worry about this in my relationship now, but he will be the first to tell you I over think things.

Just remember that his decisions never take away from the fact that you are awesome, even if he decides to move on. Have a moment to be bummed then shake it off.

[Deleted]

Well maybe you have to find a way to learn to tolerate the unknown? That's hard for me too.

[Deleted]

Hair pats I know what that is like. I think it's best, especially in the beginning to avoid sending texts about issues that would be better discussed in person. I learned that I tend to send texts to help alleviate my anxiety but can make a situation worse. If he's already stressed, getting a text in the morning from someone he's been on three dates with asking him why he's being distant is just going to add to the pressure he feels. I get the want for sending the text, I really do, but I've learned to change my behaviors. If I felt like he was being distant I say something in the moment "hey you seem distracted tonight did you have a stressful day at work?"

Because in all honesty he probably has some stressful stuff happening, was looking forward to hanging with you tonight to get his mind off of it, and now you've put pressure on him not to act "distant." Thus what could likely lead to the blow-off you know?

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh because I totally have a lot of the same behaviors and my therapist helped me sort of see how my behavior may be affecting the other person when that's not my intent. 

[tsk1564]

Feb 4, 2014 14:57:56 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

I'm only hella breezy when I don't give much of a damn.  If I care?  OVERANALYZE EVERYTHING NOW NOW NOW.

This is me. Dating is a head game, sometimes the disappointment is worse when you have just met because you haven't gotten the chance to figure out their flaws. I'm always left wondering where I messed up. At least when you've figured out their bizarre and totally unacceptable personality quirk (that everyone has) you can be all, "eh, fuck it".

[Deleted]

I don't know. I know I can't tell "tone" but this does seem like he's not that into you.

Which sucks because I am sure you are great, and in the very least an explanation is always nice.

The "i'll try" response to a pointless work text, and the "I have stuff going on at work and IN MY PERSONAL LIFE" strike me as odd.

[Eureka1984]

Feb 4, 2014 14:54:31 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

I'm definitely with you. I'm not breezy. I would love to be and I hope I am able to hide my non-breeziness, but it's work.

I would be annoyed with him and the "I'll try" because it's almost like he making it out that you are being needy or something, when that wasn't the case at all.

I agree with this entirely. Since starting the divorce process I can't even imagine getting out there. I think it's tough with online dating and all.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I definitely think 3rd date is well within the "adoring" phase of any relationship. I see what you mean about how he was acting last night and today as kind of a setup to cancel. Hopefully he is just having a stressful couple of days, but I don't think that's any excuse to be rude on a date.

[stephreloaded]

I would be put off with that message too.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 15:33:44 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Feb 4, 2014 14:57:56 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

I'm only hella breezy when I don't give much of a damn.  If I care?  OVERANALYZE EVERYTHING NOW NOW NOW.

I'm breezy right now with the guy I'm dating. We are going to have thesex tonight. I worry he's going to blurt out the L word too soon in this dating thing we have going on. (sigh). He's way into me (oh yeah baby) and I'm like halfway into him (hey-oh!). I keep stressing the breeziness, and I think he's happy I'm not psycho smothering. But where a void exists, an opportunities lies... (for him to become a Stage 5er). We'll see how tonight goes.

Does he know you are having the sex tonight? Last week with ManyCondomsGuy, I was pretty sure before I went out, but he wasn't aware of my intentions until we were leaving the show. 
He had to stop on the way to my house for condoms. 

Oh, he knows.  He's meeting me at my place at 10pm.  All the things are ready.

ETA: I always carry my own condoms if I go out, and have a value sized box at home.  Be prepared!

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 15:19:42 GMT -5 mp said:

Feb 4, 2014 15:14:39 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

I definitely think 3rd date is well within the "adoring" phase of any relationship. I see what you mean about how he was acting last night and today as kind of a setup to cancel. Hopefully he is just having a stressful couple of days, but I don't think that's any excuse to be rude on a date.

In all fairness to him, he wasn't rude - just less "connected". Second date we had been at his apt and snuggled and talked. (We've not had sex yet). Last night after dinner was more like - we sat on the couch and watched a show, but not cuddly. He was really sweet the first two dates, and this time he was just *polite*.

I would give him a break.  If he's stressed out and making time for you, he still adores you*.  He just may not be 100% focused on you right now.

*I could be totally wrong, but I hope I'm not.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 15:46:42 GMT -5 mp said:

And because we follow each other on instagram, I can see he's liked quite a few photos since he sent me that stupid text. Ya, I'm officially fucking annoyed.

I say this with love, but you have got to stop this now. You're giving yourself way more anxiety than is necessary. We don't even really know what "I'll try and text you later means" He probably just doesn't have something to text you about right now. So what he's on his phone liking instagram. Seriously this all means NOTHING at this point and there is nothing for you to be annoyed about.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 15:54:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Feb 4, 2014 15:52:43 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I say this with love, but you have got to stop this now. You're giving yourself way more anxiety than is necessary. We don't even really know what "I'll try and text you later means" He probably just doesn't have something to text you about right now. So what he's on his phone liking instagram. Seriously this all means NOTHING at this point and there is nothing for you to be annoyed about.

Annoyed because of the whole picture of "he's just not that into you." LOL. You're right, though, I am making it worse by thinking about it.

But it means NOTHING! Just because he's liking photos on Instagram and not texting you has no bearing on how into you or not into you he is. I've had texts sitting in my inbox that I wanted to reply to, but ended up getting caught up on Facebook and posting things. I may not have gotten around to those texts for another hour or so. Many times these have been boys I'm "really" into. Just because he isn't spending every free moment at work text you doesn't mean he's not that into you. 

[starburst604]

I'm sorry mp. Agree with PP's that your gut is probably telling you something. I don't do breezy well either, and really, why should we? If you interview for a job you think would be great for you, you aren't all "ah well, maybe I'll get it, maybe I won't". Not that a 4th date is the same thing, but you know what I mean. When you don't feel connected to someone often, of course you want to explore it more when you do.

The part of this that I DID get better at with age/experience/greater confidence, was being willing to accept any little scrap of time or attention that a man was willing to throw me once it was clear he wasn't interested enough to give me his full attention or a relationship. Oh, you need to focus more on your work/personal life/picking lint from your bellybutton? That's cool. Oh, but you still want to send flirty texts, give mixed messages, "come over and hang out"? NO.

[gault]

When this happens, I tend to try to act like he's not in the picture anymore (in my head) and be pleasantly surprised if he actually does what he says But that's also telling for long-term potential.

I'd be annoyed too. You deserve someone who is INTO you.

[starburst604]

Feb 4, 2014 15:54:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Feb 4, 2014 15:52:43 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I say this with love, but you have got to stop this now. You're giving yourself way more anxiety than is necessary. We don't even really know what "I'll try and text you later means" He probably just doesn't have something to text you about right now. So what he's on his phone liking instagram. Seriously this all means NOTHING at this point and there is nothing for you to be annoyed about.

Annoyed because of the whole picture of "he's just not that into you." LOL. You're right, though, I am making it worse by thinking about it.

I'm going to go ahead and agree with you MP. "I'll try" sounds to me like a weak pre-apology for NOT texting you later, and not following through on the semi-made plans you had. I know we've gone ROUND AND ROUND on this board on how hard it is (or isn't) to send someone a simple text. Assuming he does not work 24 hours a day in a place where he is not allowed to use his phone or doesn't get service or his fingers aren't broken or covered in leprosy that doesn't allow him to properly type, he has time to text.

I've taken my phone to the friggin bathroom during a really crazy busy workday just to type a hello text to someone. I write them at red lights. I can even dictate one while driving! It can be done!

[Deleted]

Dating-hating twins and over analyzers party of two. I suck at this shit.

[Deleted]

mp I didn't take the "I'll try and text you later" as having anything to do with your plans. I got the feeling he didn't have time to banter with you today and wanted to let you know. Can you respond with a "Oh no worries, we'll catch up tonight."

[formerlyak]

A few things -

1. Liking something on Instagram and Facebook takes 2 seconds and no real thought. A text to a girl you are dating takes a little thought and more than two seconds. So I don't think the two should even be compared.

2. If someone posted on here about a guy texting them first thing in the morning after only 2 dates, there have been several times where people get all "too much too soon, buddy!" How is this different?

3. DH always says "I'll try to do x,y,z" in texts, not because he isn't planning on doing something, but because ** just in case he forgets ** -- which in the 3.5 years we have been together has never happened. I called him out on it once early on and said, "Why do you always say, 'I'll try to ...'? It makes me think you are going to blow me off later." (so I totally get where that thinking comes from, mp). And he said he is just afraid of disappointing someone accidentally because sometimes he gets really busy at work and very consumed by the work tasks that things have slipped his mind. He has since stopped doing it because he knows how it makes me feel, but we did have to have a conversation about it.

I'd wait to see what tonight brings.

[dreamcrisp1]

Meh, I'm the same. This is why I don't want to date at all for February and we will see what the rest of the year brings me. I overanalyze too in some cases.

Like the guy who kissed me last monday. He said, "...we'll see." at the end of his spiel about being sceptical of us dating. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

This is why I was like whatever. It's in his hands. I literally can drive myself INSANE with the overanalyzing.

[formerlyak]

Good news is, it is almost 2:00 here in LA. You don't have too much longer to wait!

[starryfish]

Feb 4, 2014 16:10:21 GMT -5 gault said:

When this happens, I tend to try to act like he's not in the picture anymore (in my head) and be pleasantly surprised if he actually does what he says But that's also telling for long-term potential.

I'd be annoyed too. You deserve someone who is INTO you.

I do this too!

[bonquiqui]

Aww ::hugs:: i am you. We are the same and i hate being this way because it leads to broken hearts. We care too much.

[pl77]

No good advice, just hair pats and lots of understanding. See my post below about "I have a good feeling about you". I totally over analyze as well.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 16:24:45 GMT -5 mp said:

Feb 4, 2014 16:17:32 GMT -5 @fucksticklegit said:

Dating-hating twins and over analyzers party of two. I suck at this shit.

You don't live that far from me. We are both hot. We should go out on the town together.

 We'd totally be a Mutt n Jeff pairing, but maybe that could play to our favor

[Deleted]

((mp)) I'm a BIG over-analyzer. I'm always way, way ahead of myself in my head and I worry too much. My bf is very opposite of me in that aspect. He's easy breezy and thinks I'm a little nutty. I used to (and still do sometimes) bust his chops about a lot of things because I want to know how he feels and what he's thinking. I over analyze and need reassurance to top it off. Some guys can't multitask in their brain or life the way we do. They become occupied or stressed and they can't overwhelm themselves. If this is the case, it has nothing to do with you. It's not easy to deal with-I'm still figuring it out and trying to change my crazy ways of thinking too much.

[Deleted]

I am a big over analyzer too. Honestly, it's gotten better a few months into a relationship but I still have moments/days of my thoughts spinning out of control and making offhand comments or moments of disconnect into something they are not. It makes me crazy that I can't just let things go without thinking things through to a point of ridiculousness.

My therapist tells me to look at the evidence. Right now it sounds like the evidence in your case points mostly to the fact that he's into you. Not every date is going to be the same level of adoration. Not every text means something. But the times you have hung out, the fact he's continuing to text you, and the fact that he says he likes you and is making plans to hang out with you - that seems to be evidence that he is into you. He wouldn't do those things if he wasn't.