I think a lot of the girls on Starting Over are batshit crazy.
There are more normal women than not, but I don't wonder why some of the regulars have such trials in dating/life.
I know everyone heals at a different pace, but I think a good standard for *many* of the women would be to not date for 1 year after separation/split/divorce. It never hurt anyone to be alone for a bit.
In this vein, that deleted thread where the detective girlfriend stalked and then posted all sorts of details about the OP's life? I could kinda see her point.... not that she wasn't crazy too...
I don't want to hide her because I enjoy her other stuff.
FTR, it's been twelve years. Not that I'd ever expect her to forget, but it's been a long time. I understand posting it on the day of his birth/death, maybe mother's and father's day, that kind of thing. But she posts it like 3-4 times a month still.
Yes, it's been a long time, but that is how you view it. To her, the pain is probably just as fresh as if it happened yesterday. Allowing her to grieve by only posting a picture 4 days a year (as you suggest) seems very callous and hurtful.
Nobody's saying she can't do it. I just said I'm tired of it. I'd never say anything to her about it, so my opinion isn't hurting her.
If she is judging you, one can only wonder what she is thinking about me.
Rikki, your transition certainly took place in rapid sequence, but you handled each stage like a champ. I would venture to say that's a nearly universal sentiment here, or at least a very common one.
And @wandering, your divorce is so low-key I often forget that you were even married! That's a compliment. I don't know many people who could travel to another continent with a STBX - and begin a new relationship - without it turning into a train wreck.
I can assure you both that I would not have handled either of your situations with even a fraction of the grace that you did.
Oops, I just reassured in the flameworthy post. Oh well. Rules I made up are made to be broken. lol.
Yes. There are exceptions to every rule.
I am thrilled for the MMers, and Rikki seems so happy. I am truly happy it worked out.
The odds are against it, though.
Edit: Not Rikkis relationship, but that scenario lasting long term. I feel she beat the odds.
Neither do I. Or French bulldogs, or Boston terriers, or pit bulls. The pit bull thing has nothing to do with the now-outdated (I hope) misconceptions about their temperaments. And I'm sure all of these breeds are awesome, affectionate pets. I just don't think any of them are even remotely cute.
Aww, I think a lot of pits are cute. The other breeds you mentioned...not so much.
GBCN has made me want a greyhound. I asked Wyatt this morning if he wanted a greyhound friend and he perked up and went to the window like there might be one out there for him. I'm pretty sure if I brought up a second dog to H he'd divorce me.
I think a lot of the girls on Starting Over are batshit crazy.
There are more normal women than not, but I don't wonder why some of the regulars have such trials in dating/life.
I know everyone heals at a different pace, but I think a good standard for *many* of the women would be to not date for 1 year after separation/split/divorce. It never hurt anyone to be alone for a bit.
its the far more 'oh woe is me' crowd that's bsc .. i've been lurking there since i split from h last september and some of the stuff i see makes me shake my head.
I think a lot of the girls on Starting Over are batshit crazy.
There are more normal women than not, but I don't wonder why some of the regulars have such trials in dating/life.
I know everyone heals at a different pace, but I think a good standard for *many* of the women would be to not date for 1 year after separation/split/divorce. It never hurt anyone to be alone for a bit.
I agree with you on the 1 year. I'm only separated right now but I can't even imagine dating again...like ever. Eff that noise. I'm going to adopt like 20 dogs instead
No, just get one! If you get 20, it will be harder to justify on your eH profile in a year!
No flames from me. I finished a costco-sized jar of olives in like two weeks, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't keeping the juice around to take a little nip from now and then. I say I'm keeping it for a martini or something, but honestly I'm holding the booze and drinking it at the fridge.
You are the only non-relative I've met who does this as well.
I agree with you on the 1 year. I'm only separated right now but I can't even imagine dating again...like ever. Eff that noise. I'm going to adopt like 20 dogs instead
No, just get one! If you get 20, it will be harder to justify on your eH profile in a year!
eH rejected me, true story. I tried to sign up there when I was single many moons ago and they said I'm too weird. I took it as a compliment
Monkeys weird me out. Especially when they're wearing clothes, particularly diapers.
LOL! I could actually say this about a lot of animals, but this came to mind b/c my friend's DD is obsessed w/ horses and I thought to myself, thank goodness my DD1 isn't into horses.
Re: monkeys. I thought the lost monkey in Ikea was cute, but I'm otherwise neutral on them.
I don't want to hide her because I enjoy her other stuff.
FTR, it's been twelve years. Not that I'd ever expect her to forget, but it's been a long time. I understand posting it on the day of his birth/death, maybe mother's and father's day, that kind of thing. But she posts it like 3-4 times a month still.
Yes, it's been a long time, but that is how you view it. To her, the pain is probably just as fresh as if it happened yesterday. Allowing her to grieve by only posting a picture 4 days a year (as you suggest) seems very callous and hurtful. Â
This is true.
I think it's important to remember that we all grieve in different ways and some people will never stop grieving. My cousin had three very early miscarriages and years later, she's still posting about it and calling them her angel babies and what not.
I've had two miscarriages and I've been TTC since 2008. Her behavior does not compute. But I think this is largely due to how different we are by nature. It used to annoy me when she constantly rehashed the details, but these days I just try to recognize that we have very different ways of coping and moving on with life.
Neither do I. Or French bulldogs, or Boston terriers, or pit bulls. The pit bull thing has nothing to do with the now-outdated (I hope) misconceptions about their temperaments. And I'm sure all of these breeds are awesome, affectionate pets. I just don't think any of them are even remotely cute.
Aww, I think a lot of pits are cute. The other breeds you mentioned...not so much.
GBCN has made me want a greyhound. I asked Wyatt this morning if he wanted a greyhound friend and he perked up and went to the window like there might be one out there for him. I'm pretty sure if I brought up a second dog to H he'd divorce me.
For me it's Shih Tzus. They're really cute puppies, but the adults are never cute to me.
And in my neighborhood it's always a man out walking them, so I can picture their wives demanding a sweet little puppy and then losing interest once they're no longer cute and actually require some work.
This is my fav pic. I think it's because it was our first weekend away together and he was so excited about the heated towel bar and the heated floor in bathroom.
Neither do I. Or French bulldogs, or Boston terriers, or pit bulls. The pit bull thing has nothing to do with the now-outdated (I hope) misconceptions about their temperaments. And I'm sure all of these breeds are awesome, affectionate pets. I just don't think any of them are even remotely cute.
Aww, I think a lot of pits are cute. The other breeds you mentioned...not so much.
GBCN has made me want a greyhound. I asked Wyatt this morning if he wanted a greyhound friend and he perked up and went to the window like there might be one out there for him. I'm pretty sure if I brought up a second dog to H he'd divorce me.
There's something about the head shape of those breeds that doesn't appeal to me. (Although I love boxers and English bulldogs, so go figure.) And I also don't like some pits' eyes. I cant' really articulate why; it just looks like something didn't form correctly. To each their own though!
Yes, it's been a long time, but that is how you view it. To her, the pain is probably just as fresh as if it happened yesterday. Allowing her to grieve by only posting a picture 4 days a year (as you suggest) seems very callous and hurtful.
This is true.
I think it's important to remember that we all grieve in different ways and some people will never stop grieving. My cousin had three very early miscarriages and years later, she's still posting about it and calling them her angel babies and what not.
I've had two miscarriages and I've been TTC since 2008. Her behavior does not compute. But I think this is largely due to how different we are by nature. It used to annoy me when she constantly rehashed the details, but these days I just try to recognize that we have very different ways of coping and moving on with life.
The "difference of grief" thing is what I have to try harder to remember, too.
My dad died after suffering (pretty badly at the end) from a long illness. That's obviously apples and oranges with losing a child. I don't get comfort from displaying his photo absolutely everywhere (I'm not talking just a profile pic or having some photos at home, I mean PLASTERING the photo everywhere), posting on Facebook (a friend who lost her grandma was posting poems and collages every single day for about two weeks afterward), visiting his grave (I haven't visited since going last Father's Day and leaving as a sobbing mess), going to church (I pretty much stopped believing after he died) ... to me it feels like torturing myself with constant reminders. I'm never going to forget that he's gone, that I miss him, how terrible he looked/felt at the end. I don't find comfort in any of those things. I find comfort with happy memories and trying to find joy in my everyday regular life.
I get that people grieve differently and find comfort in things I don't. I think I have a hard time fully understanding it, though, because I'm on one extreme end of that spectrum and they're on the other, and I have a hard time grasping how they can find comfort in those things when I feel completely opposite.
I know that there are many horse lovers here. It's nothing personal. lol. (wilted)
LMFAO.
I feel you, champs.
I mean, I guess I like them and all but I think there poops are probably massive and you can't cuddle one like you can a cat or dog.
Seems like a lot of effort.
There's someone on my FB feed that is practically in a plural marriage with her horses.
Not true! I mean, you can't snuggle on the couch, but my 1,000-pound BFF was one of the most affectionate animals I've ever known. It was like having a massive golden retriever. Yes, though, massive poops.