You better secure your money. You are entitled to half of savings & checking. Hope you can transfer some funds around.
Don't trust free faux-legal advice from internet strangers.
Best of luck to you as you move forward.
Okay don't secure any money. I don't really care.
My friend went through a divorce, within 5 minutes of hanging up the phone her ex had drained the accounts. He had to give her 50% back per the judge. Whatever.
I think the only reason he was struggling with the relationship is because he knew I wasn't happy. If I could just be happy, we'd be a great couple. I so wish my parents would answer their phone H asked that I wasn't home when he got home tonight from his flight. I need my mom.
I'm sorry so this is all your fault for not being happy?? Was he happy? He can't seriously say he was happy, can he?
He's mad. We've had low lows before (not quite this low.) We say we will probably get a divorce. Then I feel like I'm doing the most foolish thing in the world and I beg him to let me keep working on being happy with what I have. We do better for awhile. We try some of the counselors suggestions and this trauma we've been through makes me feel close to him. But then this miserable feeling always come back. We've been through this type of things maybe 3 times already, but never to this extent. I'm pretty sure this it it.
My friend went through a divorce, within 5 minutes of hanging up the phone her ex had drained the accounts. He had to give her 50% back per the judge. Whatever.
I had a friend who once shit skittles. I was very sad to find out this doesn't happen to everyone.
He's mad. We've had low lows before (not quite this low.) We say we will probably get a divorce. Then I feel like I'm doing the most foolish thing in the world and I beg him to let me keep working on being happy with what I have. We do better for awhile. We try some of the counselors suggestions and this trauma we've been through makes me feel close to him. But then this miserable feeling always come back. We've been through this type of things maybe 3 times already, but never to this extent. I'm pretty sure this it it.
What trauma?
And please tell me he doesn't really believe he's given you heaven and earth and you're just an ungrateful, unhappy hussy who needs to snap out of it.
He's mad. We've had low lows before (not quite this low.) We say we will probably get a divorce. Then I feel like I'm doing the most foolish thing in the world and I beg him to let me keep working on being happy with what I have. We do better for awhile. We try some of the counselors suggestions and this trauma we've been through makes me feel close to him. But then this miserable feeling always come back. We've been through this type of things maybe 3 times already, but never to this extent. I'm pretty sure this it it.
That is a pattern of unhealthy. You need to run away. Stop saying sorry.
He's mad. We've had low lows before (not quite this low.) We say we will probably get a divorce. Then I feel like I'm doing the most foolish thing in the world and I beg him to let me keep working on being happy with what I have. We do better for awhile. We try some of the counselors suggestions and this trauma we've been through makes me feel close to him. But then this miserable feeling always come back. We've been through this type of things maybe 3 times already, but never to this extent. I'm pretty sure this it it.
With this information I can kind of see why he blew up. Shit or get off the pot.
I think the only reason he was struggling with the relationship is because he knew I wasn't happy. If I could just be happy, we'd be a great couple. I so wish my parents would answer their phone H asked that I wasn't home when he got home tonight from his flight. I need my mom.
That. That right there is what I noticed. There is more to this than just shitty marriage. You husband was out of line talking to you like that, but that guilt, depression, and over all sense of low self esteem seems to be a real big theme here. I'm not saying "omggethelpnao!" but I am saying that A) You might want to talk to a psychologist ( NOT a counselor. There IS a difference!) and B) At this point, your divorce seems immanent. Your husband seems also to be done, and you are most certainly done, so just try to get through it. You can, it won't be easy, but you can. Go to your mom, dad, whoever tonight or however long you are going to need, and try to figure out your next step from there.
The trauma of going through such an emotionally draining time and coming so close to the end of the relationship.
Yes, I really do think he thinks all would be good if I could just be happy with what I have. We've created a good life together and I just can't be happy with it. He told me (today) that I will run into this problem with an other relationship I ever have because I can never be happy enough.
Post by speckledfrog on Jul 8, 2012 18:21:21 GMT -5
Habs, you are just eating this up. I think she needs to play the sad sack. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story but we're just getting what we need to feel sorry for her.
Stop lying to each other.. This marriage is over. And it's no one's fault!
IDK, I'm getting an emotionally manipulative vibe from mr man here. But on the other hand, it sounds like the OP has been handing him a bad set of goods from the jump. However, both of these can be true. It doesn't have to be either or.
My friend went through a divorce, within 5 minutes of hanging up the phone her ex had drained the accounts. He had to give her 50% back per the judge. Whatever.
I had a friend who once shit skittles. I was very sad to find out this doesn't happen to everyone.
Stop lying to each other.. This marriage is over. And it's no one's fault!
IDK, I'm getting an emotionally manipulative vibe from mr man here. But on the other hand, it sounds like the OP has been handing him a bad set of goods from the jump. However, both of these can be true. It doesn't have to be either or.
hmmmm
It could be possible she is emotionally manipulative. They both could be, actually. However, something does not add up and the more the OP tells us, the more it seems something is just off.
Everything habbsies has said 100%. Granted, talking about divorce on the phone while he is out traveling isn't the best way to do it. But, for him to say fuck you isn't the best answer. I'd rather have heard, "I can tell you're upset. I'll be home later and we'll talk about this."
Either way, at least this is finally coming to a head. Stop the sale on the house, get crap straightened out, and figure out where to go next. I *think* legally, that you should stay in the home and not leave (well, unless you feel like you're physically in danger. Get him to leave.
Yeah Habs... You're one of those pesky TIPers who yell "divorce him!". Even when it's the only option, you still need to make excuses and rationalizations as to why there is still an inkling of potential in this marriage!
Habs, you are just eating this up. I think she needs to play the sad sack. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story but we're just getting what we need to feel sorry for her.
Of course there's more to the story. But I don't see what justifies the things he's said to her unless more to the story involves wanting a man with more money or someone else's dick.
It's quite possible for his response to be douchey AND for her to be a sad sack all at the same time.
Manipulative or not... These people should not be married. The end.
This is true.
I fully admit that I'm still hung up on the whole fuck you and you better not be there when I get home response from someone who has been in therapy for two years with wife he knew was unhappy.
I don't know why she married him or stayed married to him for all this time and I think it was pretty shady to keep up this charade for this long. But let's not front like he's blindsided here.
According to Habs my faux legal advice is not welcomed..
But.....
If you leave the house you may surrender all rights to it.
Pack his shit & put it on the front porch.
Lol I'm waiting....
There is a difference between "may" and "you are totally entitled to half the assets."
Suggesting she check up with a lawyer before leaving the house is a good one, though I can't imagine what it will hurt to spend one night elsewhere. Saying TAKE HALF THE MONEY AND RUN, BITCH is probably bad juju.
Hmm, these things barely fazed me. Of course he doesn't want to see me. He hates my guts right now. He's angry at me and sad and that's how it came out.
Manipulative or not... These people should not be married. The end.
This is true.
I fully admit that I'm still hung up on the whole fuck you and you better not be there when I get home response from someone who has been in therapy for two years with wife he knew was unhappy.
I don't know why she married him or stayed married to him for all this time and I think it was pretty shady to keep up this charade for this long. But let's not front like he's blindsided here.
According to Habs my faux legal advice is not welcomed..
But.....
If you leave the house you may surrender all rights to it.
Pack his shit & put it on the front porch.
Lol I'm waiting....
There is a difference between "may" and "you are totally entitled to half the assets."
Suggesting she check up with a lawyer before leaving the house is a good one, though I can't imagine what it will hurt to spend one night elsewhere. Saying TAKE HALF THE MONEY AND RUN, BITCH is probably bad juju.
In my state it's 50/50 no matter what, others it's not. I just hate the idea of women with no resources.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 8, 2012 18:34:13 GMT -5
I suspect that he's been questioning what's up for a while now and just decided that he literally couldn't wait any longer. He NEEDED to know what was going on. Does it suck to have that conversation over the phone? Yes, but again, I don't think anyone is at fault. It's just tensions coming to a head and sometimes you can't help how/where/when that happens. I'm sorry. I know it's painful right now. You will get through it. All you can do is take one day at a time. It sounds trite, but it's literally how I made it through my divorce and the months that followed. Again, I'm here if you need me. Look into getting your own counselor because I think that's one thing that really saved me. Ask around to see if anyone can recommend their attorney. Watch your money because sometimes when people are hurt they will lash out by trying to hurt you - ex-husband started spending all of the money in our joint account to try to dick me over when I was moving out. Breathe. It's in the open now. This is where you can finally move forward. It's hard but you will be okay. I know you will.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I can't fault her H for getting mad and acting out. Yes, he pushed the conversation, but if I was sitting in an airport and my spouse told me he wanted a divorce, I'd be blind with hurt and rage. There's a way to say "we'll talk when you get home" if a conversation veers into serious territory. Of course, keep in mind that when my XH decided to peace out, I said some pretty choice things to him. I still don't feel any remorse, so judge me if you will. I don't think it automatically qualifies me as a bad person or an emotionally manipulative doucher.
Neither one of them are the innocent party in this situation. Whoever said they've both been using each other, consciously or not, was right on the money. I feel bad for the OP because it is scary to end a marriage, but I feel bad for her H too.
Also, OP, I was going to respond in your previous post, but I'll do it here instead.
I divorced at age 30 and I mourned long and hard over the prospect that I may never have kids. A few months into the divorce process, it occurred to me that that was the only thing I was upset at losing. Not my XH. It was a turning point for me - that I had been staying with him for all the wrong reasons.
Becoming a mom isn't a replacement or a consolation for an unhappy marriage. From all that I've heard and all that I've witnessed, it just highlights that unhappiness even more. And the kids get to live in the middle of all that. That's just not fair.
There are a lot of emotions involved when a marriage ends. Doubt is common at first. Fear is as well. I felt a lot better when I made a plan for myself and factored no one else into it. If I never met another soul, how would I be happy in my career, with my finances, as (maybe) a mother? I sat down and wrote out a life plan and that helped me find a lot of peace. Just because you're divorcing at 32 doesn't mean your options are now limited.