Update: Sad about my marriage

[whatupyo]

Holy fuck. Dh called. He is at the airport trying to get home. I sounded sad and he kept asking what was wrong. It turned into the huge D conversation. He said there is something wrong with me that I can't just be happy with what I have. He thinks I'll always want more, no matter what relationship I'm in. He said he'll e-mail our realtor about getting out of our house offer and that we're done. I feel absolutely devestated. I need to talk to someone. I called my parents but no one is home .I called my friend that lives around here, but no answer. H justed texted me "btw- fuck you"

[whatupyo]

I am shaking and just want to be out of this misery.

[Jalapeñomel]

This whole conversation happened on the phone?

[saraandmichael]

telling him on the phone was pretty shitty.

[kaybee85]

I've never been in this situation, so I can't give advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.

[whatupyo]

Yes, it just sort of unfolded. I didn't mean for it to, but he kept asking questions and that's where it ended up.

[Deleted]

Well that answered your question.

FWIW, this sounds to me like a selfish douchebag and a half. He pestered you into telling him what's wrong and then instead of supporting you and talking through it, he tell you to fuck yourself and blows up???

::sigh::

That's just my first impression. A cooler head says that he wasn't feeling the marriage either and took advantage of a way out the first opportunity it presented itself. He also decided to make you look like the asshole.

But douche is wrong!!

Oh well. In a way, this makes it easier for you.

[Jalapeñomel]

Something doesn't seem to add up here.

[milosh]

I think it's pretty crappy to do that to him over the phone. Good luck with the divorce.

[underwaterrhymes]

Jul 8, 2012 17:08:51 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Something doesn't seem to add up here.

Yes.

[krystee]

On the phone as he's in an airport with people listening and he's about to be stuck on a plane with no ability to call anyone for support?! Yikes.

[Deleted]

Well, I doubt she opened the conversation with I WANT A DIVORCE, DICKBAG! If she did, then yeah, I totally see being aghast. But I might be the only one who has had meandering conversations that wandered into territory I had no intention of entering.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 17:08:51 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Something doesn't seem to add up here.

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that.

[Deleted]

It sounds to me like neither one of them has been very honest about their feelings in counseling.

[imoan]

He just made this a whole hell of a lot easier for you.

[speckledfrog]

I'm the jalepeno on this one.

[tulip]

You better secure your money. You are entitled to half of savings & checking. Hope you can transfer some funds around.

[milosh]

Jul 8, 2012 17:17:15 GMT -5 krystee said:

On the phone as he's in an airport with people listening and he's about to be stuck on a plane with no ability to call anyone for support?! Yikes.

This is what I was thinking...

[whatupyo]

He's the one that brought up divorce on the phone. He said I have 3 choices- to continue to live in misery, which isn't an option, to try to change things, which we've been doing and it hasn't worked, or to get a divorce. So as he sees it, that's really the only option.

[starlily]

Jul 8, 2012 17:27:44 GMT -5 tulip said:

You better secure your money. You are entitled to half of savings & checking. Hope you can transfer some funds around.

Don't trust free faux-legal advice from internet strangers.

Best of luck to you as you move forward.

[speckledfrog]

Jul 8, 2012 17:37:27 GMT -5 whatupyo said:

He's the one that brought up divorce on the phone. He said I have 3 choices- to continue to live in misery, which isn't an option, to try to change things, which we've been doing and it hasn't worked, or to get a divorce. So as he sees it, that's really the only option.

But isn't that how you see it, too? Are you just surprised to hear that he isn't as happy with you as you thought he was?

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 8, 2012 17:37:27 GMT -5 whatupyo said:

He's the one that brought up divorce on the phone. He said I have 3 choices- to continue to live in misery, which isn't an option, to try to change things, which we've been doing and it hasn't worked, or to get a divorce. So as he sees it, that's really the only option.

but didn't you say in the other post that the only things you have worked on were superficial things, not the things that have really been bothering you?

[underwaterrhymes]

Jul 8, 2012 17:46:42 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Jul 8, 2012 17:37:27 GMT -5 whatupyo said:

He's the one that brought up divorce on the phone. He said I have 3 choices- to continue to live in misery, which isn't an option, to try to change things, which we've been doing and it hasn't worked, or to get a divorce. So as he sees it, that's really the only option.

But isn't that how you see it, too? Are you just surprised to hear that he isn't as happy with you as you thought he was?

This is what I was going to say. Aren't these the choices? And hadn't you already come to that same conclusion yourself?

[Deleted]

This isn't my home board, but I'm going to jump in here real quick;

Dear, you sound depressed. You sound honestly like you have more going on than just a failing marriage. Get a divorce, let your stbxh move on, you need to move on, and talk to a psychologist about your feelings of unhappiness. Expect your stbxh to be angry at you, as he rightfully will be. You knew going in that "something was not quite right." You basically lied to him your entire marriage, if such was the case. Having experience being the "good enough" part of a relationship, and caring about the other person dearly, it isn't fun and you DO pick up that your partner just doesn't think you are up to snuff.

So, please, do yourself a favor and figure out what you want. It won't save any ones feelings right now, but it will save them in the future.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 17:56:04 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

I'm kind of with Habbs on this one. I've gone into a convo, been pestered to spill, and under pressure just kind of blurt it out. I think his response is extremely telling tho.

I would imagine most men that loved their wives wouldn't end a conversation with a "btw- fuck you." Sure he's hurt and probably feeling betrayed, but wouldn't a natural reaction be "Wait, don't do anything. Let's talk about this and try to figure things out."?

The fuck you would be more forgivable if he said it in a burst of anger at the end of that conversation. But the fact that he got off the phone, typed it up, and then hit send???

Honestly, I think he's less upset by your feelings and more upset that your feelings are disturbing his plans.

[imoan]

I get the feeling that he isn't a little surprised by this (probably feels the same way) and was just waiting for you to do the dirty work. The fact that you mentioned a few times how your H felt about having to start over now proves this.

[Deleted]

FWIW, I'm not sure I'd get all hell fire hot over this. I think you've both been rather dishonest with yourselves and with each other. It sounds like he's been struggling with his feelings about the marriage just as much as you were and both of you had pretty much decided it would be totally cool to use each other to get what you really wanted out of life, i.e. children. (I'm not sure if he was struggling though or if he just decided that having kids was his due or something. He's a weird one.)

If I were you, I'd try to leave this situation with as much grace as possible. However, don't allow him to talk smack to you because you feel guilty.

[Cricket0619]

I don't see the big reason her H said fuck you. He is obviously upset and was caught off guard about her saying she wanted a divorce. I think it was just a quick reaction after he got off the phone. Maybe he regrets it and maybe he doesn't, but I am sure he is mad and hurt right now.

[whatupyo]

I think the only reason he was struggling with the relationship is because he knew I wasn't happy. If I could just be happy, we'd be a great couple. I so wish my parents would answer their phone H asked that I wasn't home when he got home tonight from his flight. I need my mom.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 18:10:07 GMT -5 Cricket0619 said:

I don't see the big reason her H said fuck you. He is obviously upset and was caught off guard about her saying she wanted a divorce. I think it was just a quick reaction after he got off the phone. Maybe he regrets it and maybe he doesn't, but I am sure he is mad and hurt right now.

I don't give a fucking shit. Who the hell does he think he's talking to? I could see if she announced she was boinking his best friend.

But really, I'm the heifer who told my H if he ever, and I mean ever told me to STFU again, I would light all his Nirvana and Danzig t shirts on fire and peace out like a mofo.

We can fight all damned day long but there are some things you don't say to your SO.

Also, I'm well aware I'm being a postwhore. But I'm bored.