Can we talk about the parents of her bff? There is no way I would bankroll my daughter's friend as she behaves like a fool all the way down to finding her a lawyer. Because you know they did. There is no way this girl woke up on her own and decided to go find a lawyer.
I'd also bet money these parents are paying the legal fees and expect to be paid back when she wins. Somehow I don't think a lawyer saw this case and decided to go contingency. But feel free to correct me.
This is what I want to know...wtf at them paying her lawyer fees.
Post by onomatopoeia on Mar 3, 2014 23:20:31 GMT -5
I can't help but thinking that this family went from a bad but ultimately a possibly recoverable situation (this is not the first teenage girl kicked out of her house for not following the rules), to something that will really end up destroying them all. Her, her parents, her siblings...how does a family ever get back on track and have any sort of relationship with each other after this? On the other hand, the fact that it's gone this far implies that maybe there was never any relationship to ruin/save anyway. It's still sad though.
I'm kinda team parents with the info presented. And even if they were the most horrible and vindictive parents, can you really sue for that? Is there some sort of implied legal contract they may have made when they told her they'd pay for her college, even though she's 18?
Is this "long term friend" she's living with her boyfriend?
Ha! This is local to where I'm from...except I'm from a few towns over and went to *gasp* public school. I had no idea private school tuition was a legal right.
I feel badly for the parents. It's hard enough as it is having a teen (or two). I was such a douche as a teenager, and I can't even imagine having the gall to sue my parents for college money. It'd be laughable to me if it were so sad. Pp had it right, this went from a teens such but the relationship can/will be salvaged as she matures, to things will likely never be the same. And whoa to the friend's parents paying for the lawyer. Whaaaat?
I think its problematic they haven't paid her HS tuition. The rest, not so much.
She lives in a nice area. She can go to public school.
I have no pity for this entitled little brat based on this article, and WTF to her friend's media whore dad?
They've likely signed something with the school that obligates them to pay it. Still though, that is between them and the school. I don't see how she'd have standing to sue for the payment of a debt she's not a party of.
i'm going to start with the fact that this girl is from Morristown as the top of the list of reasons she feels entitled to have her parents pay for her.
And plays prep-school lacrosse ... (sorry, I speak from experience.)
You know, my brother did things like this when we were teens. He would convince people that my parents were abusive, would tell stories about how they beat him, threw bricks at his head, etc. This would be after going on rages, cutting up all of the cords in our house, putting holes in the wall, refusing to go to school, etc. And amazingly, he could always find a family to take him in. More than once someone would show up on our doorstep, trying to be the mediator because they'd offered him a place on their couch following yet another tale of made up bullshit.
They've likely signed something with the school that obligates them to pay it. Still though, that is between them and the school. I don't see how she'd have standing to sue for the payment of a debt she's not a party of.
That's probably true - but I imagine the tuition would be prorated if they enrolled her in public school for the remainder of the year.
This is probably the prorated amount. CHS in these parts will run you about $10k.
You know, my brother did things like this when we were teens. He would convince people that my parents were abusive, would tell stories about how they beat him, threw bricks at his head, etc. This would be after going on rages, cutting up all of the cords in our house, putting holes in the wall, refusing to go to school, etc. And amazingly, he could always find a family to take him in. More than once someone would show up on our doorstep, trying to be the mediator because they'd offered him a place on their couch following yet another tale of made up bullshit.
You know, my brother did things like this when we were teens. He would convince people that my parents were abusive, would tell stories about how they beat him, threw bricks at his head, etc. This would be after going on rages, cutting up all of the cords in our house, putting holes in the wall, refusing to go to school, etc. And amazingly, he could always find a family to take him in. More than once someone would show up on our doorstep, trying to be the mediator because they'd offered him a place on their couch following yet another tale of made up bullshit.
He has borderline personality disorder.
Only borderline?
He's actually been diagnosed bipolar but he was 16 when they diagnosed him. And it was back when they were loathe to make that kind of diagnosis in teenagers. It took an act of God to get the bipolar diagnosis. But I think (and I know that only barely counts) that borderline fits better.
Post by cattledogkisses on Mar 4, 2014 9:38:18 GMT -5
I'm guessing this is mostly about the boyfriend.
The guy I was dating at 18 was a major source of contention between me and my parents at the time, and we had some pretty bad fights about it. This was when I had my previously mentioned epiphany that I did not get to say "Screw you, I do what I want!" to my parents as long as I wanted them to pay my college tuition. Thankfully I was smart enough not to torpedo my future over a guy who turned out to be a total loser (*shockingly* my parents were right).
Borderline personality isn't what it sounds like. It's not like you are "borderline" mentally ill. I actually think it's "worse" than bipolar in some ways bc it is very very hard to treat with medication. And it's also very easy for people to NOT realize they are dealing with someone with BPD. ETA directed at laurenpetro not @helenabonhamcarter Like HBC indicated BPD can often be misdiagnosed as bipolar.
Anyway, like HBC, I have a sister with borderline personality disorder and I'm not exaggerating when I say it destroyed our family, bc the people she ran to when she left my parents house were my dads parents. And I bet she would have sued for college money if she had thought of it.
Hell I would not be surprised if she reads this article and decides to sue for it anyway.
So yeah team parents. Every thing described here seems like something my sister would have done or did do, so I can certainly see how this situation unfolded, right down to the BFF's family being complete pawns.
Borderline personality isn't what it sounds like. It's not like you are "borderline" mentally ill. I actually think it's "worse" than bipolar in some ways bc it is very very hard to treat with medication. And it's also very easy for people to NOT realize they are dealing with someone with BPD. ETA directed at laurenpetro not @helenabonhamcarter Like HBC indicated BPD can often be misdiagnosed as bipolar.
Anyway, like HBC, I have a sister with borderline personality disorder and I'm not exaggerating when I say it destroyed our family, bc the people she ran to when she left my parents house were my dads parents. And I bet she would have sued for college money if she had thought of it.
Hell I would not be surprised if she reads this article and decides to sue for it anyway.
So yeah team parents. Every thing described here seems like something my sister would have done or did do, so I can certainly see how this situation unfolded, right down to the BFF's family being complete pawns.
thanks. from the sideline it sounds like a "welp, you're not really bad off enough for anything, soooo......"
i'm sorry for both of you guys. i have some assholes in my family but your sibs make my relatives look like amateurs.
There are a few differences between bipolar and borderline though there are enough similarities that it is easy to misdiagnose I think. The other issue is that there are a variety of treatments available for bipolar but few for borderline. So the misdiagnosis comes both from similar presentation and a loathe to diagnose the more serious disorder with less chance of treatment.
From what I understand, the primary difference between the two is that with proper treatment and medication, people with bipolar disorder come to understand how the disorder changes their perception. When they are doing well, they understand that they've hurt people and they're sorry for it.
People with borderline personality disorder believe the story they've told themselves down to the grave and they aren't sorry. It's you. It's all you. It's your fault and you hate them. And life's not fair and how dare you.
So basically, people with bipolar
people with borderline personality
The more I think about it, the more this sounds like an issue with borderline. She's taking the extreme point that they hate her, that they kicked her out, that they want her to suffer, and they've taken everything away from her. She didn't do anything to deserve that and there's nothing she can do to change it.
Another vote for the parents (according to the information in this article).
I don't quite understand what it means that she hasn't been emancipated yet. Isn't that what happens, or at least can happen, as soon as you turn 18? Are parents legally obligated to provide for 18-year-old children ever? I'm not saying it's necessarily a good parenting move in general to kick out your 18-year-old who is still in high school (though it may be in this case), just wondering in general about the law.
Anecdotal, I've heard of plenty of divorce/custody agreements in which both parents agree to split the children's college tuition and expenses equally. One of my good friends had that written into her dad's custody agreement. Her mom had primary custody (lived in different states), and she visited her dad for a total of about 2 months a year, Christmas and summer. I'm not sure what kind of child support her dad paid, but he had to pay 50% of whatever the parental contribution was determined in her college financial aid package, as well as a portion of living expenses.
Why is she even suing them for her high school tuition? She's not on the hook for it. Her parents signed into the agreement directly with her school. They're not going to kick get out. They'll make the parents settle the tab before they let her graduate.
She turned 18 in November. I wonder if she stopped going to school then or if they said live at home and go to fancy private school or live elsewhere and enroll public.
Is that supposed to be in defense of the parents? Because that sounds really shitty. "I know we put you in this good school because we care about your education, but now we're changing the rules of the game and if you can't come up with $5k, you're out."
yup ditto @helenabonhamcarter. What makes borderline so hard to deal with IMO is that the diagnosed person is always "right" in their minds.
so for example, in this situation - and this really could be my parents and my sister - my parents would say 'I cant believe she would lie to the press and to other people about how we treated her, etc" and my response is, "in her mind it's not a lie." It makes it very hard to deal with because the person COMES OFF as fully credible - because why shouldn't they?
The part about this girl in this story having medications though makes me think she has been diagnosed as bipolar and they don't fully realize its borderline yet.
THEY NEED PEOPLE LIKE HBC AND ME TO DIAGNOSE HER. ha. except its not funny, its sad, but humor is my coping mechanism lol.
Another vote for the parents (according to the information in this article).
I don't quite understand what it means that she hasn't been emancipated yet. Isn't that what happens, or at least can happen, as soon as you turn 18? Are parents legally obligated to provide for 18-year-old children ever? I'm not saying it's necessarily a good parenting move in general to kick out your 18-year-old who is still in high school (though it may be in this case), just wondering in general about the law.
Anecdotal, I've heard of plenty of divorce/custody agreements in which both parents agree to split the children's college tuition and expenses equally. One of my good friends had that written into her dad's custody agreement. Her mom had primary custody (lived in different states), and she visited her dad for a total of about 2 months a year, Christmas and summer. I'm not sure what kind of child support her dad paid, but he had to pay 50% of whatever the parental contribution was determined in her college financial aid package, as well as a portion of living expenses.
That makes sense as part of a custody agreement, but it seems like if the parents didn't agree to it there wouldn't be a state requirement to pay tuition. But, I actually have no idea so maybe I should stop speculating.
She turned 18 in November. I wonder if she stopped going to school then or if they said live at home and go to fancy private school or live elsewhere and enroll public.
Is that supposed to be in defense of the parents? Because that sounds really shitty. "I know we put you in this good school because we care about your education, but now we're changing the rules of the game and if you can't come up with $5k, you're out."
Except you missed the part where this place has really good public schools too. I don't think they think the academics are superior as much as the experience.
She turned 18 in November. I wonder if she stopped going to school then or if they said live at home and go to fancy private school or live elsewhere and enroll public.
Is that supposed to be in defense of the parents? Because that sounds really shitty. "I know we put you in this good school because we care about your education, but now we're changing the rules of the game and if you can't come up with $5k, you're out."
I dn't think it sounds shitty. Private education is not a right. Education is a right, but not a private one. I also don't think they changed the rules of the game. I think they were trying to remind their daughter that parental financial support of your private education is not a right. If she wants to go to that school so badly, and doesn't give a shit about following the rules (and maybe the rules are more stringent, maybe the rules are super extreme, we don't know), then maybe she needs to pay for the school.
Again, anecdotes, but my parents pulled my sister out of private school when her behavioral problems started to really surface. They thought maybe the environment was part of the issue, and they also were pissed because she was doing things like skipping school, and the thinking was "we aren't paying money for the school if you aren't going." They put her in that school bc she wanted to run cross country for them (she won the state champs as a freshman), she wanted to play lacrosse, etc - she stopped running, stopped playing lacrosse - so why were they paying for it?
Another vote for the parents (according to the information in this article).
I don't quite understand what it means that she hasn't been emancipated yet. Isn't that what happens, or at least can happen, as soon as you turn 18? Are parents legally obligated to provide for 18-year-old children ever? I'm not saying it's necessarily a good parenting move in general to kick out your 18-year-old who is still in high school (though it may be in this case), just wondering in general about the law.
Anecdotal, I've heard of plenty of divorce/custody agreements in which both parents agree to split the children's college tuition and expenses equally. One of my good friends had that written into her dad's custody agreement. Her mom had primary custody (lived in different states), and she visited her dad for a total of about 2 months a year, Christmas and summer. I'm not sure what kind of child support her dad paid, but he had to pay 50% of whatever the parental contribution was determined in her college financial aid package, as well as a portion of living expenses.
I do wonder about this "college fund" though. If it was something funded by other people, through gifts, contributions, and the girl's own earnings, I wonder how legal it is for the parents to withhold it. But again, aren't the parents saying they AREN'T withholding it?
There are a few differences between bipolar and borderline though there are enough similarities that it is easy to misdiagnose I think. The other issue is that there are a variety of treatments available for bipolar but few for borderline. So the misdiagnosis comes both from similar presentation and a loathe to diagnose the more serious disorder with less chance of treatment.
From what I understand, the primary difference between the two is that with proper treatment and medication, people with bipolar disorder come to understand how the disorder changes their perception. When they are doing well, they understand that they've hurt people and they're sorry for it.
People with borderline personality disorder believe the story they've told themselves down to the grave and they aren't sorry. It's you. It's all you. It's your fault and you hate them. And life's not fair and how dare you.
So basically, people with bipolar
people with borderline personality
The more I think about it, the more this sounds like an issue with borderline. She's taking the extreme point that they hate her, that they kicked her out, that they want her to suffer, and they've taken everything away from her. She didn't do anything to deserve that and there's nothing she can do to change it.
This sounds like my FIL, although he's also bipolar. His highs and lows are extreme. He lives in a delusional world, and there is NO rationalizing with him. If he didn't dream it up in his fantasy world, it doesn't exist.
yup ditto @helenabonhamcarter. What makes borderline so hard to deal with IMO is that the diagnosed person is always "right" in their minds.
so for example, in this situation - and this really could be my parents and my sister - my parents would say 'I cant believe she would lie to the press and to other people about how we treated her, etc" and my response is, "in her mind it's not a lie." It makes it very hard to deal with because the person COMES OFF as fully credible - because why shouldn't they?
The part about this girl in this story having medications though makes me think she has been diagnosed as bipolar and they don't fully realize its borderline yet.
THEY NEED PEOPLE LIKE HBC AND ME TO DIAGNOSE HER. ha. except its not funny, its sad, but humor is my coping mechanism lol.
I am right there with you. All of these years later and my brother is married to his interpretation. My mom and I used to say that you could have my brother ON FILM and when you played it back for him, not only would he said, no, you're wrong. He BELIEVED IT. And he still does.
I remember distinctly a few times my mom was upset with my brother for various things and he'd tell people she kicked him out. She did not. There's an abandonment element for people with borderline. Where if you disagree with them or argue with them, they interpret that as "get out of my life, I don't want you, I hate you."
Again, anecdotes, but my parents pulled my sister out of private school when her behavioral problems started to really surface. They thought maybe the environment was part of the issue, and they also were pissed because she was doing things like skipping school, and the thinking was "we aren't paying money for the school if you aren't going." They put her in that school bc she wanted to run cross country for them (she won the state champs as a freshman), she wanted to play lacrosse, etc - she stopped running, stopped playing lacrosse - so why were they paying for it?
My parents also tried different types of education situations in order to help, thinking it was the environment or that different teachers might be able to reach him. He wasn't doing any schoolwork, cutting class etc. They sent him to a private school and he wasn't doing anything but sitting there, being sullen. So they pulled him out of there and sent him public where he did the same thing.
She turned 18 in November. I wonder if she stopped going to school then or if they said live at home and go to fancy private school or live elsewhere and enroll public.
Is that supposed to be in defense of the parents? Because that sounds really shitty. "I know we put you in this good school because we care about your education, but now we're changing the rules of the game and if you can't come up with $5k, you're out."
To be fair, the one article said she was suspended twice. I think SHE 'changed the rules of the game' when she decided to start acting like an entitled little asshole. I was accepted to a private high school, but ended up going public...but you better believe if I was getting suspended AND causing all sorts of problems at home, my parents would have pulled me from that fancy school in a freaking heartbeat. I would have had a reality check so fast I wouldn't know what had hit me.
I do wonder about this "college fund" though. If it was something funded by other people, through gifts, contributions, and the girl's own earnings, I wonder how legal it is for the parents to withhold it. But again, aren't the parents saying they AREN'T withholding it?
I'm not sure how she can claim they are withholding it. It's college and she still has a year of high school left.
ETA: I wonder if it's because they won't give it to her or they want to know what school she is going to before they will agree. Not to keep bringing my brother into this but again, I've seen similar situations. "Mom won't let me go to this school I want to." No, mom said she'd enroll you at the start of next year if you start going to class at this one and getting decent grades. Mostly because the new one won't take you without it. "MOM WON'T LET ME GO TO SCHOOL!"