yup ditto @helenabonhamcarter. What makes borderline so hard to deal with IMO is that the diagnosed person is always "right" in their minds.
so for example, in this situation - and this really could be my parents and my sister - my parents would say 'I cant believe she would lie to the press and to other people about how we treated her, etc" and my response is, "in her mind it's not a lie." It makes it very hard to deal with because the person COMES OFF as fully credible - because why shouldn't they?
The part about this girl in this story having medications though makes me think she has been diagnosed as bipolar and they don't fully realize its borderline yet.
THEY NEED PEOPLE LIKE HBC AND ME TO DIAGNOSE HER. ha. except its not funny, its sad, but humor is my coping mechanism lol.
I am right there with you. All of these years later and my brother is married to his interpretation. My mom and I used to say that you could have my brother ON FILM and when you played it back for him, not only would he said, no, you're wrong. He BELIEVED IT. And he still does.
I remember distinctly a few times my mom was upset with my brother for various things and he'd tell people she kicked him out. She did not. There's an abandonment element for people with borderline. Where if you disagree with them or argue with them, they interpret that as "get out of my life, I don't want you, I hate you."
also - I think think this is part of it - there is a huge need/desire to create chaos. My sister loves to create drama, and chaos, and everything else, in which she is always the victim. Again, I'm sure she does believe that she is always the victim, but its also part of her extreme manipulative behavior. If she is the victim, and my parents are the bad guys, then my grandparents are the good guys, and good guys help out the victim however possible, right? thus how she ended up with a brand new car from them, and how they have shelled out over 100k to "help" her (they're not rich. I think they took out a reverse mortgage).
Is that supposed to be in defense of the parents? Because that sounds really shitty. "I know we put you in this good school because we care about your education, but now we're changing the rules of the game and if you can't come up with $5k, you're out."
Except you missed the part where this place has really good public schools too. I don't think they think the academics are superior as much as the experience.
I didn't miss that. I think switching schools with 3 months to go in senior year is going to be... not a great situation. She's not going to be at the exact same place academically as in her old school (my school vs. my local public school were worlds apart with where, for example, the AP American history class was in March of that year), she probably won't have a social circle, she'll probably have to quit all of her activities, and it looks really sketchy to colleges if she graduates from a different school from where she spent the last 3.5 years if it's still in the same area (so not an emergency out of state move).
I was raised by parents who were very experienced at taking away privileges. Things like, "I will cancel your birthday party if X happens again." "You can get your driver's license when I'm convinced that you deserve the privilege." "Okay, now I'm taking the TV/stereo out of your room." Sending your kid to a private school, ostensibly because it represents your values better, has superior academics, or fits your child's academic needs better than your local school, saving for them to go to college (her college fun exists), promising to pay for it, and then revoking that deal when they turn 18? That's not taking away a privilege, that's fucking with your child's education and future success. So in general, I would not be cool with that IF the story is anything like this girl is claiming. The article, however, does nothing to convince me that it is what she's claiming, especially since her parents are claiming that they've done nothing with her college money and it's available for college (which makes me think that either she wants to go to a school they don't approve of, or she wants full control of it so she can cash it out).
also - I think think this is part of it - there is a huge need/desire to create chaos. My sister loves to create drama, and chaos, and everything else, in which she is always the victim. Again, I'm sure she does believe that she is always the victim, but its also part of her extreme manipulative behavior. If she is the victim, and my parents are the bad guys, then my grandparents are the good guys, and good guys help out the victim however possible, right? thus how she ended up with a brand new car from them, and how they have shelled out over 100k to "help" her (they're not rich. I think they took out a reverse mortgage).
We should start a support group for this shit ha.
And if Grandma's well of sympathy ever dried up, then grandma is officially the new bad guy who always hated her, never loved her, and doesn't want her to succeed.
I do wonder about this "college fund" though. If it was something funded by other people, through gifts, contributions, and the girl's own earnings, I wonder how legal it is for the parents to withhold it. But again, aren't the parents saying they AREN'T withholding it?
I'm not sure how she can claim they are withholding it. It's college and she still has a year of high school left.
Here is my guess.
Her parents said, 'we want you to come home and obey by the rules or we won't pay for your HS tuition." (that part of the story seems pretty cut and dry.)
she said, "no problem, I'll just use my college fund to pay for it.'
Parents said, "no dice, that's for college, not HS. Come home and stop suing us."
She said, "I DO WHAT I WANT."
So, in my scenario (totally made up in my mind), you can see how for HER, they are "withholding it" and thus she can spin this tale of deprivation, victimization, and so on, but the reality is, the money is for college and she needs to get her butt home.
Her parents said, 'we want you to come home and obey by the rules or we won't pay for your HS tuition." (that part of the story seems pretty cut and dry.)
she said, "no problem, I'll just use my college fund to pay for it.'
Parents said, "no dice, that's for college, not HS. Come home and stop suing us."
She said, "I DO WHAT I WANT."
So, in my scenario (totally made up in my mind), you can see how for HER, they are "withholding it" and thus she can spin this tale of deprivation, victimization, and so on, but the reality is, the money is for college and she needs to get her butt home.
Yup. This totally matches the scenario in my head too.
I was raised by parents who were very experienced at taking away privileges. Things like, "I will cancel your birthday party if X happens again." "You can get your driver's license when I'm convinced that you deserve the privilege." "Okay, now I'm taking the TV/stereo out of your room." Sending your kid to a private school, ostensibly because it represents your values better, has superior academics, or fits your child's academic needs better than your local school, saving for them to go to college (her college fun exists), promising to pay for it, and then revoking that deal when they turn 18? That's not taking away a privilege, that's fucking with your child's education and future success. So in general, I would not be cool with that IF the story is anything like this girl is claiming. The article, however, does nothing to convince me that it is what she's claiming, especially since her parents are claiming that they've done nothing with her college money and it's available for college (which makes me think that either she wants to go to a school they don't approve of, or she wants full control of it so she can cash it out).
You don't think they tried all that other shit? You don't think they tried canceling bday parties, or taking away the car, or taking the TV out of her room? Really?
I mean maybe I am projecting here (JUST A BIT!!!) but I am willing to bet they tried all that stuff countless times and it had no effect.
If your parents promise to pay for your college and then they don't, that sucks. But that's not illegal provided funny stuff isn't happening with any colleg money.
I mean she had one year, ONE YEAR LEFT TO BEHAVE HER DAMNED SELF! DYFSS came around and said, no, she's not beaten or abused. (btw, having a teacher feel all sorry for you and encouraging you to call cps fits in for me as well. You don't know infuriating it is to fend off the parade of nosy, well intentioned people who "just want to help" and don't know how long this has been going on, how much therapy you've all been through, how many times your parents have had to go convince someone they aren't abusive jerks who hate their children)
I'll sit next to mrsbecky on the projection couch now.
You don't think they tried all that other shit? You don't think they tried canceling bday parties, or taking away the car, or taking the TV out of her room? Really?
I mean maybe I am projecting here (JUST A BIT!!!) but I am willing to bet they tried all that stuff countless times and it had no effect.
If your parents promise to pay for your college and then they don't, that sucks. But that's not illegal provided funny stuff isn't happening with any colleg money.
Oh, it's certainly not illegal. Frankly, I have no idea what they tried or even what they told her or even if they actually DID kick her out of the house. I'm just making that statement in general. I mean, my kid would need to have to be on their way to rehab or an inpatient mental health facility for me to pull her out of school and change the agreement that drastically. Which could be the case. Or she could be lying about the whole thing.
And yeah, none of what I said means they have a legal obligation for anything. But in many cases I would argue they have a moral obligation to do so.
Two things give me pause. This teenage girl got someone from the school and her best friend's parents to vouche for her. The latter is even putting up money. These adults are not ameteurs- they deal with teenage girls all the time. This makes me think there is more than a kernel of truth to this teenager's story OR something else is at play, like BIpolar or borderline personality disorder.
I one of three girls, I feel between us we mastered teenaged manipulation. I can not think of anytime that we could rope other adults into it though. That is a whole other world,
Two things give me pause. This teenage girl got someone from the school and her best friend's parents to vouche for her. The latter is even putting up money. These adults are not ameteurs- they deal with teenage girls all the time. This makes me think there is more than a kernel of truth to this teenager's story OR something else is at play, like BIpolar or borderline personality disorder.
I one of three girls, I feel between us we mastered teenaged manipulation. I can not think of anytime that we could rope other adults into it though. That is a whole other world,
The best friend's dad is the attorney representing her. IMO, they are not vouching for her so much as they see dolla dolla bills y'all.
Anecdotal, I've heard of plenty of divorce/custody agreements in which both parents agree to split the children's college tuition and expenses equally. One of my good friends had that written into her dad's custody agreement. Her mom had primary custody (lived in different states), and she visited her dad for a total of about 2 months a year, Christmas and summer. I'm not sure what kind of child support her dad paid, but he had to pay 50% of whatever the parental contribution was determined in her college financial aid package, as well as a portion of living expenses.
That is really common in NY.
my mom took it a step further and had it in their divorce agreement that my father was responsible for "any and all education (i) see fit". so in theory he could be obligated to pay for me to go back to school now. lol. my mom was awesome.
Except you missed the part where this place has really good public schools too. I don't think they think the academics are superior as much as the experience.
I didn't miss that. I think switching schools with 3 months to go in senior year is going to be... not a great situation. She's not going to be at the exact same place academically as in her old school (my school vs. my local public school were worlds apart with where, for example, the AP American history class was in March of that year), she probably won't have a social circle, she'll probably have to quit all of her activities, and it looks really sketchy to colleges if she graduates from a different school from where she spent the last 3.5 years if it's still in the same area (so not an emergency out of state move).
I don't think it's quite that dire.
My cousin was expelled from his private Catholic school with three months to go in his senior year (I don't know the circumstances, my aunt/uncle kept it very hush-hush). He enrolled in the regional Catholic school, graduated, went to an Ivy League university, got into law school, and is very successful today.
I wonder if the college fund is a custodial account. My parents set up an account like that and then didn't end up using it for my college. Technically I own it even if my parents won't let me access it, and the only way to get the money in it would be to sue them, which I obviously will not do.
Total highjack...sorry about this but @helenabonhamcarter and @mrsbecky07 holy shit! You just totally diagnosed my little brother! I am completely shocked that what's wrong with him is an actual diagnosis. He's 26 and a giant persecuted, everyone-hates-me-so-I-should-just-die-alone, pain in the ass. He's full of stories. All of your anecdotes actually helped. They sound so much like him and the bs he has put my family through. Well...helped me and my sister & mother perhaps. As for him I'm sure he will never get diagnosed with anything, everyone hates him and he's always right, but perhaps...
When Judge Peter Bogaard read an expletive-laden and vicious answerphone message left by Rachel Canning, from Lincoln Park, New Jersey, to her mother, Elizabeth, in which the girl said: 'I wanna s*** all over your face', he said: 'Have you ever in your experience seen such gross disrespect for a parent? I don’t see it in my house.’
The judge, sitting at Morris County court added that Rachel had given her mom and dad, Sean: ‘The proverbial f you’. He also warned he must consider the 'slippery slope' where 'we open the gates for a 12-year-old to sue for an Xbox, a 13-year-old to sue for an iPhone… what about a 15-year-old asking for a 60 inch TV?'
"Hi mom just to let you know you're a real f**king winner aren't you you think you're so cool and you think you caught me throwing up in the bathroom after eating an egg frittatta, yeah sorry that you have problems now and you need to harp on mine because i didn't and i actually took a s*** which i really just wanna s*** all over your face right now because it looks like that anyway, anyway i f***ing hate you and um I've written you off so don't talk to me, don't do anything I'm blocking you from just about everything, have a nice life, bye mom'"
Yeah, I'm standing by my borderline arm chair diagnosis
I could see giving a second chance after the first suspension. I was suspended once. But that's the key: ONCE!
After the second suspension, her ass can pay for her own schooling. It doesn't appear to me that she takes anything seriously, and I sure as hell wouldn't fund her.
Except you missed the part where this place has really good public schools too. I don't think they think the academics are superior as much as the experience.
I didn't miss that. I think switching schools with 3 months to go in senior year is going to be... not a great situation. She's not going to be at the exact same place academically as in her old school (my school vs. my local public school were worlds apart with where, for example, the AP American history class was in March of that year), she probably won't have a social circle, she'll probably have to quit all of her activities, and it looks really sketchy to colleges if she graduates from a different school from where she spent the last 3.5 years if it's still in the same area (so not an emergency out of state move).
I was raised by parents who were very experienced at taking away privileges. Things like, "I will cancel your birthday party if X happens again." "You can get your driver's license when I'm convinced that you deserve the privilege." "Okay, now I'm taking the TV/stereo out of your room." Sending your kid to a private school, ostensibly because it represents your values better, has superior academics, or fits your child's academic needs better than your local school, saving for them to go to college (her college fun exists), promising to pay for it, and then revoking that deal when they turn 18? That's not taking away a privilege, that's fucking with your child's education and future success. So in general, I would not be cool with that IF the story is anything like this girl is claiming. The article, however, does nothing to convince me that it is what she's claiming, especially since her parents are claiming that they've done nothing with her college money and it's available for college (which makes me think that either she wants to go to a school they don't approve of, or she wants full control of it so she can cash it out).
NOPE.
My brothers and I went to private school. We were WELL AWARE of the fact that my parents would have pulled us out and sent us to public school if our grades tanked (and I don't mean having a bad semester, more long term than that).
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
I don't see the grey in this. Consequences to actions: if you don't follow the rules of the house under which you live, and you are legally no longer a minor, then leave, but you won't be getting anything in return. Again, they didn't kick her out, she left because she didn't like the rules, (right?). If you aren't doing well at school, for reasons related to your (poor) CHOICES, then don't be surprised when I don't pay for you to go there. I am not going to water rocks. And there are these things called 'public schools', where many thousands of children manage just fine.
The fact that she thinks she should get any money from any aspect of this just speaks to the initial problem, she is an entitled brat. I agree that there isn't a whole lot of information in the reports to indicate what role her parents played in that but that is besides the point now/
Post by simplyinpenguin on Mar 5, 2014 7:19:36 GMT -5
I read that the judge "for the time being" has denied her any money. His theory was that what would this case set if the obligation to a child beyond 18 is extended?