So you think every gay guy who's dated women at some point shouldn't self-identify as gay, but bi? Your weirdo definition might not leave many "true" gay men.
So you think every gay guy who's dated women at some point shouldn't self-identify as gay, but bi? Your weirdo definition might not leave many "true" gay men.
I know. I'm calling up my junior prom date and telling him he's not who he thinks he is.
Hehehe I accepted that he's gay many many years ago. This is the ONLY place that I've ever call him bi and only because I figured I get flamed for saying he was gay when he was married to someone of the opposite sex. No win situation.
And again, I have no intention of following through or contacting him at all.
So you think every gay guy who's dated women at some point shouldn't self-identify as gay, but bi? Your weirdo definition might not leave many "true" gay men.
I know. I'm calling up my junior prom date and telling him he's not who he thinks he is.
Are you mad and/or jealous that he is happy and it is with a male and not you? Because I'm getting the feeling, due to your lack of understanding about his sexual preferences, that you don't believe him/don't like it.
Hehehe I accepted that he's gay many many years ago. This is the ONLY place that I've ever call him bi and only because I figured I get flamed for saying he was gay when he was married to someone of the opposite sex. No win situation.
How is that a no-win situation? I'm sure there are more than a few of us on ML who personally know a gay man who was married to a woman. Anyone dumb enough to flame you for saying a gay guy can't marry a woman would get flamed in return.
And calling him bi in a post where you say you want to make him jealous makes it sound like you don't want to believe he was gay when you were married.
Hehehe I accepted that he's gay many many years ago. This is the ONLY place that I've ever call him bi and only because I figured I get flamed for saying he was gay when he was married to someone of the opposite sex. No win situation.
And again, I have no intention of following through or contacting him at all.
But you wanted to follow through with it. That alone means you have some stuff to work through.
Hehehe I accepted that he's gay many many years ago. This is the ONLY place that I've ever call him bi and only because I figured I get flamed for saying he was gay when he was married to someone of the opposite sex. No win situation.
And again, I have no intention of following through or contacting him at all.
That's good.
No one would flame you for calling a man gay when that man calls himself gay.
I do think you seem to fantasize about this a lot.
Your husband probably doesn't care because he realizes he is not interested in women.
But, you should start thinking about what you need to do to let this go. I don't know all the details, but this was probably a huge shock and betrayal to you at one point in time.
No doubt it would be hard to accept, and no doubt it would cause lingering feelings.
He is not going to care about your weight loss in that way. I'd consider counseling to get to the root. (How much the deceit bothers/bothered you and how you can close the door on it.)
Hehehe I accepted that he's gay many many years ago. This is the ONLY place that I've ever call him bi and only because I figured I get flamed for saying he was gay when he was married to someone of the opposite sex. No win situation.
And again, I have no intention of following through or contacting him at all.
So you lied? I don't understand your reasoning.
It's because we're too dumb to know what gay means. We might be confused because he was married. Sorta like I'm confused about whether or not Elton John is gay, even though he says he's gay, because he was married.
Are you mad and/or jealous that he is happy and it is with a male and not you? Because I'm getting the feeling, due to your lack of understanding about his sexual preferences, that you don't believe him/don't like it.
At this point in my life, I'm quite happy for him. He has also achieved all of the things that he wanted for so very long. He has the profession that he wants, lives where he wants, has the farm that he always wanted and has a great relationship.
When he was having affairs while we were married, that was a different story. He and I were always miserable together and moving on was the best possible thing that ever happened for either of us.
Are you mad and/or jealous that he is happy and it is with a male and not you? Because I'm getting the feeling, due to your lack of understanding about his sexual preferences, that you don't believe him/don't like it.
At this point in my life, I'm quite happy for him. He has also achieved all of the things that he wanted for so very long. He has the profession that he wants, lives where he wants, has the farm that he always wanted and has a great relationship.
When he was having affairs while we were married, that was a different story. He and I were always miserable together and moving on was the best possible thing that ever happened for either of us.
But you've clearly not moved on when you need to announce to an entire forum that you'd like to call him up and get together so you can show off for him.
The reason I want to see him is basically to show off. I want him to see how happy I am, how I have my shit together and how much weight I've lost.
Here's the thing - it won't work.
I believe you that you aren't trying to get him back and you are over him. But you clearly aren't over trying to impress him. Unfortunately, he's coming at this from a different perspective.
You'll walk in wanting to show him your great husband, your new figure and how you have your life together. Those are all good traits. But you know what? After 15 years he probably assumes you've grown up and have your life together. None of that is going to surprise him. (Unless he's a complete ass he'll hope things are better for you than when you were unhappily married to a cheating gay guy.)
What he's going to see during that coffee isn't how far you've come but how far he's come - from a guy who felt so uncomfortable about himself that he was married to a woman to the man he is now. No matter how fantastic you look or happy you are he's never going to be interested in you (not that you want that). All he will see is the biggest mistake he's ever made and gotten over - trying to live in a straight marriage.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Listen, I have an evil ex-boyfriend. After learning through friends of friends that he moved to my city recently, I have engaged in a daydream or two where I'm out with my kids looking hot and happy and they're well-behaved and my tall, handsome husband is gazing at me with adoration (evil ex is on the short side and self-conscious about it).* Then evil ex is all "omigah, MY REGRETS, THEY ARE MANY." But I have no desire ACTUALLY to see him. Or to call him. Because he's in my way past.
*This would never happen, though, because with my luck it would be like day 2 without a shower while my son spit up down the front of my shirt and my daughter pitched a fit about her fast shoes and my husband would be all "LE SIGH, cville. We're running late AGAIN."
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Wait, how old are you wowhead? He's been with someone else for 15 years and you two were married PRIOR to that? I'm confused.
I've heard rumors that there are people here among us who are...gulp...over 40. We really need to crack down on that. Acting like they fit right in or something.
Thanks KA! We olds need to go back to FB where we belong.
Post by hisno1girl on Mar 10, 2014 12:12:55 GMT -5
You know, my DH is fine w/me having dinner w/my ex-H but if he (DH) found out I was doing it just to show off to the ex-H, he (DH) would think I have serious issues letting go of the past.
You know, my DH is fine w/me having dinner w/my ex-H but if he (DH) found out I was doing it just to show off to the ex-H, he (DH) would think I have serious issues letting go of the past.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
nothing says "I'm totally content with myself and my marriage" more than trying to show an ex how happy and content you are with yourself and your marriage
Post by MixedBerryJam on Mar 10, 2014 12:27:21 GMT -5
I have a few questions: First, @gypsy, your friend who named his daughter after his boyfriend, what is the male counterpart to Allison? Second, are there two women on ML whose husbands had longterm gay affairs? Because I think I must have op mixed up with another poster whose husband only recently left (recently being in the last 6 months or so) to be with his lt bf. And finally, wowhead, was your h's current bf an affair during the time you were married? I can sort of see that as something that would change who I am on a very fundamental level, so there would really be no "getting over it" although your OP doesn't sound like that to me; it sounds more like you want to thumb your nose at your xh and wave a cute guy at him and say "Ha ha. You can't have this!"
Okay, I'm going to be upfront about this: I do have moments of mean-spiritedness (hard to believe, I know ha ha), and if my exh had insulted me and put me down about my weight, then I WOULD feel the urge to show him how good I look.
But to what end?? Even though I would be tempted to do this myself, I would give it some thought as to what my motives were to want to do this. The past is the past--nothing I can do to change that. If I'm happy and content with me as to how I look, why carry on with allowing the the exh to rent space in my head?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I have a few questions: First, @gypsy, your friend who named his daughter after his boyfriend, what is the male counterpart to Allison? Second, are there two women on ML whose husbands had longterm gay affairs? Because I think I must have op mixed up with another poster whose husband only recently left (recently being in the last 6 months or so) to be with his lt bf. And finally, wowhead, was your h's current bf an affair during the time you were married? I can sort of see that as something that would change who I am on a very fundamental level, so there would really be no "getting over it" although your OP doesn't sound like that to me; it sounds more like you want to thumb your nose at your xh and wave a cute guy at him and say "Ha ha. You can't have this!"
This one isn't the bf he was having the affair with but he did meet and start dating him immediately after we separated
I think a lot of the reason behind why i want to show off to ex is that the things I listed are things that he was verbally abusive about. I see it more as a "fuck you, I did just fine without you" than "omg I want you to want me."