Want to flame me?

[wowhead]

ExH is in town and I'm so tempted to message him and ask him out to lunch/dinner/coffee.  It's nothing all that scandalous.  H would be fully aware and invited to join.  The reason I want to see him is basically to show off.  I want him to see how happy I am, how I have my shit together and how much weight I've lost.

[studytime45]

I won't flame you for feeling the temptation. That's totally normal!! It's a great feeling to show off.

You shouldn't do it though.

[wannabe]

don't do it. just..don't.

i'm glad you're happy though!

[Deleted]

You are always working this into your posts.

What is the real deal?

You seem to think that telling your current H about all the going ons makes it transparent/okay.

Based on just how much it is always on your mind = red flag to me.

I am totally fine with rubbing happiness and hotness in the face of an ex, but I think based on your continual posting about him - it's not a neutral/platonic (even if you are not acting on it) as you say.

[TrickyBob]

Don't do it. You've moved on, keep moving on. I know you want to show off but really, is there anything to even say to him? Besides having an awkward get together.

[poopedydoop]

I wouldn't.

That said, I would probably casually bump into him somewhere. That way he can 'eat his heart out' and you won't be seen as having that be your goal.

Edit: having read the other replies maybe there is a back story I'm not aware of. If you are obsessed with impressing him/what he thinks of you, let it go.  No casual run ins.

[pantsparty]

This is ridiculous and immature. Be bigger than that; don't do it.

[tripleshot]

Mar 10, 2014 10:52:21 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

This is ridiculous and immature. Be bigger than that; don't do it.

I completely agree. Just don't.

[pantsparty]

Also, if the desire is that strong, maybe it's time to cut ties permanently. Some people are able to remain friends with exes and getting together may be a matter of catching up, just as they would with friends. Meeting with an ex solely to "show off" is just...bad. YOU know how happy you are, how much weight you've lost, etc. Why should his observance of those changes matter?

[Deleted]

Yikes. I would advise against this.

[hereigo]

Yeah, this isn't a good idea.

[wowhead]

Backstory: Ex is bi (he defines as gay and I say bi only because he and I were married and he dated a few other women) and has been with the same guy for 15 years. H is completely fine with me talking to/seeing him. Ex and I have chatted once on FB once in the past 10 years.

I totally agree that it's immature for me to want to show off and I have no intention of following through with it but I won't deny that it's a temptation.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2014 10:52:21 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

This is ridiculous and immature. Be bigger than that; don't do it.

She can't be bigger than this.

BECAUSE SHE IS SMALLER NOW.

[MWOS]

nothing says "I'm totally content with myself and my marriage" more than trying to show an ex how happy and content you are with yourself and your marriage

[shostakovich]

Mar 10, 2014 11:15:20 GMT -5 wowhead said:

Backstory: Ex is bi (he defines as gay and I say bi only because he and I were married and he dated a few other women) and has been with the same guy for 15 years. H is completely fine with me talking to/seeing him. Ex and I have chatted once on FB once in the past 10 years.

I totally agree that it's immature for me to want to show off and I have no intention of following through with it but I won't deny that it's a temptation.

Wow.  Yeah, I think it's time to just be over him at this point.

[Kit]

Not a good idea...

[cville]

Make like Nancy Reagan and just say no.

[TrickyBob]

How long has this been over? He's been with the same guy for 15 years and you feel the need to show off to him? What?

[EmilieMadison]

Mar 10, 2014 10:51:17 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

Don't do it. You've moved on, keep moving on. I know you want to show off but really, is there anything to even say to him? Besides having an awkward get together.

I hate to say it wowhead, but I wonder if you really HAVE moved on.

[TrickyBob]

Mar 10, 2014 11:19:17 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

Mar 10, 2014 10:51:17 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

Don't do it. You've moved on, keep moving on. I know you want to show off but really, is there anything to even say to him? Besides having an awkward get together.

I hate to say it wowhead, but I wonder if you really HAVE moved on.

I kind of wonder if OP is a ) not over him and b ) wants to try to prove to herself that she could still get him, despite him being in a relationship, with a man, for the last 15 years. 

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2014 11:19:17 GMT -5 EmilieMadison said:

Mar 10, 2014 10:51:17 GMT -5 TrickyBob said:

Don't do it. You've moved on, keep moving on. I know you want to show off but really, is there anything to even say to him? Besides having an awkward get together.

I hate to say it wowhead, but I wonder if you really HAVE moved on.

I agree. I really don't think you have based on what you are saying.

[BaliHai]

This will not look anything but desperate. Okay, maybe it will also look embarrassing. Do not do it.

[mariafromnj]

If you were truly happy and had moved on you wouldn't really give a crap about the ex and showing off.

It sounds like you still have some ties to your ex. Instead of spending time trying to show off to him you should spend some time truly moving on from him and enjoying your happy life.


Sent from my SCH-I535 using proboards

[Deleted]

Also, he's self-defining as gay.

He's gay.

Not bi.

Gay.

The fact that you don't accept this also speaks to me.

[wysiwyg]

I get the sentiment, but don't do it.

[Deleted]

Don't do it!

I had an ex who broke up with me and wanted me to take him back when he found out that I started dating my now-H. My ex would constantly try to one-up on me everytime we talked, and it was almost like him saying "see what you are missing by not taking me back". He came off as extremely pathetic and it was quite amusing at first, he eventually got super annoying about it and I ended up blocking him.

[TrickyBob]

Also, just because you were married and he has dated other women doesn't make him bi. There are a good many people who try to make straight relationships work because they feel they cannot be open about who they are. Ignoring that he is gay and defining him how you see fit is a terrible thing to do.

[pantsparty]

This is a 15 years ago ex?

Dude.

DUDE.

[missyny]

Making contact with him and initiating a meeting with him will not be showing him how awesome you're doing. Quite the opposite, my dear.

[EmilieMadison]

Wait, how old are you wowhead? He's been with someone else for 15 years and you two were married PRIOR to that? I'm confused.
FTR, HE is not confused. Or bi. He's gay.