Tonight's fun

[Deleted]

Your task for this evening is to go to your local craigslist and find some fuckery for board amusement.

Here's my first entry.

"I have a 4 year old son and I am looking for a live in Nanny since I work long hours. Position is unpaid but you will live alone in master bedroom that is furnished with Queen size bed. References needed and I can provide references on me as well. My son and I have just returned to the USA and TLC is required for my son. My apartment complex has swimming pool and fitness center. "

That bed betta shit dolla dollas if you want me to watch your four year old for long, unpaid hours.

WTF?

[dev22]

LOL. You get a room and a bed, what more could you want?

Oh, you mean you want to have a car, insurance, cell phone and possibly eat sometimes? Well, sucks to be you!

[basilosaurus]

"Beautiful Church in Richmond, IN, Fully Furnished, Pastors Office, Sunday School Rooms, Kitchen, Piano, Organ. All you need is somone that is willing to preach, even have bibles for you. I would like to swap this church for a house in Hawaii, please ask about the parsonage also. We also have a two bedroom parsonage in the country. The value of the house and the church is about 120,000 dollars. We figure it's worth offering. God bless. If your interested please email with your house details. "

Prosperity gospel indeed!

[Deleted]

wait, trade a church in Indiana for a house in hawaii??

Does this mean I can trade a pail full of baby diaper poo for twinkies?

[basilosaurus]

"We are looking for a nanny willing to help with our 7 children. It would mainly be the two infants that we have. The other are pretty much able to take care of themselves. We live on a 30 acre property and offer as compensation a 2 bedroom 1 bath cottage on the property. If you are interested please email back with information about your self. "

Unpaid for 7 kids, 2 of them infants. Awesome. Oh, and it's BFE on the Big Island, too.

[Deleted]

I'll take indentured servitude for $1000, Alex.

[IIOY]

Angryharpy found a good one recently in the jobs section that started as a legit job posting and ended with something like, And oh haaaay, BTW, maybe we can do the whole office sexual fantasy thing!

[basilosaurus]

This is the entirety of this message.

"Hiring Chaffeur/Driver.

Must have new-looking car."

[Deleted]

"well we had a cat and dog that we had to get rid of cause of money issues... well we are back on track and i promised we could get a cat. prefer a kitten but a cat will do as well. i live on fort stewart in south bryan and i can not travel any farther then hineville cause i get lost easily. . or a small dag that stays small and is potty trained and friendly with kids. thanx "

[basilosaurus]

I am an adult male that is looking for a manicurist that will give me a full set of sexy gel nails. I have always been envious of girls that have nice gel nails and I have bought many mani-pedis for girls/women, but I have never had nails myself. I am very serious about this and would like to get this as soon as possible. If you can do makeup well too, then that is a bonus and you will be rewarded for that!

This is a serious inquiry so please no time-wasters.

Please put the word "GEL" in the subject line so that I know that you are real and not a bot or a scammer.

[Deleted]

Is there a reason dude couldn't get his gel nails at a salon like everyone else?

[basilosaurus]

hahahaha. This just has to be linked.
honolulu.craigslist.org/oah/thp/3015602706.html

[charminglife]

Shades of Gray Entertainment is looking for 1 male caucasian actor between the ages of 30-36 and 1 African American Actor between the ages of 30-36 for its new film titled '25 Years' the sory of two brothers in search of redemption after years of separation. Filming is scheduled to begin September 8th and conclude November 3rd filiming Saturdays only between the hours of 7am-6pm. Please visit DerekLGray.com to view previous productions and respond to ad if interested.

Thanks,

Derek L. Gray

Location: DMV
Compensation: $20.00 per week (8 week shoot)



big spenders here.

[EloiseWeenie]

"You are my sister in law. I think of you in a sexual way. I don't know what you think but I'm just trying to get this off my mind more then anything else. If think I'm talking about you or if you think I'm talking about you message me with your first name or something only I would know about you. "

[Deleted]

May 14, 2012 20:20:39 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

hahahaha. This just has to be linked.
honolulu.craigslist.org/oah/thp/3015602706.html

So people are into hunger strike porn?

[Deleted]

I'm afraid i'm always going to ruin us because I'm so afraid of you hurting me. You've cheated with me countless times in the last 12 years, and so when I finally got you to myself I freaked out and pushed you away because I was so afraid that you would cheat on me. I figured if I hurt my self by making you leave me that it wouldn't hurt nearly as badly as when you left me and I didn't see it coming. I should have listened to you and believed you when you told me how much you loved me. Now I wish all of my dreams were nightmares because they're all about you and it kills me when I wake up and realize that it was just a dream and you're not in bed next to me. I was stupid, selfish, immature, irrattional, and unappreciative. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was so afraid of you leaving me that I intentionally pushed you away. You deserve someone so much better than me, but I know you still think about me and I know you still care. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give us one more shot it mean the world to me, because this time I will try my hardest to let you hold on to me. Please, if you read this, email me. I love you and miss you more than you can imagine.

[EloiseWeenie]

OMFG

"
Yes. You read that right. I want to impregnate a woman. Single, married, whatever. I've got good genes and love the idea of creating life. It's hot. I don't want to partake in the child's life, though. I'm looking for a woman or couple who would be willing to raise the child by themselves and not ask that I do anything. No money, no visits, no nothing. ALSO, be responsible yourself. I'm not going to do this with someone who clearly has no business having a kid. Although I don't want to be involved after the fact, I would still require that the child be brought into a healthy situation in which he/she will receive all the financial and emotional support necessary.

As for the act itself, I'm no greek God in the pants, but I'm extremely thorough in bed. Never since my first time has ANY lady felt unsatisfied with me. And obviously, you'll need to provide records showing you're clean. I'm not trying to take a souvenir away from this. This will be an anonymous encounter, as well. Pseudonyms. No names, and that goes for both parties. I don't need you getting into a financial heap and breaking the agreement. After you confirm you are pregnant (this will be our only contact between attempts and after the last session), there will be no contact. I don't even live in NC (just here temporarily) so don't even try.

So if you are single, want a child, don't want a "baby daddy", and are in a stable situation, you qualify. If you're a couple looking to have a kid but the man is sterile, are ok with me dropping some seeds in the woman, and are stable, you qualify.

To those who are judging. Yes, this is clearly a fetish thing. And no, I will not get into an ethical argument with someone. If you're replying and want me to reply back, it will be a serious inquiry. All others will just be ignored."

[curmudgeon]

May 14, 2012 20:13:39 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

This is the entirety of this message.

"Hiring Chaffeur/Driver.

Must have new-looking car."

::snort::

[humpty]

Do you want to be Daddy's little girl? Do you want the daddy you never had?
Sit on Daddy's lap and tell me anything. Daddy will hold you tight and you'll feel protected and loved.
Daddy will spank you when u are a naughty little girl.
Daddy's little girl is 18-29, athletic/slim, sexy with curves only in the right places.
The relationship will be one that is loving, emotional and physical.
Daddy is 6'1, 188lbs, mid 40s, looks real young, semi retired, athletic, and handsome. Very high moral, upstanding guy.
You should be sweet, good natured, and place a high importance on having a Daddy in your life.
Daddy will show you a great time in anything we do. Not a financial arrangement.

===Send some pics 4 Daddy to respond. Head to toe or something close would be nice, so Daddy can see you.
+++Please put "spanking " in the subject line so I know it's not spam.
Love-Daddy

[basilosaurus]

I'm so amused by the housing swap section. There are a lot of ambitious folks thinking they'll get to swap with someone in hawaii.

[Dramasailor]

First Finding, linky

***ALSO: IF YOU REFER ANY GUESTS WE CHOOSE, YOU WILL GET A $50 REFERRAL FEE! ***

HIT NATIONAL TV TALK SHOW THAT SPECIALIZES IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION IS LOOKING FOR GUESTS THAT BELIEVE THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS ARE CHEATING AND WANT A PRIVATE EYE TO CATCH HIM/HER IN THE ACT!

Also looking for:

GUESTS THAT HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON WHILE THEY WERE AWAY FROM HOME. . .

IF YOU WERE IN THE MILITARY, ON THE ROAD TRUCKING, WORKING ON AN OIL RIG, ON A LONG-HAUL FISHING BOAT, OR AWAY FROM HOME FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME FOR ANY REASON. . .AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER CHEATED ON YOU WHILE YOU WERE AWAY. . .WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL WITH YOUR NAME AND #, OR CALL US TOLL-FREE AT 855-833-7770, EXT. 2!

THIS IS FOR A TAPING IN NEW YORK CITY IN EARLY JUNE 2012!

***ALL NON-NYC GUESTS GET FREE: PLANE TICKET TO/FROM NEW YORK CITY, CENTRALLY LOCATED HOTEL, CAR SERVICE, MEAL MONEY, HAIR & MAKE-UP! ***

[Deleted]

ELOISE!! I need a link to that shit. A link I tell you. I need to see it with my own fucking eyes.

What the deuce??!?!

[broc]

Do Not Send Jewelry to Nigeria - $100

This is a courtesy alert from That Computer Chick 2 in _______. If someone contacts you, trying to purchase your jewelry and asks you to request the money from your PayPay account and then send the item(s) to Nigeria, do not send anything to anyone until you actually receive the funds into your account. They will follow up by sending you a fake email, supposedly from PayPal, asking you for a shipping tracking number before they can transfer the funds. Once you ship the item, it is gone. Any legitimate emails from PayPal will address you by name. Anything that starts with, "Dear Valued Customer," etc. is a fake. These people will even offer you $100-150 for shipping, but the money will never hit your PayPal account. Please be aware.

[Deleted]

There are people who don't know about Nigerian scams? lolol

[basilosaurus]

How much you wanna bet these people smell like patchouli (at best).

Calling in the perfect home space for Me, My beloved, and our 4 week old fetus in my womb.
Open to all possibilities and have much to offer as straight cash agreement or open to caretake/ worktrade oppertunities depending on situation...
We are two hard working. reliable and conscious earth minded people... i have reliable income and references.
I work full time as a server and go to massage school. My partner is a business man multi skilled and faceted , music producer and promoter, as well as organic gardener,.
We are greatly talented in organic gardening, agriculture, music and business strategy.
I have ran and operated business', personal assisted, managed and worked with the land and people for the last ten years and also set up structures for sustainable community models...

Open to all potential opportunities.... looking for at least four or five months grounding home if not longer, while i finish lomi massage school...

[EloiseWeenie]

May 14, 2012 20:31:07 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

ELOISE!! I need a link to that shit. A link I tell you. I need to see it with my own fucking eyes.

What the deuce??!?!

onslow.craigslist.org/cas/2992339141.html

[Deleted]

bwahaha totally not save for work

savannah.craigslist.org/rnr/3015465354.html

[Deleted]

[basilosaurus]

May 14, 2012 20:39:12 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

bwahaha totally not save for work

savannah.craigslist.org/rnr/3015465354.html

Not safe for the food digesting in my stomach!!!!!1111

[EloiseWeenie]

"I want to have sex whilst sky diving if you think you want to help achieve this goal send me a picture and why you want to "

I will never be able to go out in this town again without thinking everyone is a perverted sicko