I am judging...

[readyin07]

I really try never to judge, but this is bugging me Maybe I am jealous b/c I don't have the chutzpah to sleep train my own child lol.

Fbook friend has a baby who is 3 months. LIke just turned 3 months in the past few days. She posted about two weeks ago that she was nap training because her DD would sleep for 45 minutes to an hour frequently but no longer naps. All of her other friends are very supportive of this. Over the weekend she posted that it was her DH's turn to get up with the baby. A friend of hers posted "she doesn't sleep through the night yet???!!!! Time for some cereal in her bottle." Friend replied she was already doing that. I guess to each their own, but that just seems so young to me to be doing that. I have no problem with sleep training, do not judge anyone AT ALL that chooses Ferber/CIO as a sleep training method...I guess I just think it's more appropriate after 6 months or even 4 months. I mean by all means try to get them on a schedule, I just think it's asking a little much of a 3 month old baby to train them into a 2 nap a day schedule and sleep through the night. Am I nuts?

Signed, the judgemental mother whose 10month old still wakes twice a night to nurse and who is probably just jealous b/c she lets her baby rule her life

[readyin07]

LOL. Trust me. I don't judge anyone who lucks out with a good sleeper. My 10month old was an AWESOME SLEEPER from 2 - 4 months, STTN and even waking up with a dry diaper b/c he wasn't eating. And then it stopped. Ha. Maybe I am really just a jealous hag

[bunch]

Early sleep training is nms, but I've eaten my words too often these days to judge.

[atouchofklasse]

Myob IMO

[SusanBAnthony]

I completely judge early sleep training. No excuses until 6 months, IMO. I realize I am not the norm on that, and I don't say anything unless asked for my opinion. But inside I judge.

I guess I should modify that to say that some gentle "sleep training" stuff like from the NCSS is obviously fine (and we did it- stuff like the pantley pull off). But ferber/cio is not appropriate for that age of baby IMO.

[ijack]

I have a friend who let her 6w old CIO for 45 minutes. We are no longer friends.

[GailGoldie]

all 3 of my boys were STTN at 8 weeks old (going down after 10pm feeding, sleeping until 7am). We followed Baby Wise - it works.

"sleep training" doesn't mean CIO... sure, that is how some people do it - but in my case it was about having a schedule, eating/play/sleep rotation every 3 hours - to get their bodies in a cycle. We started day 1, which is pretty much the schedule the nurses at the hospital follow with newborns, so it's not something strange or bad.

signed - the mom who feels most moms who judge moms who have STTN babies are just jealous b/c their kid does not STTN yet b/c they have not attempted any type of scheudle thinking it's bad to do it.

[luvmagoldn]

Jul 16, 2012 20:32:28 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

all 3 of my boys were STTN at 8 weeks old (going down after 10pm feeding, sleeping until 7am). We followed Baby Wise - it works.

"sleep training" doesn't mean CIO... sure, that is how some people do it - but in my case it was about having a schedule, eating/play/sleep rotation every 3 hours - to get their bodies in a cycle. We started day 1, which is pretty much the schedule the nurses at the hospital follow with newborns, so it's not something strange or bad.

signed - the mom who feels most moms who judge moms who have STTN babies are just jealous b/c their kid does not STTN yet b/c they have not attempted any type of scheudle thinking it's bad to do it.

Amen sister!
ETA: we used Suzy Giordano's method which does not use CIO either.

[h]

If she is letting a 3 month old CIO, I would have a hard time not judging. If she is just implementing a routine, that's a different story.

[Deleted]

I also judge putting this stuff on FB. You want people to myob? Don't tell me about it.

[GailGoldie]

Jul 16, 2012 20:46:25 GMT -5 @barefootbarista said:

GaiLdieGoldie, I am flying you t Charlotte when I have my next baby. How would the Goldie family like an all expenses paid trip to Charlotte? The kids will have a blast, I am 5 minutes from Great Wolf Lodge

haha - if you don't mind piss all over your house I'm in the middle of PT'ing the twins... today was day 3 of the 3-day... i think it's gonna take Grayson 5 days, but Gibby is pretty much good to go, lol.

Babywise is easy - eat/play/sleep cycles every 3 hours (give or take... i only went 2.5-3.5, but they usually woke right at the 3 hour mark to eat anyway)... a friend gave me the book- her 2 boys were great sleepers (we babysat them once and they went down so easily) so we gave it a shot... worked with DS1, thought maybe it was a fluke... then the twins both STTN on the very same night right at 8w, too!

[bunch]

I just now realized that you twin moms were not the same poster.

[h]

Jul 16, 2012 20:19:13 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

I completely judge early sleep training. No excuses until 6 months, IMO. I realize I am not the norm on that, and I don't say anything unless asked for my opinion. But inside I judge.

If you are equating sleep training with CIO, I don't think your views are outside the norm. The people I know who did CIO did it after six months, and my pediatrician advised waiting until then (though we never did it at all). I really hope letting a less than six month old baby CIO is not normal. Ugh.

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2012 20:52:16 GMT -5 h said:

Jul 16, 2012 20:19:13 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

I completely judge early sleep training. No excuses until 6 months, IMO. I realize I am not the norm on that, and I don't say anything unless asked for my opinion. But inside I judge.

If you are equating sleep training with CIO, I don't think your views are outside the norm. The people I know who did CIO did it after six months, and my pediatrician advised waiting until then (though we never did it at all). I really hope letting a less than six month old baby CIO is not normal. Ugh.

People like to pretend there's no crying.

I don't buy it.

[readyin07]

True that I am probably taking her comments as more of a CIO or "strict" schedule. We started following the EASY method beginning when my DS #1 (who is 3 1/2) was 3 months old so maybe I shouldn't say anything. That however wasn't really "training" imo. That being said, he still did not STTN (although he napped great) and this other baby of mine does not want to fall in line period. He is one who is prob going to be a candidate for CIO.

[luvmagoldn]

Jul 16, 2012 20:53:30 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Jul 16, 2012 20:52:16 GMT -5 h said:

If you are equating sleep training with CIO, I don't think your views are outside the norm. The people I know who did CIO did it after six months, and my pediatrician advised waiting until then (though we never did it at all). I really hope letting a less than six month old baby CIO is not normal. Ugh.

People like to pretend there's no crying.

I don't buy it.

So because you can't imagine it, it must not be true? At least you are honest about being closed minded.

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2012 21:08:01 GMT -5 luvmagoldn said:

Jul 16, 2012 20:53:30 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

People like to pretend there's no crying.

I don't buy it.

So because you can't imagine it, it must not be true? At least you are honest about being closed minded.

Meh.

I don't really want to argue. I just didn't have anything resembling that experience and find my parenting style totally different than anyone that has.

[luvmagoldn]

I buy that.

Oops - meant to quote you Tokenhoser.

[GailGoldie]

Did my boys ever cry? sure - but did not cry it OUT... babies cry - that's the only way they know how to express themselves early on... it's normal to fuss a little... so sure, there was some crying- as there is for every single baby out there - held all day or not. all babies cry at times.

I can say my sister even commented that she has never met a happier baby then my son, Griffin... he rarely fussed - all around happy kid- and i credit that to having a schedule, eating well, him sleeping so well (he still is great at going to bed now at 5yo, still naps on some days, etc).

if it makes you feel better to assume all babies who STTN at an early age are neglected and sitting around screaming and getting no love - go for it... you can think that all you want.... the rest of us will enjoy our sleep

[Deleted]

I fully admit I did no sleep training and do not judge women who do, as long as they do not cry it out. I can not stand the thought of an infant CIO, especially one under 6 months.

But then, people will judge DH and I for sleeping with our kids since they came home from the hospital.

[Deleted]

Babywisers are just always so insistent that I'd love it if I did things their way.

I don't follow a program or a guru. I just do what seems right, to me, for my child. And I think I know him best.

You probably know your kid best. And being as I don't have a time machine, I doubt it matters what either of us did a while ago.

[oregonpachey]

Cereal in the bottle to get a baby to sleep longer is such a myth. My MIL says the same thing and it drives me fucking crazy.

I am jealous of people who have good sleepers. Jack didn't STTN until he was close to 18 months and that was after resorting to CIO as a last ditch effort.

Cal isn't much better. He sleeps with us because he wakes up a billion times a night.

-Signed, Zombie Mom

[drloretta]

I judge anyone who wants to force a routine just for shits and giggles. Or those who think there has to be a definite age for every child that they should STTN.

DD was STTN by 7 weeks. We did nothing to force it, other than putting her down in the living room during the day and in her crib at night so she'd maybe pick up day vs night.

[Deleted]

JEALOUS of anyone who had a baby that STTN or even just fussed a little bit. I tried to sleep train--my DD would go from happy to so upset she was barfing in about 5min. Needless to say CIO/Sleeptraining was not for us but man am I jealous of people with happy, easy babies. I do not make these kind!!!

[livinitup]

Wait. Cereal in a bottle? What bottle?? Aren't all 3 month olds fed by the BREAST ??!!

[8675309]

Jul 16, 2012 20:32:28 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

all 3 of my boys were STTN at 8 weeks old (going down after 10pm feeding, sleeping until 7am). We followed Baby Wise - it works.

"sleep training" doesn't mean CIO... sure, that is how some people do it - but in my case it was about having a schedule, eating/play/sleep rotation every 3 hours - to get their bodies in a cycle. We started day 1, which is pretty much the schedule the nurses at the hospital follow with newborns, so it's not something strange or bad.

signed - the mom who feels most moms who judge moms who have STTN babies are just jealous b/c their kid does not STTN yet b/c they have not attempted any type of scheudle thinking it's bad to do it.

This 100%!!

[beaver12]

Babywise does condone CIO. I read it. It said that up to 20 minutes of crying was normal. We attempted a modified version of it ( going in to calm her) with DD for about a week until I decided it wasn't for us. It would have never worked for her. She had silent reflux that wasn't diagnosed until 6 months and screamed in pain every night.

I think much more has to do with the baby's natural disposition. I'm so tired of moms who do BW or have kids who STTN early making it seem like they are better parents and somehow made it happen. Nope, sorry. You got lucky. I did the whole eat play sleep routine and it didn't work. I would have had to let my DD cry in pain until she gave up in order for her to STTN or go to sleep on her own. I did what my child needed. We are not inferior because she needed me in the middle of the night.

[karinothing]

Jul 17, 2012 2:50:09 GMT -5 @kimbus22 said:

I don't usually talk about this because I know I'll get flamed, but here goes...

DS started STTN at 9 weeks old. Consistently. But only if I slept sitting up in the recliner, holding him on my chest. I talked to my pediatrician (who is wonderful, well educated and very supportive of parents doing what they feel is right) and his suggestion was to put DS in the crib and let him cry with no check ins. He said check ins tend to make it worse and that all they do is teach the baby that if they cry for a certain amount of time, you will come get them. I was horrified. I said I was worried he'd feel abandoned, that he was too young, etc. etc. The pediatrician told me that it would be much harder on me than on DS and that as long as we were very attentive to him during the day, we had no risk of him being scarred by the process.

We decided to try it. I couldn't take any more sleeping sitting up. And nothing else we tried worked. He's sleep 11 hours if I held him or 20 minutes if I put him down. I was desperate. I had to go back to working overnights soon and I was terrified to leave him with DH and have neither of them sleep all night long. He cried, but not much. He didn't get hysterical or anything like that. He fussed for 20 minutes the first night and by the 4th night he fussed for less than 5 minutes. He has gone to bed awake and happy and STTN every night since. So I try really hard not to judge. I said I would never do it and now I think it's the best thing we did for all of us. DS is certainly not scarred by it. He gets showered with attention all day long and now likes to play and hang out in his crib alone too.

That said, I think expecting a 3 month old to only take 2 naps a day is pretty unrealistic. My kid was still taking 4 naps a day at that age. I don't think he dropped to 2 until more like 8 months? Maybe 9? And ditto PP, if you put that crap on FB, expect to get judged. ( I say as I sit here awaiting the rotten tomatoes being thrown at my head.)

Well, I won't say anything rude because you were following your pediatricians advice. But I do think the standard 4/6 month waiting period for CIO it is there for a reason.

My kid has always had a very predictable schedule (that he put himself on). He doesn't STTN, but I am okay with it. I fully understand that some people do better on no sleep than others. That being said, I 100% judge cereal in a bottle because I heard it was a choking hazard (obviously I know that sometimes it is medically indicated, and I don't judge that).

[wordtothewise]

Ehhhh. All babies are so different that I find it hard to judge. And it isn't like there is a lot of actual scientific evidence that one way is the way to do it and the other ways are harmful. I think most parents are doing what they think is the best and I have some pretty big doubts that it would actually cause damage.

As for the cereal in a bottle - my baby had really bad reflux (the kind that would cause bradys and all kinds of fun stuff), so we had to add cereal. As he has gotten older, it definitely has helped with sleep. I will sometimes forget it in his night bottle, and he almost always wakes up. Just my experience. I wouldn't have done it without his issues, but it has been a side benefit.

[thatgirl2478]

Jul 16, 2012 20:32:28 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

all 3 of my boys were STTN at 8 weeks old (going down after 10pm feeding, sleeping until 7am). We followed Baby Wise - it works.

"sleep training" doesn't mean CIO... sure, that is how some people do it - but in my case it was about having a schedule, eating/play/sleep rotation every 3 hours - to get their bodies in a cycle. We started day 1, which is pretty much the schedule the nurses at the hospital follow with newborns, so it's not something strange or bad.

signed - the mom who feels most moms who judge moms who have STTN babies are just jealous b/c their kid does not STTN yet b/c they have not attempted any type of scheudle thinking it's bad to do it.

This. Every word of this.

DD STTN at about 7 weeks and pretty much always has. If she wakes up and gives a cry, we pause before going to check on her. 90% of the time she goes back to sleep after about 15 seconds... not even enough time for me to find my glasses!