I'm being sexually harrassed at work.

[bostonrunnah]

I work for a large(r) corporation in San Diego that owns several other smaller companies, one of which is in Boston. My physical desk location is at this Boston location, along with 3 Senior VPs of the larger corp. We have a set of 4 offices away from the crowd of smaller corp people, the 3 VPs on one side of a hall, and mine on the other.

One of the top sales guys for the smaller corp has been harrassing me for months. Almost a year, now, actually. At first I flirted coyly because that's just the kind of person I am, but when it started to escalate, I told him under no circumstances was I going to pursue anything with him - I'm married, for Christ's sake. And so is he.

Larger corp has an HR that handles smaller corp's issues, but they are not on site - the HR chick flies back and forth from Cali to Boston about twice a month.

I finally went to my ex-boss and told her what was going on and how uncomfortable I was. She told me to stop dressing like a slut, and that as a woman on a fast track to a higher position, I needed to know how to play the game.

For the record, I do NOT dress poorly. I dress for my body type in a professional manner. The office is relatively casual, so wearing a pair of jeans and heels is normal. Sometimes I need to dress up for clients, so I'll throw on a pencil skirt and a button down. Nothing that screams, "hey, whorebag". The day she said this, I was wearing a black pencil skirt, a black 3 quarter sleeve button down, and a pair of black 3 inch heels (I'm 5'2). It fit correctly (was not tight) and looked mono-chromatically pleasing. But I digress.

Anywho, so a few days later I got to my desk and noticed that my email looked slightly different. Apparently all of his emails to me being inappropriate had been wiped from my computer. I had never made copies of them because they were saved on my email.

He cornered me as I was coming out of my office at one point and mentioned how he was pissed at me for "telling on him" when "he was just trying to be my friend." Really, asking me on a daily basis what color my panties are and guessing at whether I had sex the night before is "being a friend"? Uh huh.

So it stopped for a few months. Then about a month ago, he cornered me again and apologized, said he'd accidentally knocked his wife up (again - did I mention they have 2 kids under the age of 3?) and he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable. I placated him because I felt awkward, told him I just wanted to move on, and I walked away. I obviously should have said, "hey fuckstick, never talk to me again," but I was caught up in the moment.

In just the last week, he's slid a napkin under my door asking me to make out with him, walked up behind me in the kitchen and tried to give me a massage, and about 10 minutes ago, stopped in front of my office hallway window (my desk faces the window) stooped down, and tried to look under my skirt. The VPs in my hall are all away for a conference this week, so no one has seen any of this go down. There are also no cameras in this office besides the one by the front door.

My new boss works in Jersey and can't do much, and apparently HR is OK with wiping harddrives and telling me I'm a whore.

I'm just so.... frustrated. Upset. I feel violated. I can't talk to anyone because no one is going to punish him because he brings in several million in sales alone and the company would flounder without it. I don't have the emails. It's basically my word against his. All I want to do is stay in my office and cry. But not stay in my office, because he walks by to go to the kitchen 24 times a day so he can stare in my window and look at me all forelorenly.

And this is why I need a new job.

/scene.

[wrathofkuus]

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

[kellbell191]

You need to report to real HR. They usually err on the side of caution (aka your side) for legal reasons.

[dowagercountess]

You are being harassed, and that is reprehensible and unacceptable. Up to this point you haven't handled it well, which is also understandable. You need to document and contact a lawyer.

[mudslide]

Who removed the emails? See if IT will recover them for you.

[Deleted]

Wow, I am so so so sorry. That really is so awful.

Does HR know about the wiping of the hard drive?

This is completely unacceptable. I would consider meeting with a lawyer, this is so far beyond out of control.

[eightangryreindeer]

Holy shit.

Who stole your e-mails?

And find a friend in IT who can recover them for you, because they're not gone.

(not in the company, a personal friend who can come in after hours with you)

I hope you've been writing this stuff down, starting with the woman telling you to stop dressing like a slut.

[Deleted]

The emails aren't gone, they will still be on your server. I agree with Kuus about getting a lawyer, immediately. Today.

[weelass24]

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Um, yeah. and document everything. by hand. date, time, place, etc. Photograph the note. Anything he ever sends you again electoricially print, PFD and forward.

[Deleted]

Yes, write down anything you can remember now- dates and times.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Can a lawyer do anything if it's he said/ she said?

[Deleted]

document everything with bigtime HR, talk to a lawyer.

[pooh8402]

document document document. I'd start a file on your HOME computer detailing what's been going on. write down everything you can remember, dates and times if you can. did you keep that napkin? date and time that shit and file it. it can be analyzed to match his handwriting (if the situation gets that far). start forwarding your emails to a private account and/or printing them off and filing them at home.

and start working your way up the ladder. your boss won't do anything? document what you said, what she said, then move on to HER boss. so on and so forth. same for HR. work your way up. and remember, you CAN ask that your name be kept confidential.

and lawyer up.

ETA: agreed about finding a friend in IT (again, doesn't *have* to be within the company) who can recover your emails. my H is a network admin, he does this all the time.

[Deleted]

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Yes. Like right now.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this and that you weren't supported by your boss or HR. However I'd be surprised if you were the only woman he was harassing.

[EmilieMadison]

DId you save the napkin? Please say yes.
And make sure you're documenting ALL of this somewhere other than at work. And time to call up, up, up the chain- not just your ex boss. STart looking for a new job ASAP. IT could find those emails, I bet, even if they've been erased from your computer. But you need to file a formal complaint. And perhaps, you should speak to an attorney who specializes in this type of thing.

And, I'm SO sorry this is happening to you

[weelass24]

Jul 25, 2012 13:10:13 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

OH MY GOD. Have you TOLD your new boss???!??

this. your new boss can't do much if they don't know

[Deleted]

Call hr immediately. This is so infuriating. If they don't listen get an attorney. It's a hostile worth environment, sexual harassment.

**I work in hr

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 25, 2012 13:10:05 GMT -5 eightangryreindeer said:

Holy shit.

Who stole your e-mails?

And find a friend in IT who can recover them for you, because they're not gone.

(not in the company, a personal friend who can come in after hours with you)

I hope you've been writing this stuff down, starting with the woman telling you to stop dressing like a slut.

I don't know anyone in IT - no one works in this office, so everything we do has to go through corporate intranet. We file a complaint, IT fixes it remotely.

[frezza]

I can't even believe that HR would say something like and then delte emals - That is something that would happen back in the 80's!

[Deleted]

Jul 25, 2012 13:11:15 GMT -5 bostonrunnah said:

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Can a lawyer do anything if it's he said/ she said?

Yes. And the lawyer can put your employer on notice to save backup tapes. Which should still have the emails. Deleting them from your computer does nothing, really.

[gault]

Jesus. YES, get someone to retrieve those emails, tell HR, get a lawyer, everything people have said. This is disgusting and horrible. I'm so sorry.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 25, 2012 13:09:51 GMT -5 mudslide said:

Who removed the emails? See if IT will recover them for you.

I have no idea. They even removed an email to my best friend that had the guy's name (wasn't even talking about him, just a friend of ours that happens to have the same name). Gone.

[kellbell191]

Jul 25, 2012 13:11:15 GMT -5 bostonrunnah said:

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Can a lawyer do anything if it's he said/ she said?

Yes. I get criminal convictions on he said/she said and I have a higher burden of proof than civil.

From what I've seen companies usually err on the side of the complaining employee in sexual harassment cases. They're hard to prove but expensive as hell to defend so companies avoid them like the plague.

[Deleted]

Jul 25, 2012 13:11:15 GMT -5 bostonrunnah said:

Jul 25, 2012 13:08:31 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think it's time for you to get a lawyer.

Can a lawyer do anything if it's he said/ she said?

Not sure, but you need to talk to one. At the very least they can advise you on what to do next.

Also right now, assuming you are using Outlook, go into your Deleted Items, from there select Tools > Recover deleted items

You never know, if someone wasn't smart about how they did it, they could be there.

You could also try calling IT in a panic and saying you deleted something really important and can they recover your inbox from two days ago. The answer for a big corp is probably no - but it's worth a try.

[annyong]

Document and get a lawyer.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 25, 2012 13:10:13 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

OH MY GOD. Have you TOLD your new boss???!??

I told him right after we started working together (after this guy had gotten mad at me for "telling on him"). He said ex-boss had told him it was a "misunderstanding" and it had been taken care of.

[weelass24]

if you can't get someone to get IT to revcover them, your new attorney can supeona (sp??) the emails. Nothing is ever gone.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 25, 2012 13:11:01 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

In the meantime, SHUT YOUR GODDAMN OFFICE DOOR.

done. And I'm apparently never wearing skirts here again.

[mypunkinpie]

OMG how horrible, boston! I'm so sorry. There are so many horrible things about your situation - HR telling you it's your fault you're being harassed, deleting emails...and the fuckstick is still harassing you!!

[sprky79]

ygpm