Is it possible this guy got onto your computer and deleted the emails? If not him then someone else? Who knows your password?
I'd would get on the phone with HR IMMEDIATELY and tell them what's going on. Your second call should be to your boss. This is no time to back down and wait and see what else happens.
Good luck. You can do this! Now get off of here and call them!
I lock my computer when I leave my office (force of habit after working in PCI Compliance). The only way for this to have been wiped is for them to have done it remotely.
That makes it even creepier. Who is trying to protect this asshole?
Ugh, guys - what do I do first? Email HR/ boss? Call the head legal counsel for the company? Call a lawyer? Kick this dude in the nuts if he walks by again? Maybe I should go home "sick" or something.
1. EMAIL HR and request a meeting to discuss this. 2. Simultaneously call and lawyer and tell them you need legal advice but may need to retain them depending on outcome of your meeting with HR. 3. Document EVERY conversation pertaining to this situation in email, and blind copy your personal email address.
Boston~ It doesn't matter if they wiped them from your computer. It doesn't even matter if they wiped them from server. The emails will still be on the backup tape. Is your company public? If so, I can 99.9% guarantee those emails are still on either the backup tape or the server. I'm not going to ask where you work, but if it's Sempra, they take a snapshot of the system every night and save it separately on a backup tape. The emails are on the backup tapes. No one at the company has the authority to delete from the backup tapes. The emails are still there. A lawyer will get them back. And if your employer wiped your email box, there will be a record of that, too.
I lock my computer when I leave my office (force of habit after working in PCI Compliance). The only way for this to have been wiped is for them to have done it remotely.
That makes it even creepier. Who is trying to protect this asshole?
They probably could care less about him - more about the company reputation. I'm trying to think back to my ethics training...I think both individuals AND corporations can get sued for this. The fact they wiped her email tells me they know this is a huge lawsuit.
You said the emails were deleted a while ago? Damn, I hope that they can get those back. He would have had to have someone in IT help him get them remotely, right?
I have nothing new to add, but I'm sorry you are going through this.
Regardless of whether or not you contact your HR department, DEFINITELY contact a lawyer. Even if your company corrects this behavior going forward, they've already committed numerous illegal acts (wiping your computer, not reporting the harassment, etc).
This is my first post over here, but I did post on the other board, even if it was infrequently.
Anyway, I just wanted to suggest recording any further conversations you have with this co-worker and especially any conversations with any of your bosses, ex or current, where they tell you to stop dressing like a whore and that its been taken care of. Should be relatively easy with any smartphone, or even get a small dictaphone.
Ugh, guys - what do I do first? Email HR/ boss? Call the head legal counsel for the company? Call a lawyer? Kick this dude in the nuts if he walks by again? Maybe I should go home "sick" or something.
FIRST, call an attorney who isnt representing your employer. You need your own lawyer. I would consider leaving early to do this RIGHT NOW. The attorney should be able to help you figure out your next step. But for now, you need someone on YOUR side who will fight for you.
This is the way I lean as well. This shouldn't be happening but it is and I don't think you can trust anyone internal at this point.
Boston~ It doesn't matter if they wiped them from your computer. It doesn't even matter if they wiped them from server. The emails will still be on the backup tape. Is your company public? If so, I can 99.9% guarantee those emails are still on either the backup tape or the server. I'm not going to ask where you work, but if it's Sempra, they take a snapshot of the system every night and save it separately on a backup tape. The emails are on the backup tapes. No one at the company has the authority to delete from the backup tapes. The emails are still there. A lawyer will get them back. And if your employer wiped your email box, there will be a record of that, too.
I can find this out if she feels comfortable telling me where she works...
There will be a trail no matter what Boston, so don't worry about that.
listen, every lawyer has said that you need to call a lawyer. other people are also proposing some great ideas here for documentation, reporting to HR, etc. but i think that at this stage, given how uncomfortable and tied up and everything else that you already are over this, the guidance and backup that could be afforded to you by even speaking to a lawyer is invaluable.
remember, calling a lawyer doesn't mean that tomorrow you're filing suit or something. it's a person who knows the law in your area who can help you. and is not incompatible with a lot of the other advice you're getting necessarily (e.g., talking to HR, getting backups of your stuff, etc.).
And remember, no matter what, this is 100% wrong and none of it is your fault.
I admit that I hate the "you weren't aggressive enough" or "you've handled it poorly" crap because that's the stuff that makes a woman feel like she's at fault. That's the stuff that men say to women to convince them that they asked for it. That's how the good ol' boys ensure complaints never go anywhere.
This is not your fault.
You should be able to wear a skirt to work without worrying that some creepy peeping tom will try and look up it. You don't deserve this just because you didn't proactively back up your emails in case they were magically disappeared one day.
The only one in the wrong here is this asshole. Only him. Not you, not in any way.
And remember, no matter what, this is 100% wrong and none of it is your fault.
I admit that I hate the "you weren't aggressive enough" or "you've handled it poorly" crap because that's the stuff that makes a woman feel like she's at fault. That's the stuff that men say to women to convince them that they asked for it. That's how the good ol' boys ensure complaints never go anywhere.
This is not your fault.
You should be able to wear a skirt to work without worrying that some creepy peeping tom will try and look up it. You don't deserve this just because you didn't proactively back up your emails in case they were magically disappeared one day.
The only one in the wrong here is this asshole. Only him. Not you, not in any way.
I interpreted "you weren't aggressive enough" as "stand up for yourself because you did nothing wrong and they shouldn't get away with it".
And remember, no matter what, this is 100% wrong and none of it is your fault.
I admit that I hate the "you weren't aggressive enough" or "you've handled it poorly" crap because that's the stuff that makes a woman feel like she's at fault. That's the stuff that men say to women to convince them that they asked for it. That's how the good ol' boys ensure complaints never go anywhere.
This is not your fault.
You should be able to wear a skirt to work without worrying that some creepy peeping tom will try and look up it. You don't deserve this just because you didn't proactively back up your emails in case they were magically disappeared one day.
The only one in the wrong here is this asshole. Only him. Not you, not in any way.
No one said this.
Not one person in here blamed boston or implied that she was in the wrong or indicated that she deserved it because she wore a skirt. If her workplace is unwilling to do what they need and should be doing... if it's clear that they are dishonest assholes who would stoop to deleting emails from her computer and to lie about how the situation was handled, then she DOES need to get aggressive if she wants to take these fuckers down.
Post by firedancer49 on Jul 25, 2012 14:13:08 GMT -5
Please keep us posted. I cant believe that they wiped your emails. Be careful what you type on here using that computer - they could be monitoring it as well. You never know.
And remember, no matter what, this is 100% wrong and none of it is your fault.
I admit that I hate the "you weren't aggressive enough" or "you've handled it poorly" crap because that's the stuff that makes a woman feel like she's at fault. That's the stuff that men say to women to convince them that they asked for it. That's how the good ol' boys ensure complaints never go anywhere.
This is not your fault.
You should be able to wear a skirt to work without worrying that some creepy peeping tom will try and look up it. You don't deserve this just because you didn't proactively back up your emails in case they were magically disappeared one day.
The only one in the wrong here is this asshole. Only him. Not you, not in any way.
No one said this.
Not one person in here blamed boston or implied that she was in the wrong or indicated that she deserved it because she wore a skirt. If her workplace is unwilling to do what they need and should be doing... if it's clear that they are dishonest assholes who would stoop to deleting emails from her computer and to lie about how the situation was handled, then she DOES need to get aggressive if she wants to take these fuckers down.
And if empowerment was what she took from it, awesome.
But sometimes, in a situation like this, it can be really, really, really easy to read it the other way - you are at fault because you weren't aggressive enough or because you didn't handle things the right way. And she'll hear it from 'them' at some point, too. And sometimes, when you've been victimized, and you're internalizing everything you're being told and combining that with the stress and awfulness of the situation, it's easy to believe it. Even when you KNOW differently, it's easy to believe it. And it's easy to hear it even when it isn't there because it feels like the easiest thing to do would be to give up the fight, and when you start to think about giving up, cracks form and comments meant with even positive intent can wiggle their way into those cracks and start to chip away at your confidence. And the bigger those cracks get, the easier it seems to just let it all get swept under a rug and go back to "normal".
So, if the OP went home feeling 100% empowered, that's awesome because that's exactly how she should feel. And if the intent of those comments was to empower, that's awesome because that's exactly what I am trying to do. No disagreement there, at all.
Holy shit. I'm sorry this is happening to you. The fact that someone in the company wiped your inbox made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I know it sounds petty in the grand scheme of awful, but your ex-boss also contributed to the hostile work environment. She can and should lose her job over that and her refusal to act. This is more than an individual act, this is a corporate culture.
Oh God, can we please not get into a slutshaming debate in this post? Take it the fuck somewhere else.
Thank you. Why was I even a little surprised that this ended up happening in this post.
OP- GET ANGRY! I know you said you're a people-pleaser, but now is the time to get really fucking angry that your right to a comfortable work environment has been impeded on and that the people that were supposed to help you (HR) made it a-ok. Get angry and take action. You wont regret it.
Do you still have the napkin??? ETA: I see that you do. Good.
Everyone else has given you excellent advice. I've been there, and MY documentation was taken from one of my (locked) desk drawers. It hadn't occurred to me (this was a long time ago) to keep track on my computer, so I had everything written in a notebook.
Went in, made a complaint to my boss (athletic director at a DI university), and he scheduled a meeting with me the next day, to which I was supposed to bring my notes. He must have said something to the guy, because when I came in the next day, my desk had been pried open and the notebook was gone. I went back to the AD and he asked me to wait until Basketball season was over (this was during March Madness).
I was so hurt --and young, and naive-- that I gave up and resigned the next day. I finished coaching my season without putting in any office hours, just to avoid the asshole. I really, really regret it.