Post by wanderingenough on Sept 12, 2014 18:33:47 GMT -5
Sorry this will be long, but I really don't want to talk to anyone else other than my H.
Heavy bleeding and cramping since last night. The sac was already near my cervix on the ultrasound this morning. I'm in lots of pain, not just physical.
My heart is confused and hurting. I knew days before the positive test that I was pregnant. I knew it. And then literally yesterday AM (yesterday!), I consciously thought to myself "you don't have to look every time you wipe." Literally a few hours later there is blood. It's like some bullshit child bearing ESP and I'm angry.
My OB was great, as she was last year. She already started running a full panel of tests and has a game plan of progesterone/aspirin/etc for the next BFP. She said she doesn't like to wait until the third MC and went ahead and coded me as habitual. But I don't know that my heart could handle this again. I don't know that I'm strong enough.
Post by luv2rn4fun on Sept 12, 2014 19:08:58 GMT -5
I'm so so sorry wanderingenough I hate that you are going through this again. So much of what you wrote is exactly how I felt with my second loss. It's nearly identical. I'm glad your OB is being proactive...mine was too and it was the only thing that kept me going. I truly didn't know how I would be strong enough to keep going, especially after the test results showed no cause for either loss. It was hard but I kept pushing through in hopes that it would work this time (and if not, we had a game plan to either try IVF w/ PGD or adoption).
Truly words cannot describe how sad I am for you and your DH right now. I'm here for you if you ever want/need to talk. You are in my thoughts and prayers friend. Wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.
Thinking of you and your H. You don't have to be strong enough today. It's overwhelming to think about, but it sounds like your OB will be by your side if/when you try again. Take care of yourself. Sending you virtual hugs.
Post by travelbug on Sept 12, 2014 20:09:54 GMT -5
Oh no no no I am so sorry! Lean on us here whenever you need to: vent as much or as often as you need! Take time for yourself, I'm so glad your OB is so awesome. I'm glad they are being so proactive for your next BFP!
I felt exactly the way you are feeling after my second loss. I am so deeply sorry. So many ((hugs)) and please know we are always here for you. PM me anytime if you want to talk. My heart just hurts for you.
Post by HoneySpider on Sept 13, 2014 13:28:47 GMT -5
I am so sorry
I agree with ewall, you don't need to be strong enough today or even think about it for a while. Just let yourself deal with this now and down the road you can decide what you want to do. But FWIW, I know you are strong enough. Sending so many hugs!
Post by wanderingenough on Sept 13, 2014 14:34:24 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the support. I've been focused on making this weekend and process (as of yet, still ongoing) as relaxing and stress free as possible. Basically that means H and I went to Petsmart this morning and I played with adoptable doggies, I've been watching whatever crappy movies I want, and I'm about to bake some coffee cake AND pumpkin chocolate chip bread.
Post by spankswife on Sept 13, 2014 15:25:20 GMT -5
wanderingenough - glad to see you are taking care of yourself and relaxing. I've been thinking about you all day. Your baking sounds delicious! Lots of hugs!!
Post by wanderingenough on Sept 15, 2014 13:34:19 GMT -5
The OB's office just called. The majority of my test results came back (about 10 out of 12). All normal. I can't decide if this makes me feel better or worse. At least if something was wrong, I could understand why this is happening...
The OB's office just called. The majority of my test results came back (about 10 out of 12). All normal. I can't decide if this makes me feel better or worse. At least if something was wrong, I could understand why this is happening...
I'm so sorry I feel the same way about having TTTC. I'm glad there's nothing wrong but if there was maybe I could fix it. I go back and forth on how I feel about it.
The OB's office just called. The majority of my test results came back (about 10 out of 12). All normal. I can't decide if this makes me feel better or worse. At least if something was wrong, I could understand why this is happening...
((hugs)) I have been thinking of you all weekend.
Like awick14 said, your feelings are completely normal. I had the same results after our second loss and my first response was anger. I wanted/needed a fix or a reason for why we had to go through it again. A fix meant that there was much more hope that it would be different when we got pg the third time. I didn't find any comfort in the statistic that 60-70% chance that our 3rd pg would be successful...for me that percentage was a little too low. I also didn't believe it when my RE said she was confident that we would be successful next time (or maybe she meant sometime in the future, I'm really not sure...all I know is that inside I was kinda laughing at her).
Will your OB do anything different this time around? Did they do chromosome testing as well? The only difference from our first two and this one was baby aspirin and progesterone shots (I was on suppositories for #2 but that was because my progesterone was low at 19 DPO). My heart tells me the baby aspirin was what worked but really only God knows why.
Thinking of you and wish that there was something I could say/do to make this easier. My heart breaks for both you and your DH.